Dean silently watches Cas sitting on the bed in the asylum pajamas, murmuring something only he can understand. It is a part of Dean's routine now – just sitting and watching without saying a word. He comes as soon as visiting hours begin and only leaves when they end. Sam always asks why Dean keeps torturing himself if he knows that there's nothing he can do. Dean doesn't reply because Sam would never understand. He would never understand why Dean feels guilty. Why he can't move one, why he can't leave Cas all alone. He keeps replaying the words Castiel said to him:
"I will find a way to redeem myself to you" He did, he did even more and Dean feels pathetic because he can't do a thing to help Castiel - the only thing that's left is watching from afar as he can't approach him. He doesn't recognize people – everyone looks like Lucifer to him. Whenever Dean tried to touch Cas' shoulder or gently grip his arm he started screaming, scratching and the doctors wouldn't allow Dean to come back at least for a week. That week would feel like a year. Dean wants to go right at him and hug him, and snap him right out of that numb condition. But he knows it's impossible and that makes his suffering even worse. He wishes there were some voodoo priest that could lay some spells and bring his angel back on the rails. But he knows there isn't. He searched everywhere, he didn't let even the tiniest detail to slip unnoticed. He found nothing.
He asks the nurse if there is any improvement even though he already knows the answer. "No." the answer is always no - he did not eat, he did not react, he did not show any emotion. It's like he's a shell. Dean knows that Castiel is somewhere in there locked by Lucifer who mocks him teases him and says all those awful things. It was almost past visiting hours when Dean hears Castiel saying something he can understand. Dean can hear what he is saying clearly:
"You were right. Dean never came back for me." He keeps repeating those words over and over again. It hurts more than being shot or beaten up. Something in his chest tightens, everything becomes blurry – those words spin in his head crashing to the sides of his brain. Castiel thinks Dean abandoned him, left him here to suffer alone. He wants to shake Cas and say
"I'm here I was sitting by your bed the whole time waiting for you to react to respond to recognize me!", but he knows he can't. He knows there's no point - Cas won't hear him. Dean stands up casts the last glance and walks away. He will come back tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. He knows it will be the same: Cas won't even notice him the doctors will say that there's no improvement, no hope, but Dean will keep coming back. Not because he has faith or believes in miracles, but because this is his way to redeem himself to Castiel.