A/N: Listen. Teebs dared me to do it. I am not responsible for my actions in any way. Yes, if she dared me to put my arm in the fire I probably would. It's very specialised work though, guys, so don't try it at home. Same goes for rhythmic gymnastics in space. Seriously. You'll break something. Possibly yourself. Gravity works differently down here. Jefferson Grant Tracy is a trained professional and can do whateveer the flip he likes on the moon (even flipping). You aren't and you can't.
Disclaimer: The Andersons invented Thunderbirds. They gave the nod to Thunderbirds Are Go, which was devloped by other people. Jamiroquai sang Cosmic Girl and Space Cowboy. I have nothing except an inability to refuse a dare.
Space Cowboys
"Ooooh, she's just a Cosmic Girl... from another gal-ax-yyy... my heart's at zero grav-i-tyyy... she's from a cosmic wooorrlllddd...!"
Lee Taylor sang along gleefully and tunelessly to a song so old and so lousy that Jeff didn't even think his grandmother would remember it.
"Jesus, Lee, don't you have anything else?" Jeff Tracy, Lee's long-standing and long-suffering partner-in-crime asked, wishing he could rub his hands over his face but being impeded somewhat by his astronaut helmet.
"It's a classic of the late 20th Century, Jeffy Boy!" Lee insisted. Jeff raised both eyebrows and shot Lee a disbelieving look. Lee sighed. "I'll see which track's on next."
"This is the return of the space cowboy... inter-planetary good vibe zone... At the speed of Cheeba, you and I go deeper..." the same nasal obnoxious voice crooned over the speakers.
"If I'd known songs like this existed, I'd've become an aquanaut instead," Jeff said.
"Pretty sure he ain't singin' about the cosmos, Jeff."
"Huh?"
"Cheeba ain't a measurement of velocity, Professor Brain."
"Professor Brain? I've heard better trash talk from Mr Bean!" Jeff said, letting out a snort of derision. Lee rolled his eyes. It had been approximately thirty minutes since Jeff had made a reference to classic British comedy, one of his greatest loves, he was due a nod to someone. Lee was just pleased he'd left his glasses at home. Those Eric Morecambe impressions could get pretty tricky at zero gravity.
It had been exactly forty-eight hours since they had set off from earth. It felt more like four thousand eight hundred hours. Considering it was eessentially his job to travel thousands of miles, Jeff actually wasn't too keen on the physical process of getting to a place. He had been the same since he was a kid.
"Are we there yet, Mom?" ten-year-old Jeff would ask excitedly, impatient to arrive at their vacation home.
"Not yet, Jeff," his mother would answer, a slight chuckle in her voice.
"How much longer?"
"Jeff, we only set off ten minutes ago. It'll take hours to get there!" she explained. "I've already told you twice!"
"HOURS?!" Jeff repeated in an agonised tone. His mother and father both burst out laughing as they looked at his grumpy pout through their rear-view mirrors.
"This is Base to Cronus Nine, do you copy?" a disembodied voice crackled over the tannoy.
"Cronus Nine to Base, receiving you Strength Three," Jeff answered, a little more loudly and clearly than usual just in case transmissions were unstable back on Earth.
"Please provide an ETA to your destination."
"ETA nine hours forty three minutes," Jeff said, checking the guidance system controls. "Locked in on present course. Nothing to report so far."
"You boys behave up there, you hear?" another voice called out. Lee chuckled.
"You're not my real mother, Marj!" he shouted back. He had been dating Marj on and off for the past two years. They were currently on an 'on', which is why he had decided to take the space mission. He figured if he left the planet for a while they might actually make it to their six-month anniversary with no breaks in between.
"Over and out," she answered with a giggle.
"Are you gonna ever put that girl outta her misery and just marry her?" Jeff asked. Lee's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.
"Marry her? Why would I do a plum fool thing like that?" Lee demanded.
"There are crazier things to do than get married," Jeff reasoned. After all, they were in a thin metal construct hundreds of miles above the Earth's atmosphere.
"We can't all marry a girl like Lucy," Lee said.
"That's too bad," Jeff answered with a grin. Lee laughed.
"We got anything to eat back there?" he asked. Jeff raised an eyebrow.
"Sure, what do you want?" he asked.
"I want a nice big twenty-ounce ribeye, rare-to-medium, with a mountain of fries bigger than my head-"
"Didn't know there were enough potatoes in the world for that," Jeff interrupted sarcastically. Lee continued, undeterred.
"A dozen or so mushrooms fried in butter, with a huge blob of my Momma's home-made ketchup on the side, opposite a giant spoonful of her home-made coleslaw," he finished. Jeff paused for a moment, thinking of the perfect steak and how he could also quite happily do some serious damage to a ribeye at that moment.
"We got some dehydrated corn mash with chicken-flavoured tofu," he suggested at last.
"It's a good enough second," Lee agreed.
It wasn't a good enough second choice at all, of course. Between the travel and the food and the months away from home, Jeff couldn't help but wonder why he'd become an astronaut in the first place. His eyes slowly wandered to the viewport and space seemed to answer his question. He had the chance to see all of this mystical beauty for himself. He could see the sun rise and set on Earth, and all of the beautiful colours that went with it, there were a wider variety of colours to be seen from the sun's rays from above the atmosphere than he could ever remember seeing on earth. The ethereal haze of the atmosphere alone was enough to bring a child-like smile of wonder to the most well-travelled, cynical astronaut. He looked across at Lee and sure enough, that very smile was plastered right across his face. It wouldn't be long now until they were on the moon.
The Earth looked like a giant soap bubble caught in the light. The blues and the greens of land and sea mixed perfectly with the white swirls of cloud above. He wished Lucy could see it. He wished Scott could see it. Good grief. Scott was getting so big now. He was almost five years old already, so he'd know Jeff was gone. His younger brother Virgil was probably still too small to realise what was happening. Maybe Scott would see space for himself one day, Jeff thought. Maybe he'd see the big soap bubble of his home planet and wonder what his Mom and Dad were doing back home. Maybe he was looking up in the sky right now, waving to where Lucy was pointing in the sky, just in case Jeff could see him.
"Are we there yet?" Jeff asked, suddenly. Lee burst out laughing.
"What are you, ten?" he asked. Jeff shrugged.
"Just excited."
"Me too, buddy. Me too," Lee answered, punching him gently in the shoulder. "Base from Cronus Nine, we are thirty minutes from Lunar Base Twelve. Stand by."
"Standing by, Cronus Nine. Good luck, and God speed," a cheerful voice replied.
They couldn't wait. It had been too long. They didn't know what it was, but there was something about being on the surface of the moon again, and having the ability to theoretically leapfrog a lamppost - should they happen to find one on the moon - was an experience that nobody could ever resist.
With a whoop of sheer, unadulterated joy, Jeff took his first clumpy steps onto the moon's surface. He quickened his pace as best as he could, and with a cry of "Wooooooohoooooo!" that could probably have been heard back on earth, he executed two double somersaults followed by a series of cartwheels.
"Show off!" Lee teased him.
"Just gettin' in training in case space doesn't work out. I can do gymnastics at the next Olympics. All this suit needs are a few go-faster stripes and a coupla sequins and I'm set!" Jeff said, casually, gracefully backflipping his way towards the lunar base.
"Gymnastics!" Lee repeated with a scornful laugh. Jeff shrugged.
"Why not? You'll cheer me on, right?"
"U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" Lee chanted as Jeff continued plieting and spinning his way towards their 'home' for the next two months.
"That's gotta get me the gold. Screw the Chinese!" Jeff said, panting slightly with exertion. "They don't have to backflip in a space suit!"
"I bet the last bunch of Chinese that were here did. They were probably faster, too," Lee said. Jeff pouted.
"They were probably shorter, their centre of gravity's probably non-existent up here," Jeff shot back at him. Lee chuckled and shook his head.
"Smartass!" he grumbled.
"Someone's gotta be!" Jeff said with a wink.
"That's fightin' talk, Shotgun!" Lee said, striking a pose that was as akin to an Old West gunslinger ready to draw as his bulky uniform would allow. Jeff somersaulted away and finally landed about thirty feet opposite Lee before adopting the same stance.
"You ready?"
"I was born ready!" Lee answered in his best Texan-esque snarl.
"Diddle-iddle-oooooo... *wahh wahhh wahhhhhhhhhhhh*!" Jeff sang in an vain attempt to set the mood.
"DRAW!" Lee shouted, drawing his imaginary gun and firing before Jeff had chance. Jeff let out a groan of mock-pain and clutched his chest dramatically before leaping backwards and just managing to squeeze in a final backflip before landing about six feet away, legs and arms akimbo.
There was a stony silence for about three seconds before both astronauts creased up in fits of hysterical laughter.
"I can't believe NASA put me with the biggest goofball in the history of space exploration for this mission!" Lee said between howls of laughter.
"They said you needed adult supervision!" Jeff teased. Lee laughed loudly.
"Jackass!"
"Frickin' monkey!"
A much older Lee Taylor now stared at the portrait of Jeff in the hallway of Tracy Villa. Jeff looked much older too, now, his jet black hair was now a steely grey, he had lost some of the puppy fat around his face. But the same broad shoulders, the imposing figure, the ready smile and the impish twinkle in his eyes were still very plainly there. Deep down, he knew that no matter how many years had passed, if Jeff had been there, the house would be as full of laughter as the space station had been all those years ago.
"Lee?" a voice asked behind him. Lee turned around and saw Jeff's youngest son stood by his shoulder, staring up at the picture of his father.
"Yes, Alex?" he asked. Alan frowned.
"Umm. I'm Alan."
"Whatever, kid," Lee muttered with an indifferent shrug.
"Umm... You and my Dad were pals, right?" he asked. Lee grinned and nodded.
"I'd say Jeff Tracy is just about one of the best pals I ever had," he answered truthfully. Alan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
"What was he like? Before International Rescue?" he asked. Lee closed his eyes briefly and sighed. A rueful smile flashed across his face.
"Y'know, Adrian?"
"Alan."
"I reckon you'd've liked your Dad a lot. He was a lot of fun back in the day. Never seen anyone who loved space so much. He was almost born to it," Lee said, a little wistfully.
"You reckon we'll find him?"
"Let me tell you one thing, son. It takes more than a dumbass plane crash to take out a guy like Jeff Tracy. We'll find him. He's probably on a desert island with Miss Universe right now!" Lee told him, his old eyes glinting mischievously.
"Gross!" Alan squealed, screwing his face up in disgust. Lee burst out laughing.
"It's been a long day. I'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight, Aaron," Lee said.
"Alan!" Alan replied, wearily. Lee shrugged as he walked off.
"What kind of a dumbass names his kid Alan?!" he called over his shoulder.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could still see Jeff's portrait staring down at him and he chuckled happily to himself.
THE END