Authors note: This is post Bare, Ivy pregnant and a songfic all in one! haha hope you enjoy. The song in italics is Jon Mclaughlin's So Close, which i do not own, and I also do not own Bare... though I must say, I wish I did.
Also, I know not many people in the Bare-world love Ivy, but I felt she deserved a bit of a reprieve. I mean, i know how she feels, besides the pregnancy thing. give it a chance? might be worth it. btw, i know that jason doesnt act very jasony in this, but keep in mind that this is Ivy's fantasy Jason, not the real thing. The real thing would be his room with Peter all day ;D :] rate and comment!
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The priest is rambling about something, probably homosexuality again, but I'm far past paying attention. I'm already on my way to hell, I may as well daydream in church. I zone out, staring at Peter. I feel bad for him, poor kid. He looks like he's in pain. I imagine Jason beside him, bumping his shoulder, trying to make him smile. I can't help but smile at the thought.
I can't help how jealous I am of that. They were perfect, when Jason and I never could be. And now I'm carrying this baby, a baby I want, while I know I shouldn't.
I'm staring at the empty space next to Peter, imagining Jason sitting there. He'd be asleep if he were there; he always fell asleep during sermons. I close my eyes, a tear falling down my cheek. I don't wipe it. It would draw too much attention to myself. I open my eyes again, and I see Jason coming towards me, graceful as an angel. He reaches his hand out, gesturing me to grab it and stand. He looks at me like I'm his world, his universe, his everything. And for the moment, I'm exactly that.
My fingers entwine with his, and he helps me stand. No one else is in the room anymore. Just him and I, because no one else matters. I feel weightless, which is new, considering my predicament. He touches a hand to my stomach, where our baby grows within me. He smiles. I blush. The effect one boy could have on me.
I know I should be furious with him. He abandoned me, and his child, and his best friend. How could I love such a person? But when I look into those soulful blue eyes, no words come off my tongue. His fingers touch my jaw, trailing along the line of bone, leaving a cold tingle behind on my skin.
Without words, his hands find their way to my waist, and he pulls me in for a hug. He whispers, "I love you." I smile, my giggle telling him the words I can't say.
You're in my arms, and all the world is calm, the music playing on for only two… So close together... and when I'm with you… so close to feeling alive.
He leaves his right hand where it is on my hip, lifting the other one to grab hold of my right hand, pulling it to rest on his chest. I wrap my arm around his arm, my left hand resting on top of his right shoulder, my fingers facing toward me. My head falls to his shoulder; I can feel his sweet breath on my neck.
A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop, so I bid mine goodbye and never knew. So close was waiting, waiting here with you, and now forever I know… All that I want is to hold you so close…
I take in the smell of his skin, a perfect mix of citrus soap, forest pine and his after shave. A smell I've grown fond of through the years. It's a smell I know better than any other. His head rests on top of mine, and I can feel his nose on my hair, gently sniffing. I still use the vanilla shampoo he always loved the smell of.
So close to reaching that famous happy end, almost believing this was not pretend. And now you're beside me, and look how far we've come… So far… we are… so close…
I really start to cry now, my tears staining his white dress shirt, which he wore only for church, usually. His hand comes off my hip, and we come apart a little. He lifts my face, and looks at me, confused. But without saying anything, he leans in and kisses the tears away. I'm scared for this moment to end, for him to leave again. I can't go on without him, and he sees it.
How could I face the faceless days if I should lose you now?
He pulls me back to him, wanting to keep me too. We hold onto each other tightly, our song coming to an end soon. Our dance slowing, my tears falling.
We're so close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this was not pretend. Let's go on dreaming for we know we are…
He whispers, "I'll always be close to your heart." But I can't agree. "Not close enough." I say, barely audible, the tears making it hard to speak.
So close…
He pulls away from me, and holds my face in his huge hands, holding my gaze for what seems like an eternity. For him it must be. "I'll always love you, and this baby. Always." He kisses me on the forehead, then starts to walk backwards, further and further away from me.
So close…
I fall to my seat, having never really left it, tears streaming. Church has been long over, but I'm not alone in the sanctuary. Peter sits beside me, pulling my face up to meet his own. His chocolate eyes sing understanding. He knows my heartache. Better than anyone. He loved him too. He wraps his arms around me, almost like Jason had in my fantasy, and he just lets me cry it out. I know I can never have Jason, nor did I ever truly have him. But I can dream. He'll always be close to my heart.
And still, so far…
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Authors note: Again I do not own any character in this, or the song. I was just bored and feeling writer-y. What do you think? and yes, i did need a LITTLE bit of peter in this. duh. :D comment!