Sharon had been methodically filling out her report on a closed investigation for the last hour. She scrolled to the last page and began to fill in a blank field. She typed a word and deleted it, then sat back in her chair, her enthusiasm flagging. Major Crimes always seemed to catch murders just as Sharon was trying to leave for a vacation, or on those nights when she had promised Rusty she'd be home early. Yet now, midweek, when Sharon was sitting in her office doing nothing much, all the city's homicidal maniacs were taking the day off. Sharon found her eyes wandering yet again to the newspaper in the corner of her desk, which was folded over to page A4.
Giving up, she sent her computer to sleep and snaked out a hand to pick up the paper. The headline, which she had by now memorized, read, "Former LAPD Officer to Receive National Award." The headshot of Chief Johnson was at least ten years old. Brenda looked tired and grumpy in the photo. An objective observer would have considered it a bad picture. But when had Sharon been objective when it came to Brenda?
True, Brenda had only gone down the street to the DA's office, but Sharon seldom saw her. Sometimes she missed the former Deputy Chief. In the early days, animosity between the two women had given way to grudging respect, and finally, at least on Sharon's side, admiration and affection. Watching Brenda interview a suspect was better than going to the movies. She could be tender as a lamb interviewing a rape victim or ruthless interviewing a murder suspect. And she had personal courage in spades. Sharon had seen Brenda put her life on the line more than once.
But even before Sharon had come to admire Brenda professionally, she had felt an attraction to her – alright, a crush on her - that kept her awake nights. And sometimes, on a slow day like today, she indulged in thinking about it. After all, she was sitting at Brenda's desk, in Brenda's chair… She reached down and opened the desk drawer that had held the Deputy Chief's candy stash for so long. Sharon had absolutely no taste for the ultra-sugary treats her predecessor had hoarded, but she did keep one chocolate bar in there among the files as a kind of tribute. Her fingers found it now: a Chuao triple-nut bar. Quality candy. Sharon salivated as she contemplated it. She checked her wristwatch, realized it was nearly noon, and shoved the treat back into place. She didn't need chocolate; she needed real sustenance. She picked up her bag. She would take a walk, find some lunch and clear her head of all thoughts of Brenda Leigh Johnson.
XXX
Amy had met Chief Johnson only twice, but that didn't stop her from listening with keen interest as the guys dished the article.
Flynn and Sanchez were hovering behind Provenza's desk, looking over the Lieutenant's shoulder at the newspaper.
"Good for her," Provenza said, smacking the paper with the back of his hand. "The National Association of Women in Law Enforcement. That's what I call prestige."
"I don't understand," Amy spoke up. "Chief Johnson is getting some big award? Didn't she have to resign from the LAPD after attacking a suspect?"
"Yeah, she bloodied that asshole Stroh's nose for him," Flynn said. "She should get a separate medal just for that."
"That's how it is, Sykes," Provenza opined. "When you're here doing good work, serving your community, fighting crime, all you get is criticism and ingratitude. You have to leave to be appreciated."
"In that case, Sir, maybe you should retire," Sanchez joked. "Finally get the recognition you so richly deserve."
"The only thing he richly deserves is a swift kick in the rear," said a woman's voice.
Amy turned to see who had spoken.
"Chief!" Sanchez cried.
"Speak of the Devil," said Flynn.
Brenda Leigh Johnson strode into the room, beaming at her old squad members.
"It's just great to see y'all. Where are Buzz and Tao?"
"Upstairs drooling over a new software program Central Division just bought," Sanchez told her.
Brenda's smile widened. "I've missed them. I've missed all of you."
"We heard congratulations are in order," Flynn said, pointing to the newspaper.
For some reason, Brenda looked annoyed.
"Oh, that article," she said. "Darned reporters jumped the gun. I'm probably not even getting any award – and I and do not want to talk about it." Ignoring their mystified looks she went on, "Now aren't you going to say you've missed me, too?"
"How can we miss you when you won't go away?" Flynn said, but he was grinning.
Brenda returned the banter. "That's not fair! I haven't been in here above three times in six months. And I'm here for a good reason."
"What can we do for you, Chief?" Provenza asked.
"Well, actually," the former Deputy Chief said – and now she bit her lip and looked uneasy – "Actually it's your boss I came to see," she admitted. "Is Capt'n Raydor in?"
She looked apprehensively toward the door of Sharon's office.
"She stepped out," Amy said, standing up from her chair and smiling as she addressed Brenda. Chief Johnson might or might not be getting an award, but it certainly couldn't hurt to make a good impression.
"Oh, too bad," Brenda said. She looked relieved. "Well, if I missed her, I guess I'll just have to try back another time."
"She'll be back in a few minutes if you want to wait for her," Amy said, trying her best to seem helpful and efficient.
"No, no, no, that's alright. I really have to be going…"
"… Or you could leave a note," Amy continued. "I'd be happy to –"
"—No, thank you," Brenda cut her off. "I'll just run upstairs and say hello to Buzz and Tao before I leave."
"Great to see you, Chief," Provenza said.
"And you, Lieutenant," Brenda smiled.
Then she turned and nearly collided with the Captain, who was returning from her lunch break. To Amy's mind, both women looked a lot more startled than was reasonable.
"Capt'n Raydor," Brenda said faintly. "I was told you'd stepped out."
"I had," the Captain said drily, indicating with a movement of her head the door she had just come through.
"Oh. Well, if you're not too busy –" the Chief's smile had returned, and her voice was pitched higher than before – "Could I have a quick word? Thank you so much."
XXX
Sharon had managed to solve the hunger issue, but so much for clearing her head. She found her discomfort was translating itself into hostility. Brenda shouldn't be here.
She opened her office door for Brenda and followed her inside. She stood behind her desk, meeting Brenda's gaze as the blonde sized her up.
Sharon was wearing a tight, dark blue dress. She knew she looked good, but she found herself wishing she were wearing a suit instead. She wished it again a minute later as her hands reflexively searched for pockets that weren't there.
"This is such a pleasant surprise, Chief. Such an unexpected pleasure, your dropping by like this, without calling ahead or sending an email." She hated herself for adopting that sneering tone, but she couldn't help it.
Oh, God, this is what it felt like, she thought. I remember this.
"It's nice to see you too, Capt'n," Brenda crooned. "And I am so very sorry to barge in like this, but I just have one teeny, tiny favor to ask."
"Really?" the Captain said evenly, determined not to let the former Deputy Chief know that she was pushing Sharon's buttons. "And what is that?"
Brenda cleared her throat.
"I was wonderin' if…" she began, then faltered. "I mean, I was hopin'… Well, maybe you could come to lunch with me and I'll explain everything then?" Her smile was painfully forced.
Sharon raised her eyebrows. What could the favor possibly be if Brenda couldn't come out and say it?
"I ate," she said bluntly. "Chief – Brenda," she continued more gently, "I wish you would just tell me what this is about."
Brenda took a breath. "Okay," she said. "Okay, here's what's up."
Just like that, they were talking for real. Sharon had relaxed her stiff, barely civil manner and Brenda had dropped her aggressively charming veneer.
"Maybe you saw the article in the newspaper about me?"
"I did. Congratulations."
"Thanks, but the thing is, it's not true. That reporter – " Brenda paused long enough to make clear what she thought about that hapless individual "—got it wrong. I'm bein' considered for the award, but they haven't made a determination yet. And really, I'm shouldn't be in the runnin', since I haven't even been nominated."
"Nominated?"
"By a fellow woman in law enforcement. Look, I don't care about the award, and I wasn't even campaignin', but now that the paper ran that, the DA's office is all excited about it. And Hobbs and Fritzi both said I should ask you, well…"
"…To nominate you?"
"Look, I understand if you don't want to. I know you're busy, it's no big deal, I wouldn't even have asked except –"
"—Brenda," Sharon interrupted firmly, "I'd be happy to."
"Really?" Brenda flushed with relief. Impulsively, she reached forward and grasped Sharon's hand. "Thank you. I mean, it Capt'n, I really appreciate this."
Brenda was so close to Sharon, and her face seemed to be glowing. It would be so easy to reach out and touch her soft blonde hair…
You're adorable.
Sharon was pretty sure she had not said that out loud, mainly because Brenda's facial expression didn't change. To steady herself, she decided to have a little fun.
"I'm looking forward to writing it, actually," she said, flashing Brenda a devious smile. "I have a few ideas already, as it happens…"
Brenda snatched her hand back. "Why, what're you gonna write about me?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nothing I wouldn't say to your face," Sharon answered, her smile deepening.
Brenda snorted. "Well, that's real comfortin'."
She had a point. Sharon had never been shy about voicing her criticism on matters ranging from Brenda's professional conduct to her fashion sense. Now, she hastened to reassure Brenda.
"Don't worry," she said more seriously. "I'll do you proud."
There was a knock at the door.
"Captain," Lieutenant Provenza said, "Patrols found a body in Friedman Park."
Sharon couldn't help laughing at the way Brenda's ears pricked up.
"Care to come along?" she joked.
For a second, Brenda looked like she was about say yes. Then she checked herself. "Of course not. That wouldn't be appropriate. Thank you again, Capt'n. Now go catch your murderer."
XXX
When Sharon got home late that evening, Rusty was sitting at the dining room table, bent over a spiral-bound notebook.
"Did you eat?" she asked him.
"Leftover chili. How was your day?"
"Okay," Sharon said, sighing wearily. "I saw Chief Johnson today," she said.
Rusty asked after Brenda periodically. He hadn't seen her since the two of them had taken down Philip Stroh together.
"Really?" he said, interested. "How is she?"
"I think she's happy," Sharon said.
"That's good."
"She asked me to nominate her for an award," Sharon said, smiling to herself at the novelty of it. "Women in Law Enforcement."
"You said 'yes,' right?"
"I did."
"Good. Hey, if you need any help writing the nomination, I might have some ideas," Rusty said eagerly.
"You worry about your homework, I'll worry about mine," Sharon said, pretending to be grumpy.
He grinned. "All done." He help up his finished Chemistry problem set. "I'll go listen to music in my room. Let me know if you need help," he teased.
When he had gone, Sharon chuckled to herself. She hardly needed help. Writing the nomination would be as easy as breathing. Appreciating Brenda was an art that Sharon had perfected. She smiled wryly. Just this morning, she had wished she could forget about Brenda Leigh Johnson for good. And now she was recanting vehemently. The truth was, she had really missed the maddening, impossible, beautiful Deputy Chief. She looked again at the folded-over newspaper she had carried home from work. She stared at the black-and-white photo, admiring the younger Brenda's soft curls and solemn, penetrating eyes.
Giving herself a little shake, she stood up, opened a cabinet, and pulled down a wine bottle. She poured herself a glass. Taking the seat Rusty had vacated, she ripped a lined sheet of paper out of his notebook, fished a pen from her purse, and sat down to write.
In the years we worked together, Chief Johnson earned my highest respect. She is a brilliant investigator, an inspiring leader, and a loyal friend.