Authors note: Hey o! It's Christmas (Or just after Christmas) so I guess this would kind of be like a Christmas gift from me to all you lovely readers. I could lie to you and say this is for once a happy one shot from me... but it's really not… but anyway… read on and enjoy!
Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything used in this one shot. Like the song 17 by Avril Lavigne or some of the lines from Glee in the episode The Quarterback.
Summary: They were seventeen, they were in love and they didn't care about anything. AU. Eclare one-shot.
Seventeen.
"He was working at the record shop
I would kiss him in the parking lot
Tasting like cigarettes and soda pop
Seventeen"
Clare walked into the record shop looking for something to buy her father for his upcoming birthday. She was looking for something vintage, something from her father's teen years that he would have listened to. She wouldn't have walked through the door if her best friend Adam hadn't suggested it the week before. But she jumped at the suggestion because there just so happens to be a boy she has a crush on that works at a record shop somewhat near her house. So when she saw that he was working cash and their eyes met when she walked in she was glad she decided to listen to Adam's suggestion.
Clare looked away from him quickly as she went to look around. She pulled out the list she had made of the singers her father liked that her mother had told her about before coming here. Meat loaf, the Beatles and many more. Even if she found something to buy her father for his birthday she would never be able to go up to the counter to pay for it. He was there and when he was around she got butterflies in her stomach and got weak in the knees. Thinking about it now Clare regrets coming to this shop.
"Meat loaf, the Beatles, Meat loaf, the Beatles. " Clare muttered to herself again and again as she tried to find one of the two.
"Are you…talking to yourself?"
Clare looked up and there he was standing beside her and she didn't even notice. He was standing right there beside her and the butterflies intensified. She shouldn't have looked up because she got lost in his green eyes and the way his hair was perfectly kept. "What…?" She managed to choke out.
He chuckled. "I asked if you were talking to yourself."
"Right… Right…" she nodded her head slightly and looked back down at the shelve of records. "No… I wasn't talking to myself…. I um... Just tend to say what I'm looking for while I'm looking for it."
"I honestly thought you would be a better liar. You'd probably tell Ms. Dawes the dog ate your homework if you didn't hand something in."
"I would not tell her that!" Clare said with giggle slipping through her lips. "I'd be a bit more creative."
"Mhmm…Are you capable of that? I mean I've seen your assignments…" He teased.
Clare gasped and slapped him playfully on the chest. "Yes, I am capable, Eli." Clare said. "And I've seen yours, Mr. Lack-Of-Detail." Clare teased right back.
Eli laughed. "So, what are you looking for?"
"Uh… Anything on this list..." She passed him the list with a shrug of her shoulders "but mostly Meatloaf or The Beatles."
She watched him read the list and how he bit his lip absent mindedly as he read. She's caught him almost every time he would read something doing that action. It was a definite turn on for her.
"I didn't know you liked music like this." He said passing her the list back and starting to walk "Follow me."
"Oh. I don't. My dad's birthday is next week." She told him as she walked behind him. "And he like's stuff like that... Not me." She added.
"Well you came to the right place then." He stops and started looking through some records and after a few moments he pulled one out. "The Beatles's greatest hits." He said and turned to her.
He held it out and she took it in her hands. After looking it over she smiled up at him and said "This is perfect. He'll love it. Thank you, Eli."
"Don't mention it." He said smirking then started walking back to the front cash, she followed him.
"I'm on break now... but sleeping beauty over here will ring it in for you." He says shaking his head at the sleeping boy. Eli slapped his hand from his head resting on the hand and the boys' head hit the counter and he groaned in pain. Clare couldn't help but giggle at the boys' pain. "Don't keep pretty girl's waiting, Chewy." Eli says and winks in Clare's direction and grabbed his pop off the counter before walking out the front door..
Clare watched him walk out and did not look away from the door until it dinged again from it closing. She knew her face was bright red and there was a smile on her face that was bound to stay there until the next morning. She put the record on the counter and pulled out her wallet before looking up at the boy she had laughed at a few seconds ago.
He had his lips pursed and he shook his head before speaking. "That dude is a prick, don't fall for his ways..."
"I think I already have." Clare bit her lip looking down at the counter that was filled with old photos of the famous singers. New and old.
He bagged the record. " 29.50 is your total."
Clare pulled out her money and gave him thirty, he gave her 50 cents back and handed her the bag.
"You're going to regret it." He said to her as she pushed open the door.
"Oh well." She shrugged at him and left the store doing up her coat more to try to keep herself warm from the cold.
"What are you going to regret?" Clare jumped at the sudden voice and looked behind her. Eli was leaning against the wall of the shop with a cigarette between his index finger and middle one.
"Nothing." She answered him quickly.
"Do we have to go over the fact that you're a horrible liar again?" He questions bringing the cigarette to his lips and inhaling, blowing out the smoke in small rings after.
Trying to change the topic she says, "Those things will kill you."
"I'm going to die eventually… And don't go changing the subject."
Clare sighed and Eli raised his eyebrows at her waiting for an answer that she did not want to tell him. "Fine!" Clare paused for a second. "…That guy in there was just telling me that you were a … prick a-and that I shouldn't fall for your ways." She said rushing her words.
Eli flicked his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. "And…." He stopped and walked over closer to her "What did you say…"
Clare looked at him and realized then just how close he was to her. Her heart was racing and she might fall over if he doesn't move away soon. "I... I-I think I a-already have…" She stuttered.
"Good." He said and before Clare could get a word out her lips were on her lips. As she kissed him back all she could taste was cigarettes and pop.
"He would tell me I was beautiful
Sneaking in the neighbor's swimming pool
Yeah, he taught me how to break the rules
Seventeen"
"Eli! Stop, we can't!" Clare tugged on his arm to make him stop from walking toward the door of his bedroom.
"There's no one stopping us." He said facing her
"But it would be trespassing! What if someone catches us?"
"They're out of town, no one will catch us." He told her.
"Eli…"
"What? Are you afraid to break the rules?" He questions.
"No…"
"Alright, come on then." He says taking her hand in his and interlocking their fingers.
Clare gave up then trying to convince him that it wasn't a good idea. Once he had his mind set on something there was no changing it and she would always give in any way and he probably knew that. So neither of them were surprised when she gave in and followed him out of his room, down the stairs of the quiet house since his parents were gone for the weekend and out the back door to the back yard.
"I cannot believe I'm about to do this." Clare made clear to him as he helped her over the wooden fence.
"Believe it." He said and over the fence she went after a small push from Eli. A small squeal left her lips but she quickly regained her balance and jumped to the ground. Clare looked at the neighbors' back yard she stood on waiting for Eli now. She couldn't understand why he would want to go swimming in his neighbor's swimming pool in the middle of the night but he wanted to and she gave in so here they were.
"It's the beginning of May the pool probably just got reopened." Clare said to him when his feet hit the ground beside her.
"So?" He questions moving closer to the pool edge, kicking his shoes off.
"That means it's going to be cold." Clare says using an I-Know-So kind of voice walking towards him.
"You'll get use to it." He states and Clare glares at him playfully as he reached behind his neck and pulled his shirt off. Clare stared but she didn't bother hiding it anymore. She has a very attractive boyfriend and they've already seen each other naked so she didn't care.
Eli smirked at her, striped down to just his boxers and jumped into the pool. "Shit, fuck, God it's freezing." He says after resurfacing.
Clare broke out laughing. "I said it would be." She said in between laughs.
"Are you going to make me swim alone?" He swims over and leans his elbows on the concrete surrounding the in ground pool. She smiles', shaking her head no and strips down to her bra and panties. She was glad she decided to wear a matching set. Clare walked over to the pool and sat down to the edge and put her feet in the water, regretting it instantly.
"I'm not going in any further." She tells him when he leans on her legs. "Ew! Get off me you're cold."
"No." Eli says and splashes her.
Clare gasped. "Eli! Don't."
Eli looked up at her and smirked. She should have really seen it coming but of course didn't until she had resurfaced from being under the water. "I. Hate. You." Clare hissed at him wiping off her face.
"You. Love. Me." Clare splashes water at him but he goes under so he wouldn't get hit by the water, which didn't make much sense to Clare, because either way he was getting wet again from the water.
"My make up,Eli. I probably look like a raccoon. You could have given me some warning or something." She said to him as he wrapped his arms around her.
"You're beautiful, Clare." He said resting his forehead on hers. "Raccoon like or not."
"You're just saying that because you have to."
"I'm saying it because it's true." He kisses her forehead. "You're beautiful."
"Stealing beers out of the trailer park
Flicking lighters just to fight the dark
My favorite place was sitting in his car
Seventeen"
The hearse slowly came to a stop and Eli cursed under his breath. They were out of gas half way back to Toronto. It was dark outside and taking the back roads was the worse idea ever. Even though it was the middle of the night, they ran out of gas and coming to realize leaving the trailer park a day earlier was a bad idea Clare started laughing. Eli looked at the girl beside him in the passenger side door seat like she was crazy at first but started laughing with her.
After recovering from her laughing attack she said. "This is why we should have stayed with your grandparents."
"I'd rather be stuck out in the middle of nowhere with you than listen to my grandfather snoring all night." He said taking the keys out from the ignition and throwing them in the cup holder in between them. Clare giggled and grabbed his hand and they just stayed quiet playing with each other's fingers and then she smiled up at him removed her hands from him grabbed his lighter and got out of the hearse. She flicked it on since it was dark and there was no houses or street light anywhere near them to offer them light.
Eli opened his door and looked over at her from his side of the vehicle. "What are you doing."
"Can't a girl enjoy the outdoors?" She questions look at the fields around them. Some had corn growing, others had pumpkins just starting to turn orange just in time for Halloween next month.
"Not when the girl is using my lighter as a light." Clare looked at him from over her shoulder and bit her lip as she thought about what exactly they could do in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere. Clare let go of the trigger and threw his lighter back over t him and he caught it with one hand.
Eli closed the door and went over to her wrapping his arms around her. "Let's get drunk." He whispers in her ear, sending shivers down her spine.
Clare turns in his arms and wraps her hands around his neck and plays with the ends of his dark hair. "I feel as if you planned this… Stealing your grandfathers beer and deciding that we should leave in the middle of the night when your gas tank was almost empty."
Eli smirked at her "Maybe I did…" He pecks her lips quickly. "Maybe I didn't"
Clare shook her head and leaned her head against his chest. "Let's get drunk." She repeated.
"We laid a blanket on the roof top
That time I knew I wouldn't make him stop
The nights were cold but we kept 'em hot
Seventeen"
It was quiet a part from their breaths. It was cold outside around them but they didn't care they were completely warm within each other's arms underneath a blanket on the rooftop of his hearse. It might have started with the idea of getting drunk together with the stolen beers from Eli's grandparents but it sure didn't end that way. A few empty cans could be found thrown beside the vehicle or half-empty ones that were forgotten when each other's lips became more important than drinking their night away.
"I love you, Clare Edwards." He kisses the back of her head and cuddled in closer to her. Naked skin against naked skin combined with their sweat and Clare couldn't be happier in her whole entire life. They weren't entirely naked any longer because they were outside and they wouldn't know when or if a car would drive by so they were in their underwear.
She toyed with the purity ring on her finger. "I love you too, Eli Goldsworthy." She smiled to herself. "More than anything in the world." She added on then slipped the ring off her finger. "Here." She said taking his hand that rested on her waist and put the ring on his palm of his hand and closed his fingers around it.
"Are you sure you want to give this to me?" He questions "Your mom might notice." He said.
"Let her." She said quietly. "It says true love waits. I haven't believed in waiting for marriage since everything happened with my parents. They taught me to wait for the right person to come along who loves me for me and then you came into my life. You love me for who I am and nothing else. I found my true love… so you keep it." Clare explains to him. "And I think I can handle getting a lecture from my mother." She giggles.
Eli removes his arms from her and sat up earning him a curious look from Clare. Eli reached behind his neck and undid is guitar pick necklace and carefully put her ring on it also before doing it back up. "I'll make sure to wear my sweaters all the way up so your mother won't see it" And then he laughed. He laughed but it wasn't long until his laughing turned into a cough. A cough where your eyes would water and you would feel like you were coughing up your lungs and left you though in pain after. But it didn't seem like an after was coming any time soon.
Clare sat up them concern plastered on her face. "Eli…Eli. Are you okay?"
Through coughs he managed to say "yeah, yeah... I'm good."
She didn't believe him. "Do you some water?" He shook his head. "Is there anything thing I can do?'
He shook his head again. "I'm fine… Really, Clare." He said recovering from his coughing attack.
"Hey, those days are long gone
And when I hear this song it takes me back"
He has been coughing all night. And Clare asked him if he was alright just about every time after he coughed. He always replied with a "yeah I'm fine." But Clare knew he was lying to her. He was pale, he looked tired and he hasn't touched any of the popcorn in the bowl she had made earlier. By now it would normally be gone mostly because of his big mouth devouring it all.
But it wasn't their normal movie night cuddled up in her blankets together. It was different and anyone could see it, any one could sense it and she didn't know why. It was starting to bother her too because he has had that horrible cough for a while now and when she told him to go see a doctor he would just tell her he already has and wouldn't say anything else. She would never push him because he seemed like he didn't want to talk about it with how fast he would reply to her.
Clare giggled at a funny part of the movie they were watching. Clare had convinced him to watch Breaking Dawn with her and she was surprised at how quickly he gave him. "Eli?" She glances at him then back at the movie.
"No, Clare. We're not naming our future kids Renesmee or E.J… Don't even ask." He said in a hoarse voice.
Clare grinned "Why not?" She whined.
"Because no."
"Because that's a good reason." She said cuddling more into his side. Feeling terrible when he let out a cough that finished with him saying "ow." She moved away quickly from him.
"Are you okay?" She asks
"I'm fine, Clare." He says sitting up slightly.
Clare sighs and pauses the movie and turns her bedside light on and looks at him. "You're clearly not fine, Eli." She starts. "You look like a walking zombie. You're pale, you've lost a lot of weight. You've been coughing none stop for over a month. You barely eat anything… Eli you're scaring me. You tell me you've been to the doctors but you don't tell me what they said. Tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help you. "
Eli shook his head and looked down at their interlocked hands that Clare managed to do as she was ranting at him. "You can't do anything," he said quietly so quietly she barely heard him. "No one can." He said louder this time.
"You're confusing me, Eli…"
"I'm dying, Clare." He didn't look at her, he couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see the girl he loves with tears streaming down her face because of him. But Clare was quiet and Eli had to look up to make she was still there beside him. She had a blank expression o her face and he couldn't tell what she would be thinking.
Then she shook her head. "That's not funny, Eli."
"I'm not lying to you, Clare." He scoffed then didn't say anything for a few minutes. Neither of them spoke and the silence was starting to bother him. "Cancer …I had it when I was younger… Acute lymphoid leukemia and I-I went into remission and have been cancer free since I was nine…"
"Why didn't you tell me this!" She interrupted.
"Because I didn't want to be treated like some cancer patient."
"But you're not, you haven't been since you were nine."
Then he just looked at her. Stared into her blue eyes he fell in love with that started filling up with tears. He saw she was trying to hold them in, trying to hide what she was feeling. But then her hands flow to her mouth and the tears freely fell. "It c-came back di-didn't it?" She questions
He nods. "It came back… Everywhere..."
"Why aren't you in the hospital?! Getting treatment for it, Eli."
"Because I don't want to spend the last while of my life rotting away in a hospital bed."
"So you'd rather die?" She sobbed.
"No, I'd rather I'd spend the rest of my life with you. We'd get grey and watch our grandchildren play in our front yard…"
Clare interrupted him again. "And we can do that together, we will do that together because you're going to make it through this again, you're going to win."
"You think so."
"That's what I believe. You're the strongest man I've even known, you will. But you have to go start treatment, Eli… That's the only way…"
"I know... I just didn't think I'd have to go through any of this again." Now tears fell down his cheeks and it finally hit him. It was real, it was happening, there was no pretending anymore. He knew if he didn't start listening to his doctor he was going to die and he didn't want that, not until he was old and wrinkly and lived his life the best he could.
Clare scooted over near him and kissed away his tears. "I love you, Eli. So, so, so much."
"We were on top of the world
Back when I was your girl
We were living so wild and free
Acting stupid for fun
All we needed was love
That's the way it's supposed to be
We were running red lights
We were going all night
Didn't care about anything
'Cause it was you and me
We were living our dream
And we were seventeen"
He was gone. And she didn't want to be there in that room. She didn't want to see all their friends. She didn't want to see his mother or father or any of his other family members. She didn't want to see photos of him, not now and not any time soon. She doesn't need to constant reminder that he wasn't here any longer. She doesn't need the constant reminder of him because when she does she cries and cries for hours. But here she was standing in the viewing room sipping on a cup of tea wishing to just go back to her house and read old childhood stories to her growing stomach that was ready to pop any day now. Her growing stomach that was nothing but a reminder of the man she loves and lost.
She tries not to think about him by keeping herself busy with other things. Like doing the last minute touches on their baby's nursery or getting her step-brother Jake to paint her toe nails and laughing at him and the commentary that came with him as he did so. Spending time with Adam and listen to him run off names to her that he thought would suit the baby. He'd suggest things like Mason or Stefan meanwhile she already knew what the baby boy was going to be named. Theo Lucas James Goldsworthy. Eli and her came up with it a few weeks before he got really bad. They were lying in his hospital bed, the television wasn't on and Clare just listened to the sound of Eli's heart beating. Then he said it quietly in a voice she barely heard 'Theo... I like the name Theo." And Clare loved it knowing it meant "Gift from God." Then they went back and forth with the middle names from a while and they finally had his name.
"Either you're in really deep thought or you really want that cookie." Adam's voice said pulling her out of thought. And she was glad that he did.
"No, uh…" She clears her throat and whips the tear that fell from her eye. "I was thinking that's all." She tells him.
"Alright good, because I'm going to eat that cookie than." He says taking the cookie in his hand and took a bite out of it.
Clare smiled slightly and looked down at her belly. Adam was her only friend that didn't bring Eli up in their conversations. Adam knows how a loss like this can affect a person so he doesn't ask about him, or asks how she is handling everything because he already knows the answers. He simply treats her like nothing had happened, like Eli was working a late shift at the record shop and it was just Adam and her enjoying a bag of buttery popcorn to Adam's favourite movie Pearl Harbor.
"Clare… Clare…" Adam shook her shoulder lightly.
"Sorry, what?"
"You're doing it again."
"Doing what?" She asks.
"Spacing out, not listening?"
"Sorry… I have a lot on my plate." She tells him
"No.. you have nothing on your plate actually…Are you sure you weren't staring down that cookie before for a reason?" He says gesturing to her plate that once held a small sugar cookie that she ate.
Clare rolls her eyes "Not what I meant."
"I know.." Adam says. "So…Are you still speaking today?"
Clare sighed and nodded. "Yes…"
"Well everyone is heading in the other room now… we should go too." He suggests.
Clare nods again and takes the last sip of her drink and sets it on the table along with her empty plate. She follows him out of the room they were in to the bigger room with lots of chairs in it for people to sit and listen to each depressing speech some person were about to say. She was one of those people but she didn't want to go up there, in front of everybody, beside his lifeless body in the coffin. She didn't look up from the carpeted floor as Adam lead her to where they were to sit, She sat down in the chair and pulls out the paper she had written to speak late last night.
Clare didn't listen much to any of the speeches or the tears and sobs from everyone around her. She didn't listen much because she knew if she did she get a flashback of their last night together. The night where they had fallen asleep talking about everything and nothing at the same time and the next morning she woke up and he had passed away peacefully in his sleep, his hand was still on her stomach. She didn't listen much because she kept reading over her written out page of words that she was to go up and say to everyone soon. So she folded up paper and held it in her hand tightly as she listened to the rest of Cece's speech.
"How do parents go on when they lose a child? When I would see that stuff on the news, I'd turn it off cuz it was just too horrible to think, but I would always think: How do they wake up every day? How do they breathe? But you do it, though." She pauses then continues
"And for just a second, you forget. And then you remember and it's like getting that call again and again every time. You don't get to stop waking up. You have to keep on being a parent even though you don't get to have a child anymore…." She opens her mouth to say more but closes it and looks back at the black coffin behind her turns back and says a quiet thank you into the microphone and goes back to her seat beside bullfrog.
Then Clare's name is called to go up and speak and she felt like she's going to be sick. But she stands leaving her clutch with Adam and goes up to the podium and fixes the microphone so she'll be able to speak in it without difficulty. She's not going to break down because she knows he's in a better place not in pain any longer.
"Um… Hello…" She clears her throat and stays quiet only for a few seconds as she unfolds the paper. "Most people have came up here and winged it… but I had to get everything out I wanted to say on paper." She says in a clear voice. It was a good start, no stuttering and being in front of people didn't bother her, the only thing that did is the reason she was up in front of everybody. She felt a kick from the baby and decided that was her queue to keep going.
"Anyone who's lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change, as anyone would change." She starts reading the quote off her page. "So I'm not going to stand up here and talk to you about the months I spent with him in his hospital bed with him feeling okay one second and then horrible the next. I'm not going to talk about how a person can get over his death either because I honestly don't know myself... I don't think that day will ever happen for me."
"The day met Eli was the first day of grade 11... He was in my English class and our English teacher had made us be partners to edit each other's work and other stuff. I had the biggest crush on him and I think he just found me annoying at first. But then something changed and we hung out a lot more and we had became friends even though we were friends I still think he found me annoying." Clare let out a small laugh. She heard some people laugh too.
"The next thing I know we're making out in the parking lot of the record store he use to work at…" Clare stops realizing just how much that might have been a overshare. Clare shook her head and continued "To be honest I think he still thought I was annoying while we were dating but he loved me with my annoying qualities and all. He was my person, my other half, my true love. I know we were only seventeen and I know most people would say at seventeen that we wouldn't know what love is but I would've seen myself growing old with him and watching our grandchildren playing in front yard… He even said it himself…"
"Our friends would tease us for being that weird couple… And we always agreed with them, I mean we acted stupid for fun, went on night adventures and stunk into people's swimming pools… I would classify that as weird too." She paused and flipped the page over.
"Eli made me feel like a princess... he made me feel special, he made me feel loved every single day. He made me feel like we were on top of the world. And that is why I'm so thankful for to have met him and was able to spend that amount of time with him that I got. I'm going to miss everything about him his smile, his eyes, his kisses.. I could go on forever… I'm going to miss his v-voice… Everyday…For th-the rest of my life." And that's when she broke down even after she told herself she wouldn't.
"He's gone… He's gone and I hate it. I hate knowing I'm not going to receive one of his good morning texts or see his face any longer. I hate that h-e's gone and he didn't get to meet Theo. Or that Theo didn't get to meet his father… But I'll tell him stories and le-let him know his father would have loved him so much if he had of been here. I'll let Theo know that Eli was a strong person, he was a fighter, the bravest person I've ever met." She wiped the tears from her cheeks and nodded slightly trying to make everyone know she was done and then she walked back to her seat grabbed her clutch from Adam and walked out. She had to leave she couldn't stay in there and listen to anyone else speak of him.
Because it was all the same.
He's gone.
No one can do anything about it.
And he was only seventeen.
So? Whatcha think?
You should tell me in a review.
I-Want-You-Not-2-Give-Up-On-Me