A/N: This is a one-shot songfic, set right after 3x11's "you can't kiss me again" porch scene. The song that inspired me is "No Light" by Florence & The Machine. I only used the parts i thought relevant to my story, but if you listen to the song, it can be used to describe Delena in basically every way. i highly recommend taking a listen. :) (and of course i do not own these characters or the song- i simply own my awesome writing skills.) Happy reading!
you want a revelation
you wanna get it right
but it's a conversation
i just can't have tonight
Elena's eyes shifted as she watched Damon walk away from her porch, his words still heavy, fresh in her mind. It's right. It's just not right now.
When she said he couldn't kiss her again, she had known deep down that if he'd tried, she would have given in. So why did she even say it? what are you feeling guilty for, elena? She could imagine Caroline saying. For Stefan? Because he loves you?
Elena retreated back into her house, leaning against her door frame as she secured the lock, another not so distant memory making its way to the surface of her thoughts.
That's right Stefan, because you love me. Because you owe me.
But whatever she might have thought was owed to her was clearly gone now. Whether Stefan didn't care or was pretending not to care, she couldn't tell. But i can't love a ghost forever. I won't. And after what he'd done at Wickery Bridge...Elena could forgive a lot of things. But the question was, could she ever forget- could her love for him even ever be the same once everything was said and done? Would there even be any love for him left, and what kind of a person was she, to question that? It was always supposed to be Stefan. But then there was Caroline again, her words reverberating across Elena's conciousness.
Just admit it, elena. Damon's gotten under your skin. you're attracted to him. it says you're human.
you want a revelation
you want a resolution
you want a revelation
The conflicting thoughts were too much. As Elena headed up the stairs, determined to clear her head, she almost stopped into Jeremey's room, out of habit, before realizing he wasn't there anymore. She sighed, already missing her brother- but she knew it was for the best. She was the one who had made that decision.
And of all the decisions she'd made, playing God with people's memories- she couldn't even figure out which Salvatore brother to love. All she knew was that her resolve to never give up on Stefan, that her love for him that she'd felt burn so brightly even when he was gone, was diminishing with every look he'd given her since the night he'd stopped them all from killing Klaus. Something had changed irrevocably.
And then there was the looks Damon had been giving her. The promises. The rescues. The training lessons. The forced confessions. The trust and the doubt and the pain, all shared between them. She'd felt sympathy with her whole heart for Stefan and his pain when he'd talked of his past, but with Damon...it had become empathy. Like his pain was hers to share. She'd never felt so emotionally tied to another person, and it scared her more than anything- more than losing Stefan, more than losing herself. The one thing she couldn't admit was that Damon's pain was something she couldn't handle.
He shouldn't effect me like this. Like i said, it's not right.
But the thought of the light leaving Damon's eyes when she flat out refused the only thing he had to give her- his love- didn't feel right, either.
no light, no light,
in your bright blue eyes
i never knew daylight,
could be so violent
Maybe Katherine was right, Elena mused. Maybe it's okay to love them both.
But the problem was, she didn't think she loved them both- at least not in that way. She was pretty sure she knew who she was in love with now. And even if she never told a soul, she didn't have the luxury of lying to herself anymore.
"I don't love you anymore, Stefan," She whispered into the quiet darkness of her room, her hand at her necklace, thinking of the times Damon had recovered it for her, and not of the original time she'd recieved it.
"And I'm not sorry."
you can't choose what stays,
and what fades away.