The Doctor Who Loves the Stars
Jack Harkness knew the Doctor would disapprove of this, but his obedience to authority didn't always last very long. His caring attitude, although, did. When he finally saw him again since his reanimation from the dead, Rose Tyler had been replaced by her total opposite, a darker, smarter woman who should've been the type of companion to get the Doctor a bit more excited about the brilliance of the human race.
Instead, he found a dark Doctor, the one he hated to see. The one that represented his true self, The Oncoming Storm. The man held none of his silly smiles that actually meant true happiness, but just another face to cover up his deep sadness and loss.
Because even when the Doctor wins, he loses.
So Jack Harkness did what he knew was the only way to bring in that silly grin that he loved: bring Rose Tyler back. Of course, he himself couldn't do it safely, but the Doctor could figure it out, couldn't he?
A dimension cannon was planned, built, tested, failed. Every single time, when he thought he ended up in a similar world with subtle differences, he'd find himself walking past a human with four arms, or six eyes, or no humans at all. But at last he found it, he knew he found it after all the mathematical equations inserted to solve it (even using alien knowledge from some of their former prisoners for their freedom…hey, the Doctor would just stop them later anyway).
It didn't take the Doctor that long to find out. He probably felt the slight tear in the walls of the universe. Jack had never seen him so conflicted before.
"Just go, you idiot. Go and bring her back."
The Doctor stared back at him dumbfounded. "What if she doesn't want to come back?" His voice was quiet, like a child's.
Jack flashed him his 1000 Watt smile. "She'll come back; I promise."
There's nothing worse in life than sitting home with nothing to do. Most women say that they dream about such a job where they could crash on a comfortable couch and bask in the wealth of their significant others but that's a lie.
Boredom hits fast and hard. Very hard.
It's like being forced to read an encyclopedia in a completely white room next to a mute librarian. There's no fun in that, and there's no fun in relaxing.
Ricken pecks me on the lips before running out the door. I hear a couple of honks from outside the house and loud rap music as his car drives away. He won't be back till late in the night for a nice shag, which might just be the highlight of the day, but that doesn't really make me feel any better than a concubine.
I met him two years after Bad Wolf Bay. While not a day when by without a tear shed, I woke up that one morning and decided I'd stop just for once. If I could hold myself for just one day, then I could hold myself back for the rest of my damned life. I checked the map on my Superphone and went to the local, private high school. Or the high school I should've gone to if I'd existed in this universe. It was rich and extravagant and apparently hosting a ten-year reunion party.
I didn't need to be on the guest list since Tyler automatically got me in almost anywhere. It really made me realize how powerful Pete was in this world. A "benefactor", a "leader". Whereas my real father, although not the ideal, poster father, was the everyman. That automatically made him a nobody. I preferred him anyway.
Loud decade music played over the speakers while men and women, dressed in their occupational (a cliché but brilliant theme to see just how miserable your peers are in the future) uniform. Some wore lab coats and stethoscopes, business suits and expensive black dresses, while others wore their Sunday best instead of blue collars and a nametag that said, "Hello my name is…"
I recognized some people but they wouldn't know me since I was a … dog in this universe. I stood by the punchbowl, obviously spiked considering how many people were lined up for it and munched on the finger-foods as I watched old friends dance happily.
Suddenly, someone appeared at my side, politely smiling. "Hi, my name's Ricken, how 'bout you?"
I wasn't interested. Men, women, children –they all were the same to me. Romance didn't appeal to me anymore. He was one of the few I was sure didn't exist in my universe. "You don't remember me, Ricken? That's awfully rude," I teased him.
He looked stricken, unsure whether to proceed anymore. "Sorry, you were in my Maths class right? Mr. Willard?" Ricken scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward.
"Nope," I said, popping the p. "And I had plenty of classes with you, Mister, some of them I even sat next to you." I crossed my arms to show that I was angry at him.
"I'm really sorry," he choked out, "that was really inconsiderate of me. Um, would you like go to go outside?"
"For what?" I scoffed.
He shrugged, a boyish smile adorning his face. "We can just…look at the stars, if you want."
Even now, I know why that line got me.
He told me his childhood dream of becoming an astronomer and learning everything he could possibly learn in his lifetime about the rest of the universe outside his own front yard. His parents decided against it, and instead he became a doctor.
The parallel of the situation squeezed the air out of me in seconds. I'm next to a doctor. Who likes space. Who likes me.
Oh God.
Then should I have been surprised to find myself three years later with a rock on my left hand that had the words, "Mine" in microscopic letters if you held the ring in the right light? It didn't matter to me, because I was marrying a doctor who liked the stars.
It's a little bit messed up, isn't it? Marrying someone over something as trivial as that? Yeah, maybe. But the Doctor isn't trivial. And any piece of him to keep me remembering will be mine.
The wedding day finally rounds the corner while Ricken spends more and more time out of the apartment with the boys. It annoys me slightly because exactly what man needs to take time off from his future wife and celebrate his life as a bachelor? Isn't that the reason he was marrying me in the first place? To not be a bachelor? I try to stop the thought from even grazing on the fringes of my brain but it comes and goes as it pleases. The Doctor wouldn't do that.
It seems like the closer the wedding day got, the more I find the difficulties of a human life. I will not say a normal human life because I ask myself: exactly who has the normal life? Waking up, eating, using the loo, brushing hair, kissing goodbye, sitting in front of the telly, etc. all droned on by; I cannot find the beauty that I once could before the Doctor.
More often than not, I hear the Tardis. I know it's in my head but I always have to look to make sure. Usually it's when I'm my mind is wandering or I'm at the brink of tears but I always look. He's never there.
I stare at myself in the full-length mirror, clad in a flowing, silky white gown fit for a princess. Mum, with Pete's help made it sure that I found the right dress. The dress is sleeveless and the neckline swooped low enough that I thanked Mum for having the genes to let me have a nice chest to hold it up. The intricate designs that run along the skirts are faint enough that its clumped features didn't look horrendous but more glowing in the light. The train of the dress goes on for ages, which I let Mum squeal over.
My brunette hair is twisted up into braids and knots with a billion bobby pins and my usual makeup is almost nonexistent with only a layer of foundation to cover up any irregularities.
"It'll be fun, sweetheart," Mum's muffled voice says through the door. "It'll be so much fun."
The actual wedding goes on forever. I stand there next to Ricken for ages before the question is asked. Do I? Yes, you do, Rose. Just say yes and this will be over. You will be married to a doctor who loves the stars, just like you always wanted.
"I –," I begin.
The familiar whooshing, the oh so familiar whooshing of the machine reaches my ears. I close my eyes because I can't look. What if It's all in my head? What if he's not real? What if I've thought so much of the Doctor for the past few years that he's ingrained himself into my very senses?
But Mum's screaming and the gasps of the audience are enough of a proof. I hear the wooden door creak open and the thunderous, slow first step of the man of my dreams. All is silent in the sanctuary; I hear my own heartbeats in my ears, I think maybe I can even hear the double-beats of his.
"Rose?" his voice echoes to me. I don't dare look. Don't look yet, Rose. "Rose, I'm here." I can hear his voice crack –at the possible rejection he faces. Because the Doctor has gone through this before, so what is one more?
What is one more Rose Tyler going to change things?
I jump when I feel Ricken slightly touch my arm. He wipes away tears that I didn't realize is traveling down my cheek. He's concerned, angry, but he doesn't say a word. He knows but he won't admit it.
"What are you doing here, you blasted man?" Mum screams at the Doctor. Pete tries to console her, murmuring calming words to her, but she doesn't stop. "You just can't leave her alone, can you? You always have to come around muck it all up!"
Just leave it, Mum, I want to say. I impatiently turn towards them; the sight of his weary face only makes me cry harder. He is not even looking at Mum; he's staring right at me, with his sad face that only the Doctor is able to utilize. The only man who has the capability to. I am in my wedding dress in front of faux doctor who loves the stars.
Even when the Doctor wins, he loses.
Ricken's family, along with the groom himself leaves as soon as possible. They all know it's off; Mum knew from the second she heard the T.A.R.D.I.S. She huffs angrily and pathetically and leaves me where I'm standing with the Doctor in front of his machine.
"What are you doing here?" I finally ask him, finding my voice.
"I came back for you."
"For what, exactly? To prevent loneliness for you?"
"No, I –"
"Doctor, I was going to start a life with that man; I was going to forget you and move on."
The Doctor shamefully averts his eyes to the ground. I take a sick pleasure in seeing him suffer as I did. But the glee of the moment quickly vanishes and all is left is a lonely man and me, alone at the altar.
"I'm sorry," he replies.
"I don't even know what to say, Doctor," I mumble. We're both sitting on the altar steps. My veil is somewhere on the floor, hidden amongst the train of my dress. The palms of my hands are covered in mascara. The Doctor removes his coat and loosens his tie. "I'm quite selfish aren't I? For saying that?"
The Doctor stares at her quizzically.
"I can't imagine what you must've gone through to get here. Just bad luck it happened to be when I'm getting married," I explain.
"Yeah, I suppose it was a bit of an effort," he says nonchalantly. He pauses for a moment before asking, "Do you love him?"
I nod. "I've been with him for some time now and he's a good bloke. I do love him. But I think sometimes it was for the wrong reason." I wipe the wet mascara on my hands onto my arms before wiping my cheeks again. "He's a doctor who loves the stars." I begin to laugh at that. The Doctor smiles a bit, sadly.
I gather my dress and stand up. "I think I'm going to say goodbye to my mum and dad." She looks down to where he is sitting. "You still have all my old clothes on the Tardis don't you?"
The Doctor suddenly gets up. "You still want to come with me?"
I smile widely. "Of course I am, Doctor. You think I'd actually say no?"
The Doctor grabs her hands and kisses her on the mouth. "You're wonderful, Rose Tyler. You're certainly one of a kind!" He leads her towards the Tardis, kisses her once –no two, no three times and opens the door.
They were ready for their next adventure.