Mr. Postman

Disclaimer: ER and anything related to it are not mine. And as much as it pains me to write this, I feel that I have to say that the opinions expressed by the characters below are not necessarily representative of my own thoughts about the war, so spare me the flames in regards to that issue.

A/N: I think the check said $12,000, but I'm not positive. If I'm wrong, please let me know.

Summary: He'd just been trying to do her a favor. Post-ep with spoilers for 13x4, Parenthood. RN.

Neela stared down at the check one last time, although she refused to let the tears fall. She was not going to cry at work, not about Michael and certainly not about the fact that the DOD had summed up his life in the form of a check for $12000. Twelve thousand dollars? She was surprised they hadn't had the audacity to take withholdings from the check while they were at it.

It wasn't about the money. Neela knew deep in her heart that it wasn't what the DOD valued Michael's life at either. Michael's life, along with every other one that had been lost in the war, could not be summed up in dollars and cents. But the DOD had to issue a check, and $12000 it was.

Neela resisted the impulse to shred the check right then and there. She had no intentions of cashing it. To her it was blood money, plain and simple. She hadn't supported the war, and she certainly hadn't supported Michael returning to fight in it a second time. Accepting the much-needed money just seemed too hypocritical.

Neela felt the tears threatening to spill over, so she pushed Michael and the check out of her mind and focused on someone who didn't make her want to cry – someone she could get angry at, someone who deserved a piece of her mind for dropping this bombshell on her at work. Someone named Ray Barnett.

After shoving the check and her other mail in her back pocket, she stalked out of the drug lockup. It didn't take her long to find Ray, and it was no surprise that he was leaning on the admit desk talking to a girl.

Neela walked up behind him, reflecting for the hundredth time on how much taller than her he was. She only came halfway up his chest. In times past, she had considered that she wouldn't be able to kiss him even if she stood on her tip toes. The only thing she was interested in doing to him right now was strangling him.

Neela tapped Ray on the shoulder. He spun around instantly, the hard look in his eyes softening when he saw that it was her.

"Hey," he said. "What's up?"

"We need to talk, Ray," she said icily.

Ray's eyes took on a wary look. "Can it wait?" he asked. "I'm kinda busy."

"Now, Ray," Neela demanded, turning around and walking off towards the ambulance bay without waiting to see if he'd follow.

Ray smiled apologetically at the nurse he'd been talking to and jogged out after Neela. The blast of frigid fall air hit him like a rock as he stepped outside, reminding him that even though it was only October, the cold weather had already set in. Ray rubbed his hands together and looked around for Neela.

She was sitting off to the right of the bay, on a bench formerly meant for smokers before County outlawed smoking anywhere in the bay. Ray headed over towards her and sat down, leaving plenty of space between them. He wasn't far away enough to avoid getting smacked, but there was enough distance to keep him focused. Any closer and he'd risk doing something stupid, propelled on by the warmth radiating from her body and the love for her flowing from his heart. It killed him to see her like this, a ghost of her former self. He'd been less than thrilled by her marriage to Gallant, but if bringing Gallant back would take away her sadness, then he was all for it.

"What's up, Neela?" he asked when she refused to acknowledge his presence.

Neela was silent for a moment more, trying to collect her thoughts. Her anger had already dissipated, leaving her with little energy or desire to lash out at Ray. All she wanted to do was to go home, curl up in bed and forget that this miserable day had ever even happened. But she was stuck here for another six hours at least, so she might as well get one thing off her chest.

"How could you, Ray?" she finally asked in a soft voice.

Ray sighed. He'd been both expecting and dreading this question, knowing on the one hand that Neela wouldn't have drug him out here for no reason and disappointed that yet again he'd done something to earn her ire. It just didn't seem like he could do anything right these days when it came to her.

"Do what?"

Neela turned her head to stare at Ray, the anger coming to life again and flashing in her dark brown eyes. "Do what? Ray, did you even look at my mail before you handed it to me? Did you not think when you saw that letter from the DOD? How could you bring me that kind of news at work, Ray? How could you?"

"What would you have me do instead, Neela?" he asked, determined not to let his anger get the best of him. "Make you come all the way across town to pick it up? I was trying to do you a favor. How am I supposed to know what mail you do or don't want?"

Neela knew that Ray was right. Even if he had noticed the letter, she was betting he had no idea what it contained. "You could have at least waited until the end of my shift," she tossed out, desperate to put Ray in the wrong.

"You're a hard person to find, Neela," Ray responded. "I was lucky that I caught you when I did. It's not like we work together in the ER anymore." There was a trace of sadness in his voice, as well as betrayal.

Ray continued. "You're always busy with surgery – as you should be," he quickly added. "I'd been holding onto that stack for over a week. I was worried there might be a bill or something in there you might need."

He didn't add that he had just wanted to talk to her, and that handing over the mail had been the most convenient excuse. He knew as well as she did that he could have just slid it through the slates in her locker. After living together for nearly two years, he wondered why he suddenly felt like he needed a reason to talk to her. All he'd wanted was a brief moment to be in her presence, to feel her eyes on him, even if it was in the crowded halls of the ER. With her out of his apartment and out of the ER, it was a rare moment when their paths crossed. He knew Neela was grieving, and even though he would have gladly taken her as is, more than anything, he just wanted her friendship back. More than anything, he just wanted to see her smile again.

They were silent for a long while, and then Neela spoke. "Thank you," she said quietly.

Neela's words jolted Ray out of his musings. "Huh? Oh, sure, anytime. Um, next time I'll check it first, okay?"

"No, it's fine," Neela said. "You had no way of knowing what was in that envelope."

"I'm really sorry about Michael," Ray said.

They lapsed into silence once more, and again it was Neela who restarted the conversation.

"It was twelve thousand dollars," she said bitterly.

"What?" Ray had no idea what she was talking about. He still didn't even know what had been in the envelope, just that it had upset Neela.

"Twelve thousand dollars. That's what Michael's life was worth – twelve thousand measly dollars." Neela felt the tears welling up in her eyes and reached up to rub them away before they could fall down her face.

Ray's stomach lurched as he realized what Neela was talking about. No wonder she was so upset.

"Hey, don't cry," he said, scooting closer to her. "It's going to be okay."

Neela's anger exploded just as the first tears began to run down her face. "It's not going to be okay, Ray! Michael's dead, and they think they can buy me off with a check! It's blood money. I'm not going to take it." Neela yanked the check out of her back pocket and made to tear it in half, but Ray, seeing what she was about to do, reached out and grabbed her hands.

"Neela, stop! You don't want to do this, okay?" He was worried that his grip might be hurting her, but Neela was still struggling against him. After a moment she gave up, and released her hold on the check. Ray plucked it out of her hands and stuck it in his lab coat.

"Neela, you and I both know that Michael's life was worth a whole lot more than twelve thousand dollars. And I don't think that's what the DOD's trying to say either. They know they can't replace him and that all the money in the world won't make up for the fact that he's gone. But tearing up that check isn't going to do anyone any good."

"It just sucks," Neela said despondently.

"I know," Ray said, and before he could consider the consequences, he reached out and wrapped his arm around Neela's shoulders, pulling her into him for a quick hug. Neela came willingly, too desperate for a shoulder to cry on to care whose shoulder it was. Ray rubbed his hand up and down Neela's arm, offering warmth as much as reassurance. It really was getting cold. The wind had picked up, and Neela was wearing only her scrubs. Ray could feel the goose bumps on her skin.

"You should get back inside," he said, even though he would have happily held her all day long. This was the most physical contact he'd had with Neela in a very long time, and it was likely to be an even longer time, if ever, before they shared such a moment again.

Neela sniffed and wiped at her eyes. She straightened back up and Ray removed his arm, feeling it tingle from where their bodies had touched.

"God, I'm a mess," Neela said, wiping at her eyes. "I can't go back in there like this. The chief resident's already got it out for me as it is."

"Come on," Ray said, trying to lighten up the conversation. "He can't be that bad."

"He's horrible," Neela said. "I'm not going to let him run me off, but at the same time I can't help but wish I was back in the ER."

"Eh," Ray scoffed. "You're not missing anything down here. It's probably nice not wondering how long it's going to be before someone throws up on you."

Neela laughed. "That's true." She paused. "I do miss you guys. Abby, Sam, Pratt, you. Even Morris – occasionally. I didn't realize how much everyone down here felt like family until I left."

"We're always here if you need us," Ray said softly.

Neela couldn't meet his eyes. She knew that Ray had some sort of feelings for her, and that he wasn't sure exactly what they were or what to do about them. Even worse, Ray knew that she knew about his feelings, which always made her feel a bit guilty, although she wasn't sure why.

The whirr of an ambulance in the distance caused both of their heads to snap up. "I bet that's coming here," Ray said, and a second later Pratt jogged out of the ER.

"Barnett!" He yelled. "You're with me. Get some gloves on and get the hell out here."

"I better go," Ray said. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Neela said, waving him away. "I'll be fine. You go. I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

They met eyes one last time, both knowing that Neela's words were a lie. Ray knew that he would continue to look for excuses to talk to her, and Neela knew that she would subconsciously continue to find ways to avoid him. Still, Ray couldn't help but think that things between them were just a little bit better for this conversation. They certainly weren't back to where they'd once been, but they were one step closer. Hopefully, with enough time, they could call each other friend once more.

Neela watch Ray run down to meet Pratt, then stood up and headed for the entrance, pausing to regard Ray for one last moment. He really hadn't meant to hurt her. She regretted ever yelling at him in the first place, but if he hadn't given her the letter then the conversation between them would have never happened.

Ray could feel Neela's eyes on his back, so he looked over his shoulder, watching as she stood just by the doors, her arms wrapped tight around her petite figure. He smiled at her, his grin broadening when she smiled back at him. They were going to be okay. Not today, not tomorrow, and probably not even next month. But eventually, they were going to be okay. And that was all that mattered.

The End