A/N: QLFC. Captain of the Wimbourne Wasps.

Finals Round 2 - Oh, That's Such a Cliche

We've all seen them, the ones we pretend not to like but really, we can't help ourselves. I'm talking about the overused cliches stories we've all read. Each position has a choice, and the 'originality' portion of the judging rubric will be very important this round, because we want you to put an entirely new spin on your chosen cliche!

CAPTAIN: Choose either a MarySue/GaryStu, Marriage Law or Bodyswap fic. My chosen prompt is: GaryStu - using Severus Snape.

Severus walked through the Great Hall, a cacophony of wolf whistles accompanying him as he strode to the head table where the rest of the teachers sat.

He growled at the sound of the whistling. The last thing he wanted was to be thought sexy! Right now, more so than ever, he could quite cheerfully kill Harry Potter. It was that bloody boy's fault in the first place that this was happening now. That blasted little bastard. Snape was sure it was a deliberate act – he would bet all the gold in Gringotts that Potter had set it up so that his cauldron would explode just as he was checking that their Potions were being properly brewed.

XOXOXO

"Potter, what are you doing?" Snape had said in his usual surly fashion, which in turn startled the young teen.

The shrivelfig that Harry was supposed to be chopping into small pieces fell from his hand into his brewing potion. As Snape stepped closer, the contents of the cauldron exploded all over him, leaving him covered in a layer of grey-ish goo.

"Merlin, Professor, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were behind me..." said Harry hastily, trying to appease the furious Potion Master.

"Get out of here, now!" said Snape with quiet menace.

Harry quickly packed his bag and ran from the dungeons before Snape could change his mind.

"Miss Granger, clean up this mess," snapped Snape as he strode away.

Snape headed for his private stores momentarily before he went off bang. Bloody arrogant Potter – how he would love to expel that boy right at this minute. But, unfortunately, Dumbledore would never agree to his precious Potter being expelled.

The goo had started to set. Snape had a tough time removing the glop from his face and hair. Especially his hair. It felt like he must be surely ripping it out by the roots. But as he inspected the hardened goo, he found no traces of hair. Finally satisfied he had removed all traces, he returned to the classroom.

As he did, one of the Gryffindors spotted Snape as he re-entered, and promptly dropped the jar she was holding. Silence stilled over the class. Eyes popped in every direction – in his direction.

"I don't know what has caused all this commotion, but get on with your work before I put you all in detention," said Snape warningly, but the class seemed to have been turned to stone. "Mr Malfoy, have I grown an extra head?"

Malfoy blinked and shook his head. He stared in amazement at his head of house. He'd never seen him look so... good. His sallow skin was now bright, plump, and healthy looking. His hair was no longer greasy. It shone, and was full of body. The dark eyes seemed to sparkle, even in the dim light of the dungeon.

"Professor, I think you should maybe have a look in here," said Hermione timidly as she held out a hand held mirror she had just conjured.

Snape frowned in annoyance but moved quickly towards the girl and snatched the mirror from her outstretched hand.

As he held the mirror up and started to take in what exactly it was he was seeing, his mouth fell open as if he'd just been poleaxed. What in the name of Holy Morgana had Potter done? Slowly, he lowered the mirror and caught sight of all the girls eying him in appreciation. He grimaced in annoyance. He had no wish for these pubescent females to adore or worship him. There had only ever been one female he wished had adored and worshipped him, and she was gone – gone and never coming back.

The bell rang to signal the end of the lesson, dragging his thoughts back to the present.

"Dismissed," said Snape irritably as Pansy Parkinson had just had the nerve to wink flirtatiously in his direction.

Once the class was empty, Snape raised the mirror still gripped tightly in his hand. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His head was spinning. For once in his life, he actually looked bloody good.

XOXOXO

Of course, the news spread around the school like Fiendfyre. Cautiously, he made his way out of the dungeons. He was still dressed in his bat-like robes, but now no one seemed to be paying attention. They were all focused on his face, eyes, and hair. Staff and students alike gaped at this new Severus Snape. Whispers followed him as he headed towards the Great Hall for lunch.

XOXOXO

For the next few days, Severus had to put up with a certain amount of teasing from members of staff. Dumbledore's blue eyes seem to sparkle mischievously every time he encountered his Potions Master. But the headmaster held his tongue. The one teacher who seemed unable to hold his tongue was Alastor Moody.

"Well, well, well looking good," said Moody upon his first encounter. He grinned hugely as he watched Snape's jaw tighten. Oh how he loved to wind the fellow up.

He watched as Snape's hand twitched as if he wished to pull his wand out of his robe pocket and curse him into oblivion. This made Moody chuckle.

"I hope you have more sense than to try that, Severus," mock-growled Moody threateningly.

Snape bit his tongue and swept away.

XOXOXO

Once upon a time, the girls of Hogwarts would only tease each other about fancying Severus Snape to be snide. Now, if anyone was heard saying anything nasty about Snape, the girls would reply that he was a poor lost soul who needed a bit of love and understanding. This caused much consternation among the male populace.

"Since when has Snape been a lost soul?" was the question on every male's lips.

"Since always," the girls would haughtily reply.

This caused much guffawing.

XOXOXO

No matter how hard Severus tried - and he did try – everything he did was absolutely perfect. No matter how severe he was, the girls would giggle adoringly, finding it cute, and would coo quietly to each other 'isn't he a mister grumpy pants today?'. It made Severus grind his teeth in frustration as he overheard their ridiculous banter.

In any class where he demonstrated how to brew a perfect potion, the girls would applaud him as if he were some clever artiste. But he didn't find this as annoying – he felt it was about time these little snot-bags appreciated the subtle science that went into creating the perfect potion. He only wished he'd gained the appreciation before his, er, transformation.

As he walked the corridors, the bolder girls would wink and wolf whistle at him. Not used to the attention, his face would flush bright red. Again, the girls found this highly adorable, and would 'aww' at him as his face filled with colour.

He was getting desperate. How he longed to be the greasy haired, sallow faced, overgrown bat of former. But he could find no way to reverse the effects of the potion. Oh, how he'd tried! He felt he'd read every single book in the library. But nothing helpful had jumped out at him. Right now, he was facing having to live the rest of his life with these silly simpering little girls making goo goo eyes at him.

He even attempted to try flying again. Having been so bad at it in his youth, he figured if he managed to spectacularly fail at it, maybe they would leave him alone. But it was not to be. As soon as he kicked off from the ground, he found he was soaring through the air with such ease and grace. This also caught the attention of the girls - which in turn gained him an even bigger following and caused Severus even more frustration.

He was going to have to face it. He was doomed to be the perfect male specimen.