This my first Naruto fanfiction, so it's my first time to really deal with these characters. I hope you like it.
Legal: Nope. I don't own 'em
The Troublesome Power of Youth! Konoha's Lazy Green Beast!
Chapter 1: Kakashi's Perverted Training! Asuma's Deal!
Konahakagure, The Hidden Leaf Village, Fire Country 6:00 AM
The sun's rays broke through the trees surrounding the Hidden Leaf Village, flooding the quiet, sleepy village with its golden light. At six in the morning, few people were awake to enjoy the sight of Fire Country's famous sunrises. There was a legend that viewing such a sunrise would keep one youthful and energetic all day. One person in the village took this saying very seriously…
The sunrays beamed throughout the village, striking every house, alerting everyone that a new morning had come. Most people grumbled and pulled the covers over their eyes. That was the standard for people in this village, but there was an exception when the sun's rays struck one house in particular…
When the sun came to greet this particular house, the windows burst open and Maito Gai, Konoha's green beast, jumped out to greet the dawn. He took a deep breath that filled his chest up to its greatest extant, and then let it all out in a satisfied exhale.
"Ah, the eternally youthful crisp air of the dawn! How it invigorates my soul!" he proclaimed. "Truly, this is going to be a day full of passion and youth! I must share this wonderful experience with my fellow villagers!"
Gai looked about and noticed that he was the first villager awake, as usual. He would chastise them for this unyouthful display of laziness every chance he got.
"GOOD MORNING!" he shouted. His voice rumbled throughout the village.
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" came the screams of nearby villagers from their bedrooms.
"PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!" screamed some more.
Gai's enormous eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Who could sleep through a gloriously youthful morning like this?"
"Hey, you annoying troublemaker," said Nara Shikakau, his neighbor. "It's six in the morning. People need to rest to prepare for their missions."
"You are correct, old man Shikakau," Gai said. "Our missions await and the day is short. I will rush with all my youthful might to prepare for today's training!" With that, Gai stormed back into his house.
"Time to prepare for a brand new youthful day!" he yelled.
"First, I will cleanse myself in the shower!" Following this announcement, Gai threw off his clothes and leapt into the shower, turning it on at full blast. Upon pouring shampoo into his bowl shaped hair, he started to sing about youthfulness very loudly.
Shikaku shook his head in grief. "That incessant warbling. Gai is singing in the shower again. You'd think he could at least keep a tune," he grumbled.
His wife, Yoshino was staring in the direction of Gai's house. Her eyes seem to gaze longingly at Gai's bathroom window. "Hey! I know what you're thinking about," Shikaku said. "And I think you should stop."
His wife turned to Shikaku angrily. "Maybe I wouldn't if you worked out once in awhile and at least attempted to get a body like Gai-sensei," she scolded.
"Hmph. Do you want me to get a ridiculous hairdo like him, too?" Shikaku retorted.
"Is it as bad as that pineapple on your head?" she said, waving a spatula in her hand. "You should really-"she was cut off by a thunderous roar from next door.
"GOOD MORNING, Nara family!" shouted Gai. He had just stopped his shower and was leaning out the window, completely buck naked. "Couples should not fight on a youthful morning like this! I suggest that you should reignite the youthful passions of love!" he finished off his speech with the "nice guy" pose and a sparkle in his teeth.
"AGH! My eyes!" Shikaku shut his eyes tight, but that caused him to trip and fall on his face. His wife just gasped and fainted.
"Now why did they start acting like that?" Gai asked to himself. He looked down at himself and realized that he forgot to put on a towel. "Uh, my sincere youthful apologies, Shikaku! I meant no indecent exposure!" he called out across houses. "But congratulations, Yoshino! You have been the first woman since my mother to gaze upon my beastly naked youthfulness in its full glory!"
"That reminds me," Gai said to himself. "I must brush my teeth!"
Gai pulled out his green toothbrush and a tube of "Konoha Crest, Extra Whitening" toothpaste.
"Today, all the most unyouthful bacteria in my mouth will meet its end!" he shouted and then vigorously brushed his teeth.
"Today, my latest jutsu will be complete! The key to this jutsu is in my teeth. I must fight valiantly and youthfully against plaque, tooth tarter and the dreaded…gingivitis!"
Gai stepped out of his house wearing his signature green outfit and ninja vest. "Now, then! I must find my rival Kakashi and challenge him to our next contest of youthful strength!"
Later that day…
"Can I have four tickets to Icha Icha Paradise 2: The Sexiness continues?" Hatake Kakashi asked the movie theater ticket guy.
"Oh, I don't know about that, Kakashi," the guy said nervously. "Those are minors with you. They're not really allowed to see movies like this." He was referring to Kakashi's students, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto. They were all standing behind Kakashi, looking like they had no idea why they were here.
"Hey, it's really fine," Kakashi assured the guy. "You see, Naruto over there has personally trained with the author of the book that this movie is based on. Besides, this is official training business."
"Okay, I'll let your students in if you have a permit from the Hokage herself stating that this is official training."
"Well, I don't know if I actually have one of those things…" Kakashi mumbled.
"Then the answer is no," said the ticket guy.
Suddenly, a puff of smoke appeared of nowhere and Maito Gai leapt out of the cloud to face Kakashi. "So! My hip and cool rival continues to find new modern ways of training his adorable students! What can be gained by exposing them to the world of Jiraiya's passionate and erotically youthful films?"
"AHHH! It's Super Thick Eyebrows!" Naruto shrieked, pointing at Gai-sensei. He never got used to seeing those eyebrows.
"Well, let's see. How do I explain this?" Kakashi began, holding his hand to his masked chin. "I'm teaching them how to fight off deadly genjutus attacks."
"But Kakashi-sensei," Sakura interrupted. "How does watching perverted movies help fend off genjutsu attacks?"
"It's simple Sakura," the masked ninja began to explain. "You see, this particular movie is the most hardcore smut film ever made. I read the book, so I know how amazing it is. The point is, if I expose you to the images you're about to see, you'll learn to instinctively throw off any offensive images that comes your way through genjutsus. It will be extremely helpful if you should have trouble using chakra to override the stimulus." Kakashi then turned to Naruto. "That means I want you to pay special attention to the movie, Naruto."
"Hey! Why are you singling me out?" Naruto shot back.
"Because you're a dropout loser" Sasuke sneered. "Still, I bet that Kakashi is only doing this to get out of training us for the day, so he can see this stupid movie."
"Hey! Is that right, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto exclaimed. "Are you doing this just because you want to see that boring movie so badly?"
"Boring?" Kakashi asked, looking very shocked. "Now Naruto, let's not say things we can't take back."
"Well, it is! Ero-sennin always makes me come along on his research trips and we never get to do anything cool!"
"Oh, I forgot. You already know what's going to happen."
"Spoilers!" Gai shouted, looking disgusted. "How unyouthful!"
"What spoilers? There's no plot!" Naruto shouted, throwing his arms up in the air.
"Obviously, the masterfully woven story is too subtle for you, Naruto," Kakashi lectured. "That's something we'll have to work on later."
"But Kakashi-sensei," Sakura complained again. "I'm already really good at dispelling genjutsus. Do I really have to see this dumb movie?"
Kakashi sighed. "Look, Sakura, if you just go into the theater, you and Sasuke can sit next to each other and hold hands."
Sakura's emerald eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Yeah. Really. It's an early showing so probably nobody's going to be around. The two of you can sit by yourselves, just the two of you together in a dark theater," Kakashi smiled.
Sakura squealed with delight. "Oh, my God! That's such a great idea! Thanks, Kakashi-sensei! Wanna go, Sasuke-kun?" she asked, her eyes dreamily staring at Sasuke.
"I'd rather go out with Orochimaru," Sasuke retorted. "You're annoying."
"Oh, don't be that way, Sasuke-kun," Sakura teased. "Come on, let's go! The movie might start any minute!" She grabbed Sasuke by the arm and sped into the theater, dragging a hapless Sasuke with her.
"Damn her monstrous strength!" Sasuke thought. "I can't break free."
"Hey, you can't go in there," yelled the ticket guy.
"OH, SHUT UP!" Sakura screamed, punching the guy out cold.
"Hahahah!" Gai laughed. "Your adorable students burn with the flames of youth! You are indeed a lucky sensei, Kakashi!"
"Well, that leaves just the two of us, Naruto. Shall we go inside?" Kakashi asked.
"At least Sasuke gets to suffer," Naruto giggled, his eyes closing to give himself a more fox like appearance. "I guess that's good."
"Wait!" Gai shouted, holding his hand up in the air. "Your cool, modern ideas have inspired me, Kakashi. I have one of my own now!"
"Great," Kakashi said dryly. "What is it this time?"
"Naruto-kun, "Gai turned to Naruto. "I know that the youthful, but shy Hyuuga Hinata has feelings for you. I will invite her to join you as you undergo your hip genjutsu defense training."
Naruto's sapphire eyes went blank. "What? B-but I can't go see a porno with Hinata! That's…just too weird!"
"Say no more, Naruto-kun! I will have her here before even the previews begin!" Gai declared. And with that, he was gone in a puff of smoke.
"Hey, come on, Kurenai-sensei," Inuzuka Kiba urged. "Teach us something."
"Not now, I don't feel good," responded Kurenai weakly. She was slumped under a tree, holding her head in agony from a hangover.
"What's going on over here, Kurenai," asked Sarutobi Asuma as he noticed his fellow jounin in agony.
"This is what I get for drinking until late at night with you," Kurenai grumbled.
"Still can't hold in your liquor, eh?" Asuma chuckled as he lit up a cigarette. "If you keep this up, your students' progress will start to suffer."
"And where are your students, Asuma?" Kurenai asked, glaring at him. Shouldn't you be training them right now?"
Asuma sighed. "Playing hooky, what else? Chouji called in sick and said he had a stomach ache. At least he had an effort to make an excuse. Ino and Shikamaru just plain ditched training today."
"Do you know where they are?"
"They're not together, if that's what you mean. Ino's probably stalking Sasuke, and Shikamaru most likely went cloud watching."
Kurenai felt her head throb painfully. "Your team makes no sense, Asuma. There are definitely the weakest ninjas in Konoha, but Shikamaru was the first to become chounin. How do you explain crap like that?"
"Truth is I wish my old man were still alive to help me figure out these mysteries, but then I just forget about it and I go for smoke.
"SMOKING! THE MOST UNYOUTHFUL HABIT!" came a cry, accompanied by a dramatic puff of smoke.
"Terrific…" Asuma muttered, knowing full well who just arrived.
"Damn it! Why now? Not with my splitting headache!" Kurenai thought.
Maito Gai emerged from the cloud. "Drinking is also a habit that deflates the eternal flame of youth!"
"What do you want, Gai?" Asuma asked in an aggravated tone. "Did you come here just to tell us that?"
"No! I will come to annoy you all at inappropriate moments later, but now, I have arrived for a different, more youthful purpose!"
"And what is that?" Asuma asked, while blowing out a cloud of smoke.
Gai started to dance and did a bunch of dramatic poses. "I have come on a youthful mission to spark the flame of love. Two youthful nins who have begun the springtime of youth need me to bring them together under the canopy of love!"
"Oh?" Asuma began to get interested. "And who are you talking about?"
"I speak…" Gai paused to build up momentum. "…of HYUUGA HINATA and UZUMAKI NARUTO!"
Hinata, who was standing there the whole time, felt like she was hit by a nuclear blast.
"M-me and N-naruto-kun?" Hinata stammered.
Gai got right up in Hinata's face, causing her to widen her eyes in terror.
"Hinata, I never got to apologize to you for the unyouthful way Neji treated you at the Chunin exams. Allow me to make that up to you by inviting you to join Naruto-kun as you view Kakashi's filthy movie!"
Asuma's cigarette fell out of his mouth as his jaw dropped open. "Gai, are you talking about Icha Icha Paradise 2: The Sexiness Continues?"
"Yes. I believe that is the movies passionate title."
Asuma sputtered, "Do you have any idea what kind of movie that is?"
"I just know that Kakashi liked it. He said that the reviews were burning with the flames of youth!"
"Gai, you can't let the Hyuuga heiress see a movie like that," Kurenai protested. "Her father will be furious!"
"True, but this is in the name of passionate love, isn't that right, Hinata?"
Hinata looked like she was in a daze. "Me and N-naruto-kun?" she said again.
"Ill take that as a yes! Off to the movies we shall go!" With that, Gai and Hinata disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"He kidnapped my student!" Kurenai cried.
"Come on, we're of to the movies today, too," Asuma declared.
Gai and Hinata appeared in front of the movie theater with Kakashi and Naruto standing outside.
"So you actually went and got her, huh?" asked Kakashi.
"Uh…Hi, Hinata," said Naruto." For the first time, Naruto felt as shy as Hinata. "I think Gai wants us to go see this movie.
"Well, it's just that…um…I…" Hinata nervously played with her fingers. "My father forbade me from seeing anything created by Jiraiya, so I don't know if I-"
Hinata was cut off by Gai who grabbed both Naruto and Hinata and shoved them into the theater. "Ignore your father's unyouthful rules, and go bask in the undying fires that is the springtime of youth! Yosh!
"It looks like you got them before the previews started, So I'd better be going in too," Kakashi said to Gai.
"Not so fast, Kakashi! I have been anxiously waiting and my youthful flames have been burning all day. Now, we must have our next match!"
"Is that really necessary? You don't want to wait at least until after the movie?"
No! I have been youthfully waiting to show you my latest technique. One that I assure you will guarantee me an eternal victory!"
"A new technique, eh? Sounds scary." Kakashi replied with fake interest.
Gai got into a fighting stance. "Then prepare yourself, my hip and modern rival!"
"Not so fast," Asuma and Kurenai appeared in between the two rival jounins.
"You two!" Gai lowered his super thick eyebrows. "Why have you gotten in the way of our eternal rivalry?"
"I need to talk to you, Gai," Asuma said, while taking out another cigarette.
"I guess I'll be leaving then," Kakashi waved good bye and disappeared into the theater.
"Wait for me! Hinata's in there!" said Kurenai."
"Asuma!" growled Gai. "My eternal rival has escaped. Are you challenging me in his place?
"Yeah, I guess you can say that," Asuma said with his hands in his pockets. He didn't really look like he was ready to fight.
"Name your challenge, then!" declared Gai.
"I thought we'd do something different this time, my friend."
"Oh! You have intrigued my flames of youth!
"I thought we might try something a little more productive this time," Asuma explained. "Rather than screaming about youth in every sentence and traumatizing Hinata, I thought maybe I can get some use out of you."
Gia looked insulted at that remark. "I do not youthfully shout out proclamations of youth in every one of my sentences where each word burns with the flames of eternal youth!"
Asuma just shrugged. "No…of course you don't. But down to business…"
"Go on! My youthful ears burn hotter!"
Asuma took a puff of his cigarette. As he exhaled the smoke, he said, "Nara Shikamaru. do you know about him?"
Gai had a disappointed look on his face. "Of all the previous graduates from the academy, he is the most unyouthful out of them all. At his young age, he spends his time doing old man things like lazing about and playing chess. His burning, passionate flames of youth are incredibly deficient. I suspect it is because of his genius that he hates hard work. The precious gift of youth is wasted upon him!"
"I thought you might feel that way," Asuma smiled. "So let me propose my challenge. I'm going to leave Shikamaru in your hands."
"What!"
"That's right," Asuma smirked. "I challenge you to train Shikamaru and break his lazy habits. Teach your taijutsu techniques to him. You might find the eternal flame of youth burns brighter than you might think. Shit! Did I actually that?"
"All right, then! I'm psyched!" Gai agreed. "But tell me, if my youthful flames should burn out and I am unable to penetrate Shikamaru's cold and lazy shell, what shall I do? Do 600 laps around Konoha on my elbows with my eyes closed?"
Asuma sweatdropped. "No. Don't bother with that. Think of something more productive. If you lose, why don't you pay for my team's next barbeque party?"
"Oh. That is a very mighty blow to my youthful wallet, but 'My Rules' will change the future and will let me win this! That is a promise!" he ended his speech with his thumbs up pose.
"Good to see you're so excited," Asuma said flicking away his cigarette. "You begin right now! Go find him!" he said while fishing his pockets for another cigarette. When he found a new light, Asuma saw that Maito Gai was already gone.
"This should be interesting," Asuma thought, burning his new cigarette. "I hope Shikamaru will be all right. Gai can be kinda…intense. But still, he's a new chounin and learning taijutsu might be just what needs." He let out a satisfied puff of smoke and stared up at the theater's sign. "The sequel to Icha Icha Paradise, eh? Never read the book, but it sounds like the kind of thing that's better in a movie. Let's see…"
Nara Shikamaru found a nice open field that always tended to be nice and deserted. Far away from most troublesome places. In the middle of this big, grassy field was a large oak tree that always offered him shade.
"Ahhhhhh," he let out a satisfied sigh. "It'll be troublesome to face Asuma-sensei when I have to explain to him why I ditched him today. But Hell with it. Today is such a beautiful day. Perfect for cloud watching. You'd have to be a real strict bastard to force anybody to do troublesome work on a day like this. Either that, or unnecessarily energetic like Rock Lee or-" he was caught off by the presence of a shadow looming behind him.
"At last, my youthful senses were correct in telling me where to find you, Shikamaru!"
"Shit! That voice!" With eyes widened, Shikamaru slowly turned his head around to see Maito Gai, Konoha's Green Beast, standing there. He formed the nice guy pose and smiled, revealing his pearly teeth. His teeth gave off a powerful ringing sound as the sunlight glinted off of them.
"Nara Shikamaru! Today you will begin your journey to master the true spirit of youth!"
End Chapter 1. Wow! That was longer than I thought it would be. Thanks for reading! I hoped you liked it. Let me know what you think. Peace out!