Grief
It was six in the morning in a bedroom of a castle once owned by the Empress of Austria, Maria Teresa. Now it was the bedroom of an Austrian Naval Captain who had distinguished himself in battle and had been decorated with a medal for bravery, a cross named for the Empress.
This naval captain sat; holding his beloved wife, Agathe, close to his chest. He felt her breathing cease; she slumped as her body grew limp. The woman who had born his seven children had died.
And the decorated captain wept. This was only the second time in his life that occurred. The first was when he and his brother had closed the lid of their mother's coffin.
A woman, Isabel Schmidt, who has lived with the family since the first child was born happened to pass the door and heard his weeping. Without entering she knew what had happened.
Isabel climbed the stairs to the castle's bell tower. She rang the bell once. All who would hear it would know someone had died within the castle walls.
When she returned to the master bedroom, the Captain's brother's widow was already standing outside the door. Together they entered.
"Georg, you need to lay her down."
"I will, Isabel. Caroline, please ask Charles to take the children away from here."
"Even the little girls?"
"Yes, and you should go too. He'll need your help. And please don't tell them their mama has died."
The two ladies told the children that Charles was taking them on a trip to Hungary for a visit with their cousins. They were whisked away before the older ones could ask any questions.
Georg had laid Agathe down. Isabel had closed her eyelids; folded her arms at her waist so her hands would meet. Her fingers were entwined.
Georg left the bedroom and took up residence in his study. He would never return to the bedroom.
As was the custom, the funeral was held in a matter of days. Afterwards, Georg drove away from the cemetery. His destination was a monastery where he knew the Senior Friar.
Upon arrival, Georg told him. "I need to be alone. My wife died and my grief is great. I fear I can't go on."
"Ask God for guidance, Georg. I'm sure you prayed during the war. God was with you then and He's still with you. When you're ready to talk, come find me."
Georg entered the cell of the monastery. All that was there was a bed, a lamp on a nightstand with two books, the Bible, a Prayer Book and a desk with a chair.
For now, he sat on the edge of his bed; his mind had no desire to be crowded with prayers or Biblical verses.
_OO_
This monastery also had a Retreat Center for women – mostly young woman. Those who had been confused by others who believed there was no God.
The Directress was a Benedictine Sister by the name of Margareta. She had helped a number of women rediscover their belief in God; most were still looking for the life which they had been born to live. These two groups shared a beautiful common garden.
Georg wasn't interested in walking there. Finally, his exhaustion caused him to grow sleepy. He barely had enough energy to change into his bedclothes.
The next morning, he was woken by the bells. He had no appetite. For an unknown reason he opened the Bible to the Book of Genesis. He read the words used in the wedding ceremony; the two shall become one. They caused him to weep. And hearing the choir sing its Alleluias did nothing to comfort him.
He was terribly distraught. A knock of his cell's door surprised him. "It's Brother James, Georg."
Georg opened his door. "Talk to me. What is it you want from God? And don't tell me to bring Agathe back from the dead."
"I won't. I know that's impossible. But answer me this. Why did she die?"
"She died because her body was ravished by a disease from which she could not recover; a disease which has its roots in the Garden of Eden. Not only were Adam and Eve's eyes opened and they knew they were naked; they were chased from the Garden to a world full of famine, weather events and illnesses.
"It's now up to us to try and find how to restore the Garden to that place where man was in fellowship with God. Maybe God has a plan for you and perhaps your children to be a part of doing exactly that."
"But how Brother James?"
"It will take time to learn His plan for you. First you need to come out of this room and talk with others; as difficult as it may be. You need to share your feelings. Come take a walk with me in our garden."
Reluctantly, Georg did as he asked.
There he found men expressing their feelings in many different ways. Some felt better listening to others; some wrote prayers. Others painted pictures about their feelings and several sang.
Georg heard hymns his own mother had sang to him when he was a child; hymns from the Lutheran Church. He found comfort in the words of the song based on the words of Twenty-third Psalm and another titled The Prayer of St. Francis.
The latter was a simple song which gave one direction on how God wants you to live your life. It spoke of consoling, pardoning, helping others find their faith and to be a light in times of darkness and to bring joy where there is sadness.
And the song ends with directions to understand others, to love them and to forgive them but most important was that in dying one was born to eternal life.
Georg now understood why Agathe had to die. Now he knew he had to find ways to be as the song had directed. And the first thing he did was to begin to sing with a small group of men. And his memories of singing with Agathe didn't disturb him.
Brother James noticed but didn't say anything to him
_OO_
After the first day of interacting with the other men, Georg was actually looking forward to the next day. He was walking in the garden when he heard a beautiful voice; he knew it belonged to a woman. She was on the other side of a flower covered arbor. As she finished a religious song she burst into a different kind of song. It was one which lifted one's spirit as it announced the hills were alive with music.
That song and her voice stayed with Georg. It actually made Georg feel alive. He also wished to meet the woman with the beautiful voice. He had no idea that she had been deeply troubled for several years.
Georg's opportunity came the next day. Once again he was in the garden when he heard the same voice sing the same uplifting song. He couldn't help himself. He knew the song. It was one he and Agathe had learned from the first governess he had hired to help her with their two young children when they had to move from the navy base after the war began.
Georg began to sing. The young woman heard a fine baritone voice and was compelled to walk in the direction of the voice. Together they finished the song about a lonely heart returning to the hills to be blessed by a song which the hills seemed to sing.
As the last note echoed in the garden, Georg heard. "Good day, sir. Where did you learn that song?"
"From a young governess, my late wife and I often sang together."
Suddenly, by admitting Agathe was dead, a great burden was lifted from him.
"May I ask you the same question?"
"I learned it from my father. He told me my mother had sung it to me many times before she died. He taught it to me only weeks before he died. I was nine years old.
"I hadn't sung it in a very long time. When I arrived here I had no belief in God. Sister Margareta would listen to all my rants which would condemn those who did believe. She was so patient with me; she never scolded me.
"Little by little, the Bible stories my mother and father had either recited to me from memory or read to me began to surface in my mind. The story about the young girl named, Mary, seemed to speak to me.
"I soon confessed my sins and felt the Holy Spirit within me. Now I'm looking for the life God intended for me before I was born."
"Brother James told me I needed to find my life too. He described it as discovering ways to have fellowship with God as he had planned for the Garden of Eden."
"Singing may be one of the ways to accomplish that, sir. People all over the world can be moved by songs which are not in their language."
"I have heard that before. Maybe we could sing some songs together one afternoon."
"I'd love to. Oh, there's the bell. I need to go help in the kitchen."
"Please meet me here tomorrow at about the same time."
"I will, sir."
Georg couldn't believe how much better he felt. He searched for Brother James to tell him.
Brother James didn't have much to say; but he was pleased.
And when Sister Margareta saw the young woman, she could help but notice her broad smile.
"Tell me Maria, why do have such a big smile."
"I believe I helped a man from under his yoke of grief by singing with him; he lost his wife recently."
"I hope you are going to sing with him again."
"I am. We're meeting again tomorrow afternoon."
And Sister Margareta thought. Maybe Maria has found her life.