Mostly Human I
- Listen to the Advice on Candy Wrappers
The day Uzumaki Naruto died started out like this.
Birds chirruped their annoying morning songs in the branches of trees, which rustled with the cold winds. It was chilly that day, the sun partially blocked by patches of clouds that hung around threatening rain. The roads were wet from last night's rain and this morning's dew, and Naruto's sneakers squeaked obnoxiously with every step.
Naruto kicked at pebbles on the sidewalk, slightly grumpy. If he had things his way, he wouldn't even go to school that day; what sane person wanted to waste an hour and a half at orientation, anyway? He shoved his hands into jacket pockets. Feeling something amongst the used tissues, he poked around in the left pocket and dug out a wrapped piece of heart shaped candy.
"Huh," he said to himself, and transferred it to his empty right pocket for safekeeping. He brightened slightly when it occurred to him that Kari-chan, his foster mother, must have slipped it into his jacket to remind him to cheer up! And he could offer it to Sakura-chan, since girls seemed to like the whole spontaneous-nice-gifts gig, but--
"No way she'd take it," Naruto said out loud, uncharacteristically pessimistic, "And it'll hurt if she smacks me again." Rubbing his head, still tender from where Sakura-chan punched him yesterday, Naruto pulled out the candy and started to unwrap it as he waited to cross the street.
There weren't any cars in sight, and Naruto, wanting to get the day over with, popped the candy into his mouth and started to cross the road, eyes focused on reading the tiny letters printed on the inside of the wrapper. He squinted at it, expecting something sappy.
Look...
Look both...?
"Look both ways before crossing the street!" Naruto read cheerfully, before stopping abruptly, "...huh?"
HONK!
Naruto looked up into the headlights of a transport truck and for one heart-stopping moment was frozen in place--
"Oh, shi--"
--
"Uzumaki Naruto," the looming, shadowy figure boomed from behind the podium. It shifted slowly from side to side, as if looking for the boy in question.
"Uh, here," Naruto squeaked. He was the same height as what he guessed to be equivalent to the shadow's ankle, and his neck was starting to hurt from staring up at it. His back felt too hot, and he couldn't remember how he'd gotten to school.
"Step back a bit, boy, we can't see you," the shadow demanded.
"S-Sorry." God, this was intimidating, Naruto groused internally, couldn't high-school orientation happen like middle school? No over dramatic lighting, and nice, pretty older girls showing the cute freshmen around?
The shadow paused, and for a moment, Naruto freaked. The shadow's voice had sounded vaguely feminine- what if he'd offended it with his thoughts? Wait. "You can't read my mind, right?" Naruto asked, just to be certain.
To the blond boy's surprise, the shadow and its podium shrank-- or maybe he grew. Suddenly, he found himself facing a pretty, pale woman seated at a black desk. She smiled slightly at him. "Of course not."
Naruto couldn't help but shiver, unable to return to smile. She had very sharp teeth -- like a shark. "So, uh," he said, plowing on as he was wont to do, "I get my schedule from you? Where are the other students?"
The woman's expression changed, and she was suddenly not the somewhat friendly secretary she had been before. It was like all the oxygen in the room had been sucked away, replaced with liquid nitrogen that froze his lungs with every breath. Naruto swallowed the lump of fear in his throat as she replied, "You, Uzumaki Naruto, are Late."
"I-I'm sorry?"
She nodded curtly and lifted a piece of paper and a black ribbon from her empty desk, handing both to Naruto. His schedule was printed in blood red ink on the paper; Naruto gave it a glance before stuffing it in his pocket. He looked helplessly at the ribbon in his hands, where his name was written in elaborate letters with the same red ink that shimmered oddly.
"Your school ID," the woman said before he could ask, "Goes around your neck."
"Uh..." He wanted to ask if he had to-- Naruto had enough people doubting his masculinity, what with his height, or lack thereof.
"Mandatory."
"R-right." Not wanting to tie it in a bow, Naruto nervously left the ends trailing. The woman gave it a disapproving glance, and suddenly the ribbon was very snug. Naruto reached up to touch it, and found the trailing ends gone.
"I-I don't-?"
"Leave it. Welcome to Hell. Enter to the door to my left."
Okay, that is not a good first message to give to nervous freshmen, Naruto thought, nearly hysterical. Something was very very wrong with this school. Turning, he saw that behind him had been--
--a wall of flames?
Naruto realized that his voice was probably totally gone by this point, but he turned back to the secretary to maybe mention the extremely hazardous fire hazard he'd apparently been standing in front of. But he abruptly noticed the pointed red horns poking out of her hair, and the long tail that curled around her feet. He shut his eyes tightly and walked more quickly to the door, painted with the design of a large pair of eyes.
"Dreaming, I'm hallucinating," Naruto muttered to himself, putting a hand on the warm handle, "I'm still in shock from nearly being hit by a truck, I'll come back later and she'll just be a normal creepy secretary, there will not be a wall of fire--"
He opened the door and nearly fainted.
"Well, well. Look at that," the creature standing at the board said. Its hair writhed as if it were made of snakes, its scaly wings tipped in claws just like its fingers, all dripping with blue venom. Its face was that of a bird of prey, but the rest of it was a grotesque mix of dinosaur and alligator. It turned to the class, to its 'students' that also appeared to have walked straight out of a nightmare, and announced almost viciously, "Fresh meat."
A/N: Thank you for reading! Tell me whatcha thought?