Thanks for checking this out! This is the first fan fic I have ever written; I hope you like it! This starts off where the FenHawke story begins, and I'm excited to further develop their characters and relationship. I am rating this M for violence, sexual humor, and for later parts that are sexy, steamy, and tasteful.
The main thing you need to know: I have dated each section with the number of the month in parentheses followed by the name of the month and finally the day. So, (3) Drakonis 20th, would be equivalent to March 20th.
(3) Drakonis 20th
"RRRAARRGGGHHH!" I scream at the top of my lungs.
I slam my gauntleted fist into the mirror hanging near the stairs in the foyer of this mansion I have just claimed for my own. As the glass shatters, a shard lodges itself in my cheek. This almost makes the corners of my mouth turn up; I have always preferred physical pain. Anything that keeps me from my thoughts is pleasant. Alcohol, wounds, ripping hearts out with my hands, it's all the same. Mostly pointless, but often beneficial. Especially when the hearts belong to spineless slavers.
My hands rip the remains of the mirror from the wall and sling it to the ground. It crashes, splitting into pieces with a metallic clang. I don't care at all what the state of this wretched place is. I'll live here to prove a point. This will never be my home. I will patiently await the day that Danarius's blood covers the walls, the day his corpse joins the others to rot in the filth of the floors.
Dashing forward, I lash out, striking a large decorative vase in the corner sharply with a ball of my foot. On impact, it shatters. As the sound of the falling pieces subsides, I am left alone, standing in silence. My thoughts roar to life. I slam my palms over my ears, but I know there is no stopping the noise that comes from within. I fall to my knees, squeezing my head past the point of pain. Gritting my teeth, I try to will the thoughts away.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" The words leave my lips without my permission. How can I be at war with myself when I am the only soul I can ever trust? Have I not suffered enough at the hands of others that I must now destroy myself? I am stronger than this. Someone who has survived what I have would never give in to foolish thoughts. The past is dead behind me. It can never rule me again. It lies in the dust with the bodies of all those who opposed me. Except for one. His time is coming, no fear there.
I stand to my feet and walk up the stairs to the bed chamber. I cross over to a large burgundy chair beside an unlit fireplace. I remove my gauntlets and chest plate, setting them on the floor beside the chair. I am just as lethal without them. In fact, I'm faster. As I pick the glass out of my face, I take a seat in the chair. It's uncomfortable, yet far better than I'm accustomed to. I swipe the blood from my cheek with my wrist and move to extract the debris from my feet. My thoughts begin to roam. Why did that group of misfits help me? What could they possibly hope to gain? I am no one here, I offer no prospect of power or fortune. They wouldn't even know who to sell me to. And their 'leader', Hawke, she's a mage of all disgusting things. They seem to want me to join them, but why? An in your face mage, a busty pirate wench, a dwarf with a crossbow, and a two-handed warrior who was more irritating than the mage – if that's possible. Are they really just so stupid that they're trying to be nice to me? I chuckle. Idiots. I'd almost go for it if it wasn't for the mage. There is nothing I hate more than mages. They are cruel unnatural creatures. I have never come across one who wasn't either self-absorbed and power hungry, or simply an evil, abusive, abomination. Me, join them? The idiots will have to find someone else. Amusing offer none-the-less.
With my feet now free of obtrusive substances, I stretch them out in front of me and settle into the chair to sleep. The bed isn't useful to me; I never sleep deep enough or long enough for it to be of service.
(3) Drakonis 21st
When I awake, it's still dark. I don't bother getting up or trying to go back to sleep. Either endeavor would be fruitless. Instead, I sit listening. The house creeks ever so slightly, a branch gingerly rubs against a window downstairs, a mouse scuffles in the corner beside the bed. My eyes adjust to the dark, and my ears pick up every slight disturbance. I don't wander about aimlessly when there is something this important that needs to be done. There would be no way for me to live here safely if I wasn't accustomed to the sounds and the sights. It is crucial to my safety that I be able to register all usual sounds and distinguish them from those that are amiss. Just the same, I must be prepared to defend my life in the pitch blackness of night without worrying about unfamiliar surroundings. What is that? I listen more intently. There's someone at the door… If they knock, they better not be too attached to their throats. A loud banging resounds from the front door. Oh, for the love of- Another loud banging starts up. That's it! I leap to my feet, storm out of the bed chamber, down the stairs, and gently open the door. My eyebrows are knit tightly together in frustration. I leer out the door and spot the source of the disturbance. It's the mage from a few hours ago, Hawke. What on earth is she doing back here before the sun is up? I wonder, my face softening slightly with curiosity. I move to stand in the door frame and stare at her. She just stares back and doesn't say anything. I squint at her slightly. She just continues to stare. Did she actually have purpose for coming here or did she just want to look at me? I don't like it when people stare at me. I move back inside the door frame and begin to close the door.
"No! Wait!" Hawke calls out and jams her foot in between the door and the frame. "I need to talk to you!"
I grunt exasperatedly and reopen the door. "Hawke." I nod for her to continue.
She shuffles her feet for a second. "Well? Aren't you going to invite me in?" She grins at me mischievously.
"No." I tell her, although I want to say, 'stop looking at me like that.' What a strange woman.
Hawke moves right into the doorway, her face just inches from mine. "I need to talk to you, and it's cold out here. Let me in."
Don't you dare touch me mage! I glare at her, refusing to back away. Her closeness makes my skin crawl, but I will not give her the satisfaction. "It's cold in here." I say through my teeth.
She steps back a pace and sticks out her lip. "Please? I just helped you, fought for you. Does that mean nothing?"
I tilt my head back for a second. She has a point. I suppose at the very least I shouldn't make her into an enemy. Doesn't mean I should trust her in the slightest. I step back and silently open the door, allowing her to enter.
"Thank you!" She gazes around as she makes her way to the center of the foyer. "I see you've really tidied up." She tosses a smirk over her shoulder to where I stand beside the door.
"I do appreciate your help earlier." I keep my face void of expression. "What is it that you want?"
Hawke makes her way over to the stairs and hops up onto the banister to sit. She swings her legs as she talks, "I want to know what your plans are. I assume you'll be staying here. When will you be joining my little group? We're always doing adventurous things, I'd hate for you to miss out."
Is she trying to be enticing sitting up there like that? She looks like a child. Maybe that's it. Perhaps she wants me to feel bad for her. Either way, it isn't working. Although, I suppose she's attractive enough, for a mage. Peculiar. "I'm afraid I can't join you. I do appreciate the offer."
Her legs stop swinging and she leans forward, her hands on her knees, "We can help each other! You would make a ridiculously valuable member of my team, and in return all of us would have your back. You wouldn't hardly have to do anything, and yet you'd be gaining a small army of spitfires willing to kill for you. I don't think you can afford to pass that up."
I can't afford to pass that up… UGH! Why does it have to be a mage? I need allies... And misfits are better than nothing… "What do you hope to gain from this? You already have a two-handed warrior." I cross my arms and lean my back against the closed door.
Hawke rolls her eyes, "He's my brother, and I hate him. You, are a hot elf. I'd be gaining a lot."
Hot? Venhedis. I unintentionally giggle. Oh. That did not just happen. I start fake coughing. Maybe she didn't hear that…
Her eyes get huge, and Hawke begins laughing. "Don't get that often?"
My ears start turning red, and I can feel my markings burning in my embarrassment. This is horrible! "I think you should go!" I spit.
"Andraste's tits! You glow?!" Hawke jumps off the banister and covers her mouth with her hands. "That's so sexy!" She starts laughing hysterically.
"GET OUT!" I scream throwing open the door.
Terror flickers across her face for a second, then she runs out the door laughing even harder.
I slam the door shut behind her and sink to the floor. I'm such an idiot. I bash the back of my head into the door a few times. So much for allies. I don't need mages anyway… Not even pretty ones… It's better this way. I've always been alone. I like being alone, it's simple, and there isn't anything to worry about. I resume listening to the house from where I sit on the floor.
(3) Drakonis 22nd
Two hours after the sun rises, I begin to feel hungry and hop up off the ground. Light trickles into the house through the windows, the cracks in the walls, and the ceiling. I make my way into the room to the west of me in search of food. There are many crates lying about on the counters. I move towards them and rip the lid off one. It's filled with bottles of wine; the rest of the crates appear to hold the same precious cargo. My lucky day. I pull one of the bottles from its constraints and bite into the cork, twisting it loose. I spit the cork out onto the floor and bring the bottle to my lips, taking a long drink. Excellent. I might come to like it here after all. Smiling slightly, I set the bottle down and move to rummage through the cabinets. Sadly, I come up empty handed; there is no food to be found. Well, I suppose the wine is still better than I could have hoped for. I snatch up the bottle and drink from it as I make my way upstairs. Once in the bed chamber, I abandon my drink, slip on my gauntlets, and fasten on my chest plate. Then I make my way to the front door, pick up my sword from where it rests against the door facing, and step out into Hightown.
The sun glares down on me brightly. I brush the hair away from my face and squint until my eyes become well adjusted. There are many people about today. Noisy children chase each other around the legs of their elders. Women smile as they irritatingly gossip back and forth. Men stride around with their heavy coin pouches, as if they rule the world. One old man leans against a stone gate cursing under his breath. He has the right idea. I smirk to myself as I make my way across the market to a booth that sells bread and cheese.
The shop keeper, possibly a woman, it's hard to tell sometimes with humans, grins at me and says, "Fine day it is today!"
I avoid eye contact and quickly take stock of the items for sale.
"Anything I can help ya with?" The 'woman' leans towards me across the booth.
Intrusive. I grab two long loaves of bread and a wheel of cheese. "Just these." I drop a few coins on the counter and stride away. What a freak. Still, these will last me a while.
As I make my way back across the market, a figure moves instep behind me. I let out an inaudible sigh. What is it now?
"Well, well, well." Her breath is on my neck as her words fill my ears.
I stop walking. "Hawke." I say without bothering to turn and look at her.
She makes a sound in her throat, almost like a purr. "Fenris. Did you steal all that?"
My eyebrows tighten together, and I turn around. "In the middle of the day? How stupid…" I trail off. That was a joke. Ugh. She's playing with me, and I'm making it that much more entertaining. "What do you want?"
"I want you to drop all of that and come with me." Hawke bats her eyelashes. "You should meet the rest of our team."
She's so pushy. I already told her, I'm not joining. I'm finished with her embarrassing me. "No." I growl and begin making my way back to my house.
She jogs for a second to catch up to me. "Thought you'd say that. I'll just follow you until you're finished with whatever it is you're doing and then we can go. For you, I have all the time in the world." She winks at me.
I snort angrily and keep walking. Stop flirting with me, mage! I just want to eat, alone, in peace. When we arrive at my door, I kick it open and refuse to look back at Hawke as she follows me inside and closes the door behind us. I just continue into the room with the crates and set the bread and cheese down on the counter.
"You could have broken your door." Hawke muses. She enters the room and leans against the wall.
"Good." I say still not looking at her. I rip off a chunk of bread and carve out a slice of cheese with a clawed finger of my gauntlet.
Her eyes burn into my back. I can feel her staring at me for several moments of silence. Finally, I look over at her and ask, "What?" I take a bite of bread as I await her answer.
Hawke slightly narrows her eyes but keeps smiling. "You're a very strange elf. I like you, and I'm trying to figure you out."
"Easy. I like to be left alone, and I hate mages. The fact that I appreciate what you did for me aside, can you see why I don't want to talk to you?" I take another bite of my food. Well, mostly don't want to talk to you. You're kind of interesting.
"Mmmhmm… I see. Well, I'm a good mage. Probably not a good person, but as far as mages go I'm alright. And, I am certainly not evil, so that should count for something. Plus, I've been nothing but nice to you." She moves from the wall to stand next to me at the counter.
"You forgot to mention annoying." I finish off my food to help keep the humor away from my face. She is annoying. And a mage. I should really hate her. Why do I only dislike her?
Feigning offence, Hawke covers her face and twists away from me. "How could you say such a thing?! I thought we were friends, and yet you insult me to my face?" She spouts theatrically.
I want to smile, but I chase the notion away. "I hope you don't actually think that." I say blandly. It isn't like I can ever trust her. There is no reason to fool her into thinking we could be friends. The less she likes me, the better.
Her face falls and she straightens up. She looks so pitiful for just a second.
Oh no. What have I done. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Her dumb mage feelings. She was supposed to get mad and leave, not be sad and look at me like that. I hate seeing people in distress. I shuffle my feet for a moment before saying, "I didn't mean it like that. I suppose I could go with you."
Hawke's face lights up and she grins at me. "Really?" She asks excitedly.
At that moment, I actually notice her beauty. Her blue eyes sparkle even in the dim light. The way her dark hair is pulled back allowing a few strands fall to each side of her face reveals the rosiness of her cheeks against her ivory skin. Most captivating of all, however, is her smile. She smiles at me as if I am someone worthy of such a thing, as if there is no one in the world she would rather be looking at. No one has ever looked at me like that before. I've known only faces twisted with malice and those of mild interest. Hawke smiles at me as if I matter, and I have never seen anything more beautiful.
Against my better judgment, I allow myself to give a small smile back to her. "Really."