Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon
Warning: This fic is rated M for mature and will contain harsh language and some adult situations so if you are sensitive to this, I recommend you do not read any father. Also this chapter is also rather depressing, so don't expect rainbows and sunshine people.
Hopeless
By: Polaris
Usagi:
Cigarettes
I think I must be a bad person. That there must be something wrong with my head, how can I be so stupid. There aren't so many things left for me to lose but I have lost them all.
My morals went out the window, along time ago.
My prospects never existed in the first place.
I lost what ever dignity I had last summer.
And now I have lost the few people who ever gave a damn about me.
I really should learn to keep secrets.
Especially my own
He left me. He really let me. He packed up his things and left. "It's better this way." That's what he said, better if I don't get involved. Can he really truly not know that he was the only good thing for me to start with?
"Please…please don't do this."
I begged and I cried.
"Don't leave me. Heero, please don't go." I always knew that whatever he did, whatever his job was, it was dangerous. I knew that two days after I met him.
Danger isn't something that excites me, nor does it scare me.
Couldn't he see that?
Didn't he understand?
It didn't matter as long as I had him. Nothing mattered as long as he was there. I have long ago stopped caring whether or not I live or die, just don't leave me alone.
It doesn't matter, during the day. I can find enough mundane tasks to keep from the unpleasant thoughts at bay, but at night… there is nothing with which to busy my mind. The empty space beside me in bed keeps growing, making me feel all the more alone. It's so hard at night, hard to find a reason to go on.
How melodramatic I am.
Who cares if your boyfriend left you? Life goes on, get over it, right? But… you don't know the whole story; you don't know that he was the last person, the only person I trusted never to leave.
When I was with him all the bad, unpleasant memories just disappeared. And now that he's gone… I'm fucking drowning in them. And no one seems to want to pull me up.
I stopped at the corner shop next to my apartment building, to pick up a pack of smokes. It's sort of a long kept secret that I'm a smoker. Which means that no one other that myself, and the shopkeeper named Steve (who's real name is Larry) knows that I smoke.
One pack of Newport's to make it threw the day,
that and two anti-depressants.
I work in marketing at a big time corporation in Tokyo. My friend Rei, who I've known since junior high is the manger of my department.
I make a fair living. Enough that the dingy apartment I'm living in with 'sometimes' running water, seven floors and no elevator, leaves enough in the budget that I could afford a second dingy apartment with 'sometimes' running water and still be able to join Minako (another long time friend) in her weekly shopping spree for the latest brand name shit we don't need.
I'm almost positive that my job is the ideal, and has no downside… except possibly for the fact that Heero, my ex, works right across the hall, hence the anti-depressants.
I'm late for work. This has become somewhat the norm, since two weeks ago, when Heero left. I have a tendency to sleep past the alarm which Heero cured with his 'early morning delights' (which, in case you're wondering has a sexual undertone).
The fact that post beak up I have also had to stop by to see the rather lewd shop keeper 'Steve' to pick up my coveted Newport's may also add to my misdemeanor.
Stepping into the rather large fifty-six story building I join the many high-end business men and women in there all too busy day. Flashing security my badge I scurry through the lobby my favorite black stiletto pumps with the cream colored bow clacking across the marble floor.
Reaching the elevator I reach out to press the glowing yellow button. I stand waiting for the little glowing numbers to reach my floor, my feet have all ready begun to ache slightly from my almost four inch heels but when your 4"11 you need all the help you can get.
The door chimes and I step into the dimly lit space.
I fiddle aimlessly with the silver locket around my neck, fingering the delicate floral print. The three silver chains hang long, down to my bust. The door chimes again at only the forty-fourth floor and opens to reveal the one person who can shoot my semi-happy mood to shit.
Heero steps coolly into the elevator in his immaculate Armani suit, and for an instant I contemplate sticking my tail between my legs and charging from the elevator onto the forty-forth. And I might have too, if it hadn't been for my damn pride.
I shift desperately closer to the wall feeling the bile rise in my stomach.
I glance up at the numbers on the adjacent wall as they climbed ever so slowly upward. There was a soft ding and the fifty-fifth floor opened to us.
Without so much as a glance Heero sauntered out of the elevator, leaving not but a gust of wind in his wake. I composed my-self and clicked down the hall.
The bastard hadn't even looked at me. Not even a sideways glance, the audacity. For him to pretend that I didn't even exists, a fly would have attracted more attention.
That bastard, that god-damned bastard, pretending that I was no one, nothing worthy of his attention, like that last two and a half years never even happened.
And me, caring about that bastard, sitting up at night crying myself to sleep over him, how stupid, what an idiot I am. I open the door to my department smiling at Kyoko at the desk.
I reach the door to my office in record time, I twist the handle and walk in. I hang my cream colored heathered wool trench with the big buttons on a hook, before slowly closing the door.
Pressing my back to its frame I stood head in my hands. The half sleeved black turtleneck I wore seemed all too confining, but it didn't matter much I probably wouldn't ware it again anyway.
Grasping the locket around my neck I unhook the latch opening it to see a small heart shaped picture of at the party that took place nearly three years ago at our mutual friend Quatre's villa in the Bahamas.
We stood basking in midnight lips pressed together in light a kiss.
Hello everyone! Wow I actually wrote something haha aren't you proud. I've taken an extremely long break and changed my pen-name this is an extremely rough copy of my new story. I had thought I had lost interest in all GW/SM crossover stories but I guess I was wrong. So I have actually finished the first chapter which is absolutely amazing and I am thrilled (I hope you all are too). I don't know how my updating schedule is going to work but I will tell you that reviews give me a hell of a lot of incentive so review bitches lol jk but, I would like to hear what you all think. Also if anyone's interested I need an editor, my grammar sucks almost as bad as my writing so…help me please!
Ja,
Polaris