Title: I knew I loved you
Pairing: Destiel, and some Sabriel
Author: Aurelia Tepes
Word Count: 2,839
For: theraincanttouchus
Warnings: Character death, Language, Violence, Hint at Sexual Intercourse, MaleXMale, Very angry Deanmon.
Castiel, with his dying grace, received a call from Sam a couple days after Metatron had told him of Dean's death.
"Cas, I need your help." Sam begged over the phone.
"Why?" Cas asked, afraid that the younger Winchester had gotten into some trouble.
"Dean's gone." Came the response of the Taller.
"What?" Cas asked, confused. He didn't understand. Dean was dead, where would he go?
"I've searched, he's not around. But he's not dead Cas." Sam said and Cas felt relief and something else. 'What was he?'
"Where are you, Sam?" Cas asked then.
"At the Bunker." Sam replied after a moment and Cas tilted his head, though Sam couldn't see it.
"You're lying." Cas accused the Winchester.
"Fine, I'm searching for Dean. Will you help me?" Sam asked.
"It'll take some time to get to your location, but I will." Cas vowed, "Now, where are you?"
Once the young Winchester and the dying angel met up, Sam told Cas every detail of the day Dean disappeared. Cas thought on as much as he could, worried for his friend. There were few people Cas considered a friend, and Dean was definitely one of those people.
"You okay, Cas?" Sam interrupted Cas' train of thought, Artic blue eyes looked to warm chocolate eyes.
"Yes, Sam. I'm fine." Cas nodded, knowing it was a lie. If he continued to use his stolen grace like he had been, he wouldn't last much longer. And there was no way in hell he would join Metatron.
"You do know it was Metatron, right?" Sam asked, once again breaking Cas' concentration. At the confused look in Cas' eyes, Sam sighed. "Metatron's the one who stabbed Dean."
Cas went numb for a few seconds, but he then nodded in understanding. When he thought about it, he wasn't surprised. Not one bit. But then who brought Dean back?
"Should we try Crowley?" Cas asked, hatred clear on his features but, he'd do anything for Dean.
"I already have, he's not responding." Sam said sadly.
"Do you think…?" Cas said, trying to contain his building anger.
"Maybe." Sam sighed. "Maybe."
"Well, where do we start…?" Cas asked, trying to distract himself from the growing worry.
"We catch a demon and interrogate it." Sam said without hesitation and Cas nodded slightly. Sam then went to the Impala, getting into the driver's seat and Cas got into the passenger side. 'Funny, it's not the same without Dean.'
"Where will we go?" Cas asked, taking a side glance to Sam.
"I don't know, Cas."
It had been days since the start of their search for Dean, and Cas could feel his borrowed grace slipping from him. While Sam slept, Cas didn't. He was upset. Upset by what Sam had done, that they couldn't find Dean and that he was slowly dying. He ran a hand through mussed up dark brown hair. His artic blue eyes glanced to the bed next to him, where the giant known as Sam slept.
"This sucks." Cas muttered sadly as he quietly got up and went to go outside. Once out in the cold, in his usual outfit, he sat on a bench and looked to the ground. His mind took him to some happy memories he had of Dean. Like that brothel-type place he took Cas to lose his innocence. He remembered that Dean had told him that he hadn't laughed like that in a while, and thinking on it- it made the dying Angel smile.
"Heard you guys were looking for me." A familiar, but somehow darker, voice spoke from behind Cas. The Angel turned around to see none other than the hunter they were looking for, only there was something off about him. Cas' eyes opened wide when he saw it, Dean's true form.
"Hello, Dean." He said cautiously, unsure of how to proceed on this new development.
"Honestly Cas, if I wanted to kill you I would've done so already." The shamrock green eyed demon chuckled lightly, leaning against a light post. "So, how are you?"
"….. Tired." Cas answered Dean, knowing that the other was right. He was in condition to fight, and he wouldn't hurt Dean so therefore the other could've easily taken him out. And he still could.
"Oh, I'm great by the way. Love the new powers." Dean grinned. "Y'know, I like being a demon. I see why Sammy was into all that demon blood drinking awhile back. So, How's Sammy…?"
"Sam is well." Cas answered, tensing slightly as Dean got closer.
"Huh, you got your angel mojo back….. But it's dying." Dean observed. "So does that mean you'll be human again?"
Cas knew the answer, the answer would be 'No'. He wouldn't be human again, he'd be dead. But he wouldn't tell Dean that, lest he might use that information for some nefarious purpose.
"I don't know what'll happen when it dies out." Cas lied, keeping his voice monotone and facial expressions blank. Just then, Dean's hand reached out and Cas tensed. Then he felt fingers on his wings. The normally fidgety appendages flared out in his surprise. He usually didn't pay any mind to his wings even though right now they were overly sensitive and constantly hurting. "Dean, what-"
"You honestly thought that Angels seeing parts of a Demon's true form was a one way thing? I can see parts of your true form, like your wings." Dean spoke as he touched the fragile wings gently. Dean thought that Cas' pitch black wings were gorgeous. He noticed that a few feather's came off, a side effect from the dying grace. The demon smiled and chuckled as the wings shivered under demonic touch.
"They are very personal, Dean. I'd like you to stop touching them, now." Cas demanded of the other after a few moments. Sighing, Dean reluctantly pulled his hand away. "Thank-you."
"So, let's say you and me go to a bar and get a drink?" Dean asked. "I'll answer all your questions if you answer mine."
"So, why are you here if you have no intention of trying to be human again?" Cas asked once Dean had answered all of Cas' questions, keeping his face blank but in truth: He was sad, grieving, disappointed and he was filled with an emotion he'd never felt before.
"Hm….. You'll find out soon enough." Dean's eyes turned black then, making Cas uncomfortable but he didn't say anything. Dean got up with a chuckle and Cas continued to look at his drink. Instead of focusing on the demon aspect of Dean, Cas tried to just enjoy Dean's company. He didn't have much grace left, if he flew to the doors of the bar- he'd die. When Dean returned, it was with two more alcoholic drinks. "So, how long until Sammy wakes?"
"A couple of hours…." Cas replied, the reason his grace was being drained so quickly was also because of Sam. Sam often got hurt, so Cas healed the hunter. Cas also ran errands to see if he could find the man sitting across from him.
"Alright, what's wrong?" Dean asked, taking a swig of his drink. His eyes back to their shamrock color.
"Hm? Nothing's wrong, why would you ask?" Cas tilted his head in confusion.
"Because you're not trying to get me to become human. I thought for sure you'd be pestering me about it by now." Dean sighed, taking another drink of beer.
"…. Honestly, I just want to enjoy your company, Dean. I know it would be a waste of my breath to try and dissuade you." And under Cas' breath he muttered. "And father only knows I don't have much of it."
"What was that?" Dean asked then, hearing parts of the whispered part due to his enhanced hearing.
"Nothing, Dean." Cas smiled at the demon, wondering where he'd be when his grace ran out.
"Bullshit." Dean hissed, eyes going black. "Say what you said."
"…. Fine, Dean. I said 'Honestly, I just want to enjoy your company, Dean. I know it would be a waste of my breath to try and dissuade you. And father only knows I don't have much of it.'." Cas said angrily, not wanting to argue with a demon that he could never kill.
"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Came Dean's response.
"It means I lied, when my grace goes out, so do I." Cas stated blankly.
"Shit, really? How much angel juice you got left?" Dean asked.
"Not much. I can heal a few scrapes before I'm gone." Cas' shrugged, his artic eyes showing his fear.
"Dammit, Cas. Can't you get more Angel juice?" Dean asked urgently, green eyes worried.
"I could, but I won't. I'm not killing another angel." Cas said, a bit angry.
"Why not? You've done it before, a lot." Dean asked in confusion.
"I don't want to. I don't want to kill anymore angels." Cas said urgently, fidgeting as he wringed his hands. His tan trench coat frayed at the edges so he picked at them lightly.
"Why not? I bet it's fun," Came a sly grin from the other and that comment made Cas realize that just who he was talking to, his breath held as those green eyes he adored went black along with its sclera.
"Not for me, Dean." Cas spoke evenly to the demon across from him.
"Your wings are molting." Dean stated after a moment, his eyes returning to their normality.
"It's going to do that. They are uncomfortable." Cas shrugged lightly, his artic eyes sad. "They'll be uncomfortable. There's nothing I can do short of murdering another angel…"
"I'll do it." Dean said suddenly and it caught Castiel off guard, 'why would Dean want to do such a thing?'
"What? Dean, no. Don't you remember how easy it was for me to kill demons when I had my full power?" Castiel said a bit angry, he didn't want the other to go through any more trouble than what he was already in. "It's not worth it. I'm not worth it."
"How many times have you sacrificed yourself for Sammy and I? You are worth it. Don't quit on me." Came the equally angry response. "Never quit on me, Cas. Now get your feathered butt back to Sammy before he sees you're gone and comes looking for you."
"Alright…. Will I see you again, Dean?" Cas asked, hopeful.
"'Course, Cas. Just…. Not around Sammy. I'm not ready to go back." Dean shrugged. "I don't want to go back."
"…." Cas then stood and pushed in his chair before making his leave towards the door. His beverage was left untouched, he had bad experiences with alcohol and wasn't really up to it in his current state. "Thank-you for the information."
"Cas? You ain't gonna leave without a good-bye, right?" Dean stood after finishing his beer.
"No." Cas turned swiftly to face Dean, his trench coat moving much like a dress on a princess. Cas' hands were stuffed into his pockets, his eyes were the only bright thing on him. The rest of him was shrouded in grime and sweat. "Good-bye, Dean. I hope to see you soon."
"Not what I meant." Dean smiled and Cas tilted his head when he noticed Dean's proximity.
"For someone who always complained about a lack of personal space, you sure are pretty close to me." Cas observed, a weird sensation he'd only felt a couple times before bubbled in his chest. Lust? Anticipation? What was he anticipating? Was it nerves? Why was he nervous?
"I like close spaces when it concerns a few things," Dean admitted with a shrug before leaning close to the dying angel.
"What things?" Cas asked, immediately defensive.
"Easy, Wings. I'm not gonna kill you." Dean raised his hands in a show of innocence. Cas stared at the taller in suspicion for a minute then relaxed, as soon as he did he felt lips upon his own. Cas stood in shock, he didn't process what happened until after Dean left the bar. 'Did Dean just kiss me?'
Over the course of the next few days, Cas was increasingly unhappy with how Sam was behaving. One day, Cas went to bed. He never went to bed when Sam did. He always retired late in the night because then he could rest in Dean's room. Even though the dying angel was severely unhappy with the young Winchester's behavior, he couldn't just stop the other. That was Dean's little brother and whether said demon cared for Sam or not, Cas did.
"Hey, Wings." Dean appeared in the room, making Cas tense.
"Dean, how are you-"
"Shh…. You'll wake Sam."Dean smiled, his eyes flicking black. Cas sighed and rubbed his eye.
"I must be seeing things, there's no way you can be here." Cas mumbled miserably, earning a chuckle from Dean. "And I wish you wouldn't call me 'Wings', what if I called you 'Chipmunk'?"
"I wouldn't mind if it was you." Dean shrugged, his black sclera receding and letting emerald green appear.
"Isn't it dangerous with Sam so close?" Cas asked, tilting his head. Dean sat by his angel and looked in the direction of Sam's room.
"He's a little preoccupied." As if on cue, a loud moan rang through the bunker causing Dean to laugh.
"I don't understand." Cas tilted his head and squinted slightly. "Who is moaning?"
"Your brother." Dean said without shame and gestured for Cas to get up.
"My brother? Which one?" Cas said in exhaustion.
"Let's just let the happy couple enjoy themselves. Let's go have some fun Cas." Dean pulled the other along through the bunker.
"Dean." Cas said sternly. "Which one?"
"Our favorite trickster. Seems they've been hiding from us." Dean shrugged. "Well, up until I left."
"Wait, where's Crowley?" Cas asked as Dean escorted him outside.
"At the Hotel I left him at." Dean replied with ease.
"Why-" Cas was cut off when Dean teleported them to a Hotel room. "Why am I here, Dean?"
"Cas, you're dying. Do you really think that after what you've done for me, I'd just kill you? Gimme a break." Dean said, a bit irritated. "I won't hurt you Cas."
"Dean-"
"Cas, trust me." He grinned and stepped closer, Cas blinked owlishly with a tilt of his head. Dean reached out and grabbed Cas' trench coat, pulling the dying angel closer. The angel looked strange, almost uncomfortable.
"Do you really not know what to do?"
"It's unclear what you want from me…." Cas spoke in his defense, earning a chuckle from the demon.
"You'll see, angel."
Weeks later, Sam and Cas found Dean. But along with Dean were some rowdy demons that were also very dangerous. Due to his dying grace, Cas was sluggish and slow but he fought the best he could. He saw Sam get stabbed in a vital area, artic eyes widened in distress.
"Sam!" Cas went over to the fallen human, propping up his head.
"Cas, Save Dean." Sam coughed out.
"No. Dean is fine, you are not." Cas said, putting his hand over the wound.
"Cas,…." Dean said sternly, his eyes going black. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"Saving Sam." Cas responded, healing the wound.
"Cas, don't!" Dean rushed over just as the wound healed and Cas fell limp. "Cas?! Castiel!"
Dean knelt down and held the truly fallen angel, his emerald green eyes showing as the black melted away.
"Dammit, Cas!" Dean growled and looked up angrily at the groaning Sam. "It's all your fucking fault!"
"What?" Sam said, confused.
" If you had just listened and let me go, Cas wouldn't be dead!" Tears threatened to fall as green eyes glared at Sam.
"Dean-"
"Shut your mouth." Dean growled and held the dead Cas close.
It wasn't everyday that a demon salted and burned an angel, but Dean didn't give a damn. Of course he let Sam help but there no words spoken between them. Just Dean's angry glare and Sam's sad face.
"After this, just let me go." Dean said, watching the flames eat at Cas' body.
"Dean-"
"Sam. Promise me, you'll let me go." Dean snarled, looking over with black eyes and when Sam didn't answer Dean spoke again. "Who else are you willing to sacrifice to 'make me human again' when you don't even know if you can?"
"Dean…. You're my big brother-"
"And all my life it's been: 'Watch out for Sammy, Take care of Sammy, Make sure Sammy's okay'. I love ya', I do. But are you really willing to risk what little family we have left to make me do something I don't want to?" When he received no answer, he looked back to the burning body. When it was over, with no warning, Dean teleported out of there via black smoke. Sam gasped in mild horror.