Without You In My Life
One-shot
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Fang stood up slowly and wiped his eyes to the light of the morning sun. He stood atop the cliff, noticing that the hawks had already begun their daily routine. His fingers gripped the black jeans he wore and squeezed them as hard as he could, hoping that what he had done was just a nightmare he had yet to wake up from.
But no.
This was no hell that he had dipped into and returned from. It was reality, and reality had broken them apart. He was still burning for his unfortunate sins. Dylan had incepted into his mind that he was the reason – it was his fault that the flock was always so split, always in danger.
So he left. He wrote a letter explaining why he left and that he wasn't coming back until twenty years had passed. It pained him to do it, but he had to. Had to. Wasn't he normally the one who said, It's not whether you have to or don't have to; it's whether you do or you don't? With a sigh, he stared up at the hawks, watching them fly in harmony, reminding him of the flock who had loved him with all their hearts.
Especially…Max. That headstrong, loving and caring tough leader-girl, Maximum Ride...
She was beautiful in every way. He wanted to lose himself in her beautiful hazel eyes, whether they were glaring at him for a mistake he had made or loving him the only way that she could. There wasn't really a time when they weren't fighting, but he knew in his heart that it would work out perfectly: she was Max because he was Fang, and he was Fang because she was Max. There was no real way to describe it. It was deep, unconditional love that could not be broken by anything.
Or so he thought.
He couldn't go back. On his own, Fang decided that he wasn't going to go back. Nothing worked out as simply like that. His pride would be wounded, Max would be broken and the Flock would not trust him anymore. That was the beautiful truth of it all: it took years to build the wall of trust and friendship, but one mistake forced those walls to come crashing down.
He would miss them.
But he wouldn't go back. There was too much at stake. Without Fang in distracting her from her real destiny – saving the world – she could truly fulfill what she had to do, no question about it. She didn't have to worry about the kids settling down anymore – Fang wasn't there to change their minds. Max wouldn't have to think about the guy who ripped her heart apart at the seams – Fang wasn't there to make her think about it. She wouldn't have anyone to fight with – Fang wasn't there to initiate the hateful and almost violent arguments they had. She wouldn't have to choose between him or Dylan – Fang wasn't there to love her.
In short, Fang wasn't there for anything importantnow. For better or worse, he added in his head.
The thought tugged at his heart, and he felt himself wince in response. She was gone. They were gone. All of them. His body trembled at the sudden realization, and he knew he had just made a fatal mistake. Love worked in cruel ways, toying with the minds of the ones who thought they were in love. It pulled at their strings, bringing them together, tearing them apart, and forcing another player into the mix. It was all just a game, Fang decided, and it would be a game that no one won.
Sometimes the strings of Romeo's puppet had to be cut.
He shook his head forcefully, willing the thoughts out of his mind. I'm so sorry, Max, he thought, dread filling up his heart. Without you in my life, I'm nothing.
Fang ascended into the sky, following the hawks that taught them how to fly.
This is goodbye.
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"…I miss the still of the silence as you breathe out and I breathe in.
If I could walk on water, if I could tell you what's next. I'd make you believe, I'd make you forget. So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, with faith and desire in the swing of your hips. Just pull me down hard and drown me in love.
…I miss the sound of your voice, the loudest thing in my head. And I ache to remember all the violence, sweet, perfect words that you said.
…I miss the pull of your heart. I can taste the sparks on your tongue. I see angels, and devils, and God when you come on. Hold on…
…It's all wrong, it's all wrong, it's all right.
…Come on, get higher. 'Cause everything works, love, everything works in your arms…"
Come On Get Higher – Matt Nathanson
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The companion to "Afraid to Sleep Without You."
I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance was the song after this one. It wasn't as ironic as Mad World, but still…
Again, sorry for the song-quote.
Read and review, please.
~A Broken Heroine
Maybe one day I'll turn these two one-shots into a multi-chapter story – my take on FANG and ANGEL perhaps?
"afraid to sleep without you in my life"
PS: Don't you love that last line? It rhymed! I thought it was awesome when I thought of it. Then again, I'm not a poet; I'm an author. What did you think? :D
READ+REVIEW=UPDATE
for Fallen, IMB or M3LC. I have chapters 3, 4 and 5 of Fallen ready, but my beta hasn't gotten to them yet. Be patient, please. It's worth the wait. This is unbeta'd.