This is a non-profit work of fan-fiction based upon the Star Wars films. All related characters, places, and events, belong to George Lucas, and are used without permission. This story, and all original content, belongs to the author, © 2005.

Love Breaks Your Heart
by Orianna-2000

A companion to my first Star Wars story: "For Padmé"; inspired by events in Episodes II and III.

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I have lived in fear since the moment I knew I loved Anakin. I've been frightened for him and frightened for us. On Tattooine I feared he would lose himself in the anger and despair surrounding his mother's violent death. On Geonosis I feared I would lose him before he knew how deeply I loved him; that we would die together before we even had a chance.

We were not meant to be together. That fact haunted my every thought. On our wedding night, I did not sleep, terrified that I would wake and he would be gone... swept away with the laughter of a cruel universe.

Even though I knew Anakin to be one of the most powerful Jedi alive, I could not help but tremble each time he kissed me goodbye, convinced it would be the last. Not even fate conspired to help us, for the Clone War took him again and again, so far from home.

Circumstance forced our times together to be brief – Anakin could not be away from the front very long, and our marriage had to be kept secret. A fragile facade rose around our relationship, a farce of platonic affection to keep the rumors at bay. Everyone knew when the ships landed, bringing the Jedi and their clone troopers home. Everyone rushed to the starports to cheer the returning heroes. Everyone but me, for fear that he would not be there... or fear that he would be and I would ruin everything by clinging to him in public and never letting go.

Every time I saw Obi Wan, still a dear friend, my insides clenched with apprehension. Had he come as the bearer of bad news? Had my Ani died? Did the Jedi Council know of our illicit marriage?

And every time I saw Anakin walking toward me, the lightsaber swinging from his hip caused a stab of distress deep in my heart. How could something as pure as love be forbidden?

The day I learned of my pregnancy, the feeling of doom cascaded over me like a waterfall. Emotions tumbled through me, ranging the entire spectrum from joy to despair. I wanted this child – Ani's child! – more than anything. Yet it represented destruction, for our union would quickly become irrefutably obvious.

What would the Council do when they found out? Banish Anakin from the Order he had served since childhood, without a doubt. Likely they would punish him as well, perhaps with exile, or even execution. As for our child, if they sensed any aura of the Force around it, they would take it the moment I gave birth, leaving me so very alone.

I felt desolate.

Weeks passed, then months, with no word from my husband or his Jedi master. Rumors circulated of great battles, fought and won, fought and lost. "Commander Skywalker is dead!" some declared, when no news came of the war's tides. Would that be my punishment, I wondered, for loving a Jedi? My heart shattered each and every day that brought no report. I thought I would surely die myself, and if it hadn't been for the tiny life within me, I might have.

One morning something drew me to the spaceport. I stood there in the shadows of the great columns for hours, watching every ship that came and went. When his ship landed, I thought it an illusion brought on by despair. The cluster of reporters and politicians waiting eagerly told me otherwise. As the ramp descended, I held my breath. After Chancellor Palpatine disembarked, two figures stood just inside the ship... but only one jumped nimbly out.

His hair had grown shaggy and he walked with a slight limp which told of a healing injury, but it was him. My husband.

Relief flooded through me like a tidal wave. The rumors – all false! He survived. Of course he survived! You couldn't kill a Jedi so easily, especially not my Anakin. And we could endure anything, so long as we stood together. I watched as he walked with the Chancellor and the leading Council members, content just to see him again from a distance. But then he bowed to the group and broke away.

How had he known? A Jedi has abilities beyond our understanding. Somehow he felt my presence there in the shadows. And more than that, he wanted to see me, for he had excused himself from the prominent citizens and headed to the dark place where I stood.

My heart quivered when he approached. A knot rose in my throat, and I felt tears sting my eyes. "Ani," I whispered. Then he held me and kissed me, and the rest of the world disappeared for a few moments. I memorized everything: the dusty, masculine scent of his tunic; the warmth of his left hand as it curved against my hip; the cool metallic touch of his mechanical right arm against my back; the sound of his heart beating so quickly beneath my cheek. I tucked this memory deep inside my heart. Nothing bad could happen while Anakin kept me safe in his arms.

All precious moments must end, sooner or later.

Beneath the voluminous robes I wore, my stomach swelled with child. I don't know whether he felt the protrusion when he hugged me, or if he sensed the life spark, so tiny yet so bright, within me. But he looked at me, and the overwhelming fear descended again and wrapped around me like a cloak. This child would cost us everything.

He accepted the news calmly. I hadn't expected that. Could it be he didn't feel the aura of doom which surrounded us? We stood upon the edge of a colossal precipice, disaster looming on the horizon, but he smiled and kissed me again.

This time, even with Anakin home, I felt alone.

Time passed, with storm clouds gathering around us. Things seemed calm enough, but I knew that soon hell would break loose and there would be no way to survive.

When disaster struck, I felt no surprise. The clones turned against their Jedi commanders. Around the galaxy, Jedi Masters fell, as the final pieces of a grand plan fell into place. Palpatine, the senator I once trusted like a beloved uncle, had turned against the Republic. He took control in a stroke of conquest which the people applauded. I felt sick, but numb. Only the gentle movements within my belly kept me focused on reality.

From my window, I watched the Jedi Temple burn. In my heart, I knew Anakin was there. And yet... I didn't fear for his death. A strange emotion settled into my stomach. All at once, I knew there existed a fate worse than death.

When Obi-Wan came and asked if I knew where Anakin went, I kept silent. Though I didn't want to believe his words, I could see in his eyes the truth, and it tore me apart.

How is one supposed to act while dying?

I nearly fell to my knees and wept, but a stronger urge propelled me. I had to find Ani. A murderer he might be, perhaps even the killer of innocent children, but somewhere inside he was still my husband. While my world fell apart, I struggled to hold onto that hope – Anakin was still my beloved. No matter what he'd done, the sweet little boy I knew on Tattooine still existed. Surely I could redeem him.

The fires of damnation burned around us as I faced him for the last time. Even when he accused me of corroborating with Obi-Wan, I tried to fight the inevitable. I loved him. He still loved me, I could see it and hear it. Everything he'd done had been for me and our child! In the end, our love is what tore us apart.

When I saw with my own eyes what my beloved had become, I felt my heart break. Invisible fingers wrapped around my throat, but the touch was not his. At last I gave in to the surge of pain. Before I lost consciousness, I saw the tears glisten in his eyes. He loved me, even as he killed me.

Numb and heartbroken, I could not fight to live. The nameless fear I'd dreaded every day since I fell in love with Anakin had finally happened; the pain was worse than anything I could bear. Not even for our children could I summon the will to live.

They say that love will break you. In the end... it did.