Every time I swear I'm done with fanfiction, something seems to inspire me to break my vow! So, another day, another fandom. This is a short piece, something that swirled in my head for a few days. Just a one-shot, set after s1 ep10, Big Nickel.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine; characters tend to suffer when I get hold of them...
He isn't sure what he was thinking. He didn't need to say anything; he could have just let their relationship crumble and waited for her. Instead, a burst of altruism that he's never experienced before had made him turn the handle of Luke Callaghan's office door and open his stupid mouth.
She's crazy about you. Don't screw it up.
Even as he closed the door behind him, he was already cursing himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a long-buried voice was telling him he wanted to see her happy and was prepared to suffer to achieve that. The voice is still piping up occasionally, refusing to be drowned in amber liquid, but he's learning to ignore it. He's never been that man, the one who will sacrifice his owns wants for someone else, and he doesn't want to be that man now. He likes being hard-nosed Sam Swarek, thoughtless charmer with a rarely-seen soft side. He's cultivated his image to tread the fine line between being one of the team and never really inviting questions about anything deeper than last night's television.
She's upsetting his equilibrium and he doesn't like it. He's spent weeks trying not to question himself too closely about what he feels and he'd like to think he's succeeded. The problem is that his defence mechanisms are apparently no match for forty percent proof and now he's remembering that his heart started racing when he thought he would get to kiss her outside the bar. Now he's remembering the instant heat that rushed through his body when she pressed herself against him in his open doorway. Now he's remembering the silk of her skin and the scratch of her nails as she matched his fervent kisses, just before he cursed the invention of electricity.
He isn't normally like this, he reminds himself. Girls come, girls go and his life is never really disturbed by it. Sure, there have been a couple who have got through, who hurt him more than he likes to remember – but there have definitely been more who are good memories and nothing more. And he's been rejected before, no matter how little he cares to admit it, and he's always got over it quickly. This time, he doesn't seem to be getting over it.
There's a reason he doesn't drink hard liquor, he realises the following morning. It makes him feel like crap and certainly doesn't set him up for a day in a car with the woman he wants more than he's wanted anyone in years. And those feelings are the most he'll let himself admit for now.
If you've read anything of mine elsewhere, you'll know I never feel entitled to reviews as I'm so bad at leaving them myself. It's always nice to know how you're doing in a new fandom, though! Just a teensy request - we haven't had the season finale in the UK yet, so if you could avoid major spoilers then I'd really appreciate it (I know the gist of it already, but still...).
Happy reading!