Every story begins with 'Once Upon a Time,' including Jack's.
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Ianto Jones, and he was afraid of the monsters that lived inside of his closet…
A. Every story begins with 'Once upon a time'
There was a man named Captain Jack Harkness. He was a very good Captain taking care of his people the best ways he knew how.
He lost some of them, our dear, dear Captain, but he always tries to take care of them and keep them safe. He tries to protect them, but sometimes it backfires because they're grown-ups who don't really need his protection.
And sometimes they're right.
And sometimes they're wrong.
But the Captain will always be there either to protect or comfort, but never to say 'I Told You So.'
He made difficult decisions so that they wouldn't have to live with the guilt. He could live with the guilt.
He already did.
Our Captain's story doesn't have an ending.
It can't have an ending, because he can't die.
The man who lives forever.
Alone, and lonely. Always lonely.
The only one of his kind.
So no 'And they lived happily ever after.'
But it does have a 'Once upon a time.'
…
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Ianto Jones, and he was afraid of the monsters that lived inside of his closet…
B. Monsters in the Closet (1989)
Ianto Jones was smart for his age.
He was six years old, and he already knew all of his addition and subtraction tables. He read big, kids books (like all of the Chronicles of Narnia) and had a fascination with electronics.
He was six, and smart, but he didn't have much of an imagination.
So his parents were relieved when he started complaining about the monsters in his closet.
The only problem was that the monsters in his closet were real.
His older sister Rhiannon made fun of him, and teased him. She would hide in his closet and jump out and scare him whenever he went in his room. It had him bursting into tears and running to his Mam for comfort.
Something that his Tad wasn't really fond of. He would chastise Ianto and sometimes even lock him in the closet so that he could face his fears. Ianto would curl into the farthest corner, away from the noises of the creatures that seemed to be coming from inside the walls.
One night Ianto decided that he was going to run away.
He had packed his bags and was ready to jump out of his bedroom window, when a man wrapped in a big coat fell from the sky and landed right on top of his Mam's garden which was right outside of his window.
He looked down at the man curiously who had yet to open his eyes. He was dressed in Military memorabilia. Ianto remembered that from when he had gone to the museum of history with his Mam and Rhiannon that Saturday.
They had been having an exhibit about World War II, and Ianto had just finished watching a documentary about it on the Telly.
The man gasped, his eyes opening wide as he sat up. Ianto jumped and scrambled back at the sound letting out a little noise.
He made his way carefully over when the man hadn't gotten up, and all he heard was harsh breathing.
He looked over the window sill and saw that the man had turned so that his back was against the house.
Ianto hooked his hands on the sill and leaned over saying, "Who are you?"
The man jumped and turned around quickly looking at him. Ianto cocked his head to the side as the man scrutinized him.
"Captain Jack Harkness," he said slowly in a weird accent that took Ianto a moment to place.
So this man was American, and a Captain.
He got down to the matter at hand, "Are you here to deal with the monsters in my closet?"
The Captain looked at him again before asking, "What monsters?"
Ianto gave him a small smile and held out his hand, "Why don't you come in and look? They're really scary. My Mam believes that they are there, but Rhiannon and Tad don't believe me."
The Captain stood up still looking at Ianto curiously.
"Rhiannon," he mouthed to himself. He cleared his throat and took Ianto's little hand in his, "Your name wouldn't happen to be Ianto Jones, would it?"
Ianto beamed at him, "Yes it is."
The Captain just smiled at him softly before letting go of his hand.
"Alright then," he said clapping his hands together once. "Let's have a look in your closet shall we?"
Ianto nodded his head and stepped back.
The Captain pushed the window a bit up and jumped through head first doing a somersault and landing perfectly on his feet. Ianto smiled a bit at that and pointed over to his closet.
The Captain wordlessly went over there and placed his hand on the doorknob. He turned to look at Ianto, "Scared?"
Ianto pushed his back against the wall and nodded a bit.
The Captain smiled, "I'm here now. There is nothing to be afraid of."
Ianto nodded and for some reason felt more reassured when the Captain told him that, than when his own Mam did.
The Captain opened the door slowly, and then pulled back the right sleeve of his coat where there was a leather strap. He opened it, and Ianto saw that there were buttons and flashing lights. He pressed a few buttons, and it filled Ianto's closet with a blue light. Then it started making a beeping noise. He turned back to Ianto who had stepped closer without realizing it, "So the bad news is that there are monsters in your closet."
Ianto jumped a little at that eyes wide.
"The good news is that I know exactly what to do to get rid of them, but I'm going to need a cup of water, and some salt."
Ianto nodded and ran to the kitchen.
He quickly found a cup and filled it with tap water, before grabbing the stool and pushing it over to the counter where the cupboard where the salt was kept was. He climbed up quickly and grabbed the salt and scurried back to his room.
The Captain was still pushing buttons on his wrist strap. He smiled when Ianto returned and grabbed the two items from his hands. He drank some of the water until it was halfway empty and then poured the salt in until the water reached the top again. He entered Ianto's closet and placed the cup down on the floor in the corner from where the voices always seemed to be coming from.
Ianto stepped closer and peered curiously into the closet.
The Captain kneeled down then put a hand around his shoulders, "It's called a Banshee because of the terrible noises it makes when it actually materializes. It doesn't seem to have enough power to materialize, but the properties in salt water attracts it, and the crystals imprison it."
As the Captain spoke, a green glow seemed to be filling the cup.
Ianto watched eyes wide as the salt that had sunk down to the bottom of the cup turned a sickly green color until the water was clear and the salt was all green.
The Captain picked up the glass and smiled looking back at Ianto, "See?"
Ianto nodded.
"Now," he said walking over to Ianto's bedroom door. "I'll dispose of this, and you go on to bed."
Ianto crawled into his bed, and heard the toilet being flushed.
He snuggled down on his pillows and the Captain came back holding the cup he used to rinse his mouth after brushing his teeth with some water in it, "Drink this."
Ianto drank the water because he was thirsty. Catching monsters was apparently thirsty work.
Ianto felt his eyes droop, and saw an unbelievable sad look cross the Captain's face. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Ianto's forehead and whispered, "You are safe now, Ianto Jones."
Ianto fell asleep content and feeling safe.
When he woke up, he knew that the monsters were gone.
He just didn't know how.
C. He Just Can't Stay Away (1989-96)
Jack didn't know what it was about Ianto that had him wanting to keep an eye on him.
He had reported to Torchwood the morning after the incident with the monsters in the closet, and had explained to them the situation he found himself in.
Rift displacement. He had fallen through the Rift and had ended up twenty-one years into the past.
They had suggested that they kept him frozen, but he had refused. He was already in there, and he remembered how uncomfortable it was in there. Besides, enclosed spaces still gave him the creeps after being buried alive.
So they all decided that it would be best if he kept a low profile, after all twenty-one years wasn't that huge of a gap. And that they would call him if he was needed and his counterpart was busy.
So here was Jack, about eighteen years before he actually meets Ianto, watching over him.
It was kind of ironic if you thought about it long enough, which Jack tended to do some nights when he didn't want the company of a stranger in his bed, but couldn't talk to any of the people he knew because they were all most likely still in middle school, and the people that he knew now already knew him.
At least watching over Ianto was a good way to pass the time. The kid seemed to attract a lot of alien activity though something which shouldn't have really surprised Jack. He will be working for Torchwood after all.
Some of the alien life forms that seemed to manifest around little Ianto was pretty harmless, but a lot of it wasn't, and that's where Jack stepped and saved the day.
Not that any one knew he did.
And he took care to cover his tracks. It would be really bad if anybody recognized him.
Everything flowed smoothly for a few years, and Jack found himself becoming a creature of habit.
During the day he would stay home more often than not sleeping in, slipping out around noon to grab a cup of coffee at the nearest café wrinkling his nose at the first sip. No coffee would ever taste as good as Ianto's coffee, and he was going to have to go without it for at least twelve more years.
He wondered if he could sneak into the Hub once Ianto started working at Torchwood Three and steal several mugs full.
He then would check in at Torchwood who more often than not had some sort of job for him. He worked under the Codename Zero, and it brought memories of jobs that he had been requested for and was to busy to actually reply to. He had always sent back a reply as soon as he was able, but he had always gotten back the message that it had been taken care of by Agent Zero.
After each job, he would check in on Ianto to make sure that there was no threatening alien activity around him.
Watching Ianto grow up was a strange experience. Especially because it gave him the realization that he really didn't know Ianto as well as he thought. There was still a lot of things that his beautiful Welsh man hadn't told him. All revolving around the relationship he had with his father. Everything pretty much revolving around his family. Ianto would talk freely about his sister, and talk proudly about his father, but he never mentioned his mother. And from what Jack could see, they had a wonderful relationship. Jack realized it now, and it made something twist inside of his gut.
So he kept his distance and watched everything unfold, and never interfered. Not even when his mother died. Jack resisted the urge to go over there and comfort the small boy that no one was comforting.
But he didn't. He couldn't. It might change the path of the future, and Jack was pretty content with how everything is, was, will be.
What he didn't realize was that that first night that he fell through the Rift and landed in six year old Ianto's backyard, was what was going to change everything.
D. I Remember You…(1996-2000)
It was just a tiny whisper. A light breeze that swept at his mind, and manifested in his dreams. Bright, and huge, and filled with the colors blue and green, and left him more confused than anything.
But there was one thing that it could never forget.
A name.
A Captain…
…Captain Jack Harkness…
Ianto gasped awake like if he had been slammed back into consciousness.
He groped blindly under his pillow until he found his journal. He twisted around and fumbled for the lamp switch on his dresser knocking over his alarm clock which blinked the time 1:45 am which told him that there had been another light surge.
He managed to get the light on, and he twisted so that he was sitting with his back to his headboard. Gathering his knees to his chest, he set the journal on top of his lap and opened it to a brand new page.
It had been last year when Ianto had just started seventh grade that his Creative Writing teacher had suggested that he keep a dream journal. It had been because Ianto had started out writing book reports and research papers, and had someway or another ended up writing about the things he dreams about.
It was usually a lapse that happened whenever he hadn't been sleeping well, and was fighting with his Tad which happened more often than it probably should.
So now Ianto double checked all of his written reports, and wrote down whatever he remembered from his dreams whenever he woke up like he did just now.
The dreams would be unusually vivid then.
He always saw the same things. A man standing by his closet, but he was obscured. The only thing that Ianto could make out was the coat. A great big military styled coat. The cup of water with all the salt congealed at the bottom. That would slowly change to a sickly green color as if someone was adding food coloring to it.
He always heard the same things. The voices coming from the closet. Scratchy, screechy, hoarse noises that usually woke Ianto up. The flushing of the toilet in the bathroom. The footsteps of someone walking away. The swish of fabric against wood. And another voice, in an odd accent. He remembers hearing it speak to him in his dreams, but when he woke up he could never remember what it said.
But this time it was different.
This time he could remember one thing clearly, more clearly than anything.
"Captain Jack Harkness," he whispered tracing the letters on the page smearing the ink a bit. He closed his eyes as a headache hit him fiercely. He resisted the urge to cry out to his Mam because she was gone, and all that would gain him would be a week of no computer access, and Ianto really liked the internet.
Especially now, as he booted up the computer taping his finger a bit impatiently as the dial up connected.
Once he was online, he immediately went to the search bar and typed in, 'Captain Jack Harkness.'
He felt another twinge of pain and winced, but pressed enter.
It was probably a good thing that it was Saturday night/Sunday morning because Ianto spent closed to ten hours clicking links and printing out anything that looked slightly suspicious.
Even if it wasn't obvious. Someone had taken great care to erase the name from the internet. The closest that Ianto got to it was to a WWII list of fallen soldiers. But then there was the mention of a Captain with a coat like the one in Ianto's dreams several years later in Vietnam.
From there on it blossomed.
By the time Ianto finished with the computer and had printed out everything that he thought had something to do with the mysterious Captain, it was well after seven in the morning.
He turned off the computer and gathered all of his papers before staggering to his room and crashing down on his bed.
He took the pile of papers and stacked them on the other side of his bed where no one could see them if they just entered his room, and he leaned back against his pillows hoping to at least get four hours of sleep before he made an attempt to trace the time line.
He succumbed to sleep murmuring, "I'll find you Captain…"
…even if you don't want me to…
Jack really wasn't in the mood for it today.
It had been about three months now that he felt the sensation that someone was following. At first he had laughed about it because he wouldn't put it pass himself to have him followed around just because there was a rumor that they looked alike.
He did remember doing that, but it had been right at the beginning. When he had first arrived at this time. Maybe he was doing it again, but then why didn't he remembered? Could be that he retconned himself to make him forget. It did sound like something he would do.
So he ignored it and went on about his way.
But today had been one of those days, and he wasn't really in the mood to deal with himself.
What shocked him was that he wasn't dealing with himself at all.
He was dealing with fourteen year old Ianto Jones.
Jack watched with a slight grin on his face something that felt like pride swelling in his chest as skinny little Ianto who still hadn't hit a growth spurt and was tiny followed him around on his skateboard with a camera hanging around his neck.
One of those cheap disposable things.
He saw all of the inane things that Ianto photographed him doing and had to smile a bit.
Ianto's mind was an extraordinary thing if it managed to get around the retcon and uncover the memories Jack had hidden from him.
He wondered what the trigger was.
He waited until Ianto had finally fallen asleep which hadn't been until about three in the morning. So even now he was a night owl.
He sneaked into his room through the window, and took a few moments just to watch him sleep.
Jack could already see the man that he was going to become, and it made him yearn to be back in the right time line with his Ianto, but that was impossible.
He cleared his throat and turned around then stopped.
Right covering the entirety of the right wall was a time line that stretched out to the 1800's until now. And all of the dates, all of the information, and even the pictures, all of it had to do with him.
Bits and pieces of information that separate really said nothing, but together like this in that order, it spelled trouble.
How was that even possible?
Jack had made sure to wipe any and all information about him from any records. And yet this fifteen year old boy had found a paper trail that lead back to when he got stuck.
Innocuous things like a receipt when Jack bought hair spray with a credit card from the eighties, and even a letter that he had written and had never sent.
No matter how impossible or improbable it seemed it was there, and Ianto had found it.
Now Jack knew that Ianto was good with sorting and filing, he had after all fixed the Torchwood Three Archives to perfection, and then had integrated the ones from Torchwood One and all in under six months.
Jack had been suitably impressed.
But now, right at this second, he was flabbergasted.
He just couldn't wrap his mind around it.
How was it that there was still so much about Ianto that he didn't know?
He turned away from where he had been boring a hole into the wall as if willing it to disappear and looked at Ianto. The boy had twisted in his sleep and had revealed that he had fallen asleep writing into his journal.
Jack smiled fondly at the many times he had awoken during the nights to the scratching of Ianto's pen as he wrote in his journal.
He walked over and glanced quickly at the page.
The words written there were the reason that Jack had left that room, and had left Ianto's memories intact.
He would fall asleep a few hours later with the words ringing through his head, "I'll always remember you…
…even if you want me to forget…
It's on Ianto's fifteenth birthday that Captain Jack finally comes to him.
It was something that Ianto had been expecting to happen sooner.
He knew someone with the skills to literally make themselves disappear off the face of the planet would realize it if someone was looking for them. And Ianto was being deliberately obvious.
The only thing that he hadn't done yet was jump in front of him waving his hands in his face. Ianto was seriously considering making a huge neon sign that pointed to his bedroom with the words 'Captain In Here.'
It shouldn't have surprised him that what made the good Captain visit him again was the fact that he had gotten caught shop lifting at the electronics store.
He was leaning back against his headboard a book in his hands, his journal lying closed at his side. There was a file stuffed full of new pictures, and new articles he found at the library. He was going to add them to his time line later.
He had vaguely toyed with the idea of pretending to be asleep but had quickly decided against it. The best way to deal with a man like the Captain was to take him by surprise.
He didn't look up from his book when he heard the swish of fabric on wood, but his heart skipped a beat and then began pounding furiously.
Ianto had figured out about two weeks prior that he was slightly attracted to the Captain no matter what the time line suggested his age to be. And it was all a bit disconcerting, especially after the conversation with Rhiannon that had him more confused than anything over his sexuality. The one thing that did remain clear was that his father was never to know.
He waited until the Captain cleared his throat to say, "I've been expecting you for quite some time now."
He looked up when the Captain moved closer, and was instantly lost in those blue irises that seemed to radiate warmth and amusement as he said, "Sorry to have kept you waiting."
Ianto quickly looked away feeling slightly flustered, and closed his book on his finger marking his place as if he wanted to get back to his book and the Captain was bothering him. The truth was that he had already read the book.
"What triggered it?" he asked sitting on the edge of Ianto's bed without even asking. Ianto felt himself flush a bit, because (A) The Captain was sitting on his bed (B) the same bed that Ianto had relieved himself with thoughts of the Captain for the last two weeks (C) The Captain's thigh was so close to his foot that he could feel the warmth radiating from it.
He cleared his throat gathering his knees to his chest so that he wasn't even close to touching him and thought about the question. What had triggered the memories?
"Your name," Ianto said clearly. "Captain Jack Harkness. I remembered it from my dream and went searching for you."
Jack had turned to his time line, "By the looks of it you found me." He turned back to Ianto a curious look in his eyes, "How exactly did you manage to do that?"
Ianto shrugged, "It was pretty easy once I started looking for the clues. It was pretty crafty. You hid yourself very well, sir. But there is always a paper trail if you look for it hard enough."
Ianto looked at his time line and sighed, "It took me about a year to finally get it right."
He looked back at the Captain to see that he was looking at him with an expression in his eyes that Ianto did not know what to do with.
"Just when I think you can't surprise me anymore," he shook his head standing and then looking serious.
Ianto wanted to ask him what he meant by that but was sidetracked when the Captain slipped his fingers into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle that he rattled.
"You're old enough for me to tell you what it is," he began about to open the bottle.
Ianto scrambled back, standing up on his bed and shook his head, "No! I'm not taking that. Those things messed with my head, and gave me nightmares that were really half remembered memories. And they made my head hurt whenever I tried to figure out what was going on. So, no! I won't have it! If you want me to forget, you'll just have to do it by force."
Ianto finished his tirade breathing heavily and looking over the Captain's shoulder as to not see the determination on his face.
He moved and Ianto flinched pressing his back against the wall.
"Whoa," the Captain said quickly slipping the bottle into his pocket and raising his hands up in the position of surrender. "Pills are gone. See? Now please calm down, I won't make you do anything that you don't want to do. Okay?"
Ianto nodded and took a deep breath before leaning against the headboard and sliding down.
They stayed in silence for a few minutes while Ianto calmed his beating heart. The Captain shifted from foot to foot while Ianto shifted and pulled his knees to his chest plucking at the hem of his pajama bottoms.
"Ianto listen," he began stepping closer and kneeling on the side of the bed so that he right next to him. Ianto rested his head on his knees and looked at him.
"All of this that you know, all that information about me, is something very dangerous to know. There are people out there, people that would kill to find out information like this. Do you understand that?"
Ianto felt his heart race again, but he nodded his head because he did understand.
"So you understand why I want you to take the retcon?"
Ianto nodded again swirling the word retcon in his mind and applying it to the memory drug.
"I understand it, but I'm not going to take it," before the Captain could speak again Ianto held up his hand.
"Just listen ok?"
The Captain nodded slowly.
"I am very careful. I can hack into any security system and reroute the signal so that it looks like it's someone from Indonesia who's hacking into it. I have left no trace behind. The only reason you saw me was because I wanted you to," he grinned at the Captain's stunned expression. "I've been following you for about two years now. And you've probably known only about the last eight months right?"
The Captain laughed at that, and the sound reverberated in Ianto's head, and he greedily stored it away so that he could remember it later.
"What am I going to do with Ianto Jones?" he asked shaking his head eyes still bright with amusement.
Ianto shrugged his shoulder and tightened his arms around his legs, "No idea! But what I do know is that I'll still find you…"
…even if you make me forget…
It's not that Jack didn't like the fact that Ianto was following him. It actually made him feel giddy for a second, before he remembered that this Ianto was under the age of eighteen and that was still illegal in this country.
He did pout about it, for all of five seconds, before Ianto did something that amazed him, and they started the process all over again.
He ended up falling into another routine that consisted of everything he did before except this time at midnight he would sneak into Ianto's room and talk to him. Tell him stories about his past lives, about his immortality, and the way Ianto looked at him his eyes half amazed half skeptical, he knew that he did not believe one word that Jack was saying, and that was fine by him.
And everything was fine, for a little while.
And then it all went to hell.
Jack wasn't sure what caused it to happen. Didn't know how they found him, but they did. Two time agents found him, and tortured him for information. For two days they relentlessly tortured him, but he didn't break. Then they brought out the mind probe, and Jack was glad that he repeatedly changed the codes for the Hub, and that there was no way that they could be able to infiltrate Torchwood.
What he did regret was the fact that they found Ianto in his mind? And what perfect way to get him to crack?
Jack screamed at them to leave Ianto alone, and then they killed him.
And the only thing that Jack could think of when he came back to life was of Ianto.
He raced to find him to make sure that he was alright, to make sure that they hadn't found him. Glad again that he has ways to lie in his thoughts, and that they were racing towards London thinking that the boy was there. When in reality, Ianto was still here in Wales.
Ianto's room was empty when Jack finally sneaked his way in, and he spent two minutes hyperventilating before Ianto appeared freshly showered in his pajamas toweling his hair dry.
He started when he saw Jack there and before either of them knew it, Jack had his arms wrapped around him and was lifting him off his feet spinning him around.
"You're ok," he murmured over and over into his hair before he set him back down on his feet and pulled away.
Ianto patted his shoulders and gave a deep breath, "Yes, I'm okay. Are you okay? It's been three nights since I last saw you. And you usually tell me when you're going to be gone for long. What happened?"
Jack just looked at Ianto eyes wide and bright and so full of caring, and Jack could see it deep in there, just a little bit of love. Love, Ianto was in love with him. Well not in love with him, but falling in love with him.
And it was too soon for them.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
Jack wasn't supposed to do this. He wasn't supposed to know him yet. They weren't supposed to know each other yet.
He sighed, and Ianto stepped back eyes wide with understanding and just a little bit of fear.
"No," he whispered shaking his head. "You can't."
Jack stepped closer, and Ianto stepped back. Jack just kept stepping closer until Ianto had his back against his door with nowhere else to go. He placed both his hands on either side of Ianto's face caging him.
Ianto just shook his head eyes brimming with tears his voice shaking and his accent making some of the words unintelligible, but Jack could tell what he was saying, "Please, don't. I haven't done anything. No one knows. No one can track anything back to me. Just please don't take them away."
Jack sighed heavily, and leaned down until their foreheads were brushing, "I have to."
Ianto shut his eyes and the tears ran down his face. Jack moved his hand and brushed his fingers over his wet cheeks, "Please understand Ianto, there are bad people here. Bad people who will find you and hurt you to get to me. And I can't have that Ianto. I can't."
Ianto just shook his head opening his eyes and looking pleadingly at him.
"Jack," he whispered and something jumped deep inside Jack's gut because this Ianto has never called him Jack before. It was always Captain or sir. "Jack, please don't. I'll go into hiding until you catch them. I won't leave my house. Just don't do this."
Jack closed his own eyes and sighed deeply, "Yan, I…"
"Fine," Ianto cut him off voice cold and steely, and he pulled back to look at him. His eyes were determined, and Jack remembered this look well.
"You want me to forget," he whispered. "Then force me to, because I am not willingly taking that pill."
Jack felt stunned for a second before he pushed away from Ianto and shook his head. He knew he couldn't really force Ianto to take the pill, because Ianto would be wary of anything Jack would give him, but there was another tactic he could try.
He felt disgusted for a second about what he was about to do. But he knew he had to do it. It was the only way that ensured that Ianto was safe.
He whirled around and quickly took out one of the pills. He placed it in his mouth pushing it under his tongue and swirled back around.
He trapped Ianto against the door again, pushing his head back and sliding his fingers into his hair, and leaned down whispering, "Please forgive me."
Before Ianto could say anything, Jack pressed their mouths together. He licked at Ianto's mouth and pulled at his hair a bit a movement that caused Ianto's mouth to fall open in a gasp. Jack probed his tongue in tasting toothpaste and a flavor that was purely Ianto and that he had missed so much. He pushed and pulled and angled Ianto's head back some more, and Ianto's hands scrambled against his shoulders his fingers gripping at his coat and sliding into his hair and thumbing his cheeks and then wrapping around his neck and stroking his collar bones. And Jack slipped his tongue back inside his own mouth inviting Ianto's tongue out to play. His tongue brushed the roof of Jack's mouth, and Jack pulled his tongue in and then pushed it out taking with it the pill and slipping it into Ianto's mouth pushing it back, and then rubbing at Ianto's Adam's apple to get him to swallow. He kept kissing him until Ianto's participation began to get sluggish, and he began hitting Jack on the shoulders pushing him back weakly.
Jack let Ianto go. Ianto slid to the floor with a gasp and tears and murmured, "No."
He looked up at Jack eyes accusatory. Jack ignored the half made protests and picked Ianto up and carried him over to his bed.
Ianto pushed him away as soon as he was in his bed turning around and burying his head in his pillow. Jack leaned over him putting a hand on his back as it shuddered with his sobs. He tried to push Jack away, but Jack just ignored him and pressed his lips to his temple.
"I am so sorry, Ianto," he whispered. "You're going to fall asleep, and you won't remember ever having met me. Normal every day, mundane things will fill in the spaces in your memory where I was. You won't remember anything I've ever told you or anything we've done together. I will be gone from your mind."
He pulled back as Ianto breathed out and fell into a deep sleep.
Jack sighed and closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.
"It's not forever," he whispered. "We'll meet again in your future, my past. And we'll be happy even if it felt like it was for a little while."
He cleared his throat opening his eyes again looked at the time line that still took place on Ianto's wall. It made his heart hurt, but carefully took it all down. He put it away and then searched the entire room for anything at all that would remind Ianto of anything. He grabbed the journal and was glad that it was a new one, and it didn't have any mentions of Jack.
He grabbed the other ones that mentioned him, and put it all in a bag that he had gotten Ianto a few months ago.
He took one last look at him, and slipped out the window for the last time.
It took him the whole night to re-do the time line on his wall, but he managed it.
That and a bottle of tequila kept him company.
Along with Ianto's voice in his head.
…and even when I'm not sure of who you are exactly…
Ianto graduated in the top of his class and acceptance letters from the three top schools in England.
There were a few parties right after the graduation a whole bunch of his classmates got together to start the summer off because in just a few weeks most of them would be integrating themselves in their dormitories and their new college lives.
Ianto didn't go to any parties. He had already said his goodbyes to Belle and Leon who were his only friends at the school. They were both heading off to England to get a head start on finding an apartment. They were going to be staying with Leon's aunt, and they had left right after graduation.
After getting home with Rhiannon and his Tad, Ianto quickly changed out of his ceremonial gown. He loosened and pulled off his tie and then closed and locked his door. He too a deep breath and tried to loosen the feeling of claustrophobia that was sneaking up on him. He pulled off the white button down shirt, leaving only his white undershirt and slipped on a purple jumper.
He grabbed the small bouquet of daisies that were sitting in a vase on his desk and wrapped a piece of paper around the stems. He climbed out of his window and began walking to the Cemetery.
It was a ten to fifteen minute walk, in the cool crisp air. Ianto clutched the flowers tighter in his grasp, and tried to control his emotions.
Today there was a whole rollercoaster full of them.
Wishing his mom was here, and that feeling that tickled the back of his mind that told him that there was something important, something big and important that he was forgetting. But he didn't remember, couldn't remember. It was a bit frustrating, but mostly just left him sad.
What could be so important, and yet he'd forgotten it?
Then there was his Tad, who seemed to be proud of him for graduating at the top of his class, but at the same time he seemed to be disapproving. He couldn't really understand that at all. What more could he give him?
He wasn't going into a school to do with computers. He was following in his footsteps and going into business. What more could that man possibly want?
He slowed his footsteps as soon as he reached the cemetery gates. Hope Springs Cemetery. Kind of sad name if you think about it.
He walked over to his Mam's tombstone thoughts lost in cherished memories, and he gave a sad smile.
He kneeled down on the floor and set the flowers down right on top of the dead ones he'd left before.
"Hey Mam," he began clearing his throat. "I graduated today. Top of my class. Tad was so proud, and I do believe that Rhi was a little jealous. I did graduate with a full number grade higher than her." He gave a broken laugh and cut off. He blinked back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him and sighed looking at the flowers by his knees, "I wish you'd been there."
He looked up at the sky wistfully and couldn't help but feel like if there was someone else that was missing, besides his Mam. Someone important, maybe that important thing that he couldn't remember.
He felt a twinge of pain at the back of his head, and the whisper of something brushing across his conscious, but not quite strong enough for him to grasp it.
He spent the next few minutes talking distractedly before getting up suddenly. He turned around and heard a soft rustling. He had felt like if he was being watched.
He wrapped his arms around his chest and looked back down at the grave. He whispered a soft goodbye and turned walking swiftly back to his house.
He climbed in through his window and pulled the jumper over his head. He threw it on top of his desk unmindful for a second and combed down his hair from where the static had messed it up.
He kneeled down on the floor right next to his bed and rummaged under it until he found the big heavy box where he kept his filled out journals. He pulled it out and opened it. He didn't know what he was searching for, but he knew that if there had been something then there had to be a paper trail. He seriously doubts that he would trust anyone or anything with all of his secrets. So hopefully this was a case where he had been unnecessarily paranoid.
He searched to no avail. There was however a gap in his writing for about two years. He hadn't realized that. He would've realized it if he had searched through them, but he never felt the need to.
What could've possibly happened in two years that stopped him from writing? Either that, or they were taken from him.
Whatever it was must've been terrible. But what could be so terrible that it would require total memory loss?
Ianto clutched at his head as the pain intensified a bit taking over for a few seconds before it subsided to a dull throb at the back of his head.
He shook his head and stood up leaving his journals in a disarray.
He stumbled to the bathroom, and washed his face almost harshly. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and for a second felt like if he was looking at a stranger.
He turned away and dried his face before heading out of the bathroom.
He walked into his room and shut the door firmly behind him before leaning against it closing his eyes.
He felt a small tickle at the back of his throat, and the ghost of a touch along his neck. He shivered and opened his eyes.
There sitting right on the ledge of the window sill was a small blue box with a silver latch.
He slowly walked over to it, not rushing because whoever left it was probably long gone. He touched the box slightly, and then tapped it and pulled his hand back.
Nothing exploded. But maybe it was wired to explode if you open it.
He then berated himself for being ridiculous.
Why would anyone want to kill him?
He snatched the box up and walked back over to his bed turning it over in his hands.
He sat down as his fingers skidded and caught on the silver latch.
He took a deep breath and opened it carefully mindful of how fragile it felt.
Nestled inside amongst gray tissue paper was a stop watch. An antique stop watch. The kind that had a cover and everything. He tilted the box and let the stop watch fall on top of his hand. He clicked the button on the top and the cover popped open revealing the shiny glass face. Ianto smoothed his fingers over the smooth glass, and traced the hollowed cover with his thumb before turning the watch around and looking at the smooth unmarked back.
Well mostly unmarked, there seemed to be a carving on it. Like a name or something.
Ianto tilted it so that the light shone on it and brought the words to sharp relief.
Ianto took a deep breath as the pain in his head exploded, because carved on to the back of the stop watch were the words, 'Property of Captain Jack Harkness.'
…I'll still remember you.
Jack knew that Ianto would remember.
He just couldn't find it in himself to care anymore.
He was tired of staying away.
And maybe this had always happened. And Ianto had known him all along. And maybe Jack was being crazy and rewriting their whole history together, but he couldn't find it in himself to care anymore.
Besides, he had never been too good at resisting.