How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?

I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run.

I know I hurt you; things will never be the same.

The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away.

-Breathing; Yellowcard.

I was the boy that I thought you would never notice.

But hell, did I notice you. Your red hair was always perfect; your green eyes sparkled when the sunlight caught them. You seemed so smart, perfect, beautiful, happy.

You were everything I wasn't.

And they do say that opposites attract.

But I was the boy that you did notice. Somehow you managed to miss all the popular Gryffindors, all the genius Ravenclaws, all the rich Slytherins. I'll never understand what made you choose someone like me when you could have just about anyone else. I guess some things in life will never make sense, no matter how many years are spent pondering on the subject. I wish…that I didn't have to say that choosing me was the worst mistake you ever made, but now I now that it most certainly was.

I was the boy who didn't know how to love. Who had never been loved, truly, by anyone. I grew up in a home so broken and devastated that I didn't even know what a true family was. I didn't know how to treat you, how to treat anyone, or how to treat myself. I wish I would have stopped myself from falling in love with you, but it happened so fast and quickly that it left me powerless.

I was the boy who tried so hard to make you happy. Even though I wasn't as talent or as pretty as the others, I did everything I could for you. Maybe that was the one thing that kept you with me for so long. I wish I could make you understand that I never hurt you on purpose, but it is too late for that now.

I was the boy that ruined the only love he ever had. I was foolish and stupid and fell into a trap of darkness and despair, and I thought that letting you go was the best. I thought it was the only option that would keep you safe. The last thing I wanted was for you to be dragged down with me. I honestly thought I was making the right choice. I honestly thought that I could fix the mess I had made, and you would be there, still waiting for me.

I was the boy that cried the day of your wedding. I wasn't there physically, of course, considering you didn't invite me, and for good reason. But I knew you were being married to my worst enemy, and that my plan had failed, and that stung more than anything in the world. I didn't know how I was going to survive without you.

I was the boy that couldn't save you in the end. I know you don't know, that you'll never know, but I did everything in my power to try and stop your death from occurring. I wasn't strong enough to save you, though, I don't think anyone was. After the Dark Lord had his mind set, I already knew it was too late. The night you died was the worst night of my life. Part of me died with you, part of me that I'll never be able to reawaken or reclaim. If I had only held on to you, maybe I could have protected you. But I didn't realize this, not until it was too late, and you were gone forever. I hated myself more that night than I ever had before.

I was the boy that never stopped thinking of you. Years passed, and yet you still haunted my memories and dreams. You were part of who I was, and you still are today. I can't remember a day when I haven't thought of you, when I haven't wished that you were here today, by my side. I know it is silly of me to hold on to someone who I will never see again, but I can't let go. I can't ever let myself be happy, truly, again. I was your biggest mistake, and I will never forgive myself for it.

And today, I am still that boy. That boy that can't look into your son's eyes, because all I see is you.