All Angels Are Dicks, Even Ones From Alternate Universes'
by The Fangirl of Awesome Stuff
Summary- Dean what going to kick that high and mighty son-of-a-bitch right in his feathered, angle ass! That dick with wings had the nerve to send him and Sammy to another fucking universe?! Not to mention the fact that the only reason Sam was with him was with him was because of their freaky ass soul bond! Now, he has to deal with himself, only as a human, and another Sam?! No. This shit was not going to fucking fly. The next time he saw that asshat of an angel, he was going shove his foot so far up his ass, he'll be coughing up sulfur for a millennia!
Speech Key
blah : telepathy between Dean and Sam
"blah": speech
'blah': flashbacks or voices of memories or future scenes
Disclaimer: If I owned Supernatural, I'd be like, way older. And rich! But I don't, so I'm not. So, please nobody sue me.
A/N: Okay people, don't kill me! I have permission to us these characters! If you didn't know, this version of Dean and Sam belong to Aecoris. So, if you want the story about how Sam and Dean ended up this way, go read 'The Burden of Being You and Me' and 'The Road Untraveled'. Heck, go read even if you don't! Those stories are both awesome and deserved to be read over and over! If your fans of my other work, then you better watch out because the next chapters are coming soon!
Dean grinned wickedly at the sleeping form of his little brother, solid black eyes glimmering mischievously as he did. This was going to be hilarious! Snickering quietly to himself, he held up a hand.
This prank was almost certain to get Sam to stop with his moody shit, even if the sasquatch was going to be annoyed. Sam had been acting mopey ever since they found out about the Croats having the soul of the people they used to be trapped inside their bodies, and when they were killed they were sent straight to hell. Not to mention that the people who died without getting turned were trapped here on Earth and the demons were rounding up all the poor bastards all up and sending them to Hell without reason. And since the angels were being douche bags and keeping the gates of Heaven closed, until they could figure out how to fix it on their own it was going to keep happening.
Dean didn't really give a shit what happened to them, he was a demon after all. But he did care about his brother, so when Sam, in his typical way, got all depressed about it, it made him want to try an and cheer him up.
So it was time for a little intervention.
Dean grinned as he flicked his hand and the bucket of ice-cold water he had liberated from the pool spilled right on the snoozing Sam.
Sam shot up, gasping, the look on his face making Dean burst out laughing. That shocked puppy dog look was the thing that made all of his pranks worth it. Sams reaction to the prank was the best part.
Sam spluttered for a few more seconds, before he realized that Dean was laughing at him. He wiped the rest of the water from his face, then just stared at his laughing older brother for a few seconds.
"Jerk" Sam said, glaring at Dean.
"Bitch" Dean gave his little brother a shit eating grin.
Sam rolled his eyes as he got out of his now soaking wet bed and headed to the bathroom, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. Even after Sam had closed it, Dean continued to smirk at the door. Until, that is, he felt a familiar jerk, and all of a sudden he was out of his body and in his cloud form.
Sam chuckled to himself when he stepped out of the door and was greeted with the sight of the dark cloud of his brother zipping around the large room, before it noticed that Sam was out if the bathroom.
Dean drifted over to his little brother, giving him a playful zap in retribution for taking him out of his body.
"Hey! You started it" Sam pointed a finger accusingly at the dark mist with fake annoyance.
Yeah, Yeah Dean grumbled. He wasn't really as annoyed as he acted. He actually liked to get out of his body every once in a while.
He buzzed happily and wrapped himself around Sam's neck like a scarf.
"Cut that out, man!" Sam laughed, batting at his brother when the cloud tickled the skin on his neck.
Sam heard Dean chuckle over their connection as he finally got off Sam and went to hover over his body.
Come on, Sammy. Put me back in my body so I can kick your ass and go eat breakfast
"Sure you will!" Sam laughed again, rolling his eyes at his big brother as he gently grabbed on to his brothers soul and put it back in his body. Trust Dean to be thinking about food straight away.
Dean's pitch black eyes flipped open and he stood up from his place on the floor, stretching his body. He grinned at Sam and walked past him, making sure to mess up his hair as he passed.
Sam swatted at Dean and grinned as he followed his older brother out the hotel suite. He knew what his brother had done that prank for, and he really appreciated it.
Zachariah tapped his fingers on the white and gold table in front him, lost in his thoughts.
This was a dilemma that had to be solved immediately. The human Dean Winchester must accept his fate as the vessel of Michael, same with his brother Samuel and Lucifer.
He had to somehow show them they had no choice in the matter; it was simply a matter of destiny.
Hmmm...maybe if if he showed Samuel the same thing he had shown his insufferable older brother, he would say yes? The younger Winchester was much more sensitive than the older one. And if the younger one accepted, Dean would say yes to prevent the future he had sent him to. Hmm...yes, that could work.
Nodding to himself, Zachariah stood up and with a powerful flap of his wings, he was off.
He appeared again in a pure white place with nothing but doors lining the whole thing as far as even his superior eyesight could see. Humming to himself, he slowly started walking, feeling out the doors and their individual realities.
He stopped at the one he had sent Dean Winchester to and stared at it with a pleased look.
Zachariah clapped, he had found it. Now he was certain, this one was perfect for the younger one. This world was where Samuel accepted and Dean did not. And it was just overfilling with hopeless and despair, due to that Croatoan virus. It was the same one he had sent that older Winchester to true, but it was bound to succeed for Samuel. He was certain of it. Yes this was the-
The angel suddenly stopped his train of thought suddenly and tilted is head. He turned around to a another door just behind him.
He stared at it with something like shock on his face, before he very slowly smiled.
It was not a nice smile.
This one was even better! The older one was actually a demon! And the younger one! Oh, in the name his Father this was good!
Maybe instead of sending one of his Winchester's to this world, he could send this reality's Dean Winchester to his reality's Winchesters. He knew for a fact the they both hated demons more than anything they killed on their silly little hunts, so if they thought one of them was going to become a demon, they were almost certain to say yes to both angels. There was no need for them to know they had actually come from an alternate reality.
As Zachariah opened the door he smiled nastily. This was sure to be very entertaining.
Dean's head shot up as he felt something enter into his and Sammy's room. The presence made his insides bristle angrily. If his intestines had hair it would be standing on end like a cat's.
Angel.
It wasn't Cass, he could immediately tell. This angel's Grace felt way different, slightly familiar, but there was something else. They're angel mojo, it felt...wrong. And not in the sense that he felt about all angels, what with most of them being total douches. No, this was different. It freaked him out a little.
Alright, time to wake up Sam.
Stealthily, he got up from his bed closest to the door and walked silently to stand by Sam's bed.
He had barely started to shake him awake when Sam's eyes flew open, tensed and ready to defend himself.
When he saw it was just Dean he relaxed somewhat, staring at him with a questioning look.
There's someone here, an angel. It's not Cas, and their Grace feels off. Help me check it out. Dean sent.
But we warded the room with angel sigils! How did they get it?! Sam asked.
I don't know, that's why I wanted you to help me investigate, dumbass. Dean responded, giving Sam a mental eye roll.
Sam glared at Dean in annoyance, but nodded, silently standing and getting out of his bed. Dean jerked his head toward the shadows. Sam tilted his head in acknowledgement, walking up beside him, sticking a hand into the waist band of his jeans. He pulled out a knife and quickly slit his hand with it. Grimacing a little in pain he drew an angel banishing sigil on his bed post.
What the hell Sam? If the warding didn't work, why would the banishing one? Dean said.
Well, its worth a try. Sam responded, giving a mental shrug of the shoulders.
Sam moved in front of it to block it from the unknown angel's view. If the angel proved to be unfriendly, Sammy only had to push his hand against the sigil to banish its sorry ass back to Heaven. Hopefully.
Dean relaxed somewhat when the sigil had been finished. He sure as hell hoped this worked, otherwise they were screwed royally. He glanced at Sam, who gave a nod that he was ready. He nodded back, then called out.
"We know your there"
"Aw, you're a sharp one aren't you, abomination?"
The pompous sounding voice that answered was a familiar one. Dean stiffened, his eyes widening in disbelief as he stared at the figure that stepped from the shadows. Beside him, he felt Sam do the same.
"The hell?!" Dean exclaimed.
"Quite the opposite actually"
The dick across from him had the balls to sound amused! Dean recognized this angel alright; he did inject him with freaking holy water after all. Not to mention he tried to trick Sammy with some shit ripoff of him using a shapeshifter.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sam practically glaring holes into the angel. He almost looked like he was going to jump the dick. If he did, Dean wouldn't stop him. If their roles had been reversed...Well, he would be raising all kinds of hell.
"Why the hell are you here? Last I saw, Cas gave your feathered ass a one way trip to Heaven."
"Ah, so there is a me in this reality? I wasn't sure, I can't seem to get into Heaven"
"What do you mean, this reality?"
Sam's glaring didn't turn down one bit, but it was partly taken up by a curiously guarded expression. Of course he would want to know, the brainiac.
"That, is for me to know, and you to discover"
Zach-something (he didn't really concern himself with the names of all the jackasses in the world) gave a pointed look at Dean that made his skin crawl. He suddenly had a bad feeling. Like something a whole lot bigger and badder then shit was about to hit one hell of a fan.
Sam stared suspiciously at the angel. He didn't know what this ass was talking about, but he had a feeling he didn't want to find out what he had in store for he and his brother.
Before the angel could do whatever he was going to do, Sam quickly slapped his hand against the sigil. With a bright burst of light, the angel was gone.
"What the hell was that all about?"
"I don't know, but whatever it was, it can't be good"
Sam and Dean shared a look.
"Well, I'll start rewarding the place. Maybe he did something to them." Sam sighed.
He grabbed a sharpie sitting on a nearby shelf. Before he could get started though, Dean grabbed his wrist.
"No, first you have to let me bandage and clean that cut, you want to take the chance of it getting infected" he said.
Dean gave Sam an annoyed look as he grabbed the first aid kit. Sam smiled a little, rolling his eyes at Dean's mother hening.
After Dean had carefully cleaned and bandaged the cut, all the while muttering about his 'dumbass little brother cutting this one a little too deep', Sam got started on re-doing the warding sigils. About half way through, Ruby came strolling in. Well, busting in, since she kind of kicked the door open.
"Moose, Squirrel. Should of known it would be coming from your two's room. Tell me, why in the hell did I feel an angel in here a couple of minutes ago? I thought all those high and mighty sons a' bitches were all holed up upstairs" she said.
Ruby gave them a look that implied that she suspected it had something to do with them.
"We don't know. He just appeared here, spouting some shit about realities and generally being an all around jackass. By the way, why in the hell did you not put up angel sigils? Are you losing your touch or something?"
Dean looked her up and down, a fake considering look on his face, but his eyes betrayed him. The black pits glimmered with rage and a bit of fear.
Truth was, he was terrified for his brother. I mean, Dean knew he was awesome and all, but he really didn't like the fact that they had no way to hide themselves from the guy trying to do who knows what to him and his brother. Baiting Ruby was a welcome distraction, besides, the bitch should have known enough to put angel sigils on this place. To hell with the fact that Dean knew she really didn't know all that much about it, she should have freaking learned.
"No, dumbass as a matter a fact, I didn't, I thought that we were done dealing with those pompous dicks. Besides, I knew you two would, not to mention I'm a demon, so I don't know all that much about Enochian" Ruby spat at Dean.
Dean tensed, staring at her for a minute with a tight jaw. When he spoke, he sounded as if he was seriously considering killing something.
"We did put up warding sigils! That jerk wad messed them up somehow. He probably snuck in and your witchy crap didn't even tell you someone had slipped past you!" Dean screamed. Above them, the lights flickered from his rage.
"I'm told you, you bastard, I didn't think we'd have to deal with them anymore, what with them screwing the pooch and high tailing it upstairs!" She yelled back.
Ruby glared right back at Dean, and for a second it looked like they might start a brawl right there, but Sam decided to finally speak up.
He had spent the whole conversation deep in thought as he thought over what this could mean. Why hadn't the angel warding sigils worked? The one that banished them back to Heaven had. Why had one worked but the other hadn't? There had to be a reason. When he noticed that Dean and Ruby were about to rip into each other, he quickly stepped in between them.
"Alright! Both of you cool it!" He ordered.
Sam pushed Dean back a little, staring deftly into his pitch black eyes when his brother's angered gaze turned to glare onto him.
"Cool it?! Fuck that! There is an angel on our asses and we have no way to hide ourselves from him!"
"No, we do. We just used that angel banishing sigil and it worked. And we have Cas and that angel blade he swiped, so we are not completely defenseless. " Sam said calmly
Sam and Dean stared at each other for a minute until Dean rolled his eyes and huffed angrily.
"Alright then, brainiac. Tell me, why would one sigil work and the others don't?" Dean asked sarcastically.
"Maybe...maybe they did work. Just not all the way." Sam thought out loud.
"Sorry, but you are incorrect" a voice suddenly said.
Sam and Dean spun around, Ruby doing the same thing behind them. But before they could do anything, Ruby was thrown out of the room and the door slammed shut on its own.
Sam tried to go for the demon knife in the waistband of his jeans, but he found himself unable to move. He immediately recognized the feel of the thing holding him still; it was his brother. He relaxed and stopped trying to fight the powers hold on him.
Wait a second, Sammy. Let's try to get some info out this dick, you know what they say; know the jerk trying to gank your ass. Besides, that knife won't work anyway.
Sam sent across the bond that if he could move he would have rolled his eyes.
I know that, Dean, I was just trying to have something to defend ourselves with. And that is not what they say.
Sam made sure he didn't send across that he was amused by Dean's antics. If that happened, his brother's head wouldn't fit through any doorway.
Sam turned his attention back to his brother, trusting that he would find a way out of this jam. Dean turned the head the slightest bit to his brother and winked to let Sam know he wanted to handle this. He turned back to the angel in the room and spread his hands.
"You got us. We are completely defenseless. So, do me a favor and tell me, what is all this? What do you need little ol' me and Sammy here for?" Ha asked.
Zachariah smirked. "That is where you are wrong, demon. I only need you; but I guess Samuel could get in on the scoop too" he said, giving them a false smile.
The bald angel folded his hands behind his back. "You see, I am not from this reality." He said it as if they were old friends speaking about the weather.
"What are you talking about/What the fuck do you mean by that" Dean and Sam said at the same time.
Zach smiled, his eyes glittering with dark amusement "It means, that I am from a whole other world. I have my own Heaven, my own Hell, and even my own little Winchesters. Except they're both human in my world" his eyes rested on Dean as he said it.
Dean stared right back into the angel's eyes "Bet I'm really boring there" he remarked, a cocky smirk spreading across his lips as his black eyes glimmered. "But, get to the point would ya? I'm sure you didn't just drop by for story time, and I'm not getting any younger" he snarked.
"It is not befitting of someone of my stature to take orders from you, abomination." Zachariah's said, eyes getting a cool glint for a half a second, before suddenly disappearing. "But very well. To get to the point, the you two of my world are refusing to accept their fate as the vessels of Michael and Lucifer, so I'm going to...introduce you " he shot a look at Dean, "to them to help them come to terms for the inevitable" he said.
Dean crossed his arms "And how are you going to 'introduce' us?" he asked, using his fingers to imitate quotient marks when he said introduce.
The angel shook a scolding finger at Dean mockingly "I think that is enough information. Now, let's get to it shall we?" He said and raised a hand.
Dean knew he had to act quickly. He quickly let go of Sam and sent him one thought.
NOW!
Sam grabbed the knife he kept in his shoe as fast as he could and threw it at Zachariah. At the same time, Dean grabbed his little brother and teleported. They landed right outside of the door, and practically landed on Ruby, who had probably been trying to break in the door.
"Get the fuck down stairs and go get Cas! That douche is probably right behind us!" Dean screamed at Ruby as they took off down the hall way. She didn't even try to argue, just teleported from the spot.
Dean grabbed Sam's hand as they skid around the corner and teleported. Unfortunately, not a second later, Zachariah appeared right in front of them. Before Dean could try to teleport again, he waved his hand. Dean found himself unable to teleport out of the room they were in. He immediately went for the demon knife he had swiped from Sam earlier, but before he could, a power wrapped around him and stopped him from moving.
Dean pushed and fought at the power, but no matter what he did, he couldn't slip from the angel's hold. Beside him, he felt Sam doing the same, and with about as much success.
Zachariah smiled at them nastily "Now that wasn't very nice boys. I was doing something you know. No matter, time to go" he said, looking at Dean and raising his fingers.
Sam realized that this angel was going to separate him from Dean in about 2 seconds, do he did the only thing he could. He focused on the bond that he and Dean shared and imagined latching on to it with both hand and held on.
Sam and Dean disappeared from the room at the same exact moment that Cas appeared in it.
Sam kept ahold of his metaphorical grip on the bond he shared with Dean as they rushed through something that gave him a thrill of excitement and fear all at the same time. It was a lot like teleporting with Dean, except instead of air rushing by him, it was something that felt a lot more solid. Sam even though he could hear what sounded like voices, but when he tried to open his eyes to look, he found himself unable to.
It felt more like a year when it couldn't have been more than a second when they landed flat on their backs on a hard surface. Sam instinctively tried to stand, even though it felt as if all the breath in his body got knocked out of him. He immediately checked on his brother, who had landed right next to him. Dean was groaning and cussing up a storm as he struggled to his feet.
Sam felt a smile come unbidden to his lips as he watched his older brother. He was so glad he was able to hold on. He knew as long as he had Dean, he would always be able to kick whatever they were facing 'right in the ass' as Dean said.
Dean stood all the way up and turned to check on Sammy, and found his little bro looking at him with a look on his face that he recognized all to well. That was Sam's 'I'm thinking about something really chick flicky right about now' face, and it was bound to lead to one of Sam's girly moments if he was not distracted immediately.
"You alright, Sammy?" he asked, there was no reason not to be sure. Sam didn't answer at first, probably checking to see if he was. Typical Sam to worry about someone else before himself.
"Yeah, I'm fine Dean" he finally answered.
Dean stretched his back and popped something, asking Sam as he did, "Then you mind telling me what the hell you did to hitch a ride?" he asked.
Sam grinned a little with pride. "I knew that the angel was about to send you away from me, so I did the only thing I could think of and latched on to our soul mate bond and held on" he explained.
Dean automatically shifted uncomfortably as he heard the word. Hell, that creeped him out and made him think of...things every time he heard it. But now was he glad they had it, otherwise Sam would be going nuts worrying about him 24/7.
"Okay then, tell me this. Where the hell are we?" he asked, turning and looking around him. Beside him, he felt Sam do the same thing.
They were in some kind of forest, nothing but a bunch of trees and chirping birds. It was really annoying actually, so it was probably early in the morning.
"I have no idea." Sam said beside him.
Dean rolled his eyes playfully.
"Look how helpful you are" he teased.
Sam rolled his eyes right back, "Oh, shut it. What, you think I memorized every forest in the world in my free time" he asked sarcastically.
"I wouldn't be surprised" Dean said, starting to walk.
Sam rolled his eyes one more time, but didn't dignify that with a response. They spent the next few minutes in silence as they tracked through the forest, until the trees started to become thinner and thinner and they finally came out onto a road.
"What, we just walk until we either come to civilization or a car picks us up?" Dean asked as they started down the road.
"You have a better idea? If you would do I would love to hear it" Sam asked.
Dean huffed, and fell silent.
Not a second later, a small blue car came over the hill. Dean grabbed his sunglasses from his back pocket, thanking whoever upstairs that decided that it would be okay if he at least had a way to hide his eyes. Sam tried to flag down the car, but it was just going to pass them. Dean growled angrily, and violently waved his hand at the car. It suddenly sputtered and died. Sam gave Dean a slightly disapproving look, but followed him as he went to the wind shield and tapped on it.
Some guy in his mid-thirties wearing an expensive suit rolled down the window, looking majorly confused about why his car had suddenly stopped.
"Need some help buddy? It's your lucky day, because I happen to be a mechanic." Dean said.
He went around to the car and popped the hood, smoke blowing out and hitting him in the face. He waved it away and dug around in there for a second before coming back around the car to the windshield and raising an eyebrow at the guy in the car
"Well what are you waiting for, get out of the car and help me. I usually charge about 300$, but I'm feeling nice today, so what do say you give me 200$ and drive me and my brother here to the nearest motel? You aren't going nowhere without me fixing it, but it's only about a 30 minute fix" Dean said.
The dude got out and went around the car with Dean, while Sam rolled his eyes at his brothers antics.
1 hour later and Dean and Sam were checking into the Sunny Inn motel with the money Dean had got from suit guy, who's name they had never bothered to learn. Dean found a map at the front desk and found out that they were at some place called Alliance, in Nebraska.
"So, we're in a different universe, and back in time?" Dean asked, his eyebrows raised.
Sam nodded. "Seems like it. That angel mentioned the other us was refusing to be vessels for Lucifer and Michael." he said.
Dean let himself fall back on the bed. "Well, aren't you glad I came back a demon, Sammy? Otherwise we would have been right in the middle of the Douchebag Duo's little squabble." he said, smirking at Sam.
Sam stared at him for a second "Dean, we are right in the middle. Or did you suddenly forget that angel threw us right into it?"
Dean shook his head and stood up, patting Sam on the shoulder "No, we are not. All we have to do is not let anyone know we're here long enough to figure out a way back home." he told Sam firmly.
"But, Dean we have no way to figure it out on our own! No computer, no phone, no car, not even access to some books! We're going to have to tell someone we're here if we want to find a way to get home"
"No, we don't. No one would believe us, besides, we don't need any help. We'll figure out something on our own."
"But we could-" Sam tried to say.
"No, Sam! Do you know what we would think if two versions of ourselves just waltzed up to us and said 'Hey, we're you from another universe! Help us get back! Oh a and one of is a demon, is that cool with you?' We wouldn't believe them, and eve if we did, the human me and you would exercise me and admit you to the nearest mental hospital!" Dean yelled.
Sam fell silent, staring at his brother.
Dean sighed and turned back to his bed "Just...we'll figue something else out. Now go to sleep, Sammy. We'll figure it out in the morning." He turned off the lamp and climbed into bed.
Sam sighed and turned and go underneath the covers. He sure hoped this would be figured out in the morning. Otherwise, he wasn't sure what he and Dean were going to do.