Author's note: This story was inspired by a series of events that actually happened in my life, and it has happened to me. What I am currently sharing is nothing more than just my life story coupled with a few imaginationary parts. However, should you find this to be an interesting read, do drop me a review! Thank you for your support and I apologise for my long hiatus of several years.
Also, should you be wondering about what I define as a Gen fanfic, it is usually one with subtle pairing or no pairings at all. In this, it is a subtle hint of a previously existing SakuSasu, but then again it doesn't have hurt/comfort. It's more on the angst and gen side.
Do enjoy and remember to drop a review! Mucho gracias :)
Summary: I have not once shed a tear. Not for you, at least. Dysfunctional family, suicidal Sakura. Subtle [SakuSasu], non-massacre. Angst, Gen.
Sakura.
Her eyes snapped open. She looked around her bed, startled. No one was calling her. Had she imagined it?
The russling of the trees outside her window.
It was autumn.
It was autumn, her favourite season. Or rather, once her favourite season.
Her eyes trailed on the old tree just outside of her window. Together with the yellowed, withered leaves she died.
And it had all started and ended during an autumn.
She had school, oh the so dreadful school. The place where everything that built on to the pain she suffered begun. The once white walls were now greyed with age. She even wondered if the school managenment had even bothered to clean it.
Walking around the dead and silent school compound, her thoughts ran far and free.
Funny thing that even though it was a school day, yet it was so silent. Like no one was around.
Then she looked along the corridor, just infront of her. Some people were walking briskly, clutching on to their books and bags with their heads down. Sometimes she even wonder if they all died too, along with her.
But in fact, this was not the case.
In fact, the school was rather lively. People gathered at the central plaza during their breaks and roared with laughter. It was just Sakura, who out of the many, appearing lifeless. Especially her cold emerald eyes.
The air felt colder than usual, and she wrapped the grey cardigan around her more tighlty.
A gust of wind blew, disturbing the fallen leaves on the floor. They were gently lifted by the hands of the wind, dancing in small circles for a distance, before the eerie silence claimed them once more.
At last, the long day at school ended. It was already late afternoon, at around four thirty.
People rushed out of their classrooms, beckoning goodbye to one another before they made their journey back home.
Sakura slowly packed her belongings in her small, dark classroom. Was it brighter before this? She cannot recall.
After all, everything seems to be dark infront of her eyes, as though she has worn sunglasses the whole day. Her life has been like this since the 27th of May, in this very year.
She walked slowly out of the school gate, stopping for a moment.
She stopped because she saw him.
The one who broke her heart, and made it even more numb than she ever thought it could get.
Uchiha Sasuke.
He was talking to his friend just a stone's throw away from the gate, that raven hair man who was an alumni from this school. What was his name again? Sakura couldn't recall.
A car arrived, he went off in it. Seems like the rich kid had been waiting for his chauffer, huh. The other man left, too.
Sakura had been thinking about this for a long, long time. A few months is considered long, to her.
Now, when she looks at him, she doesn't even know what to feel anymore.
Is she allowed to feel sad? Angry? Betrayed? She doesn't know.
For the umpteen time she has been in this situation, she feels lost.
27th May 2015.
It was the day where they both had a talk. An important one, at that.
For the past few years, her parents marriage had been suffering. They had been close to divorcing, but the only reason which deterred them from doing so is solely her. Because both parents loved her and didn't want to break up this life they have been leading all these while.
They pretend to put on a false front when she was around, but Sakura know otherwise.
The atmosphere at home was no longer the same, no matter the attempts to hide it.
The home has been reduced to a house. The family has been reduced to nothing more than broken bonds amongst the people it contained. Everything was reduced to merely superficial paperwork, nothing more.
She first tries to hide it by drowning herself. Drowning herself in the sea of books the school library had to offer. Her days in school were often long, due to her numbing herself with books, one after another. Books seem to be an escape for her, relieving her temporarily of her pain and healing her broken soul. In book she found the comfort that she no longer experienced at home.
And that was when she saw him, Uchiha Sasuke.
Being as helpful as always, Sasuke was involved in a tutoring session with the junior levels. Throughout the times she had been in the library, she saw him. Every single time.
He was smart, handsome and cheerful. The typical boy you would fall in love with. And so she did.
Sakura fell in love with Sasuke.
They exchanged numbers - oh, the so precious yet blurry details about how this romance started- and begin from there. It soon escalated into a period in time where they were almost inseparable.
Throughout the entire time with him, she has felt unprecedented flow of happiness and joy in her whole entire life. Her parent's marriage was no longer a thorn to her, for she had found for herself a source of fire that ignited her life with light. That light was not to be extinguished so long as as he was around for her. It was, the best period of her life.
She was even prepared to die for him. There was nothing else in the world that she wanted anymore.
Rumours flew and people started labelling her with all sorts of names. Sasuke was a well known personality in the college, and she was a nobody except 'that pink haired girl' with a 'huge forehead'.
They never went official. Rather, they were a case of 'almost'.
It was all because of that girl.
There was this girl who came into the picture, this unknown being who suddenly - or rudely, as Sakura likes to put it- popped in.
Sakura did not know who was she at first, because she doesn't have to right to. Sakura was merely a 'close friend' or 'bestie', at best. She was not his, and he was not hers.
Sakura only came to know about her later, when she started to realise that Sasuke has spent lesser and lesser time with her, be it online or in school. Sometimes he evens goes missing for the whole day.
And finally, it happened.
Sasuke had contacted her on that fateful night, saying that it is something important. Sakura immediately glued herself to her phone, preparing to answer any phone calls that might come after that text.
To her dismay, everything which followed was texts. Merciless, heartbreaking texts.
The questioned was raised.
Sakura was stunned, and then she did not know what she felt.
" What do you think of me? " the text read,
She was stunned because she thought the answer was painfully obvious enough. She replied, "I think you're a very nice guy, and I like you. "
"I thought I liked you as well… until recently she came into the equation."
Shock, betrayal, confusion and anger washed over her. Not in any particular order, but that she felt everything at once.
"But did you not like me before?"
" I did. (Oh so honoured, to be liked by the Uchiha Sasuke) But I'm confused. I think I like her too, and I don't want to hurt either one of you."
More confusion. How could he like both of them at once? It is a betrayal of trust on both questions were posed to him, demanding for an answer.
" We're still friends, I promise you that. We're still besties."
" I will give you an answer soon enough. I promise."
And so she waited. She waited from one season to another, from the time where the sun was shining so brightly to the time when it receded and leaves withered.
No answer was given.
Yo no nací sino para quereros.
Now, Sakura was done with being confused. No answer was given to her, and the promise he attempted to uphold was reduced to nothing but ashes. Promises were broken. And so was she.
She could only watch at a distance, how happy both of them were together.
The only thing she could feel now was pity, pity at her. She too, is not official with him. And Sakura wondered why he does not make any acknowledgement to her.
The funny thing was, Sakura has not yet shed any tear. Not regarding this 'almost' event that happened to her. However, she was dying slowly in the inside. Seeing her together with him was almost too much for her to bear.
Especially when you are in a dysfunctional family, and you're suicidal.
In her case, the poison has gone too deep into her veins. Sakura was unable to relieve this amounting pressure that suddenly crashed down onto her.
In the dim-lit bathroom, she saw something.
It was a black liquid.
This black liquid was literally her life support now. It was not blood, for it was too dark to be blood. It was her blood mixed with other elements.
Including hatred and jealousy.
The black liquid flowed down the white ceramic bathtub, painting a stark contrast between the polarised colours. It blossomed into a wide-spread, crimson flower when it touched the surface of the warm water Sakura was lying in. Her hand had been placed on the rim of the bathtub, and from it flowed the black liquid. There was a deep cut running through her hand, down from the wrist to mid arm. It was as though someone had traced her veins.
She stayed there until her skin began to wrinkle slightly, then she washed off everything. She applied alma powder to her still wet arm. Even when it burned, she did little to whimper. She was just too used to the pain, too seasoned. Cinder powder was then thrown around the bathtub to absorb the remaining blood and also the stale stench of it.
Sakura forget when this ritual started.
She would stand in front of the mirror, naked, only to be reminded that she was not worthy of anyone. The hate for everything grew, and she started cutting herself. She always puts a warm water bath, to draw out her blood. It comforted her.
Autumn passed and winter came.
She did not see the need to change her wardrobe, and she still continued wearing her autumn clothings. Maybe it's because there was just one wardrobe to begin with, given her limited number of clothings.
Now, she didn't even have a reason to dress up anymore. No more dressing up for a particular special person for a special day or event. No more.
She did not even maintain contact with him anymore, after that girl came into his life.
Oh he seems all so happy now, whenever she spots the lovebirds in school.
His and her friends are always pairing them together, telling both of them how much they suited each other. It seems like it is a matter of time before Sakura will be forgotten.
Or has she already been?
Yo no nací sino para quereros.
You promised.
The phrase, "Yo no nací sino para quereros", has special significance for me. I repeated it twice in this fic because he (ie my ex-crush and almost lover) used to tell me this. I learnt basic Spanish, and I was so touched by this phrase. But in the end, he just left me, still hanging. Things are not going back ever. This pairing, SasuSaku was the one I thought would best represent the storyline.
Thank you for reading this story and also my little rants. I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this! Drop me a review! :D
References:
Alma: A great source of vitamin C, and is most effective if applied to a newly-healed area immediately as it will go right to work inhibiting the formation of scar tissue. Medical uses requires it to be applied with water or olive oil, but here Sakura just applied it directly to her skin. Undiluted alma are not confirmed to be painful, but it is written as such for the purpose of this fanfic.
Cinder: Used by Elizabeth Bathory's servants to absorb blood of her victims, as they were in excessive amounts.
PS: Please drop me a review if you would like me to continue this story! I'd most likely include Itachi in it if I am to continue :)