Author's Note: This is a collection of thirty one-shots all set in the Homestuck-verse. They might contradict each other, since, unless otherwise noted, they aren't directly related to each other.
Prompt: "Remember: as far as everyone else is concerned, we are a nice, normal family"-me
Summary: On the raising, or lack thereof, of children destined to save the world.
Character(s): John Egbert, Dad, Rose Lalonde, Mom, Dave Strider, Bro, Jade Harley, Grandfather, Beq
Spoilers: Shouldn't really be any, unless you haven't read enough to know who all the humans are.
John's dad takes very good care of him. John has never wanted for anything, except maybe a mother, and even then he's never felt as if he needed one. Okay, so most people think his dad's a little crazy, but John knows the truth: his dad's just a big fan of pranks, same as him. So no worries there, or anywhere else. Yeah, John could do without the baked goods from the she-devil, but his dad buys the groceries, so if his dad likes Crocker, Crocker they will eat. John can live with that, even if he won't eat it.
John grows up laughing.
XXX
Rose knows her mother is insincere about everything. She doesn't quite know how long she's known this, but she knows that they are engaged in a silent contest of wills and, because her mother holds the advantage, her mother always wins. This struggle has taught Rose a lot and, ironically, prepared her for Sburb—constantly fighting someone who has the upper hand means that she is used to looking for ways around the rules, and so she is able to come up with her grand plan for destroying the game. In a way, she could almost be thankful to her mother for this, but now she will never have the chance to tell her something so simple as "thank you".
Rose fights Jack with the taste of regret in the back of her throat.
XXX
Dave's bro is the coolest. Everything he does is the essence of cool irony, and Dave wants to be just like him. He emulates his bro's sense of irony, learns rhymes and rhythms to share the sense of creating something cool, and fights with his sword until he can't stand up. Dave knows that some people think it's child abuse, or some shit like that, but he's always been good at helping his bro cover. He doesn't want to leave, after all, and They'll make him leave because They just don't get how the brothers Strider work. It's odd and ironic and cool and not something for normal people.
Dave can't completely accept that the Alpha timeline requires his bro's death.
XXX
Jade grew up alone. Her grandfather died when she was very young due to an accident that she has recently learned is the fault of a troll. The only other living being on her island was Beq: good dog, best friend. She had her dreams of Prospit and Pester Chum to communicate with the others, but she had no real human contact. It's why she wanted so badly for John to wake up on Prospit, why she hoped that Sburb would facilitate a real-life meeting, why she doesn't completely shun the trolls. She's had no one to teach her how humans interact. Jade doesn't know the million and more small details that most people pick up by watching the adults around them.
Jade learns how to be a member of society through Sburb.