A Study in Studliness and Sturdiness

by

thedragonaunt

'Oh, my God, that's Sherlock Holmes! Oh, my ovaries! He's so gorgeous!'

'Ssh! That's his girlfriend. She might hear you.'

'Who? What, her? Molly Hooper? Are you joking?'

'No, I'm not joking. They're always together. He works in her lab, most of the time.'

'That doesn't mean she's his girlfriend – though I bet she wishes she was. But he wouldn't look twice at someone like her.'

'Why not? She's really pretty, very clever – she went to Cambridge, you know! – and she's into dead bodies. I would have thought they were made for each other.'

'Oh, I don't suppose he'd kick her out of bed if she offered it to him on a plate but, look at him – and look at her.'

'What is your point?'

'Well, she's quite a…sturdy girl.'

'A sturdy girl? What's one of those?'

'You know…sturdy!'

'Do you mean fat? I can't believe you mean fat! Are you body dysmorphic or something?'

'Body dys-what? What does that mean?'

'Molly Hooper is NOT fat! And, even if she was, so what? Some men like…sturdy girls.'

'Yes, OK, but look at him. I mean…..just look at him. He's a stud!'

'And what, when it's at home, is a stud?'

'God, what planet do you live on? A stud is a…bloke like him! I mean, look at the cheekbones, the eyes, the lips and – oh, God – look at the butt on that! He is SO studly!'

'You're a letch, do you know that?'

'I am not! How dare you call me a letch?'

'Well, you have been perving over that man since the minute we walked in here. If he were a woman and you were a bloke, you would be a letch.'

'But I'm not a bloke and he is not a woman. He's a stud and she is a sturdy girl. And look at the way she dresses! There is NO WAY she is his girlfriend!'

'Sorry…are you the Clothes Police, now?'

'No! I'm just saying, she always wears such baggy clothes. She must have something to hide…'

'This, dear colleague, is a place of work, not a cat walk. She wears comfortable clothes that are appropriate to her work place. And, frankly, I like the way she dresses. She has a unique style, quirky! She's obviously an independent thinker, doesn't follow the herd. Unlike some people I know…'

'I take a pride in my appearance!'

'Well, good for you. And that's fine, by the way. And Molly Hooper is fine, too.'

'Oh-kaaaay! Sorry, I didn't realise you were Chairperson of the Molly Hooper Fan Club!'

'Oh, look, they're leaving. Ah! Did you see that?'

'What? I didn't see anything!'

'He put his hand on her bum!'

'He never!'

'He did! And… look at that!'

'Oh, my God! She put her hand on his bum!'

'Still think the Stud and the Sturdy Girl are not 'an item'?'

'Hrumph…'

'Finished your coffee?'

'Suppose so.'

'OK, we're due back on the ward. Come on, 'Sherlock'! God, you'd be a rubbish detective!'

ooOoo