Summary: There were many reasons that he loved Lily. And he remembers them everyday. SS/LE one-sided.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Alan Rickman unfortunately =[ Or the song 'Lily's Hazel Eyes' from The Secret Garden, where this idea came from.
******************************************************************************************************************************************************************
How I loved Lily Evans throughout my years at school. When I first saw her in the sorting ceremony, the girl with flaming red hair, and when she turned to put on the sorting hat, those brilliant emerald eyes. It was those eyes that made me love her. I didn't realise it at the time, I was only 11, and I did not know what love was. My father certainly didn't love me, and my mother rarely showed any affection.
However, as time passed, I came to realise what love was, in the form of a fiery Gryffindor. Being a Slytherin, I, being desperate to fit in, was not nice to Lily. She was both a Gryffindor and a muggleborn, something my classmates detested. So I was rude to her to gain their acceptance for I thought she could never love me, so instead I strived to be accepted by those I would have to spend 7 years with. However it still didn't make them like me, I was still alone all the time, and everytime I spoke harshly to Lily, and indeed everytime I saw her eyes, I would feel such guilt. I didn't deserve her, she was too amazing, too beautiful inside and out, and yet here I was, a bully just for my own selfish purposes. And despite this, Lily would still stand up for me, even though I lied and told her I didn't need her help, but she still did. She wasn't afraid to stand up for what she believed in. She believed everyone should be treated fairly, no matter who they were, and that was just one of the reasons that I loved her.
I also loved Lily for the fact she was so fiery. Indeed, in lessons she certainly was a cheeky one, at first I found it adorable, and as I got older, I saw it as a sign for Lily's outgoing attitude. I deeply respected Lily for that. I was unafraid to stand up for myself, to say what was on my mind in case it offended somebody, but she did not care, and I found myself falling in love with what I wished I could be.
Then there was the fact she disliked James Potter. It was such a petty reason to love somebody, but I did. He and his friends Black, Lupin and Pettigrew, all the torment that they put me through, I loathed them all for it. Although nobody ever knew, it affected me more than just causing me anger and hatred, it did also pain me, to know they would go out of their way to hurt me. It reminded me of my father, who had told me nobody would ever love me, and I deserved to b hurt. Their bullying just made me think his words were true, and I was undeserving of love. But Lily made me think differently. She disagreed with what Potter and his cronies did, and stood up for me despite my rudeness towards her, and she disliked them too for the fact they were bullies. It made me think maybe there was hope that I could be loved. It was only her that was on my side rather than theirs, but still it gave me hope that everyone else was wrong, that I did deserve love and everyone else had yet to realise it. However even if that thought was wrong and it was only Lily that I had a slight chance with, that thought still comforted me, no matter how small that chance was.
There was also the fact Lily made me feel alive. The emotions I felt towards her every time I saw those emerald eyes made me feel human. I felt the love towards her I had never felt towards anyone else. But along with that love came pain. I felt pain for the fact I was rude to her, pretended I hated her, just because I knew if I was open I would be even more rejected. I felt pain that she could still be nice to me even though I was that way. I felt pain that at times she would be rude back, as it meant my chances dwindled everytime. I felt pain when she accepted James Potter into her life. To me it meant she agreed with him that I was worthless. It meant she must hate me as much as he did. And the day it was discovered she would marry him it meant I never had the opportunity to have her love me back. But for all that pain, it made me feel alive. Before I had felt only sadness, I felt like my soul was a dark hole, but the pain meant my love was just as strong, and so these two emotions made me know Lily had changed me as a person, she had allowed me to feel like a somebody, although she would never know it, and I loved her for it, despite the heartbreak.
Then Lily had a son, Harry, and through the Order meetings, I could tell how much she loved the child, and seeing her passion fuelled my love even further. The fact she could love a child so much she would put aside everything for him, and risk her life for me, made me respect the woman even more. When I found out Voldemort was going after the Potters, I knew I couldn't let the woman die if I could help it. I begged the Dark Lord if he would spare her, and he saw it as lust, not as love, and so, for reasons I still do not know why, he agreed as long as she did not get in his way. Lily however, would not move aside for her son, she would willingly give her place for his, and it was that passion that cost Lily her life. It was her little boy who she loved more than anything in the world, and I awed at just how much she could love. I longed that I could have that love, but after her death, I knew that I would never be able to have that love. Now the pain hurts even more, because I know love leads to death, and this time the pain doesn't keep me going, it drags me down each time I remember.
And now, everyday, I have to be reminded of the pain. When Lily's little boy, the one she loved more than her life is there. There in my classroom, there in the Great Hall, the boy who has Lily's emerald eyes, the ones I fell in love with, the ones that caused me all the pain, the ones that on the child bring back all the memories, all the pain. Seeing the Potter boy makes the pain worse and worse as it is a constant reminded or what was lost. He thinks I hate him for the fact I hated his father, and that he looks like a smaller copy of him, but when I see Lily's eyes, I do not see anything else. I just see Lily's eyes and remember her and her passion, and that is why I am rude to him, to try and get rid of the love I felt for Lily, by trying to hate her child, but it does not work, and everyday I have to live with the pain.
Yes, I did love Lily Evans, and I still do, and always will. Her love got her killed, so I hope one day, it is my love for her that kills me, so I know I can die with the same passion as her. Oh yes, how I love her, and her emerald eyes.