Hey," Callie calls softly as she closes the front door, frowning when she sees Arizona crashed on the couch, front against the cushions, one arm hanging loosely over the edge. "You okay?"
Arizona opens one eye and looks up at Callie, only groaning in response at first, not moving in the slightest. "That damn cane," she complains, sighing. "You know, losing my leg didn't prevent me from eventually walking, but that stinkin' thing just might."
She has been doing better and better, with everything, ever since she got the hang of walking with the prosthesis. She's been feeling happier and they've been doing better as a couple. But her now sore, aching back is a sour reminder that her life is always somehow going to be affected by the fact that she only has one leg.
"Your back giving you a hard time?" Callie asks, hating that the ordeals of losing a leg aren't over yet for her wife. Dropping her bag on the floor and sitting next to the prone body on the couch, she places one hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently as she bends forward to kiss a pink cheek.
Again, Arizona simply groans in response.
"I'm sorry," Callie offers in a whisper before leaving one more kiss on soft skin. "I can only imagine how much it sucks."
"Mm, yeah. I'll be able to walk without it soon enough though, right?" There's a slight vibe of irony in her voice.
Callie smiles to herself at Arizona's question, knowing there's doubt behind it, but for her there's none whatsoever. "Absolutely," she says. Reaching down again, she nuzzles her face into soft, golden locks at Arizona's neck. "Until then, I can always give you a back rub," she suggests, one hand already pressing gently into sore, tense muscles.
"Oh," Arizona murmurs in undeniable appreciation. "Mm, that would be good, but you don't have to, you've had a long shift."
"I don't mind," Callie promises, and Arizona doesn't quite realize just how much her wife means those words. Callie sits back up and grabs the hem of her own shirt, pulling it over her head, leaving her with a t-shirt on.
Arizona smirks. "You gonna strip for me too?"
The other woman grins as she places both hands on the woman beside her. "If you want me to," she jokes. She knows they're not there yet, but she feels that they have at least reached a place where they can talk and make jokes (even if only briefly) about it.
Arizona just smiles, grateful that Callie is able to make things feel easy and comfortable between them, considering everything.
Palms and fingers begin massaging a strong, muscular back; softly at first, careful not to make matters worse. Arizona moans instantaneously at the sensation, loving the touch more than she thought she would. She moves her arms, resting them both above her head.
"Good pressure?" Callie asks.
"Maybe just a little harder."
At the request, she presses the heels of her hands into the muscles on either side of Arizona's spine, pulls her hands forward across the muscles and then back down. She keeps working her palms and fingers and knuckles all over Arizona's back through the fabric of the shirt, her heart skipping a beat every time Arizona can't help but moan.
"Mm, that feels amazing," Arizona murmurs drowsily.
Callie smiles. "I'm glad."
It's not just the fact that Arizona can practically feel her muscles begin to relax and the knots being rubbed away by Callie's strong, skilled hands that make her appreciate this moment so much – it's the fact that her wife, whom she hasn't been touched by in a really long time, is now touching her, and it feels good. It doesn't feel the least bit scary or forced. It's all good.
Callie is cautious, but confident. She's missed this so much, this feeling of things being easy between them. Right this moment, it's like nothing was ever hard. As if the plane crash never happened – that's how comfortable and natural it feels.
And it makes Callie brave.
She shuffles behind Arizona, her hands resting flat in the small of her wife's back as she straddles her hips. "This okay?" she asks softly. "Better angle for me."
"It's good," Arizona nods, no sign of hesitation whatsoever, in her voice or in her body.
Callie lets all her weight rest against Arizona's buttocks as she runs her hands up and down her back. She presses her palms and fingers hard into the taut muscles, keeping her movements slow. Reaching the shoulder blades, she pushes the tips of her fingers under the bone, running them back and forth.
Arizona winces, her body flinching before tensing up.
"Sorry," Callie whispers. "I'll be more gentle."
Taking a deep breath, Arizona manages to relax her body. "No," she says. "Well, maybe just one that one spot."
"Okay." Careful fingertips move back up the length of one shoulder blade, stopping when reaching a knot. "Right here?" She runs soft, slow circles around the knot, careful not to press too hard.
Still, Arizona squeezes her eyes shut, hissing. "Yeah."
Callie winces in sympathy, but keeps rubbing nonetheless.
"Ow, ow," Arizona hurries to say, almost reaching back and stopping Callie's movements.
"Sorry, sorry," Callie apologizes, stopping her movements. "Should I just leave it?"
"No. Keep going."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It hurts like fuck but I need it."
"Just don't hit me or anything."
Arizona laughs and, unbeknownst to her, elicits a bright smile from her wife. "I just might," she snickers. "Suck it up."
"Hey," Callie fake complains, "I just might stop this. You won't want to suck that up."
"Alright, alright," Arizona relents, "I'll behave."
Callie carefully works the knot for a little while longer before moving on to the rest of her wife's back, shoulders and neck. As she does, Arizona's shirt slides up a bit, exposing a good portion of creamy, smooth skin. Fingertips ache with want to feel the warmth beneath them and before Callie can make a conscious decision, her hands are flat at the small of Arizona's back, slipping inside her shirt. She runs her hands up the length of Arizona's spine, her touch no longer one intending to soften muscles.
She watches Arizona as she touches her. Her eyes open, and Callie stops momentarily, but Arizona doesn't otherwise move or show any sign that she's spooked. It's almost as if she's waiting, so after a moment, Callie slowly starts moving her hands again, and Arizona lets her eyes droop closed.
She's almost in trance because of how good it feels to have Callie touch her this way. They've kissed, held hands and shared brief touches on the shoulder but they haven't been anywhere near intimate. She's missed it, she truly has, probably more than Callie realizes. But at the same time, the thought of it has been frightening. Her physique is different now, all of her feels different, and having Callie touch her body when Arizona herself barely has felt comfortable touching it herself...
But now, now she feels more like she did before that damn plane crashed into the woods in the middle of freaking nowhere. Now she feels like she actually wants Callie's hands on her, anywhere and everywhere. The last time they tried – well, the only time, really – at Bailey's wedding, she thought she could do it, but she wasn't ready. She wanted to be, needed to be. She was desperate and, in retrospect, foolish. Sex wasn't what Callie really needed from her then, but Arizona was scared that Callie would leave her, so she tried to do the only thing she could think of in that moment.
There was pressure, and maybe that's why it was bound not to work.
This time, there is none. No pressure whatsoever.
Warm, strong hands grab the hem of her shirt and push it all the way up to her neck, and then there is a hot breath against her skin. Callie leaves one feather light kiss right between two shoulder blades. Her eyes are on Arizona's as she raises her head to look down at her, and Arizona's eyes have opened. Hesitating for only two seconds, Callie reaches back down to press her lips against Arizona again, her eyes never leaving her wife's. She wants nothing more than to place kisses wherever she can reach, but she is terrified of pushing Arizona too hard.
She could talk to her, ask what's alright, but she's not sure if that's how Arizona wants to go about things. Instead, she studies her carefully and moves slowly when she places the next kiss. She lingers this time, allowing herself to sigh in contentment and close her eyes. Her hands are settled firmly on Arizona's waist and they haven't moved until now. Her fingers press lightly into Arizona's abdomen, just enough not to tickle.
Raven hair falls down onto Arizona's back, and she shivers from the sensation, goose bumps rising all over her skin. Callie's eyes have closed and she places kiss after kiss all along Arizona's back, her hands starting to move up and down the sides. She stops once to press her nose into the valley in the middle, inhaling the scent of Arizona's skin.
Two hearts beat faster.
Callie can hear Arizona's every breath. They're deeper than normally; heavier, but slow. Quiet, yet still loud.
She decides it's time to slow things down, so she kisses Arizona one more time, right in the crook of her neck, and then burrows her face into soft, blonde curls. Taking a deep breath, she sits back up and starts massaging again.
Arizona's eyes flutter open at the loss of Callie's lips on her skin. She gets it, she really does, and she loves Callie for being careful and not pushing, for being so respectful and considerate. But she doesn't want it to stop, it's way too soon. Even though Callie is massaging her bare skin now, it doesn't compare to the feeling of her lips.
"Callie," she says, but she doesn't know how to continue; how to explain.
Callie looks at her, and freezes. She can't place the look on Arizona's face, but instantly she feels as though she should stop. Run, even. Because she won't be able to stand it if it turns out she pushed too hard.
"I-I'm sorry," she stutters, removing her hands from Arizona's back as if she's been burned. "I didn't mean… I shouldn't have-"
"No," Arizona interrupts. "I'm okay, you didn't… I'm good."
Callie, still sitting dead still, waits; not knowing what to say, not trusting she hasn't done anything she shouldn't have done.
Wordlessly, Arizona lifts her upper body just enough so that she can take hold of her shirt and pull it over her head. Once it's off and discarded to the floor, she reaches both hands back to find Callie's wrists, pulling her forward until her front is against Arizona's back.
Callie rests her head on Arizona's shoulder, unsure of where, or rather how far, this is going. She hasn't felt Arizona hesitate, not even once, but she doesn't allow herself to make assumptions. But the mere possibility that Arizona may want her to touch her more than she already has, takes Callie's breath away.
She feels her hands being placed on the cushion above Arizona's head, and then the other set of hands gently tug at her shirt.
"Can you take this off?" Arizona asks, her voice low and careful, so afraid that Callie might reject her request. It would be unbearable if she said no.
As she sits up and, to Arizona's great relief, pulls the shirt over her head, Arizona smiles and places her arms above her own head again.
Callie, eager to touch the delicious skin in front of her, runs her hands along Arizona's back, across her shoulders and down her arms until she reaches strong fingers, intertwining them with her own. She kisses Arizona's shoulder before whispering, "And now?"
Arizona moans softly as she feels lace clad breasts brush against her back and lips once more pressing against her shoulder. She squeezes Callie's fingers in her own, inching their joined hands closer to her head. And instead of answering Callie, she turns her face towards her, but she can't look into her eyes from the position she's in.
Despite still feeling cautious, Callie moves her face closer to Arizona's until their lips are merely inches apart.
Inhaling, Arizona swiftly takes Callie's lips with her own.
Callie whimpers into the kiss, her breath caught in her throat. If things were different, if the plane crash had never happened, Callie would turn Arizona around, rip her pants off and plunge her fingers into hot wetness. Instead, she tightens her hold on Arizona's hands, kissing her softly, slowly; her heart beating like a drum in her chest. When Arizona parts her lips and sucks Callie's tongue into her mouth, Callie feels as though she might faint.
She stops the kiss and rests her forehead against Arizona's temple, breathless. Closing her mouth, she swallows once, her eyes still shut. She kisses the corner of the lips in front of her. "Arizona," she whispers, the name slipping off of her tongue of its own accord.
If they were to have sex right now, Callie would be the last one to complain. She wants to, she really does, however; it's not about the sex in itself. It's about the intimacy, and the trust that it would require on both their parts. Callie longs for that so badly, for Arizona to trust her completely again, to trust their bond and to trust herself.
Equally, Callie needs to trust that Arizona knows what she can handle; to know when she's ready.
Arizona doesn't say anything. Instead, she starts to turn her upper body, which finally allows her to look into Callie's eyes. And as if on cue, they open, revealing so much love and warmth.
Fingers untangle and Arizona keeps turning, forcing Callie to sit back up. When Arizona is on her back, Callie is carefully straddling her, almost about to get off, hands resting on her own thighs.
Callie is about to say something, but before she gets the chance, Arizona's hands are on her cheeks, tugging her down. Lips meet again, tentatively brushing together. Callie keeps her hands unmoving at her own thighs, afraid to break the spell.
"Callie?" It comes out a quiet whisper against full lips, Arizona's eyes closed.
Callie flinches slightly, but is being held in place. "Mm?"
Fingertips brush against strands of hair right by Callie's ears, her eyes opening to look into those below her. Arizona's heart is beating so fast; she's so nervous about this. She wants to go all the way, she really does, but she's still not ready. But instead of saying that, she reaches up and kisses Callie again, her mouth open, tongue seeking out Callie's.
Stopping, one forehead rests against the other, both sets of eyes closed. Arizona grits her teeth in frustration. "You can touch me," she whispers. "Just…" Trailing off, she sighs.
At the spoken okay, Callie brings her hands to Arizona's sides, her thumbs reassuringly brushing up and down soft skin. "What?" she presses gently. At Arizona's hesitation, she adds, "Help me out here, Arizona. I don't know what you're comfortable with."
Arizona takes a deep breath. "I like this," she declares, finally opening her eyes, locking with the brown ones above her. "A lot. I just… Is it okay with you?" Callie frowns, but before she has a chance to ask, Arizona hurries to explain. "I mean, to do just this. Just…" She takes another deep breath as her fingers wander across Callie's cheek. "Just kiss. And touch, I mean I love the way you've touched me up until now-"
"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Callie interrupts.
Hesitating for a moment, Arizona looks away. This part is hard. "You talked about… I mean, I know you need-"
Unable to let Arizona finish that sentence, Callie cuts her off once again. "No," she disagrees, shaking her head. "I don't need us to have sex," she states, and Arizona blushes uncharacteristically. "What I need is to know what you need. I need you to tell me if I do something right so I can keep doing that, and if I do something wrong so I can stop. Arizona, I love you," she declares. "And, believe it or not – probably now more than ever. I love being close to you and god, having sex with you is one of my favorite things to do, but…"
Arizona's eyes glisten with tears, but she keeps them at bay. "…But?"
"But I don't want us to have sex just because we should. Or in an attempt to get back to the way we used to be because that won't work."
Tears of gratefulness roll down Arizona's cheeks. "So…"
Callie sighs sadly. "So, we don't. We don't, not until you feel ready."
Arizona waits a moment before brokenly saying, "I'm not ready yet," angrily wiping at her tears.
Nodding, Callie whispers, "And that's okay. It is so okay."
It's like the weight of the world is lifted off of Arizona's chest and she can't do anything but pull her wife back down to her and kiss her, pouring everything she has into it. Then she wraps her arms around Callie and burrows her face into the crook of her neck, exhaling in relief, eyes slowly closing.
"I want to be ready," she continues to explain. "I really do, you have to know that."
"I do," Callie quickly reassures.
"But I'm just..."
Callie shakes her head softly. "You don't have to do that. You don't have to explain."
Arizona closes her eyes, sighing. "I'm not sure I even know."
"I know, and that's okay too," Callie says.
But Arizona has to say just one more thing. "I was so afraid that I was never going to be able to let go of the anger." Her voice is full of regret. "I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to stop treating you like-"
"Hey," Callie cuts her off, looking into blue eyes, head shaking, "shh. Stop." She leans down and lips meet lips. "Don't. Please, don't do that. I was scared too, but we're better now; it's all good, okay?"
Arizona nods slowly and closes her eyes. "Okay."
Smiling sadly, Callie lets her lips travel across her wife's face, kissing away the falling tears. After a while, when the tears have subsided and Arizona feels more relaxed, Callie whispers, "I really want to kiss you somewhere else." Her face is right above Arizona's, her hair falling around the face below her, brown eyes locking with blue.
"Please," Arizona breathes.
"Everything from the waist up okay?"
"Yes, yes; anything," she allows eagerly, overwhelmed that they have finally reached this place; that she has reached this place, where she feels so much like her old self that she craves for Callie to touch her.
Callie's hands find soft cheeks and her lips find the other set of lips, and she kisses Arizona slowly before whispering, "Then sit up."
Arizona willingly obliges, making sure their lips don't part as she lifts her upper body. Soft, warm hands run down her neck, across either collarbone and then come to rest on her shoulders. She feels Callie's fingers gently pressing into her muscles again before swiftly slipping under white bra straps.
The kiss keeps going, slow and deep, as Callie pushes the straps of Arizona's bra across pale shoulders and down equally pale arms. Her hands keep moving to Arizona's back, easily finding the bra clasp and expertly undoing it.
Arizona gasps as the bra loosens around her torso and falls off her chest.
As soon as they are not kissing anymore, Callie opens her eyes and looks at Arizona in silence, simply making sure everything is still okay. She sees no trace of hesitation on her face, instead she notices arms moving, allowing her to take the bra off her wife completely.
Discarding it to the floor, she simply ogles the beautiful, familiar sight before her. She places her hands on the rising and falling chest in front of her, then looks into Arizona's awaiting eyes. Swallowing hard, she lets her hands move lower and when both palms cover full breasts, her eyes close and she exhales sharply.
A dark head falls forward, forehead resting against forehead. Hands move until fingertips graze armpits, thumbs softly stroking hardened nipples.
"God, I can't believe how long it's been since the last time I touched you like this," Callie says, slightly out of breath.
Arizona reaches up and takes Callie's face in her hands and kisses her deeply. Her hands then move to Callie's back, and she tells her, "Don't stop kissing me." Skilled fingers unclasp the remaining bra between them and Callie shrugs her shoulders to let the material fall down.
Arizona's arms wrap around her as they lie down together, chest against chest, lips locked, tongues dancing.
Callie smiles into the embrace, suppressing a giggle. "Hey, let me go," she teases.
Arizona groans, not finding the idea very appealing. "Why?" she whines playfully, pressing her lips to her wife's again.
"Do it and you'll see."
Reluctantly, Arizona loosens her hold and Callie instantly starts kissing down her neck, lips parted, tongue darting out against warm, soft skin. She would have taken her time, but she's too eager. The kisses keep coming across a collar bone, down Arizona's chest and eventually to the final destination.
Arizona gasps as Callie takes her left nipple into her mouth. "Oh," she hisses, her back arching.
Callie feels wetness pool between her legs as she sucks her wife's nipple into her mouth, but she ignores it.
Her mind and body want to do it all, but this is more than enough right now, and it's way more than she expected out of tonight.