Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. It's the property of Comedy Central, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone.

I've noticed on and to a lesser extent that slash has surged over the years. I don't hold ill will towards slash writers, but it's kind of annoying for someone who prefers gen and het for these many fics of the slash genre to be around (It needs to be balanced). Nevertheless, I feel obligated to write this story because of it. I promise not to be particularly mean-spirited, just understand that this is all in good fun and not meant to insult anyone's tastes...much. This is a South Park fic after all.

Also, just a warning to those of you reading this, Kenny will be unusually Out-of-Character, but I promise to give an explanation in the future that I hope will prove satisfactory; In the meantime just play along, m'kay? There are a few other things you might find inconsistent in here, but rest assured, there will be explanations for them too. Plus one type of terminology that's normally restricted to anime and manga slash...You'll see.

And on a final note: biggest shout-out ever to Cerisa for co-writing this fic...and the majority of this particular chapter.

And on a final note, if you leave a review, don't put "MORE" or "UPDATE" or "CONTINUE" I want constructive feedback, even if it's in the form of criticism (though any sort of praise wouldn't hurt either of course), show me that you care about the story and whether I or Cerisa are writing well or not. Speaking of which, I've edited this chapter to include transitions that went missing.

Let the show begin...

XXXXXXXX

Purples transitioned from black, to purple, to red, and to blue as the sun peaked over the Colorado Rockies...glistening with a dull but pristine handsomeness. Even through the clouds and snow, it was an alert for life to begin stirring again for the next 16 hours.

At this moment, daybreak was taking its grip on the town of South Park, Colorado as its own inhabitants began to pour into the streets, trudging through another garden variety day.

As dawn gave way to daytime, the "trudging" transitioned to parading as the citizens of South Park came to life. Only the sleepiness they felt earlier held them back from their lively demeanor.

South Park was a lively mountain community, so it was no wonder its own citizens were so spunky. It reflected on their clothing too. Their collectives were a sea of primary colors cascading through the...Ah fuck this prose, let's get straight to the point!

Every man and "young adult" in town proceeded through South Park normally. Blissfully inattentive that certain types of people were missing...what we would think should logically take up half the town.

However, this didn't seem to play on their minds at all...especially the couple making out on a street bench.

"Thanks a lot Craig" said Tweek Tweak as he parted lips with his boyfriend. "That should get me through the test." He said as his twitchy nature subsided.

"Any time my little Coffee Break." Craig said with a prominent wink before looking down at his watch. His enchanted smile disappeared, however, with a slight frown.

"Not now though," Craig began, "We'll be late if we stop to do another one, and I can't afford to get into detention over something as retarded as being tardy."

"Awww..." Tweek said, slightly disenheartened. It didn't last long though... "Hey, we have all the time in the world don't we?"

Craig smiled... "All the time...so let's hop to it."

The two boys marched away as if nothing happened...and so did the men passing by...the few that bothered to look smiled at the young love.

'Where's the stigma?' One wonders. Surely even in a tolerant and progressive town such as this one such a thing would be accepted, but surely doing it so publicly would have at least drawn some uneasiness to passers by?

In the immortal words of Lex Luthor: WRONG!

No one in the world ever saw anything wrong with this. As far as they were concerned, it was perfectly natural. Sure, anyone with a brainstem knows that attraction of that magnitude between to men is "natural"... but not to the point where no one bats an eye at it, not at this day in age.

Nonetheless, the two boys joined hundreds of others as they marched on to South Park High School...the nexus of society for people their age.

In the hallowed halls of this institute, Stan Marsh struggled with the fact that his best friend, Kyle Broflovski, didn't have the same feelings for him...Mostly because of stuff like this...

"B-boy Howdy Stan, I reckon since Kyle's p-puttin' the moves on the Mole and w-wondered if you were free." Leopold Stotch inquired to the raven-haired boy.

"Oh don't get so buggered Butters old chum, he obviously has the eyes for me!" Pip said in an uncharacteristically forceful tone.

"Guys..." Stan said, his face to the locker, away from the competitive "ukes."

"W-why're you even after him anyway? Ain't Damien you're semefriend?"

"...He wasn't the most permissive seme I've met...word of advice, he's quite the bloody bastard."

"Guys I..." Stan began.

"And it's not like Kyle hasn't rebuffed you're advances."

"W-well Gee whiz Pip, the only reason he'll even talk to me is b-because the Mole and Kenny won't p-put out, what am I s'posed to do?" Butters answered and asked.

"Well I do believe you and Kenny might have something in common...try and see if you can't reach out to him...I know he's been a little skittish when the other boys tried courting but-."

"Could you guys carry on this conversation somewhere else?" Stan Marsh asked; the annoyance audible in his voice.

"Oh I'm so sorry we forgot about you Stan, good chum. I do believe we have gone into a tangent. Could we make it up to you by-..." He never finished.

"Leaving me the fuck alone, I'm trying to have some "me"-time!" Stan turned around, his annoyance now visible on his face as well as within his voice.

"Well shucks Stan, why didn't you say so?"

"Anything for you seme!" Pip said, pumping his arm for emphasis.

As the two blonds took their leave, chattering amongst themselves, Stan turned back to his locker. "Ukes.." he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation.

He didn't feel that using either of those terms was necessary, but it had been the general fad at South Park High..most likely started by someone with too much time on their hands (and an obsession for foreign terms).

"Seme" was used to describe the tougher, 'stronger' males, the 'manly men' faction of the students...or to put it bluntly, the ones who were always 'on top'. While the opposite half, the "uke" faction...was the reverse.

You were either one or the other, no buts, no in-betweens! Stan was relieved, however, to be considered a seme...

However, there were some boys that weren't easily identifiable as either. Case in point: Kenny McCormick, who in a neighboring hallway, was having his own share of problems...

"Come on, 'KEN-DOLL', you gotta stop playing 'hard to get' and put out sometime now!" a gothic-looking boy sneered, as he pushed the other, squirming male up against a locker.

"N-no! don't!" Kenny shrieked, as he trembled, trying to break away.

"What is wrong with you!? You've got a lot of hot tail around you, yet you refuse to take advantage of that! YOU REFUSE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME!" the other snapped, as he moved in closer.

"I s-said GET OFF-" Kenny began, but was silenced by a pair of lips pressing against his, and a tongue shoving its way into his mouth, but only briefly.

"AAAAAAAARRRGH!" Kenny tore away from the attacker, screaming, as ran towards the end of the hall...

...Only to run straight into another boy and find himself impacting with the frigid tile floor. The gothic one wiped his mouth, smirking.

"You know, Kenny... I don't think you're a seme after all!" Kenny got to his feet, only to freeze in shock as he remembered the other boy standing there.

"Kenny, do you not want to play with me?" the geeky, curly-haired "Dougie" asked, his face sporting an eerily blank expression.

"P..p..please-" Kenny stammered, as he got up, still shaking all over.

"I want to play with you-" the boy continued, as he put a hand on Kenny's shoulder. Kenny's eyes bugged out, and he let out a bloodcurdling scream.

"DON'T TOUUUCCH MEEEEE!". Kenny tore off around the corner, screaming some more. Suddenly, the bell began to ring, and Kenny's expression only got more ridiculously horrified as he got swallowed up into a crowd...one which only had more horny young males.

"Sooo, Kenny, ya doing anything after class?" a filth-covered teen asked, the grime plastering his hair and skin clashing oddly with his preppy fashion sense. Kenny bit his lip, as he did his best to ignore. "Hey, Kenny, can't you hear meee? I'm talking to you-" the one known only as 'Dog-Poo' continued, grinning.

Kenny's lips quivered, as he tried to push through the crowd. He could've sworn that he felt someone grab his ass. "...Why ME?" he cried out, though the multitude of louder boys in the hallway drowned him out. Not that they'd care.

XXXXXXXXX

"I said no!" A crack was heard, as a falling silhouette streaked across a wall. A heavy black boot crushed a cigarette into the tiled floor, as an older-looking male with wild, dark hair stomped off.

The boy who had fallen was struggling to get up. A dark, purplish bruise was swelling on the left side of his jaw line as his dark green eyes watered up. "D-damn it..." he whispered, trailing off as he winced from the pain. The empty hall that he was in began to fill up with students as well...

Meanwhile, in one of the many classrooms, Stan Marsh sat at his desk, bored out of his skull. The teacher was busy droning on about a mathematics equation, while he tapped at the chalkboard with a piece of chalk. "Huh...could've sworn we had a different teacher..." Stan thought, as he sunk in his seat a bit, and closed his eyes.

"Psst!" Stan turned around slowly, to face Butters.

"...What now?" Stan asked tiredly. Butters held up a pink piece of "Hello Kitty" stationary that was folded up.

"Can you pass this on!?" Butters asked, grinning widely.

Stan's left eye twitched a bit. "Can't you just throw it?" he replied, turning back around. Butters blinked, but shrugged and began folding the stationary into an airplane-shape.

"Hey, Pip! Catch this!" he cried, as he threw the airplane across the classroom. Pip sat up in his seat, ready to catch it...only for another hand to beat him to it.

"HA! Let me see!" an overweight brunette snickered, as he began unfolding the note.

"H-hey, that's not fair, Eric!" Butters cried. Eric Cartman turned in his seat to face Butters, his tight red vinyl pants clashing with his pink satin blouse, that was unbuttoned at the top and exposing his flabby, hairless chest and 'moobs'.

"It is to me!" he shot back, grinning evilly as he began reading the contents of the note out, much to Pip and Butters' embarrassment. Stan yawned in boredom, only for a piece of chalk to hit him right in the head. "OWW!"

"Staannley Marsh! Pay attention!" the teacher yelled, as Stan rubbed at his head.

"Pssh..you'll have to excuse Stan! He's too busy worrying about how he'd get into Kyle's pants!" Cartman smirked as he leaned back in his seat. Stan glared at Cartman. He had to deal with this ALL the time.

"Leave your planning for your sex life for in between classes!" the teacher snapped, as he turned back to face the chalkboard. He momentarily turned back to face the class. "..And for the love of God, always carry some spare lube on you! You know how painful things get when it's rough-".

Murmurs of agreement were heard from some. Butters, however, looked confused. "Hey..wh-what's lube again?" he asked the student next to him, who only turned away in response.

Kenny sat at the back of the classroom, the hood of his parka drawn tight, grinding the lead of his pencil into his paper roughly; writing down an equation. Suddenly, he felt a hand tap him on the shoulder. He broke out into a cold sweat, as his pupils contracted.

"Hey Kenny, can I borrow your pen-" the boy behind him began, only for Kenny to quickly turn around in his seat.

"NO! Don't come near me!" Kenny shrieked. As Kenny went to turn back around, he lost his balance and fell to the floor.

"Looks like you scared him, Clyde..." one of the students whispered. Clyde simply shrugged, and reached over to grab Kenny's pencil.

Suddenly, the classroom door slid open. Stan looked up, as another boy entered. One that was all too familiar to him...

The teacher glared, as he looked over. "You're late, Kyle..." The red-haired boy sighed, as he rubbed at the bruise on his jaw.

"I know...I had an accident..."

XXXXXXXXX

"I just don't get it!" Kyle sat down, frustrated, as he held an icepack up to his jaw. Stan shrugged, as he stood by a window, looking down at the school grounds. The two teenagers were in the library, though they weren't alone.

"Hey, check this out!" Clyde pulled out a magazine from his backpack, as Craig, Token, and Jimmy came over to look.

"Hey, is that the new one?" Token asked, grinning.

"Yeah, believe it, it's hot. Uh...you'll like it, I think!" Clyde said as he opened the magazine up, and spread the centerfold out. A few other boys gathered around.

Stan turned away from the window. "So...what exactly happened between you and him again?" he asked Kyle, who was pressing the icepack harder.

"I don't even know why I bothered with him. I just...have the worst luck when it comes to 'pairing up'. Practically everyone is taken-" he grimaced. Stan sighed a bit. Kyle continued, his eyes narrowing. "There's no way I'm going with one of the 'Melvins'. I already have a bad reputation as an 'uke'-..." he made quotation marks with his fingers, "-as it is. Pairing up with one of them wouldn't make me a 'seme', it'd just mean I'm desperate. You wouldn't go with one of them, would you?"

Stan gave him an odd look. "No...I wouldn't..." he replied.

"Of course, why should I care?" Kyle asked, continuing on.

"Don't ask me..." Stan shrugged, as he sat down.

"That was a rhetorical question..." Kyle said flatly.

"Oh..."

"It doesn't help that when I do find someone who that's not 'taken', that they refuse...by punching me out-" Kyle motioned to the bruise.

"...'kay. Does he always do that?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh no...the other times, he just shoves me away, calls me a 'freak', just walks on ignoring me, or makes a face. I...don't think he's interested, Stan...you don't think he could be taken?" The Jew inquired.

"...Maybe..." Stan answered, looking up at the ceiling.

"But I never see him with anyone...it's like he's off in his own world..." Kyle trailed off, as he thought about what happened earlier that morning.

XXXXXXXXX

He had been walking down the hallway, after going through his locker when he spotted a tall, tanned, and slightly older, more 'mature'-looking boy at the other end. He had short, wild dark brown hair, heavy bags underneath his narrowed dark eyes, and sharp features. A cigarette hung from his mouth.

"Hey, Christophe!" Kyle called, as he made his way towards the taller boy. Christophe only grunted, as he glared at Kyle. "I haven't seen you in a while...what happened?" Kyle asked, as he stepped closer.

"...Why do you care?" Christophe muttered, as he took a drag off of his cigarette, and blew smoke in the smaller boy's face. Kyle coughed, as he scrunched his face up.

"I just was wondering...you seem to just come and go..." Kyle explained; the smoke stinging at his eyes. Christophe only glared. Kyle blushed, as he continued. "You know, if you aren't doing anything, maybe you could-"

"-No..." Christophe interrupted with a calm, cold demeanor, as he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth.

"But I-" Kyle began again.

"-No..." Christophe repeated, as he pushed past Kyle, dropping the cigarette.

"But wait, Christophe, you won't even let me fini-..."

"I said no!" Christophe yelled, as he swung a fist out. A crack was heard, as the fist connected with Kyle's face, and he fell backwards, hitting the floor roughly. Christophe barely looked at Kyle, as he crushed his dropped cigarette beneath his boot, putting it out. Kyle could only watch him leave, as he struggled to get up.

XXXXXXXXX

Kyle sighed, as he snapped back to reality. Stan was looking at him once more. "And what about-...?"

"-I didn't bother with Kenny this time" Kyle cut in. Stan shrugged.

"Guess Kenny's off in his own world too, huh?"

"Yeah...that's what it seems like..."

"I don't get what his problem is..."

"Do you think Christophe and Kenny are-..."

The two boys paused for a bit.

"You know..." Stan began, "...that would kind of make sense!" Kyle nodded, but then looked puzzled. "But wait...if they're together, Stan...who's the 'seme' and who's the 'uke'?" he asked.

"Has to be Christophe." Stan replied.

"Don't you think that'd be too obvious?"

"Well, you know how rough he is-"

"-Thanks for reminding me."

"But then...we don't know what Kenny is to begin with...so..."

"This is...awkward."

"You really think so? You asked the question!"

As this was going on, Clyde and the other boys were finishing up staring at the magazine. "T-th-that i-i-i-is so...so...s-so...ho...h...hot!" Jimmy stuttered out, as the other three nodded.

"You think they make 'em like that in South Park?" Clyde asked. "They make them fine in South Park!" Craig answered smugly, as he motioned to Tweek.

Pictured in the centerfold was a picture of an obviously naked young man with chin-length blonde hair, having his neck bitten by a red-haired male.

"Niiiiiccee..." the boys murmured.

The final bell rang out, signaling the end of the school day. Stan and Kyle moved along with the rest of the crowd, as they exited the school. Kenny did his best to stay at the back of the crowd, where he was sure that no one would be able to try and get a free grope on him.

Cartman, meanwhile, was shoving his way through the crowd, wearing a red jacket over his pink satin blouse that had the slogan "SEME-TASTIC" emblazoned on the back. "AY! Move the hell out of my way Ass-Ramee!" he yelled, as he pushed Tweek out of the way.

"H-hey!" Tweek cried.

"Don't you call my Coffee Break that, Fattycakes!" Craig yelled, as he held on to Tweek defensively, and flipped Cartman off.

"I'll call him whatever I want! I am more seme than you know, Craig!" Cartman snapped back, as he ran a finger down the seat of his vinyl pants.

"OH? Is that why your fashion sense is more like an uke!?" Craig shouted out. The other boys all burst out laughing. Cartman flushed red.

"A SEME CAN HAVE STYLE!" he screamed, as the others continued laughing. "My GRANDPA was a seme, and my dad was half-seme, so I'm definitely-"

"-A QUARTER seme?" Stan interrupted.

"AY! THAT'S SEME ENOUGH!" Cartman bellowed. "If you have a dad, how come we never see him?" Kyle asked. "I...I have one, damn it! Where else would I get my semeness from!?" Cartman stammered.

"Face it! Everyone knows I'M the 'alpha seme' here!" Craig smirked. "Isn't that right, Tweek?" he asked his ukefriend, who nodded.

"I don't think so!" Kyle spoke up. Craig glared at him, as did a few other boys.

"Oh really, what does an uke have to say about that?" Craig quipped.

"YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Cartman yelled. Craig turned to glare at Cartman, and then turned back to face Kyle.

"I'm saying that..that there's a greater seme than either of you at this school!" Kyle spat out.

Christophe stood a few feet away, hidden in the crowd. "What the hell's he thinking..?" he whispered.

"Oh yeah, who?" Clyde and Token asked, glaring.

"The answer should be obvious!" Kyle yelled, as he clenched his fists. Stan looked around at the other boys in the crowd, and then at Kyle. He wasn't going to miss his chance.

"That's right!" Stan said, as he came forward. "I...I'm the one he's referring to!" Gasps were heard throughout the crowd, and Kyle stared at Stan, baffled.

"Stan, what are you-?"

"I am SO seme! I...I'm as seme as they come!" Stan blurted out.

"Oh really?" Craig asked sarcastically, as he stepped forward. "Why don't we fight it out then, Stan?" he continued, as he got close to the raven-haired boy.

"You say you're a seme, but you're so spineless and a pushover! Not like our Craig!" one boy ranted.

"He's scared of snakes! How uke!" another boy snickered.

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, as he groaned. "Look...we can go ahead and fight it out right here and see who's the biggest seme of them all, Craig! Whatever...I don't care."

"Hmm..." Craig stroked his chin.

There was silence as the other boys stared. Kyle looked over at Stan, who was looking somewhat bored. "Why'd he have to do that?" Kyle thought, as Craig looked up, with a devious grin.

"I got it!" he spoke up. "I've got just the right challenge for you, Stan..."

"Really!?" Kyle shrieked. "You do?" Stan asked at the same time.

"It's not a fight, it's a dare!"

"Dare...?"

Craig turned to face Stan. "Stan...if you want to prove that you're really the biggest seme of us all, you're gonna spend the night...at Mephesto's Lab!"

"What!?"

The other boys gasped.

"What? Too chicken? Or too uke?" Craig sneered.

"Isn't that place abandoned?"

"That's the fun of it." Craig sneered.

"..."

"So seme, what's it going to be then?" Craig asked.

"..."

The other boys stared, as Craig waited, with his arms crossed.

"...I'll do it!" Stan said.

"Cool! 'cause you're going to spend the night theretonight!"

"Wait, WHAT?" Stan yelped?

"That's what you agreed to!" Craig affirmed.

"I didn't think you meant tonigh-"

"What else did you think I meant?" Craig interrogated.

Stan glared. "Look, Craig, I can handle this...believe me, I can."

"Oh, we'll see about that!" Craig snorted.

XXXXXXXXXX

Later that night, Stan and a few other boys stood outside a pair of old, rusted, creaky gates. "This is it..." Craig said, as he pointed out a laboratory building that was rather decrepit, and looked like it had been abandoned for some time. The gates had been recently pried apart, though.

Stan sighed. "Okay, I get it. I'm spending the night there-"

"Damn straight. And you better not chicken out..'cause we'll know..." Craig hissed.

The group of boys dispersed, a few of them laughing amongst themselves as they walked off.

Stan was silent, as he stared out at the lab.

"Stan..." Kyle came forward.

"What?"

"You...you didn't have to do that, you know..."

"Come on Kyle, the lab can't be that bad. I'm going to spend the night there, and that's it-"

"-That's..not what I meant-" The Jewish uke interrupted.

"What are you saying?" Stan asked.

"N...never mind. Good luck in there, okay?"

Kyle walked off, sighing. Stan took a deep breath, as he began walking down the path towards the lab. It couldn't be that bad, right?

Little did he know, it would only be the start of something else...