Hi everyone! This is my first story, and it is seriously in need of a beta. So if anyone wants to volunteer *looks around* you are more than welcome.
Anyways, I was watching season 3 of The Office recently and got all nostalgic and what not, so this is the result of that.
This is a bit of JAM and Jim/Karen, and it's slightly AU. Consider yourselves warned :-)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are not mine, and the only benefit I receive from this is my own enjoyment. Enjoy!
He kept seeing her face. The image continued to find its way, unwelcome, into his subconscious thoughts. It was even now getting to the point that he would see it sometimes while he was awake as well. It didn't make any sense. The whole situation occurred so long ago Jim was sure it was indicative of something other than a passing memory. Over the course of the past year it had been happening occasionally, but as of late it was occurring more and more often. Jim shook his head and turned slightly to look over at the pretty receptionist sitting behind the counter. She looked up from her computer and caught his glance and smiled beautifully. She looked radiant. True happiness looked gorgeous on her. He smiled back in response; elated that he was the one who put that smile on her face. It was because of him that she was finally, completely happy. He had wanted this for so long. Years he had pined over that shy smile, those red curls; in essence, everything that made Pam, Pam. She was everything he had always wanted, and now they had finally gotten the timing right. So why was he still seeing her face? Jim turned back around towards his computer and sighed quietly. Right after the break-up he had been fine; relieved, even. He had chosen not to settle anymore. So he asked Pam out to dinner and she said yes and all was right with his world. He didn't even give Karen a second thought until later that night he had realized he hadn't broken up with her yet.
He drove quickly back to New York; determined to do this in person and be rid of this relationship once and for all. She was understandably worried sick about him; after all, he did just leave her in the city with no explanation.
Jim had never seen Karen cry. Well, not really. Not like that. She was usually a pretty strong woman. That didn't mean that she was devoid of emotion. Her face was a mixture of disbelief, anger and embarrassment. At the time though, he didn't care. Well no, that's not true. He cared that she was upset, but what kind of human being wouldn't be sympathetic towards a sobbing woman? But it had to be done. The relationship wasn't working. It never really had been working. She wasn't Pam and she never would be, thus this could never amount to anything serious. It probably would have been better if Karen had known that from the beginning, but he was tired of lying to her and to himself. He knew what he wanted; who he wanted, and it was not the dark haired beauty crying her eyes out in front of him. The shaggy haired salesman was shaken out of his revere when he felt a piece of balled-up paper bounce off the side of his head.
"Hey Jim! JIM! I have been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes! Did you do this?" Dwight gestured emphatically towards his stapler which was submerged in bright orange Jell-O. Jim's eyes widened as he attempted to keep the smirk off his face.
"Did I do what, Dwight?" Dwight growled.
"THIS! If so just know that you are guilty of defacing company property and I am going to go tell Michael!" Jim raised an eyebrow in amusement.
"Really, Dwight? What are you, five?"
"You are one to talk about age or lack thereof, Jim! If I were a five-year-old I would be so superior mentally and physically that I would never need to resort to childish pranks in the workplace!"
"You would have a workplace at five years old?" Dwight slammed his hand down on his desk.
"Yes! As a matter of fact, I did! When I was five, I had two full time jobs. I didn't start school until I was 12. The Schrutes know nothing of child labor laws, nor would we observe them if we did. Child labor laws are for weaklings." Just then Michael called for Dwight from inside of his office. He jumped up quickly.
"This isn't over, Jim!"
"If by 'this' you mean this conversation, then yes it is." Jim looked up and smiled triumphantly at his coworker before returning his attention back to his computer screen. As Dwight retreated into the recesses of Michael's office, Jim chuckled to himself. That little escapade had distracted him a bit. He was grateful for it.
"I really want to take this, Jim." Pam looked up pleadingly into Jim's face. Jim sighed and looked away briefly, then back up at his girlfriend.
"I know, I know…it's just…it's New York, Pam...for 3 months! I will barely get to see you…"
"I know…you're right. I don't even know why I brought it up." Pam looked down at her lap briefly and played with her fingers. She got up quickly from the table with full eyes to go back to her desk before Jim caught her hand.
"Wait, Pam." Pam stopped with her back still to Jim; disappointment evident throughout the posture of her body. "Turn around. Please?" He tugged Pam's hand gently until she turned to face him, her eyes still gazing intently at her feet. "I want you to take it." Pam sighed.
"Jim, no. It's fine. Really…"
"No, stop. This is your dream. Who am I to stand in the way of that? I can try to come up some weekends…it will work out. You deserve this, and you're really talented! How can I keep the world from the awesomeness that is Pam Beesly?" Jim concluded with a smile. Pam finally looked up; her face a perfect picture of astonishment.
"Are you sure?" A smile was already beginning to form its way across her face. It was infectious. Jim grinned up at her.
"Yeah, totally! I'm proud of you, Beesly." Pam squeezed Jim's hand excitedly.
"Thank you…thank you so much."
Jim was doing well. He hadn't thought about Karen in weeks. Pam was away pursuing her art classes. She called him every night and they talked for a couple of hours before they went to sleep. He had also been up to see her on a couple of occasions. Pam was really coming into her own in the city. She was becoming much more independent, and Jim loved that about her. It was amazing how much she had grown in just a few short weeks. Jim reached for his cell phone when he felt it vibrating on the couch next to him. He checked it and smiled when he saw Pam's name appear on the screen. He quickly answered it and leaned back into the couch cushions.
"What's up, Beesly?"
"Hi, Jim!" Pam responded happily. Talking to him was, without a doubt, her favorite part of the day. "How's Scranton?" She asked that every time. Jim shrugged as he always did, even though she couldn't see him through the phone.
"What can I say? It's Scranton. Same ol', same ol'. Dwight and Michael are still here, so you know I am keeping entertained," he smirked. Pam laughed.
"I bet." Then she grew silent. "I miss you," she responded after a few minutes. Jim smiled sadly into the phone.
"I know. I miss you too. You doing ok up there?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just wish you were here. Classes are good. I'm learning a lot.
"Good. Now keep learning a lot as fast as you can so you can hurry up and get back here, alright? Scranton isn't the same without you." Pam smiled on the other end.
"I'm trying, I'm trying! Ugh…I didn't think it would be like this." Jim frowned curiously.
"Like what?" Pam laughed again.
"Like, I don't know…I didn't think being on my own would be this hard! You guys all make it look so easy."
"Well, when you get lonely, you know I'm always here. Just call me up when it's ok for me to come up there. I don't want to interfere with your schedule."
"Jim, don't be silly. You know I always have time for you. I would come back right now if I had not invested all of this time and effort into this thing." Jim shook his head.
"Nope. I wouldn't let you come back until you finished it up. As much as I miss having you here with me, I know that this is something that you need to do." Pam grinned.
"How very considerate of you. Hey, why don't you come up this weekend? Are you doing anything?" Jim looked around his apartment.
"Uh, yeah actually. I was planning on, you know, washing my windows and watching highlights of games on ESPN that I've seen at least 50 times before so that I can pretend like I don't know who's gonna win." He chuckled when he heard Pam laugh.
"Washing your windows, huh? Sounds very important. I don't want to get in the way of that though, so stay home and use the heck outta that Windex, Halpert."
"Tell you what, if you insist, I think I could tear myself away from it just this one weekend and come up and see you instead."
"Aww, you would do that for me?"
"In a heartbeat."
"Well I'll see you Saturday then?"
"Count on it."
Jim sat at a table in the little coffee shop as he waited on Pam to come back from the bathroom. He wrapped both hands around his cup as he stared out of the window at the city. He turned back as he heard laughter in front of him.
A small group of people were walking into the coffee shop. They were laughing and talking amongst themselves as they made their way to the counter up front. He smiled slightly at the scene. One woman in particular caught his eye. The group was congregating around her; and not that Jim was purposely eavesdropping, but it seemed as if they were congratulating her for something. One guy put an arm across her shoulders as he was speaking to her. When she looked up at him to respond, Jim froze.
Karen was standing just a few feet in front of him. She hadn't seen him, so he looked away quickly and tried to slouch down into his chair a bit. Of course, if she were to look over in his direction, that move would prove to be incredibly useless. At over 6 feet, it was difficult to be inconspicuous. He caught remnants of her conversation as she spoke in her characteristically low, raspy way. She seemed happy. If that was the case, Jim didn't understand why he still felt so guilty about what had transpired between them. They broke up. Couples do that; especially couples who were completely wrong for each other. Her hair was darker than Pam's; her voice deeper and her stature smaller. She wasn't Pam in the slightest. So why was he feeling compelled to talk to her, even as he was trying to keep himself hidden from her view? Why couldn't he just leave it alone?
It was guilt. It had to be. There was no other explanation. Jim was a good guy, but the way that he had treated Karen was far from good. He had used her, pretty much. He knew that he could never fall in love with her, but he allowed her to fall in love with him. She didn't deserve to be what she was to him; a mere rebound and protection of sorts so that he wouldn't look so pathetic when he returned from Stamford. He didn't want Pam to feel sorry for him; didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him. He had to show that he was moving on, even though his heart was nowhere near being up to the task.
Jim chanced a look over in the group's direction. They were sitting at a table now. But as he glanced over, Karen looked up and caught his eye. His eyes went wide as being caught, but she just frowned and shook her head almost imperceptibly before turning back to her friends. At that moment, Pam made her way back to his table. He glanced over again to see if Karen had seen Pam, but she never looked his way again.