A Touch of Heaven
Carolyn snorted as she read a particularly bad story in one of the magazines she was considering pitching stories for. "'Ghostly touch' indeed," she murmured to herself, shaking her head. "What does she know about ghosts, anyway?" She chuckled at her own comment.
"Something amusing, my dear?"
Carolyn looked up as Captain Gregg appeared, his hands behind his back, looking at her solicitously. She couldn't help smiling at him. She just loved that courtly, old-world way he had of carrying himself. It made her feel special. "And a good day to you, dear sir," she greeted him. She waved the magazine at him. "To answer your question, yes, there is something amusing in here. Well," she amended, "I find it amusing, probably because I have, shall we say, inside information that the author obviously didn't have access to."
Cocking an amused eyebrow at her, he reached for the magazine and settled next to her to read the passage she indicated. He felt her bright, green gaze on him the whole time he read, and he had to admit that, far from being embarrassed, he felt rather flattered by the attention. Once he was done, he lifted his eyes to hers as he handed the magazine back. "I'll admit the style is perfectly appalling. However, the idea itself is not so far-fetched," he said matter-of-factly as he fished his pipe out of his coat pocket.
Carolyn just stared at him. He had to be pulling her leg. She looked at him narrowly, searching his luminous blue eyes for any sign that he was stringing her along. Nothing. He was actually serious. "Oh, come on! You said yourself that ghosts are strictly illusions!" A fact, she reflected, that she was all too painfully aware of.
He remained silent, calmly gazing at her with a slight quirk to his lips. Oh, he knew exactly what direction her thoughts were taking! But could he dare to take the step he was considering? If he did, things would be changed irrevocably. Looking deep into her sea-green eyes, he searched, long and far, to see if it was a mistake to try. All he could find was an indomitable spirit he had sparred with time and again, and occasionally lost to! His decision made, he raised an eyebrow at Carolyn and said, "Actually, what I said was that I was only a spirit. My appearance is an illusion. There's a difference – one that, as a writer, I'm sure you can appreciate."
That made her pause. He was right; that's exactly what he had said to her the night they first met. The possibilities this opened up were staggering. "Then… you mean… That could actually happen?" she said quizzically, hoping against hope, yet a little frightened at the prospect of what he seemed to be proposing.
His lips inched up. "There's only one way to find out, my dear."
There. He had thrown the gauntlet. Would she be brave enough to pick it up?
Did she love him enough to try?
"What do I do?" she asked softly, looking a little nervous, but mostly eager for the experience.
The Captain breathed deeply, admiration in his eyes. Oh yes, she was indeed his match! "Just put your hands out in front of you, my dear." Then he vanished.
Carolyn blinked in surprise. Then his voice echoed in the room, at once close and far away. "Put your hands out, my dear," he instructed again in a low voice.
Slowly, Carolyn did as she was told. She let out a small scream, nearly jumping out of her skin when she felt his hands closing around hers. The pressure, which had already been gentle, lessened even further at her reaction. "I'm sorry I startled you. If you prefer we stop…"
"NO! Please, I… I'm sorry, it's just that it's a little disconcerting to hear and… feel… you, without being able to see you," she finished somewhat shyly.
"We don't need to go any further if it is too much – "
"No, really, I'm fine. Just give me a minute to get used to this." In truth, she needed time to regain some measure of control. His touch was the most incredible thing she had ever felt. It had the texture of water and rippled across her skin like static. And it was warm – as if she had dipped her hands in a pool of pure light. It put all her senses on edge, and she was suddenly seized with an irresistible urge to touch him back. She looked up where she thought his eyes would be, gazing in wonder at the seemingly empty space in front of her. Emboldened, she moved her hands slightly within his grasp, edging fractionally closer.
Silently, he acknowledged her unspoken request, drawing her hands toward his face. When she finally made contact, her eyes widened. "You're trembling!" she exclaimed in surprise.
"I cannot help it, dear lady. You move me to my very soul," he said huskily.
She blushed, touched by the emotion in his voice. Encouraged by his words, she moved her fingers gently to the top of his forehead, then, closing her eyes, began brushing them lightly over his face, picturing him in her mind's eye. He was every bit as magnificent as she knew him to be, yet different from the image she knew and cherished. Suddenly, when her fingers brushed against his lips, she stopped, her eyes opening slowly, her heart thundering in her chest. He never moved as she sat there, staring at the space where her thumbs rested. Then, before he could react, she closed the short distance between them and, at the last moment, replaced her thumbs with her lips.
He stiffened momentarily, his usual reserve, borne out of his rigid upbringing, coming to the fore. But this was a battle he was destined to lose. All conscious thought fled him, and he quickly drowned in the sweetness of that kiss.
Carolyn, for her part, was in heaven. The incredible sensation that had accompanied his touch was now spreading to the rest of her body, setting every nerve ending on fire. Colors became brighter, smells richer, sounds crisper and clearer. As the kiss deepened, images tumbled in her head, constantly shifting, like eddies and currents… the children, hugging her after coming back from school… Martha, beaming as Carolyn complimented her on another of her fine culinary feats… the Captain's eyes, gazing at her admiringly... the sting of spray on his face… the smell of salt on the wind… the deck of the ship, pitching under his feet… the wood of the wheel cutting into his/her palms as he/she fought against the gale… the smell of gunpowder and smoke, choking him/her… the tears he/she shed as his/her best friend and mentor died in his/her arms…
The images kept coming faster and faster, the feelings accompanying them growing deeper, more potent, overwhelming Carolyn to the point where she no longer knew who she was. She moaned as she felt herself slipping, falling, falling…
The sound shocked the Captain back to awareness. He broke the kiss and looked in alarm at Carolyn. Her head was still thrown back, her eyes closed, a look of rapture on her face. And she didn't seem to be breathing. "Carolyn! CAROLYN!"
His anguished cry broke the spell, startling Carolyn into opening her eyes and remembering to breathe. She panted like a racehorse, starving for air. As she tried to regain control, she noted absently that he was no longer holding her, and she suddenly felt cold and bereft. He reappeared just then, and the fear and concern she saw in his eyes scared her more than she could say. "Oh my darling, I'm so sorry! Are you all right?" When she just looked at him, he grew even more alarmed. "Dear God, Carolyn, please say something!"
"I…," she began, then stopped. What could she say? No mere mortal words could do justice to what she had just experienced! She shook her head gently, gazing at him in wonder. "I had no idea…," she finally whispered. "You're so… so… ALIVE! I feel like I'm the one who's dead! And the sharing –"
"I'm deeply sorry I caused you such distress! I got carried away and I shouldn't have. Please forgive me," he pleaded, his eyes filled with remorse.
She shook her head, bemused. "Forgive you? For sharing your thoughts – your very BEING – with me? For allowing me to touch Heaven, if only for a moment?"
"You almost got lost! And had you lost yourself, I would have been powerless to bring you back!" The thought so distressed him, he had to look away.
"But I didn't get lost," she retorted, gently but firmly. She so wanted to dispel this guilt that was gripping him. "Daniel. Daniel, look at me." When he finally did, Carolyn held his eyes with her own. "Do you regret what we just shared together?"
He wanted to shout that yes, he did indeed regret it, but the words caught in his throat. He couldn't lie to her. "God help me," he whispered hoarsely, "but no, I don't."
She rewarded him with a brilliant smile. "Good. Because I don't either." She grew serious again as she relived the experience in her mind, some of it slowly sinking in. He had quite literally bared his soul to her, something she knew couldn't have been easy for him. Because, somehow, she had managed to gain his trust, she had caught a glimpse of just how wonderful – how beautiful – he truly was, and it humbled her to think that she should be the recipient of such riches. "Thank you so very much for sharing yourself with me so completely," she said with emotion, "and for showing me what I can look forward to… in the afterlife," she finished a little regretfully.
His eyes grew bright at her words, and his own smile was heartbreakingly sad. "I'm afraid I just made things harder on both of us."
"No," she assured him. "I'll carry the memory of this day to my grave. I swear I'll never forget that touch," she vowed as she gazed deeply into his eyes.
"Well, as long as you're going to remember something…" He vanished once more and took her hand gently in his own, bringing her palm to his lips and placing a tender kiss there. He then lowered it to his chest, bringing it to rest right above his heart. "Remember also that this is yours. I leave it in your keeping."
She barely had time to savour the touch before he reappeared, becoming intangible again. She looked up into his wondrous blue eyes and smiled through her tears, already missing the closeness, even though she knew it was branded on her soul forever. She watched as he inclined his head at her before vanishing one last time, leaving her to her thoughts. She sighed deeply as she rubbed her hands, unconsciously trying to recapture the delicious tingle of the Captain's touch. Then she froze as she felt the now familiar sensation, trailing a leisurely path along her cheek. She turned quickly, only to see the drapes billowing as the French doors opened and to hear his parting words to her on the wind.