Warnings are AU, language, mention of self-harm, sexual situations, mslash, and minor/adult relationship.
But I do not wanna be afraid
I do not wanna die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists, I found it when I was cut
It would have been better if he'd suggested separate tents, but the weather would be cold, and the residual body heat would be welcome in the middle of the night. The temperatures, Kakashi assured them, were likely to drop below zero. That would mean bunking up.
"So Sakura and I will have to share a sleeping bag," Kakashi said cheerfully, his eye a happy crescent, "and you two will have to stop trying to kill each other long enough to stave off hypothermia."
"That's disgusting! I do not want to share a bed with him!" Naruto whined, digging his heels into the ground and refusing to budge an inch.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. What, did the freak think he was thrilled about the sleeping arrangements? If this stupid mission wasn't between him and Kakashi's recommendation for joining ANBU, he would have thrown his kunai in the ring the moment he heard that their supplies would include a tent, singular.
"Get over it, Naruto! We've got preparing to do, you know, and I'm not going to get stuck packing for you again!" Sakura declared, shoving Naruto roughly from behind.
Of course Sakura wouldn't complain, she'd be quite cozy next to her sensei slash...whatever it was Kakashi was to her. If they thought they were succeeding at hiding their relationship, they were both more delusional than Sasuke had originally feared.
Not that he cared, of course. Sakura was sixteen now, well past the age considered to be adulthood for a shinobi, and capable of making her own choices and mistakes, though in Sasuke's opinion, gallivanting around with your sensei definitely qualified as the latter.
Still, what was it to him? One more mission, and he'd be out of this little dream team for good. No more waiting around for hours until Kakashi (with, more often than not these days, Sakura in quick tow) felt like showing up for training, no more crap hole apartment, no more grovelling to get the good, well-paying missions. And, most importantly, he'd be away from Naruto and his mind-numbing stupidity. No more annoying "when I'm Hokage!" speeches, no more petty rivalries, nothing.
"Sasuke?" Sakura was flapping a hand in front of his face, trying to get his attention.
"Hmm? What?" He said, snapping out of his daze.
"You need to get some supplies. Here," She shoved a list of grocery items toward him.
He scowled, quickly moving before she could hand him the list. "Why can't you do it? Or Kakashi-sensei?" He said, glaring over at Kakashi who was leaning, quite unconcernedly, against a concrete barrier, one of a hundred that lined the marketplace.
"Just do it!" Sakura roared, stuffing the list under his headband with more force than he thought was really necessary.
And so, Sasuke reflected, as he picked pieces of paper from his hair, the life of a ninja was, (at least his life- or especially his life; he wasn't too sure these days) rarely fair.
oooo
What he really hated was night. The dark. It brought on things he'd rather keep buried-inner demons and memories and the smell of death and-
"Better take these." Kakashi handed Sasuke a pair of thick gloves, though he wasn't sure of their color. The small propane lantern only gave off so much light, and though their tent was small, everything seemed to blend into shadow.
"How much freaking colder is it going to get?" Sakura said, her teeth chattering. Kakashi moved to sit beside her, unabashedly wrapping an arm around her, pulling her close to him.
"It's only fifteen degrees. It's going to get worse before it gets better." He said, taking one of her hands between both of his, rubbing it vigorously to warm it up.
The gloves had been lined with a hand warmer, and Sasuke was, if nothing else, grateful for Kakashi's preparedness. Warmth spread through his fingers and across his wrists, and he pulled his fleece jacket tighter around him. If it got much colder, he'd have no choice but to slide into the heavy sleeping bag with Naruto. The bags weren't very large, and there would definitely be no room to avoid touching. Sasuke swallowed a lump in his throat at that thought.
"It's only been dark for an hour...here, the days are much shorter, so obviously the nights are that much longer." Kakashi said, reaching with his free hand into one of the rucksacks, pulling out a thermos and four aluminum cups. He poured what turned out to be chicken soup into each cup, then passed them around. For the next five minutes it was quiet in the tent, save for the occasional slurping, and when the cups were all drained Kakashi suggested they turn out the lantern and try to get some sleep.
"I'll take the first watch," Sakura offered, stretching arms above her head.
"You will not, Sakura. You're freezing to death. Sasuke can take the first watch."
"So it doesn't matter that I'm freezing to death?" Sasuke muttered, glowering as Kakashi laid down on his side, Sakura's back pressed into his chest.
"Nope. Don't leave the lamp on for too long." Kakashi said, pulling the zipper of the sleeping bag around them.
"Yeah, turn it off! Some of us don't need a night light." Naruto said, laughing at his own joke.
Sasuke glared at him, lashing his arm out in a perfect right hook.
"Ow, you jackass! Sensei, did you see that? Sensei!"
"Go to sleep, Naruto." Kakashi said in a tired voice, though Sasuke highly doubted that Kakashi or Sakura would be sleeping any time soon.
Naruto pummeled his pillow, muttering darkly, but quickly turned quiet. Luckily for Sasuke, Naruto usually fell asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow.
Unluckily, however, this now meant there was utter silence in the tent, and he could hear everything.
"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura moaned, her voice a whisper, "you're a bad boy."
"Bad boy." Naruto echoed with a snore, "bad bad boy."
Fabulous. As if hearing Sakura moan Kakashi's name wasn't bad enough, Sasuke now had a sleep-talking Naruto on his hands. He definitely wasn't getting paid enough for this sort of torture.
Sasuke switched the lantern on long enough to check his watch. Two hours down, one more to go.
Kakashi and Sakura seemed to have finally drifted off to sleep, and the comforting sounds of deep breathing filled the tent.
Sasuke, however, was suffocating.
In the thick silence he could hear nothing but Itachi, see nothing but the harrowing scene of his family murdered. It was harder, now, when he was alone in the dark, to feel hate and anger, and much easier for him to succumb to fear, to failure.
If there was something Sasuke Uchiha was fluent in, it was failure.
"So sad, little boy, so sad." Naruto mumbled, turning over on his side. He was now facing Sasuke, the spikes of his gold hair visible even in the dark.
"Who's sad?" Sasuke asked, his interest slightly piqued, his voice low and barely audible.
"He's alone...all alone alone alone."
"Are you talking about you, Naruto?"
"But he's so beautiful and scared."
Okay, Naruto definitely wasn't referring to himself. So who was he talking about then?
"The pain feels good." Naruto said, and Sasuke automatically ran his hand over his thigh, where beneath layers of clothing were scars, some fresh, some older, evidence of his weakness, proof of his failure...as if he needed more of that.
"He doesn't know."
"Doesn't know what?"
"Love. But I do!"
"You do what, Naruto?" Sasuke scoffed. He was losing his mind! Here he was, trying to have a conversation with a sleep-talking moron who was drooling all over his pillow.
"Love him."
"The sad boy?"
"Mm. But he pisses me off!" Naruto slammed his fist on the floor of the tent. "He's so damned high and mighty."
Was it just him, or was Naruto starting to sound more lucid? Maybe this was a new phase in his sleep routine. Mumble a bunch of nonsense, throw in a little violence, then start waking up, rested and ready to annoy the hell of out everybody else around him. It definitely sounded like something Naruto would do.
"Who is he?" Sasuke asked, leaning down closer to Naruto.
"Sasuke." Kakashi was awake, his hand on his shoulder. "I'll take over. Get some sleep."
Sasuke nodded, and began unzipping the sleeping bag around Naruto.
"And Sasuke?" Kakashi said, his deep voice quiet, "if you don't know that answer, then you really are stupider then you look."
As if in response to Kakashi's words, Naruto's hand, warm and large, grasped Sasuke's hip, gently pulling him over until their bodies were pressed together.
"For warmth." Naruto said, his lips right behind Sasuke's ear.
A slight shiver ran up Sasuke's spine, his mouth dry, but Naruto said no more, did no more. But he was content, to be close to another human being, to have his past at bay, if only for the time being. He was warm, drifting off into what he hoped was a pleasant sleep, and apparently- and above all else- he was loved.
Song used is Cut by Plumb. Please leave your feedback! Thanks for reading.