"At home
Drawing pictures
Of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Arms raised in a V
And the dead lay in pools of maroon below
Daddy didn't give attention
To the fact that Mommy didn't care
King Jeremy, the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Clearly I remember
Picking on the boy
Seemed a harmless little fuck
But we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth
And bit the recess lady's breast
How could I forget
And he hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurting
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Like the day I heard
Daddy didn't give affection
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
King Jeremy, the wicked
Ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Try to forget this...
Try to erase this...
From the blackboard."
'Jeremy' by Pearl Jam.
King Cody, the Wicked...
This is a songfic by me, Hailfax McGee, to Pearl Jam's "Jeremy". Rated for language and violence.
I do not own the Suite Life series or any characters. I do not own the rights to this song. 'Jeremy' is property of Pearl Jam.
I opened my eyes slowly. It was so nice to be able to wake up… damn it. It's Monday. I didn't set my alarm.
Normally the droning of my alarm clock would wake me up at eight so I could get to school by 8:30. More like 8:45. I didn't really care if I was late. It's not like I'd miss anything. I usually sleep the first hour of school anyway. Plus, I don't even get good grades to start with, why try?
Slowly, I sat up. I looked over at my silent alarm clock and realized it was off. After a quick investigation I found it was unplugged. My suspicions were raised for a second, wondering how it got unplugged or who might have wanted me to sleep in. I shrugged it off, I had to get up and get to school so Moseby wouldn't kick my ass.
I quickly sprang out of bed, aware that I was wearing only my boxers, and went rummaging through my suitcase to find some clean clothes. I found dirty clothes, I found various electronics, I found a magazine that I had snuck on board that would warrant an ass kicking if Moseby found it. The only clean clothes were a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. It was plain, but it would have to do. Now, I need a clean pair of boxers.
I could have opted to wear dirty clothes, but I have an image to uphold. I can't be showing up in dirty threads, that wouldn't go over too well with the ladies. Instead, I chose to do something that I had done countless times without anybody knowing. I snuck across the hall, into Cody's cabin and went through his neatly-organized dresser.
All his boxers were folded neatly, stowed away in the top drawer. Were they color coded or was my mind playing tricks on me?
I shrugged that off too and grabbed a pair. I changed quickly, then pulled the pair of jeans on before something caught my eye. In the back of his boxers and socks drawer was a large wad of papers. I looked around once to make sure nobody was in the cabin and I took the papers out. At first I thought Cody had filled up his journal and this was overflow but as soon as I saw the first drawing I knew it was something else entirely.
Cody wasn't really a great artist. The pictures were crudely drawn but the first one was weirdly descriptive. It was a picture of a girl and two boys on the Eiffel tower. No doubt it was Cody and Bailey kissing but who was the other boy? Cody had clearly spent time drawing Bailey, doing justice to her beautiful hair and perfect figure. Then I realized the boy she was kissing had brown hair, the badly drawn boy looking on was blonde. Was this why they broke up? Did she cheat on him?
I looked to the bottom and found Cody's unmistakably neat handwriting.
Bailey, when I said we should break up I made the biggest mistake of my life. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm pretty sure I loved you. You made me happy for once. You were the reason I was able to prove everyone wrong. Girls did like me. I wasn't some undesirable nerd that nobody liked. But then you kissed that other guy. You showed me that I was wrong in thinking I was loveable. What was wrong with me? Was I not man enough for you? I couldn't satisfy you well enough? I'm sorry you had to feel that way. I'm sorry I couldn't have been better.
I raised my eyebrows. I hadn't expected to find a heartfelt entry like that. Perhaps this was his new way of journaling. Maybe he was venting his emotions in a different way.
I turned to the next one and recognized a picture of Mom.
Sorry. I love you. You were the one person who recognized me for who I was instead of who I wasn't.
I clenched my teeth. I always accepted him for who he was! How could he say that? Sure, I put pressure on him to better himself. I always urged him to be a little more like me, but I accepted him for what he was. He was my brother, how could I not?
The next picture was clearly of me. I don't know how I could tell that it was me and not him, but there was something about it that was distinctly me. Eager to see what he had written about me I looked to the bottom of the page.
Zack. I'm so sorry. I never wanted it to come to this. I love you, I really do. I know you pushed me to be different for my own good. In some ways I guess I'm thankful. You were always there for me. You were always there to challenge me. But I guess in some ways it made me mad. I'm not you. I'm not anything like you. I know you know that but it just seems like others can't see it. I know you understand. I'm tired of being Zack's brother. I want to be Cody. I just want to ask you a favor, maybe I don't deserve to, but I'm going to anyway. I want you to remember me. I want you to love me. I want you to move on and be Zack. You're not Cody's brother just like how I'm not Zack's brother. I love you Z, I know I didn't deserve you. I know I didn't belong.
The next one was just writing. It was just writing but it was smudged, there were obvious tear stains, and it was slightly crumpled.
I tried so hard to be a friend, but I'm not social enough. I tried so hard to be a boyfriend, but I'm not man enough. I tried so hard to be a brother, but I'm not devoted enough. I tried so fucking hard to be a person, but I'm not Zack enough.
Is this what you all wanted? Did you want it to come to this? Is this what all the whispering and pointing was whenever I'd walk in a room? Is this why everybody looked at me like I was some kind of fucking creature from another planet? Is this what you wanted?
I don't belong here. I never did. That was made plainly clear to me.
It wasn't until I saw the box of bullets in the very corner, partially covered by his favorite pair of socks that I understood what these angry journal entries really were. I understood why he was apologizing. He hadn't done anything, yet. He was apologizing for what he was planning on doing. I could feel adrenaline pumping through my body. Along with a feeling of nausea I realized my brother was planning on killing himself and I had to stop him.
Suddenly I felt empty. I felt lost. A part of me turned off right then and I knew it would never turn back on. There was maybe some way to fill that emptiness; maybe if I could stop him from doing it I could feel normal again. I couldn't believe my brother was planning on killing himself. Was I really that bad of a brother? Was I really that hard on him? I knew I teased him. I knew I picked on him, but it was all in good humor. We laughed at it afterwards, didn't we?
What's wrong with me? Am I not a good enough brother? I sure as hell knew I wasn't worth dying for, but was I really so bad that he couldn't even stand living with me anymore?
In one sudden moment everything made sense. Cody had unplugged my alarm clock. He didn't want me to come to school today because he was going to kill himself. The journal entries weren't journal entries at all. They were his apology letters, a suicide note. I finally understood why he had been acting so different lately. He had been so secluded, so isolated. I assumed it was because of his breakup with Bailey, but I had never expected it to be because of everything small thing he had ever suffered for. I never expected him to want to take his own life.
I pushed the thoughts away as I opened the box. When I saw that two bullets were missing it felt like somebody was wringing my heart. My chest hurt uncontrollably and finally the tears spilled. I rushed out of the cabin, not taking time to close the door or realize I was still without a shirt.
Half decent, I sprinted through the ship, to try to reach the classrooms. I wove between people, I jumped over people. I pushed people over, out of my way. Between my violent running and the tears and sobs escaping me I earned several weird looks from people who had no idea I was on the brink of losing the person I loved most.
I noticed the looks but I hardly cared. My brother had a loaded gun and a death wish and there was no way in hell I was going to let him kill himself. I don't know what I'd do without him.
By the time I reached the deck that the classroom looked out on I was out of breath. My sweat and tears were sticking to my skin. I took a deep breath to recover some oxygen and started thinking about how and why I was going to enter the room, shirtless, sweating and haul Cody away against his will.
Then, a single, lonely gunshot rang out from the classroom that I knew he was in.
My plan, and maybe my heart, dissolved. The screams and shouting came shortly after the gunshot and I found myself sprinting once again into the classroom.
People, kids, my friends were scattered around the room, mostly on the far wall, crying and looking at the ground. I followed their eyes and saw the body that lay there.
My throat grew dry and everything turned into black and white.
"Cody." I could only muster a whisper as I recognized the blond hair, some attached, some hanging gruesomely, now matted with blood and gore.
I ran to his body and nearly picked up the person who was hovering over him. I could only assume the sudden burst of strength came from adrenaline but I threw them a couple feet out of the way and crouched over my brother's dead body.
Jeremy spoke in class today.
I heard somebody say my name but I didn't care who it was. I didn't register anything beyond the sound that had reached my ears.
I never realized how badly it would hurt loosing Cody until I crouched over his body, bleeding out underneath me. I never realized how much I valued the time we spent together until that moment, when I knew I wouldn't be spending any more time with him. I never realized how much I treasured his laugh, his smile, his silly, geeky ways. I never realized how much I loved him until I held his bleeding body against my chest, screaming his name.
Jeremy spoke in class today.
I'm sure my screams were unrecognizable. I'm sure my sobbing and crying drown out the words so that it only sounded like two jumbled syllables coming out of my mouth. My whole body had turned to ice. The only warmth I found, the only burning, searing heat I felt was my brother's blood flowing out of the hole in his head onto my chest.
I sat there holding him until I was stiff and then I still held on. I was aware of people around me leaving, talking to each other in hushed tones. Every now and again somebody would dare to give me a look or say sorry. Some simply muttered my name or Cody's as they passed by us but I didn't care. I didn't even listen to them. His blood was coating my entire chest and stomach. His blood was soaking into my jeans. Soaking into the pair of boxers I had taken from his drawer.
King Jeremy, the wicked, ruled his world.
I don't know how long I sat there. It could have been minutes or days, I didn't know and I didn't care. It took three grown men to pry me off of him but I wouldn't give up that easily. I threw punches. I lashed out with my feet. I bit, I screamed, I pushed, and I shoved but I wasn't strong enough and soon they had me restrained.
Maybe if I hadn't paused to plan how I was going to take him away he'd be alive. Maybe if I had just stuck to wearing dirty clothes he'd be alive. Maybe if my internal clock was set to an appropriate time he'd be alive. Maybe if I had been a better friend, a better brother he'd be alive. Nothing compared to the pain and sadness I felt in that moment, but the guilt came pretty damn close.
King Jeremy, the wicked, ruled his world.
Gone. Cody was gone. My other half was gone. I don't know if it was the grief, the smell of his blood, or the nausea I was feeling but after they had me restrained it didn't take long for me to pass out.
King Cody, the wicked, ruled his world.
Thank you for reading. Please review if you liked it, and please review if you didn't like it.