My whole life I've been a stone-cold atheist. I always believed that there's no magic, no past lives, no nothing, that what you see is all you fucking get and that religion was invented to make primitive people feel better about the fact that they could be eaten by a tiger the very next day and explain things science couldn't yet. I mean, science still doesn't have everything completely worked out yet, so I can see how some people would still want the crutch, but I've never bought into it. It probably helps that Kankri drilled it into my head since I was a baby. I mean, by now I've learned to tune him out, but having one of the craziest social activists in the world who also happens to be an outspoken existentialist as your big brother/legal guardian kind of rubs off on you.

But I'll talk about that fucker later. He's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because of John fucking Egbert.

(Terezi's telling me that sounds like he's having weird incestuous or masturbatory shit going on, but she was there, she knows what it means. I'd say fuck her but she'd take that wrong too).

Picture this: it's the first day of my sophomore year of college. I'm sitting in my history class not giving a fuck (I hated lib eds with a passion, but it was my last one. And at least it was history of film.) The teacher's doing roll call. I'm last on the list, again, so by the time they get to me absolutely no one is paying attention. But then when they say my name the kid in front of me sits bolt up like a fucking freak.

Whatever. Gamzee's crazier and that motherfucker was my best friend at the time. So I say that I'm here and the kid whips around and stares at me like in awe like I just told him he won publishers fucking clearing house. At the time I can't quite place it. Something about the messy black hair, buck teeth, and dorky glasses seemed familiar, but I couldn't remember why if it meant a freight train full of adorable innocent little orphans was going to be thrown into a volcano. He has these super intense blue eyes too, and right about then it was making me feel real fucking uncomfortable.

"Karkat?" He asks softly.

"Mister Egbert, please turn back around. It's time to begin." He does so slowly, but doesn't take his eyes off of me for as long as possible. Weirdo.

I didn't really think about it after that. Like I said, my school is full of nutjobs, wackos, all kinds of freaks. If it wasn't for all the shit these fuckers had sent me to get me to apply I'd assume that Kankri had secretly enrolled me in a school for the mentally ill. You know, he might have anyway. I'll have to check. So I would have let it go and gone on with not caring, but he cornered me after class was dismissed.

"Karkat, is it really you? One way or the other I have to know."

"Who the fuck is asking?"

He looked really hurt. "I'm John. John Egbert."

"Okay. Cool. Nice to meet you John Egbert. Now I gotta get to my next class."

"Wait! Karkat!" He grabbed my wrist. "It's John. Ectobiologist. Blue windy guy? Karkat, please."

"Look, I don't fucking know you, and I'd rather not get to know a fucknut like you." I pulled my wrist free.

He left his hand hanging where it was, looking like I'd taken some big-ass hammer and smashed his soul with it. "I don't. Please. You have to remember. I can tell it's you. I see it in your eyes. Karkat, you were my friend."

I turned and walked away, flipping him off for good measure. I hoped that would get him to leave me alone for the rest of the semester. It alienated most people quick enough. But no. Later that same damn day he was in my Latin film class. And when I walked in the door he looked like he got a surprise visit from the goddamn president. I looked like Jason Voorhees was sitting in the back row.

When I recovered I gave him a dirty look and got the furthest seat I could. He spent the next five minutes scooting closer and closer until he was right behind me. I held my head high and ignored him as best I could, hoping that maybe he was the kind of sick fuck who got off on being told they're sick fucks and if I ignored him he'd get bored and pick a new target. No such luck. I did the same thing the next day but he was still right there.

After a week, I got sick of it. "Okay, fine. I give: what the fuck is your problem, fuckface?!"

"I'm sorry, Karkat. I know you don't remember me. I know this seems so weird to you, but I- I can't help how happy I am to see you. I thought after we finished English I'd never see you again."

"English? I know it's been a while, but I'm pretty damn sure I've never had you in an English class. I'd remember someone like-"

"Not the subject, the person. Lord English. Reflect on it."

"Why the fuck should I?"

He smiled at me. "I asked myself the same thing when Jade – she's my cousin. She played with us, remember, she was the Witch of Space – told me. She's always been a little odd. Nana used to tell me that the island she lives on has all sorts of weird isotopes in the water, so I didn't believe her either. When she was thirteen she told me she'd started having these visions of other worlds, of really wacky shenanigans we got up to. I listened to her story because she's my cousin and she doesn't have friends on her islands other than her big dog. But it all made sense, it all started feeling right, like when people remind you of stuff you did when you were little and it sort of comes back. And when I started thinking about it my dreams got weird. I saw this glowing gold world and I flew and met these people who were literally white-not white like you, but like paper- and everything just meshed with her stories. And then I started seeing these things she hadn't told me yet."

God, I thought, this guy's crazy.

"I'll keep it in mind." I said, standing and rolling my eyes.

"Wait!"

I still don't know why I did. Maybe on some level I wanted to believe, maybe that way I wouldn't have to be so scared I'd catch him staring through my bedroom window at three in the morning.

"Alternia. Lusus. Red blood. Troll. Knight of Blood. Wrigger." He paused for a moment, biting his lower lip. But then he smiled weakly. "Moirails?"

I nodded, like I'd understood some deep secret, and then I left. I didn't think anything of it, other than immediately wanting to punch myself in the face for actually listening to the shit-brained moron.

Then, that night, I dreamt. Dreams were rare for me growing up. When they did happen they were always weird and none too pleasant. All the colors were weird and there was a strange white crab monster in my house and I was always so scared and angry. But at the same time, it always felt so right when I was having them, like it was an old way of life I was supposed to be used to.

But that time was different. Instead of waking up in a weird slime bath thing in the weird house I'd gotten used to I woke up in a new world. It was golden and beautiful beyond belief, even though the way it shone hurt my eyes. I covered it with a gray, clawed hand, the kind I always had in my dreams.

Why the fuck wouldn't you have them? You're a fucking troll!

Wait, what?

But before I had time to freak out over the revelation I was distracted. Prospit- where were these words coming from? – was calling and I listened. I flew out of my window and landed among the people, going about their cheerful, simple lives. Not knowing about the Reckoning.

The what?

The war, the meteors that will be coming, that will eventually destroy your home and all you held dear. Well, except your computer. You do that yourself.

I shook away the thoughts and walked along the golden streets. Everyone was happy to see me, calling me 'Sir Knight' and smiling just because I was there. It was so different from my normal life, even further from the dreams I normally had. One little guy gave me a piece of fruit and when I bit into it it was sweet and juicy and flawless. I couldn't help but break out into a smile. The little shits were fucking infectious.

God, I thought, I don't ever want to leave.

Well that's too damn bad.

That golden world faded away, replaced by a giant checkerboard field, covered in black and white people, cut up and torn apart.

You don't get to spend much time on Prospit. A nook stain like you getting to stay there, ha! Besides, this is all your fault, you know.

I did this?

Yeah. You fucked up that bad. It's pretty impressive even for us.

Who are you? What's going on?

I'm you, dumbass. Future me is worse than a wriggler.

Is that… like a baby?

Fuck you're useless. You know what? It isn't worth my fucking breath to explain this shit. Just fuck off and wake up.

I did.

The good news is that it was three in the morning so I had time for a proper freakout. Where had that come from? What had that creep done to me? Why did it fit so well with everything Egbert said and everything I'd ever dreamt? My heart raced in my chest and I touched my hair. God, it looked pitch black and felt more wiry than normal. What if I was still a monster?

I ran to the bathroom and flicked on the light. My skin was pale, my eyes were brown with white around them, and there were no horns sticking out from my messy reddish brown hair. I watched my reaction trace each of those traits, my hands confirming what my eyes were telling me. I let out a shaky sigh and sat down on the toilet.

Of course I was human. Egbert had just planted ideas in my head was all. He was psyching me out. The bastard.

I went back to bed. I had an eight am the next day and no nutcases were gonna make me fall asleep in my programming class. I'd worked hard to finally cram that baby in.

But, of course, that asshole was in the programming class with me too. Just like always, he smiled that dumb grin of his and waved like we were chums or something. Luckily, Sollux was taking it too (which was dumb. He was a master coder, so why he was being forced into the beginner class was a mystery to me) so I just sat next to him instead. Like always. You'd think that little shit would get the hint, but he didn't.

"You know, KK, I've been meaning to ask: who is that?"

"Don't. Just fucking don't."

He gave me a look, but didn't say anything. Egbert tried to interrupt me again, but as soon as he stood I started pretending to have a deep and important conversation with Sollux. It went well until I mentioned my friend's name.

"Sollux?" He asked, pushing next to us. "You're here too? God, I thought only Karkat- that's awesome! I can't believe you've been here all along and I just haven't noticed! What about the other trolls? Gamzee, Vriska, Terezi, Kanaya? Any of them?"

Sollux looked scared. It was weirding me out too. He couldn't have just guessed all of those names. So either he was a stalker or he was telling the truth. And for some reason I was starting to lean towards the latter, which scared me more than the former. But I somehow managed to play it cool.

"Jesus fuck, Egbert! Can't you get a hint? Leave me the fuck alone!"

Well, okay, cool is a relative term. But I didn't freak out enough to punch him in the face or scream and run away or anything, so I considered it pretty good.

Sollux and I met up again later that day in front of the central library on campus for lunch. He looked genuinely worried, which is an expression I rarely saw on the guy.

"KK, you should call the cops."

I shrugged.

"Really, though. It's creepy and not right."

"But if I do that he wins. And we don't have enough evidence for me to even get a restraining order. Even though I really fucking want one."

"But Karkat…"

"Look, I'm keeping an eye out for anything weird- or at least like illegally weird. But until I get proof…"

"I don't want you to need proof. Just stay away from him."

"It's hard. He's in half of my classes."

"What? Then he definitely is stalking you."

"I know, but," I bit my lip, "I had a dream last night."

"So? It's not exactly normal for you, but-"

"No, Soll, you don't get it. It matched what he said and I just knew all this stuff I shouldn't have known and I- I don't know. There's something beyond normal creepy going on here."

"He's psyching you out. Of course you took what the asshole said and added it to your dream."

"But the things I knew-"

"Were made up too. You're always sure of things in dreams. You don't question the weird stuff that's going on. Karkat, listen, he is just messing with you."

I sighed. "I know you're probably right, but-"

"I am right. Karkat, don't make Kanaya worry."

"Of course you pulled that card, getting the group mom involved."

"I do what I have to. This is serious. And creepy. Karkat, this is how horror movies start."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"It fucking isn't. Movies are my thing, shithead. Remember?"

"Fine. Just. Don't get fucked up."

I smiled at him. "Okay, I won't."

Of course, I didn't say anything about not talking to Egbert, which was good because I had questions for him. I ignored him until the end of history when everyone but the two of us had cleared out. This time I came up to him.

"That gold planet, what's it called?"

"Prospit."

Goddammit. "I dreamed about it last night. What did I look like?"

"I'm guessing that means you look like a troll when you sleep? If yes, you had gray skin, yellow eyes, and little nubby horns that look like candy corn. Um, I guess you were probably wearing Prospit pajamas? So that would be something gold with the sun on it. I don't know exactly what yours looked like, though, because in the game you didn't tell me beyond that you were a Prospit dreamer too."

"John Egbert, who the fuck are you?"

He smiled. "I told you. I'm your friend. From a long time ago, another lifetime."

"That makes no sense. This is the only life I've ever had."

"Karkat, that is total bunk. You had one before this and we were friends. You probably had more before that too. But you definitely have at least had two!"

"Then why don't I remember it?"

He laughed. "Nobody does! Not at first, anyway. I had to spend a lot of time meditating to figure out my deal and I stayed the same species for the last three."

"You don't think I'm dumb enough to believe that, do you?"

"It's not dumb. That's just how it is. I remember a lot of things now. Jade helped. She made the connection. We talked and compared dreams, compared these things that our dreams were trying to tell us. And we figured it out. We think we have most of it now."

"Tell me."

"What?"

"Your- our story. If you want me to believe it you'd better fucking have one."

"I-I do, but-"

"But what?"

"Karkat, I have German right now. I have to go."

"Fine. But wait." I grabbed him by the back of his hoodie. "My last class gets out at four. What time are you done?"

"Three-thirty."

"Meet me outside Johnson hall. And Egbert?"

"Yes, Karkat?"

"This story of yours had better be really fucking good."

He smiled his ridiculous buck-toothed smile. "Don't worry Karkat. It is."

And, god fucking dammit, it fucking was. It started slow, and it was all about him and three other kids I've never met, but eventually it got more exciting. But it was way too crazy to be true. Hell, it was almost all the way too crazy to be a lie. Not quite, though. So I could leave with my head high, assured that he was just a batshit stalker. The little voices in my head whispering of a crab-guardian, constant fear of drones, and pure loathing for every drop of red blood in my veins could just shut the fuck up.