:p second attempt at a Tatari.
in anycase, this is rated pg cause it's angsty and romantic but light shonen-ai too. i hate it when i love a pairing but can't stop failing at writing it. so yeah, go easy on me k everyone?
.--.
Watari sat alone by the window one afternoon.
He was on a case with Tatsumi and it was pouring.
The hotel room was small and lacked central heating, as per Tatsumi's budget allowed.
Sometimes he really hated Tatsumi's penny pinching.
But then it's what allowed the entire department five dollar an hour raises that year and extra holiday bonuses.
However, at the moment Watari hadn't been feeling very well and as if that weren't bad enough, it was freezing outside.
He was surprised the rain hadn't turned to snow yet.
Tatsumi had gone out to buy more wood for the fire, however he was going to have a hard time finding it cheap.
All this thought about Tatsumi was beginning to bring back the reason he wasn't feeling well.
He had no physical ailment.
His was an illness of the heart.
It had started months earlier when Tatsumi had deliberately let himself be injured to save the already badly injured scientist.
The secretary had blacked out momentarily and in that second Watari realized he was madly in love.
Madly in love with a man who likely had no semblance of the same feelings and it was then that he decided he must break off his partnership with him.
If for no other reason than his own health.
The glances, the silent need to feel his arms wrapped tightly around him when he was hurt, the dreams that awakened him with sweaty limbs and damp clothes and hair, it was too much for Watari to continue with.
It was all or nothing and he feared it would be nothing.
He was so deep in his own thoughts that he failed to hear the door, or the voice announcing he was back with wood, and suddenly a hand fell gently upon his shoulder.
Maybe it was the shock that he hadn't heard the man, or perhaps he turned too fast, but whatever the case a soft moan escaped his lips as he fell.
''
Watari woke shivering under several blankets and the concerned gaze of his partner.
He stared into the ice blue eyes for a moment before they began to blur.
"Wh-what's happening to me?"
Tatsumi shook his head.
"I wish I knew."
Watari closed his eyes, trying to stay conscious but his vision wasn't the only thing that felt fuzzy.
His head was spinning wildly and he felt sick to his stomach.
"Tatsumi-san"
His voice was simply a whisper and Tatsumi leaned closer to hear him better.
"I'm so cold...will you lay with me?"
Tatsumi was thrown by this request but nodded and laid down beside the blond, protectively wrapping his arms tightly around him.
Watari closed his eyes and pushed his cold nose into Tatsumi's warm neck, almost drifting to sleep, but Tatsumi spoke softly.
"Tsuzuki told me you were acting strange lately. I haven't seen you in over a week. You're avoiding me. Why?"
Watari was silent for a long moment before moving away.
"I just...well I realized something and it hurt because I'm sure it won't work the way I want it to."
Tatsumi stared into the blonds face and sighed deeply.
"Tsuzuki tells me that you're in love with me."
Watari's eyes blinked open for a moment.
"Well it's not true!"
Tatsumi blinked back at him, a look of hurt in his eyes and Watari felt guilty.
He closed his eyes tightly.
"Damn that tattle tale. I knew I couldn't trust him."
Tatsumi smiled softly and gently brushed Watari's hair over his shoulder.
"Are you still saying no? because I should tell you that I was rather happy when Tsuzuki told me that...because..."
He leaned over, cutting off his own words with a slow and gentle kiss.
Watari's eyes slid closed and he began to cry.
Tatsumi pulled back and watched the blond curl himself into a tight ball.
"Watari..."
Yet that's all he could utter.
"It's not fair!"
Tatsumi went to place his hand on Watari's shoulder but he smacked it away.
"Damn it don't touch me!"
Tatsumi sat up and stared down at him.
"What's not fair? What's wrong with you?"
Watari stood and pounded over to the window, watching snowflakes outside in the dark.
"I don't want these dreams anymore! Or if I must have them than at least let me sleep in them forever. I can't take this anymore."
Tatsumi stood as well and slowly approached.
"Watari...you're not dreaming."
Watari slammed his fist onto the window before sliding to his knees in tears, his body heaving with sobs.
"I know I'm dreaming because Tatsumi would never lay with me just because I asked him to. And I can't believe he'd feel that way back. But damn it...please don't ever wake me."
Tatsumi placed his hand on Watari's shoulder and kneeled down next to him.
"Watari..."
He began softly and was silent for a moment to see if the blond would speak but when he didn't, he continued.
"I swear to you that you are not dreaming. I really did realize that I love you. I love you Watari and I'm real."
Watari stared up into his eyes as his tears flowed.
"How can I tell? If I believe that this is real and then I wake up alone I'll die inside. I am so in love with you Tatsumi, and I don't want this to be fake. But if it is I don't want to wake up from it."
Tatsumi kissed him softly once again and brushed his tears away.
"What can I do to convince you that you're awake?"
Watari was silent for a moment and shook his head.
"I don't think there is. I just have to go back to sleep and hope that you're still beside me when I wake up."
Tatsumi stood and took his hand, pulling him to his feet and leading him back over to the bed.
"I'll be here when you wake up."
Watari laid down beside him and closed his eyes as Tatsumi's arms closed around him.
As he drifted off to sleep, he hoped that it was in deed real and that they would awaken the next morning just as they were.
''
Watari held his breath as he woke the next morning.
He was alone.
He sat up quickly and his eyes darted about the room, trying to find any sign that he'd actually ever been with the secretary but there was none.
After a few moment of complete silence he broke into sobs, curling himself tightly under the blanket.
He was beginning to question if the man had ever even come back.
He didn't know what was real and what was dream.
He was silent suddenly as he heard the door shut and soft footfalls approached.
"Watari..."
Tatsumi whispered softly.
"Are you awake yet?"
The blond couldn't usher a sound, nor could he move as Tatsumi gently pulled the covers back and started at Watari's state.
"Watari! What on earth is the matter?!"
Watari closed his eyes, finally gasping in air and sat up.
"Tatsumi! I...I'm in love with you and I can't go on like this anymore! These damn dreams are becoming more and more real and I need you to crush me! Tell me you hate me!"
Tatsumi blinked silently for a moment before sitting beside him and placed his hand gently on his shoulder.
"Watari, I told you last night that you weren't dreaming. I'm sorry I wasn't here...but I had to check out. I thought I'd be back before you woke."
Watari looked up into his eyes and whispered.
"I think I'm going to lose my mind. I thought it had all been a dream when I woke up."
Tatsumi leaned closer and kissed him softly.
"I think you need more sleep. You have no idea how scared I was when you just fainted on me like that. When we get back to Meifu I'm going to put in for a few days off."
Watari stared up at him, shakily taking his hands.
"You're acting so strange."
Tatsumi looked away as he spoke.
"You really have no idea. I immediately blamed myself. It's far too cold this time of year and I know it's not life threatening but...I've never been so scared in all my years with you. You didn't wake for hours despite my efforts and you were so cold."
He looked back at the shocked blond and continued.
"My heart came up into my throat until you opened her eyes. But while I was waiting and hoping that you'd come around, I began to think about something I came to realize many years ago and Tsuzuki's words made perfect sense to me. I don't want to lose you."
Watari closed his eyes and pulled him closer.
"You won't lose me Tatsumi. Not now that I know. It's tormented me for a month or more. I love you, I need you, and I was so terrified that you'd push me away. So I made up my mind to have my transfer in place because I had to tell you and I didn't want to spend weeks with you angry."
Tatsumi wrapped his arms tightly around the blond with a heavy sigh.
"When we get back...I won't let go of you for as long as it take my heart to settle. I was afraid to leave you this morning. Naturally, however, please don't expect things to be different at work. But as soon as we get home...I just need to hold you."
Watari smiled softly as he felt soft kisses on his head.
"That's quite alright with me."
end