Chapter 1: Lost Love

It has been a few weeks since I returned to District 12. Peeta is still in the Capitol, being treated. While he is gone, I pine for him. Well, he's been gone for a while, ever since I kissed him goodbye in the Quarter Quell arena. Oh, will I know that Peeta from the arena again? Will I ever see Peeta again?

One winter's day, I come back from a hunt and enter my house in the Victors' Village to find Gale sitting at my kitchen table. I freeze at the sight of him, staring blankly.

"Door was unlocked. I let myself in," he explains. He must think I'm mad that he trespassed.

But the truth is, I'm not. In fact, seeing him here makes hundreds of memories and emotions come rushing back. Before I know what I'm doing, I am flinging myself into his arms as my body wracks with sobs. Gale says nothing, preferring to hold me and let me cry it out.

"You miss him, don't you?"

I hiccup on my tears. "Yes." Then: "How is he? That's where you just came from, right? The Capitol?"

Gale sighs. "You want the truth?"

"Might as well. I've never had the luxury of sugar-coated versions of events, anyway."

"Katniss... I don't know if Peeta is ever coming back. Not to Twelve. And not to the man he used to be."

Surprisingly, I expected as much. Maybe because I am used to placing false hope in things only to be disappointed. And even then, I usually enter situations expecting to come out the loser, or be let down in some way.

"So... what do we do?"

"I know what I want to do," Gale replies, and his voice is earnest. He pulls back so he can look me full in the face. "Katniss, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love you. Let me take care of you. Be with you. War gives the survivors a chance to make a fresh start; rebuild. And boy, do we need it! I will make sure you want for nothing if you will only let me. Will you marry me?"

I blink in astonishment at his last question. Once upon a time, I swore I would never marry. But then, Peeta came along. Then again, I probably would not have entered marriage anyway, if Peeta came back, preferring instead to live with him.

But Peeta isn't coming back, if what Gale says is true. I see that now. And who else could I look to as a partner? Haymitch? Certainly not! He is a father figure. Besides, many in Twelve assumed that Gale and I would end up together anyway; even after the Games, there were whispers of it from a small minority.

I kiss him. I pour my answer into the kiss I now share with Gale, my lips nibbling on his, twisting into them. He kisses me back with enthusiasm. The agreement is left unspoken, but still hangs in the air:

Yes. We will marry.

Hardly anyone from Twelve who survived the war has returned yet, so there are no witnesses to observe Gale's and my nuptials. Well, except for Haymitch, who graciously agrees to walk me down the aisle. And my mother, whom I call in from Four. Despite being on cool terms, I know she will want to see her only surviving daughter get married.

Apparently, that number of witnesses is sufficient enough for the Chief Clerk, as we gather in the Justice Building so Gale and I can exchange our vows.

"Gale Hawthorne, do you take Katniss Everdeen to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," my hunting partner responds with excitement. So I've been told, this is what he's yearned for the last several years.

"Katniss Everdeen, do you take Gale Hawthorne to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

A pause. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I picture Peeta, so tall and handsome, the way I knew him. In my mind, I kiss him farewell. And like a caged bird, I set him free. Goodbye, Peeta. I love you.

"I do," I reply. No one seems bothered by my private moment.

The Clerk smiles. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Gale and I turn to each other at the same moment. Taking our faces in each other's hands, we ravage each other's lips. Haymitch and my mother dutifully applaud.

The district is eerily quiet as we proceed back to my house for a Toasting. Gale and Haymitch work together to stoke the fire. As they do, Mother takes me aside and hands me some herbal leaves. They must have come from medicine stock.

"Steep this in a tea and drink it no more than six hours after Gale takes you to his bed. I know you will not want children right away."

I blush furiously as sexual images permeate my mind. "Mother..."

"I am just being practical. And protective. I know this is never want you wanted, my child. But Gale is a good man. A hard worker. Strong. He will make you happy."

I flinch. I have never been dependent on any man, and Mother's words seem to imply a lack of faith in me to find my own happiness. Besides - "And Peeta wouldn't have?"

"I'm not saying that at all! I'm saying that with Gale things are... surer."

I say nothing. I don't know what to say, really. I know Mother never expressed any ill will towards Peeta. In fact, she may have preferred him as a suitor, given his Merchant status and that she was once a Merchant herself.

The fire is ready; the toast has been burnt. Before I can turn back or change my mind, I share the bread with Gale and seal it with a kiss. There. What's done is done. No one in Twelve feels truly married until after a Toasting. And now I am a married woman. I am Mrs. Gale Hawthorne.

A tipsy Haymitch gives an awkward salute in parting. "So long, folks. Congrats, sweetheart." He staggers out the front door. His home is only feet away; he'll make it back safe, drunk as he is. Mother follows him out with a look back to me that clearly says, Give this a chance.

So I do. Gale can barely turn to me and ask, "What's next?" before I am pulling him up the stairs to my room - our room. Slamming the door shut, I drape my arms around his neck and kiss him for all I'm worth. Gale's lips plunge into mine, and before I know it, he is pushing back into the mattress, ripping at my wedding dress - the old one that was my mother's. As we take a brief respite from our kissing, I gasp as I feel an unfamiliar organ push into me. It feels as though my holy flesh is being torn, and tears spring to my eyes from the pain. The burning only abates once the thing inside me begins to slide in and out, in and out. In the periphery, I can hear my new husband's moans and grunts. In perfect harmony, I buck my hips up into his, in an effort to keep us joined.

"Ay... Ayyy... AYYYYY! AYYYYYY!" At least that is the sound my ears tell me I'm making, as Gale pounds faster and faster. The bed itself is rocking and jolting, and I only hope it is not loud enough for Haymitch to hear next door. Or if he can, I bet he is throwing back a beer, thoroughly amused by it all.

I cry out as a wave of pleasure consumes me, my body twitching as juices burst forth from my vagina. Moments later, Gale gives a final "URRRRRRR!" and his semen squirts into me. He flops onto my equally naked and equally sweaty body, finding only just enough energy to roll off of me, totally spent.

I lie awake for a moment, contemplating what just exploded between us. Huh. So that is sex. Ambivalent to it, I roll over so as to face away from the man who took my virginity and promptly go to sleep.