A/N: I've always loved the show Firefly and the relationship between Mal and Inara so here is an attempt to take a closer look at one of my favorite episode moments in Heart of Gold. Spoiler alerts to those who haven't seen it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly, the creative genius behind it is Joss Whedon, may he reign forever. Background Music: "Cry" by Kelly Clarkson
"Cry"
By MakoRain
Wrinkled trousers, shirt askew even as he worked to button it up with one hand and close the door with the other. Sneaking out didn't appear to be Mal's strong suit which was ironic considering it was one of his most annoying bad habits; sneaking away when things got to their worst. She was no better, curled up in a corner and doing her best to hold herself together.
Just the sight of him had Inara running away, unwilling to let him see what he did to her since it was something completely new to her. After all, first love hurts, as she was becoming all too familiar with now.
Oh God, is it over yet?
A warm and wet trail formed on her cheek in the wake of the first tear with more following fast. Inara couldn't even remember the last time she cried. It was as if the tears would never stop, making up for lost time and a heart full of pain.
Is this as hard as it gets?
She shouldn't be acting like this, she really shouldn't. What would Nandi think to see her like this, the Companion set to follow in the highest ranking footsteps for her resolve, her dedication, now dissolved to a sniveling mess on the floor of her friend's whore house?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Nandi wouldn't see this as earth shattering, as something to take down her young friend's world. No, what's worse is that Nandi would feel sorry for her. She would pity Inara for crying over the one night Nandi and Mal spent together in the Companion fashion, and that's all that it was. Nandi needed comfort and Mal was the one she chose to provide it, even if Inara acted appalled at her taste it didn't hide how much it hurt. She could hear her words so clearly once again.
"Oh Inara, I thought it was only him."
Only him. What did that mean? Nandi may have been trained in the ways of the Companion with her at the gild years ago but what did she know now, after wasting her Academy years away on a Gorram moon servicing the men here?
Inara knew she was being selfish and petty but apparently that's what a breaking heart did to her. The tears started to slow and she could see the room in front of her, the bed where Pedaline had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy. That baby boy was in trouble. Today was the day they would end the reign of terror of that horrible man and Nandi would no longer have to fight for her small piece of moon. That's what mattered, fighting, not crying.
Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?
Standing now, she smoothed down her skirt, ready to regain her composure any time now. She blinked back the remainder of her tears, satisfied with a sickly sniffle that this was all the crying she would be doing today.
Little did she know there would be a few tears left for her dear friend's death. Would she have taken back those needless tears over her bleeding heart if she would have known? No, no matter how much Inara regretted in life, those tears of really crying would not be ones of regret. It's what she needed to move on. It's what she needed to leave Serenity.
As it was meant to be.
The End.