A steady stream of sunlight flooded Maura's office in the early morning. It warmed Maura's back where she sat at her desk, her head craned over a stack of paperwork she had yet to get to. A case had taken up all their attention for the past three weeks, and although their celebration at the close of the case had felt wonderful the night before, Maura heavily regretted ignoring the ever growing stack of files towering on her desk. It taunted her, called to her all morning as she lugged herself out of bed, a mild headache from the one-too-many glasses of wine pulsating at her temples. She set to work immediately, even skipping her normal breakfast with Jane.
Though there were other less work related reasons for skipping breakfast with Jane. The past three weeks had been rough on them all, but none so much as on Jane. She had taken the case and ran with it, vowing to destroy everyone that hurt the little boy or who stood in the way of him getting help. And for the most part, she succeeded – everyone who had a part in the little boy's death was either dad or locked away, and all that was left were the shattered pieces laying at the surly detective's feet. Maura knew Jane was having trouble accepting it all, that she couldn't save the boy. And Maura wasn't quite sure what to say to Jane, because all she wanted to do was take away every ounce of Jane's pain. But Maura didn't know how.
Maura had come to the very reasonable conclusion very, very recently that she was irrevocably in love with her best friend. It seemed ridiculous to the young doctor that she hadn't realized it any time before, but something had changed in her. She wasn't sure if it was their conversations about marriage or the way Maura saw Jane look at her just a little bit differently after that night, but Maura was fully able to accept her attraction to the dark haired, broody detective. Maura wanted to be the other person standing at Fenway with Jane Rizzoli.
And Maura had decided that she wasn't going to stop until she was.
So skipping breakfast, besides wanting to avoid talking to Jane before she knew what to say, had some other ulterior motives as well. She didn't want to see Jane and risk losing all the courage she had mustered up over the previous weeks. That night, she was going to make sure Jane was hers.
Among the paper work was Maura's cell phone. She picked it up and dialed by memory. The number for her favorite restaurant was so engrained in her head that it seemed silly to Maura that she didn't just put it in her phone as a contact. The reservation was set for 8 o'clock. All Maura had to do was call Jane and ask her to dinner, something not that unusual for the pair at all.
She wanted to wow Jane. Though, she knew that walking into a restaurant with Jane and muttering, "by the way, this is a date", would give Jane enough of a shock, she wanted to look stunning. She wanted to look flawless. Jane had seen her at her worst and at her best, but Maura didn't want to be just Maura Isles, fashion queen. She wanted her outfit to scream, "hello, I'm in love with you". She smiled to herself.
Love.
Just as Maura turned on her computer to check some in-store sales, Frost walked in.
"Hey, Maura."
"Detective Frost." Maura was surprised to see him. She didn't expect anyone to visit her that day, seeing as they had just as much paperwork to finish and file as she did. "What a nice surprise."
Frost didn't smile. "Hey, why don't you pack up for the day?"
"Pardon?"
"Go home."
"I don't understand."
"Angela and Frankie want to talk with you."
"Is everything okay?" Frost remained silent. "Barry?"
"Come on, Maura. I'll drive you." He reached and put his hand on her shoulder, but Maura shrugged it away.
"I don't appreciate being told what to do." she said thickly. "Especially not without a proper explanation. Where's Jane? Why didn't she come down?" Heavy silence fell between them. Maura swallowed hard, her eyes narrowing at Frost. "Barry. Where's Jane?"
He bowed his head. "Look, Maura. Let's not do this here."
"Do what here?"
"Maura." His eyes caught hers.
"No."
"Maura – "
Maura felt nausea rise in her stomach. "Barry, where is Jane?"
"Please – " She pushed past him and ran towards the elevator, slamming her thumb onto the button over and over again. Frost ran out to meet her, grabbing her by the arms and pulling her back. "Maura, calm down, okay? Maura. Let's go home. Frankie and Angela – "
"WHERE IS JANE?"
"She..." he swallowed. "She was shot, Maura. The kid's dad," Frost closed his eyes. "Jane and I went to interview him again. Just to double check on some things," Maura shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "He had a gun. Maura, I swear – "
"We have to go to the hospital."
"No, Maura." said Frost softly.
"We have to go, we have to get there before she wakes up. We have to go, Frost. Frost, move!" Frost blocked Maura from the elevators, pushing her back a little. "God dammit, Frost! We have to go to the hospital!"
"Jane isn't at the hospital, Maura!"
"Yes she is. She was shot. We have to go to the hospital!"
"Maura – "
" – we have to go – "
" – she's not there – "
" – Jane needs to see me there, when she wakes up, I was there before, I'll be there again. Frost, please," Tears began to fall but Maura wiped them angrily away. Frost's hands were still gripping Maura's shoulders. Maura struggled against him. He tried to pull her into his chest but Maura resisted.
"Maura," Frost whispered, tears falling down his own eyes. Maura stopped struggling for a second and looked at Frost. "She's gone, Maura. Jane's dead."
A sickly feeling overcame her; she fell back against the hard wall, her knees buckled. She felt her chest constrict and for a moment, Maura was sure she had stopped breathing. Breathe, she told herself. But Maura couldn't remember how. All she knew, all she knew how to feel, was pain. She couldn't move. Her arms were locked against her stomach, her nails digging into her sides. Maura thought there was something sticky running against her fingers – was it water? Was it blood? She didn't know, she didn't care. Around her, her world crumbled. Frost's voice sounded so far away. Who was screaming? She couldn't tell if it was her or someone else.
Soon Maura was on the ground, her legs tucked against her chest, her teeth biting into the soft flesh of her knee in an attempt to quiet her sobs. She couldn't stand. Someone was touching her face, stroking her cheek, calling her name – but it wasn't Jane and Maura knew that. She would never feel Jane's gentle touch again, the way she would rub Maura's arm with her thumb, the way she hugged with her whole self, with everything in her. Never would Maura feel the soft caress of the Jane's warm, scarred hand. She tried to remember what it felt like, to immortalize it in her brain, but she was terrified to find she couldn't recall.
"You have to stand up, Maura." Maura heard Frost say. He was close to her, she could tell. But Maura didn't want to open her eyes. "C'mon, let's get you home."
"No," croaked Maura. "I can't."
"Yes you can." insisted Frost. "Jane wouldn't want you like this, Maura. Jane..." he choked back his own sob.
But Maura couldn't. She couldn't move, she certainly couldn't stand. How could she? How could she stand without Jane by her side? She would fall. Maura knew that. Jane Rizzoli was her everything – her friend, her love, her everything. She was what kept Maura standing when Maura wasn't sure if she could. With Patrick, with her half-brother, with Hope, with Cailyn. And Jane was gone. So how could Maura stand up without falling?
There was nothing to hold her up anymore.
This hurt to write, in more ways than one.
Hope you enjoyed.