My Brothers
By: Rhuben
Summary- It had barely been a few months since Big Time Rush ended and Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan had agreed to do their own thing. Kendall had a tough decision: stick with hockey or be with his friends again. Maybe for the last time.
"Knight! Get off the ice!"
Kendall Knight stared at the hockey net in front of him, chest heaving, hot air and spit shooting out around the sides of his rubbery mouth guard. He used his back teeth to grind on the mouth piece, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. He slowly closed his eyes, feeling beads of sweat roll down the sides of his head, traveling towards his neck.
"Knight! The zamboni needs to get on the ice."
Kendall used his tongue to push his mouth guard out of his mouth. He smack his lips as he lowered his head and swallowed the spit that instantly flooded his mouth. "Alright, alright," he called, swinging an ice skate covered foot behind him angling himself towards the man standing at the edge of the ice, waving in him over. "I'm coming."
He pushed against the ice slowly gliding himself over to the man, shoving his gloved hand into his armpit, tightly clamping his arm down. He removed his hand from his glove and reached up for his hockey helmet, pushing it up onto his head.
"Sorry, Coach Sanders," he apologized to the man.
Coach Sanders had crossed his arms over his chest as he waited for Kendall to join him. His face was pinched, looking annoyed and Kendall held back a groan. You did what Coach Sanders asked you the first time; not only as a sign of respect, but to prove that he could listen to not only the coaches but his teammates as they were on the ice.
Ever since Big Time Rush had decided to take a break after years of performing and making music Kendall had thrust himself back into the world of hockey. He had moved back home to Minnesota to accept his position at a hockey camp to further his career. If he did well enough, he could be chosen to join a junior hockey team.
"I won't do it again," Kendall added. He watched as Coach Sanders's eyes softened before he lifted a hand to punch at his pad covered shoulder.
"You've got a lot of spunk, Knight," Coach Sanders commented. Creases framed the sides of his mouth and appeared around his eyes as his mustache stretched across his upper lip as he smiled. "But, spunk isn't going to stop you from injuring yourself if you don't get the rest that Coach Enders and I tell you to get." His eyes dipped towards Kendall's legs. "How's the knee."
"Uhhh," Kendall trailed off.
He was trying hard not to put any weight on his leg just standing and all throughout practice. He had hoped that no one would notice. This is the big leagues, Kendall. Of course he'd notice. His knee suddenly throbbed with pain and Kendall wished he still had his mouth guard in his mouth as he tightly clenched his teeth together.
"It's been bothering you all practice, no point in denying it," Coach Sanders finished for him, all traces of amusement disappearing from his face. Kendall pressed his lips together, shifting his gaze over towards the zamboni that slowly drove out onto the ice. Coach Sanders grabbed his arm guiding him off of the ice before closing the portion of the rink behind him with a loud, echoing click. "You haven't been playing to your potential for some time now all the coaches have noticed. Have you gotten your knee checked out?"
"Uh, yeah, I have," Kendall replied as evenly as he could. He hoped that answer was enough, but Coach Sanders' eyebrows shot up in a questioning look and he knew he had to think fast. "Um...I'm looking into getting cortisone shots or...something." He cleared his throat, swallowing. "I have an appointment at the hospital soon."
"Good," Coach Sanders replied. "We believe in you, Knight and we want you in top shape; we really think you have a shot at this." Kendall just nodded his head as he was lead over to a bench. He slowly sat down, trying to keep his face neutral as he bent his sore knee to do so. "You wouldn't have been offered to attend some practices at Minnesota University if people didn't believe in you."
"I know," Kendall replied. He removed his helmet, dropping it onto the floor followed by the hockey stick, his gloves and his hockey jersey. "I just…I have a lot on my mind." He pulled at the Velcro of his chest pads, loosening them before pulling them off his body.
"Anything I can help with?" Coach Sanders asked. Kendall just shrugged. He was too tired to do anything else and his head was starting to pound with all of his thinking and conflicting thoughts. "Well, my door is always open if you need to talk. Coach Enders and the other coaches, too."
"I know, thanks," Kendall replied.
Coach Sanders nodded his head. "Now, get some rest, I mean it," the man said, his voice hardening. "Relax this weekend, get plenty of sleep and be read y to go on Monday."
"I understand, Coach," Kendall managed to get out, nodding his head again. He watched as Coach Sanders headed out of the arena. "But, I don't know if I'll be here on Monday."
That morning he had heard something he hadn't heard in a long time, James Diamond's voice. He hadn't seen James in a while either, at least not in person. It was hard to schedule around both their schedules and their time differences to have video chats with each other or even to have lengthy phone calls to catch up. The same went for Carlos Garcia and Logan Mitchell.
It had been months since they were all in the same room together as Big Time Rush. After the Tween Choice Awards, they had agreed to take some time off from their hectic schedules, and Gustavo's constant yelling, to take time to themselves and to relax. Most importantly, to try some other projects that were being offered to them.
Kendall had gone back into hockey, James was working on a solo album, Carlos was really the only one to take time off to himself and he and his girlfriend, Stephanie King, Kendall was sure was close to getting engaged, and Logan was taking classes to get back on track to becoming a doctor. They were all happy for each other and excited to see what would come of their lives, but it didn't stop Kendall from missing them.
Sometimes he found himself stopping and thinking, "What am I doing here?" He had been with his friends, no his brothers for years. To suddenly go from being Big Time Rush's Kendall Knight to being Kendall Knight the hockey star was jarring. Hockey and music were both big parts of his life and in both instances, he had had his brothers there with him.
And now he had the chance to do it all over again. James had called him to relay the news of a potential South American tour. Of course, Kendall already knew that James could potentially use the tour to promote his new album. He'd back James up on the guitar any day of the week, but he didn't know if he wanted to give up his dream for a second time.
Sure, being a musician and a performer ended up becoming his dream as he lived in Los Angeles, but he still tried to make it out onto the ice to keep up his skills as often as possible. Now that he got that chance, he was being drawn back out.
"It won't happen if all of us won't do it," James had said. "Carlos is in, but Logan's on the fence. He wants to know what you're going to do. Especially with your hockey." Kendall had stayed silent, adjusting the ice pack on his knees as he leaned back against his bed. "You don't have to make a decision now, I just wanted you to know."
"Yeah, man," Kendall replied quietly. "I know." But, he felt a heavy weight on his shoulders, bringing more pain to his body as James's words reached his ears.
Memories came flooding back of rehearsals so late at night they were falling on the floor laughing, planning on ways around Gustavo's rules, being in close proximity with his long-distance girlfriend Jo Taylor, the Palm Woods, the recording studio, music video sets, the trips, the fans…
"Maybe you should go, Kendall," Kendall whispered to himself, continuing to remove his pads before reaching for the laces on his skates. "After all, it did become your dream too and it'd really help James out." He sighed as the energy suddenly lifted from his body and he practically folded in on himself. He rested his arms on his legs, breathing heavily. "And you know you miss the guys. It'll be a whole new adventure; you've never been to South America before."
He lifted his head and looked around the ice rink. "Hockey will always be here," he whispered to himself. He repeated the words over and over again as he slowly got to his feet, gathering his belongings before heading into the locker room.
He had a phone call to make.
He wasn't sure he was ever going to get the chance to be with his brothers or be a part of Big Time Rush again.
Because Kendall Knight had cancer.
A/N: So, I got the idea of this thinking about if BTR was to do another season after season 4 ended. With what BTR are doing right now in real life, I wonder how the South American tour idea came about and decided to try writing out my idea about it.