Meredith steadied herself on the door. The world was spinning around her and everything looked blurry, trying to focus on anything was impossible. She was standing in their house alone surrounded in deafening silence. Bailey had taken care of the kids. Amelia had just run off. She swayed side to side.
"Derek is dead" she whispered
Stumbling toward the sink she threw up again. "Derek…" she sobbed sliding down the kitchen counter to the floor.
She then pulled out her phone from her pocket and looked for Cristina's number, there was an overwhelming desire to dial the number and hear her voice again. They haven't had much contact recently and Meredith had put it down to growing apart.
"Screw it" and she pressed the call button.
The dial tone vibrated in her ears, even this had an element of loneliness to it. She desperately hoped that Cristina would pick up. A minute had passed, and then there was a click.
"Meredith" Cristina answered
"I.." Meredith mumbled. Her throat felt tight and her words just wouldn't reach her lips. Tears traced down her cheeks one after the other, spattering her jeans in dark wet spots. She sniffled trying to say something.
"Its Derek" she managed.
Cristina sighed on the other end of the phone. "Mer… I know"
Silence then fell between them as Cristina puzzled over what she was going to say next, she could hear Meredith's laboured breathing and wanted to comfort her more than anything.
"Mer" she repeated
"I'm so so sorry. I should have called when I first found out but I didn't know if you wanted to speak to me."
Meredith interrupted "But you're my person"
"I am. I'm just so sorry. Will it help if you talk about it?"
She pulled her legs to her chest almost hugging herself and looked out the window, it was raining again Seattle. Focusing on the water running down the panes as well as the dull thud from the roof, thoughts rushed through her mind unable to pin any of them down.
Sighing she tried to make her words fit together "There was…"
Tears poured again and her chest tightened up, Cristina knew this she could feel it almost but she was just waiting until Meredith was able to say it. Then it will really begin to sink in and she'll stay on the phone for as long as she needed too.
"He got into an accident"
It felt like a dam breaking down in a river, everything flooded out at once and Meredith felt like she could talk. But she couldn't stop herself either. It was all coming out, sadness, despair, even anger.
"He was supposed to come home and be with his family, he was coming home and then he got into a car accident. He got into a car accident after helping another family, but the family survived and he didn't. He didn't get to live."
"He was supposed to come home"
Meredith was shaking, both physically and spilled over into her voice. Yet Cristina remained quiet.
"How am I supposed to tell Zola? How am I supposed to explain to Bailey?"
"That family gets to carry on as normal. I lose everything. I just want to hear him again. Say it again"
Cristina spoke faintly "Say what again?"
"One of the last things he said, I am calling post-it, Zola, Bailey, the tumors on the wall and ferryboat scrub caps"
"ferry boat scrub caps… " she trailed off.
She couldn't finish because sobbing took her body, she still shook and breathing was a struggle. It's almost like grief seized every cell in her body and was squeezing to cause an insurmountable pain. An unrelenting pain, like feeling completely empty but emotionally overwhelmed, all at the same time.
They both fell silent again. Meredith just cried endlessly.
"Everything" Cristina agreed.
She thought for a second, she knew she had to do something for her friend, her person.
"I'm coming home"
Meredith's sobs quietened briefly, just long enough to reply. "Okay" she whispered.