Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Whiskey Lullaby
Sometimes the room starts spinning and no matter how much you scream and cry nothing can make it stop. Maxie's world had been spinning for a while now. Spinelli's death. The heartache and lies. She just could not stand tall on solid ground. The memories were on repeat every time she closed her eyes. One night with Johnny, for one night she'd been happy. She been herself and happy. How could one night change it all?
It was December 17, 2009 Maxie treated it like any other day. She got out of bed showered, did her make up, and got dressed. She arrived at the Crimson offices at nine am sharp. She sipped a vanilla latte, as she went over her agenda. The workday rushed past her like every other day. No one mentioned what today was, how could they not remember.
"Maxie did you remember to book a model for March's cover"
"Yes Kate but I thought we agreed to go with an actress."
"Well either way who did you get?"
"Summer Glau and Eliza Dushku. They are both beautiful edgy women and will suit the issue perfectly since our key article is on dominatrixes and today's modern woman."
"Good choice."
"Thanks. Have a goodnight. See you Monday"
"You too, Maxie."
Kate got on the elevator as Lulu got off.
"'Night Kate."
"So what do you have planned for tonight?" Lulu asked Maxie
" Nothing I'm going finish up some paperwork you can leave now if you want to."
"You sure?"
"Yeah okay. Kate's out of town for the weekend, right?"
"Yeah Lulu, just keep your phone with you and be in the office bright and early Monday morning."
"Great. Oh and Maxie I won't be home tonight"
"Why? You got a date."
"Yes Matt invited me to Manhattan for the weekend so I think I'm going to say yes"
"You and Matt. I thought that was a fluke."
"No I really like him and Dante's well he is who he is. Goodnight Maxie."
"Good night."
Maxie didn't leave the office until a little after seven. She checked her messages but only had one: "Evening Maximista, I hope you're having a lovely day. I'll see you tomorrow. I have to do some over night reconnaissance for Stone Cold. I love you." How could they all forget?
She parked her car and made her way to the family plot. Georgianna Jones, precious sweet Georgie.
"I'm so sorry. I'm healing. Your death took a lot out of me I never thought that I'd loose you. But I'm trying for you, I'm trying. Spinelli and I are doing fine, I promised you I'd look after him and so far I've done a great job. I never thought I'd be satisfied with a like Spinelli but he sees the good in me he makes me a better person. Thanks Georgie for sending him to me."
Placing the flowers on her grave Maxie sat on the frozen ground not wanting to leave her sister. Being with Spinelli often reminded her of Georgie and sometimes her thoughts got the best of her. She knew that Mariah Maximilliana Jones wasn't good enough for Damian Spinelli but Maximista was. He saw the good in Maxie that she had never known was there.
In the beginning, Georgie's memory had been burning a whole in her head. Every time she thought of her sweet perfect sister. She was reminded of everything she was not. She wasn't smart. She may be beautiful on the outside but inside she was horrid. What kind of woman would do half the things she'd done, but Georgie had stuck by her. She didn't deserve to die. She never wished harm onto another soul but still she was gone. Georgie was gone and Maxie was still here.
She didn't know when it started but slowly she tried to be her sister for Spinelli. Georgie wanted him, loved him. It was the least Maxie could do to honor her sister's memory. She couldn't let Spinelli be alone. They both needed Georgie, so they sought each other. Spinelli saw the person that Maxie should be – Georgie. And as an unspoken compromise she did her best to become that person. Then it all changed Spinelli was the marrying kind so was Georgie but not Maxie. Everything went down hill after their non-wedding.
Maxie broke herself from melancholy and made her way out of the cemetery. She was surprised to see Johnny leaning against the gate a bottle of liquor in his hand on leg stretched out the other was bent. And on that bent knee he was resting his head.
"Johnny?" He looked at the sound of Maxie's voice. Maxie looked at his tear streaked face and watch as he downed more whiskey.
"What's wrong did something happen?"
"Did something happen? Yes. I killed her. I killed my own … my own sister. Claudia…"
"That's not true. Look at me John. Claudia left town remember."
"No. That's a lie."
Claudia had been missing for a month no letter, no body. It was his fault. He let that bitch Olivia convince him that it was love. Claudia saw through her but all John could see was a chance at a life. A real life with a woman who would never betray him or endanger him. He thought she was honest and unselfish. How wrong he'd been. Confused, angry, and alone, he lashed out at Claudia time after time, but never did he stop to think of the after effects.
What would he be without his sister? One angry confession later, one he'd been too upset to take back. He didn't imagine things could get worse, he never thought it all out. One month ago, the last time he saw his sister she told him "John, you're my brother. Of course, I forgive you. We're all the family we've got and I love you no matter what. I know you're going through a tough time I know your didn't mean it." She said she knew he didn't mean it when he called her a whore, a worthless piece of trash, he had gloried in the pain, every word he said slashing gratefully through her heart, yet she still loved him. Forgave him. And in return he had killed her.
Jason only needed an excuse and Johnny gave him one. Sonny hadn't done anything to stop him. Pregnant with his child, he ordered Jason to take out Claudia. So what if her things had been gone. So what if her passport put her Italy. He knew they were mobsters; some offenses did not go unpunished. If she was alive, she would have let him know. IF she was alive.
Maxie helped Johnny to his feet and led him to her car. Instead of taking him to the garage she brought him home with her. Taking the near empty bottle from his hand she placed him on the sofa.
"Thanks Maxie."
"Your welcome Johnny."
She through away the bottle and grabbed a spare blanket and pillow from the closet. John was already out cold. She lifted his head and arranged the pillow. Then she removed his boots. After tucking the blanket around him, she smoothed a hand over his brow and kissed him goodnight.
"Sweet dreams John."
Her night routine was broken she cried in the shower until the water started to cool. She brushed her teeth and then hair. After putting on a long whit cotton gown she tried to sleep, but thinking kept her awake.
Her and Johnny had so much in common. They had been through so much. How was Claudia leaving his fault. She knew that like her he'd never turn his back on his sister. He would do what ever it took to protect her so what had drove him to drink. She found herself remembering a time when she'd wanted them to be more. She knew without a doubt that he had wanted her. He had once told her that she would never have to change for him, that he would accept her flaws and all.
Johnny woke up on the couch of Lulu and Maxie's apartment feeling alone. He didn't want to be alone. He wanders to Maxie's room wanting to be closer to the one woman to see past his armor. He goes to her bedside and finished undressing. Clad in only his boxers he pulled back the covers and slid between the sheets.
"You could've asked"
Turning to face Maxie Johnny smiled "I didn't want to wake you"
"You want to tell me was happened with Claudia and why you feel responsible?"
He started no to say anything but this was Maxie she'd never judge but still he lied, "Jason found out Claudia's secret. That she hired someone to kill Sonny only to have Michael get shot by the ricochet. I did nothing to stop it. I didn't keep her from marrying Sonny, I didn't stop her from getting pregnant twice. After what Kristina did I did nothing. I wanted to forget all the bad stuff. While my sister was battling for her life, I was running after Olivia." Maxie wouldn't understand how he could betray his sister she wouldn't let that kind of disloyalty go unscathed.
"Jason and Sonny are to blame but are you sure they … that she's dead"
"In our world there is no other option."
"What does Kristina have to do with this and why does it matter what happen to Michael that was along time a go and Jason already killed Devlin."
"Michael was the weak link she never fixed it. Accident or not they still needed some one to blame."
"Devlin pulled the trigger."
"But Claudia hired him."
"She was Sonny's wife"
"And he still killed her. Pregnant with his child he still killed her."
Maxie felt his anger. His revelation was hard to believe but she didn't doubt that it was possible. "But what does Kristina have to do with this."
"She ran Claudia off the road that night. She didn't call the cops."
"I thought that was Alexis"
"No, it was Kristina and neither of her parents did anything. They didn't care." And neither did I. I cursed her after she'd had brain surgery and lost her child, my nephew. And I did nothing to avenge his death.
"I can only imagine how your sister felt knowing her step-daughter was responsible for the death of her son, but it's not your fault."
"It is. I was so focused on my relationship with Olivia."
"From what I hear she had everyone fooled."
"She was as bad as Claudia with all her lies and manipulations, I was just to blind to see it." Johnny and Maxie stared around the darkened room in silence. "So why were you at the cemetery"
"I was visiting Georgie. She died two years ago today and I'm the only one to remember." Maxie was all cried out but still her breath hitched.
Johnny slid over to comfort her only to have Maxie kiss him.
"Do you remember when you said you only wanted to kiss me because I'm me"
"Yeah I remember"
"Did you mean it?"
Johnny kissed Maxie, "Do you still want me, the real me?"
"I never stopped wanting you Maxie Jones"
In Maxie's bed. In Maxie. Bodies joined, souls entwined. Neither of them saw Spinelli, neither of them thought it through Maxie just wanted to feel like Maxie again she had only wanted to comfort Johnny. That night as he made love to her she knew without a doubt that he wanted Maxie Jones. They both knew why she couldn't choose him. They both knew what it was like to pay your sisters dues. But that night they pushed the world away and only had each other.
Spinelli left that night shaken, he thought a million reasons why but never came close to getting an answer. They'd been happy she loved him. What had he done wrong? His Maximista he was her essential person, it wasn't suppose to end this way. He realized then that she had never changed that she would always be the 'bad blonde one'.
Spinelli spent the next week contemplating pretending that he didn't see her in Johnny's arms. He knew what day it had been. He'd spent December 17th in a Manhattan museum remembering Georgie and how it took her dying for him to finally notice her. Sweet beautiful Georgie had wanted him. Spinelli should have been with Maxie but selfishly he wanted to spend a day with Georgie. He couldn't blame Maxie. It was his fault for not accepting all of her. For not being there for her in her time of grief.
"Merry Christmas Spinelli." Maxie said draping her arms around his shoulders. They swayed to the music
"You seem to be enjoying yourself" Spinelli found it difficult to call her Maximista. She was tarnished and the nickname didn't seem to sit her new image.
"You sure you're okay. You seem a little down."
"Everything is perfect. I'm in the arms of the woman I love"
"Awe. I love you too Spinelli"
They were at Mac's for Christmas dinner. Along with Robin, Patrick and Emma, and Lulu and Matt. As the night wound down and people started to leave. Lulu approached Maxie.
"You did tell Spinelli that Mac spiked the egg nog?"
"What? Of course he spikes it every year why?"
"Well Spinelli had at least 3 glasses."
Seeing Spinelli refilling his glass. Maxie rushed toward Spinelli.
"Since when do you drink?"
"I just … um Mac makes a mean egg nog. Cinnamon and rum?"
"I don't know what he puts in it but that stuff is lethal. Spinelli are you sure everything's okay? You usually avoid alcohol. I even made sure that Mac had your favorite orange soda."
"I guess I had a taste for it. But maybe it's just the stress from work. McCall-Jackal PI is really booked lately."
"Yeah. Well, lets get you home."
February 13th
Spinelli was dreading Valentines Day. He just couldn't stop the images of Maxie and Johnny. Johnny had got back from Italy a week ago, he treated Spinelli as though he didn't seduce Maxie a few months back. Spinelli started out with a drink at Jakes. Trying to think a gift for Maxie on the day dedicated to love but he kept drawing blanks. He ended up with a bottle of Jack and a need for retribution.
Johnny was at fault. For months Spinelli had blames himself but neither him nor Maxie was to blame. The son of the demented one had showed his true colors. Spinelli shouldn't have been driving drunk.
Rounding the curve on his way to Johnny's Garage He hit and ice patch and spun into the next lane. All he saw were headlights. Hanging upside down in his flipped Hybrid his head was ringing. There was a pain in his side. Reaching to see, fell what was wrong his hand cam back bloody. The seat belt was stuck. He heard the ambulance just before his world went black. Then there was an angel. He should have chosen to stay but how could he? Sweet Georgie was smiling at him surrounded by the purest light how could he not take her hand.
Maxie was coming home from crimson. The lights from the police cars, fire truck, and ambulance were holding up traffic, it wasn't until she saw the hybrid had she known. Her world started to spin. She barely remembered to put the car in park before running through the stalled cars. Never had she felt such pain. The last piece of cement that held her up was chipped away. She watched as the paramedics tried to start his heart. But never did she think they wouldn't have forever. Another person gone; her love was a curse. She rode in the ambulance crying over his corpse he died before they reached the hospital.
Bobby held her while she broke down Dr Julian was called in . Robin was a blurry spot Maxie blamed herself. Loving her was a one way ticket that landed you six feet deep. Two weeks later after the funeral she was going through his things and discovered his diary on a flash drive. Took three guesses to get his password she felt jealousy strike her heart—Sweet G03rg13. Maxie remember ever pc hacking lesson they'd ever shared in bed but when she read the entry from the day before his death she wished she hadn't. He knew. He knew about her one night stand with Johnny. He'd seen them while they only had eyes for each other. This was her fault. Maxie lived with the guilt of Spinelli's death until it took hold of her heart.
On the third anniversary of her sister's death she found a bottle of whiskey hidden in a boxed marked Spinelli. Her heart medication had 'do not mix with alcohol' in bold print. She wrote four letters addressed to: Mac, Robin, Lulu, and Johnny. Her Father, Her Cousin, Her best friend, and the Love that she refused to condemn. This time she didn't call for help. This time clutching a picture of Georgie filled with guilt about Spinelli Maxie down over twenty pills and half a bottle of bourbon. Lying down to sleep she dreamed. She was there with BJ, Jessie, Coop, Georgie, and Spinelli and for the first time since receiving BJ's heart she felt whole, at peace. Her world finally stopped spinning.
Johnny came in with Lulu, helping her bring in the groceries. He'd been feeling guilty for a lot of things but once Maxie stopped talking to him, he'd felt alone one again. It just happened to be a coincidence that he chose this day to figure out why she'd been spending so much time at Jake's. Why she'd quit Crimson?
He knocked on her door, before finally opening it. At first he thought she was sleeping but when she didn't respond to her name or being shook. He rolled over to find her atop an empty pill and liquor bottle clutching a picture of her sister.
"Maxie. MAXIE! Answer me Maxie"
"John what's…" Johnny was checking Maxie's pulse " Oh god is she"
"Call for an Ambulance I can't find a pulse" Johnny moved Maxie to the floor and started CPR. Two breaths, 15 compressions, repeated. Tears fell from his eyes.
"Come Maxie don't die on me. Don't you fucking die." Despite his pleading she did die. Lulu found the letters on the kitchen counter.
"How could she just decide to leave." Lulu cried through her tears.
As the Coroner wheeled her body away, Johnny and Lulu held one another. Lala la laa…