Title: Goodbye My Lover
Author: Ellibells
Summary: One-shot, Season 5. Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt was inspiration for this fic. Chair as always. Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Each kiss was more desperate than the last.
A/N: I was listening to my iPod when, Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt started playing. I was totally unaware of how alike this song was to chair and I couldn't help but start writing. I cried buckets writing this and I haven't changed anything about it. The original version, nothing added or taken out, just straight down into words from my heart, song on repeat, laid in bed. I hope you like it. :')
She had sent for him and with all the will he had, he wanted to say no; to tell her it was wrong, but what he heard in her voice and in her eyes told him this was the last thing he would be able to provide her with, their last piece of memory, the last piece of him he could give to her before she was lost in an others man's arms, til death do they part.
Did I disappoint you, or let you down.
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown.
As he watched her saunter towards him with her perfect silhouette, he wondered if this is what it would have felt like on their wedding; the love of his life walking down the grand aisle, wearing a flowing white gown, smiling like it was one of life's simplest pleasures, knowing the man waiting for her was the only one for her, the only man who could make her feel special with merely a smile.
'Cause I saw the end, before we'd begun, yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
If wondering was all he could do now, he would take it. All he had left we're the 'what ifs' and the now; she walking towards him, to be taken in his arms, for one final time.
So I took what's mine, my eternal right,
took your soul out into the night.
The way he looked at her as she approached him so cautiously yet so casually as if it was any other day, another time, another place, made her heart sink, thump at an increased arm, yearn to be wrapped in his arms and smell.
As he sat there watching her pace towards him, she imagined if she was the only girl he would ever look at like this; so entranced and mesmerised as if she was the only women in the room. To him, she was and would always be.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
He could spend his loneliness pining for a brunette, attempting to replace her perfection with someone else with vague similarities, he wouldn't. He wasn't a boy anymore, not after her.
You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when, my heart was blinded by you.
"You sure?..." He asked in vain one last time, taking her small hand in his larger one following her nod, leading her to the empty elevator, knowing that the moment she agreed, there was no going back. His heart wouldn't let him; his mind was too clouded to respond otherwise.
They knew their surroundings all too well, but the pull for one last visit was too forceful to deny. They'd come full circle: the hurt, the happiness, the loves, the lies, the peace and the pain.
The end.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand. Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell...I've been addicted to you.
Touching as many surfaces as she could, still gripping his hand tightly, they lead their way into the darkened place she once thought of as their sanctuary.
Letting his jacket hit the floor silently, hers did the same. Lips crashing, bodies colliding and arms looping.
Everything about it felt right, the perfect fit. She let his scent overwhelm her senses as the sweet smell and taste of scotch and a hint of smoke hit her tongue and nostrils. Pulling him a little closer, remembering the homely smell his embrace would always possess.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
Each kiss was more desperate than the last but in the midst, it was still achingly slow and calculated.
He couldn't help but allow his hands to roam every plane of her body one last time, taking in everyone ounce of her, every texture and every smell.
She imagined if this is what it would have been like if this wasn't the end. The simple pleasure of holding each other, claiming their love for one another so plainly.
She clung to him like he was her last hope, like she knew it would be the last time they would hold each other like this. So innocently yet so guiltily.
I am a dreamer and when I wake, you can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me, remember us and all we used to be.
His hands were firm but light as he gave a silent plea to stay like this forever. Risking it all, he would rather have nothing than not have her. But it wasn't his choice to make.
She knew, by the look in his eyes as they kept her identical ones caught, that he would give anything to prolong the agony of losing her. Not because he wanted to hurt but because he didn't want to believe it would end. The agony reminded him that the throbbing in his heart would always be for her. For what they had.
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine, and I love you, I swear that's true...
...I cannot live without you...
She knew the evidence was there before the warm tears hit her bare chest, chilling her heart, only making her hold him tighter against her as their naked bodies wrapped each others senses. Savouring the tender moment they had left to bare.
"Never leave me..."
She begged him and he didn't deny her as he moved his lips to the smooth skin of her bare chest, kissing her heart for a longing moment, promising he would never leave her.
She couldn't help but believe every action as she clenched her eyes closed, keeping the feel of his lips, his promise on her for as a long as possible, forever.
Running her arms across his hairy chest, tickling her fingertips like so many times before, she did the same, chastely vowing with her lips what he had done her.
With each touch, a tear slipped. He resisted from wiping the remnants away, instead kissing her damp cheeks, her doing the same, salty tears mixing their lips with kisses that could last a life time and tell a thousand memories, emotions.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
Not wanting to lose her touch so soon, he pulled her close to him, his arms wrapping her from behind, grasping her hands in his against her chest.
He could feel the thump of her heartbeat as they lay in a sweet surrender, his felt by her against her back, inching her away from reality with each pound. The rhythm keeping her distant from reality and close to him.
And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time, when I'm kneeling at your feet.
As their breaths mixed in the darkness of the room, memories flashed in his mind.
"Blair, will you-..."
"You'll never marry anyone else…You're mine!..."
"I meant it, Blair…with all my heart…."
"I'm not going anywhere without you…"
"Tell your prince where your heart truly lies…tell him…tell me…"
Losing the battle to stay awake, he dreamt of what it would have been like to have her. To be the father of her children, carbon copies of them both; innocent and loved. To be the man she woke up next to every morning for the rest of her life. To be the man who she would unconditionally love til death. To be her family.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
It wasn't long before he woke.
As he watched her sleep, he allowed his hand to grip hers for a moment longer; remembering the feel and tranquility of having her in his arms like nothing mattered.
Slipping away. Leaving the sleeping beauty in this bed. He wouldn't be back here, in this place and neither would she. It was a piece of their past but the only memory he needed was the touch of her lips on his heart.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
He was anything but unaware of the implications he was leaving behind as he brushed one last curl through his fingers, watching the chocolate lock drop from them before leaning in for one last time, for one last kiss.
"I will always love you..." He whispered, hoping the words would mar her skin and keep him their, in her body and mind forever.
Picking up his clothing and the remnants of what was left; he felt her stir and knew. She could feel him slipping but didn't resist him.
Opening the door, he turned for the final time as she whispered after him.
"I will always love you..."
A/N: Normally I ask for a review at the end of my fics but when I finished writing this, I couldn't help but not want to do that. This was written straight down as I laid in bed one night, listening to Goodbye My Lover on repeat. It's me; it's Chuck and Blair I hope. If you feel you want to review, by all means do, it will make me so happy, if not, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it :)