I do not own any part of Harry Potter or any connected material. If I owned it, then it wouldn't be fan fiction, now would it?
This is your last warning. If you like the Weasley's and you read this, then expect to be offended.
"...and so today class, we are going to be studying the dangers of inbreeding. Now, for this class, we are going to use the case study of the Weasley family. Now, you have probably at least heard of this family, not least of all because this family was once a family that I, and my husband, once considered friends. You may also have heard of them elsewhere, can anyone give me an example?" Several hands rose in the class that she surveyed before her. "Yes Miss Wood."
"Ron Weasley, captain and keeper of the Chudley Cannons." The third year, daughter of Oliver Wood, replied.
"Ah yes, Ronald." Came the clipped reply. "Though one does wonder how much help having seven fingers on each hand must be. Any other examples?"
"Fred and George, the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes guys." Was shouted out.
"Hands up next time, if you please Miss Black. However, you are only partially correct in this instance. Fred and George are part of the Weasley family, though they come from another section of the family. They are not actually inbred. Anyway, I think we get the point; the Weasley family are fairly well known for one reason or another. Now, on to the lecture."
At this, several students perked up - after all, this was not their usual kind of History of Magic lesson. Inbreeding, mostly due to pureblood pigheadedness and the desire to keep blood 'oh so pure', had been studied greatly since the war had finished, as many bloodlines had started to die out because of it. This was actually relevant, and a lot more interesting than learning about Circe and her pig fetishes.
"Now, first of all, we are going to study the immediate family of this generation. We will not be going any further back than that, as it will simply become too complicated." Hermione gave a brief pause, while considering how best to word her next question. After all, it wouldn't be politic to be offensive. "Now, can anyone tell me what is so... intriguing about the case study of this particular family?"
Fewer hands rose this time, all Ravenclaws, unsurprisingly. A nod in the direction of one of the hands prompted a reply, "Yes Professor, Molly Weasley was actually born a Weasley," at this, the girl's face changed to a scowl, "she was Arthur's younger sister."
At the pained and disgusted looks on the faces of her young charges, Hermione Potter nee Granger could only sigh. Molly Weasley nee Prewitt, yeah right. The Prewitts hadn't even known that she existed, let alone that she was claiming to be of their clan. They also weren't especially pleased when they found out.
"Five points to Ravenclaw, though it would have been ten points had you given the second fact that makes this case study so important. William 'Bill' Weasley, the first son of Arthur and Molly Weasley is another point of interest, as he is actually Ron's father. Though what makes that fact the most disturbing is that yes, Molly is indeed Ronald's mother. Not only that, I can assure you that it was no accident; by that point in his life, Arthur was completely infertile. Ginerva Weasley, case in point, is also the product of an incestuous union, as she is the daughter of Charles 'Charlie' Weasley." Hermione now had to pause. Not only did the students look somewhat disturbed, most notably the Hufflepuffs, she too was a little disgusted even thinking about it. And to think that she had once been interested in Ronald, only to be rebuked by him, because of his more-than-plutonic love of Ginny.
She shuddered slightly at the thought.
"Now, this poses of the question of, what exactly are the relations of the family members to one another? Well, this is where it really gets complicated."
At this, Hermione rose from her desk at the front of the class, and walked over to the blackboard. She animated one of the pieces of chalk at the bottom, and let it hover at the board, waiting for her command. She began walking to the back of the classroom, so that she could better insure that the students were all paying attention.
This was a rather important point to make, after all.
"Now," she said, watching as the chalk seemed to jump to life from its hovering position, "we shall first start from Arthur and Molly Weasley, who are of course siblings." A line drew across the board, with two smaller lines from each end, with the names Arthur and Molly written underneath.
"Now, we have seven more names to sort. Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, Ron, Percy and Ginny. First off, we shall sort Fred and George where they belong." At this, the chalk jumped once more, drawing a line up from the centre of the first, a line across, and a line down, with the names Fred and George below it.
"As already mentioned, while Weasleys, they are irrelevant to today's discussion, as they are two of the Weasley family's blessed few not to be considered inbred. Next, we shall deal with the children formed as a direct union of the parents. Bill, Charlie and Percy were all direct children of Arthur and Molly." At this, the chalk hovered over to the original line, drew another one that connected Arthur and Molly, and then drew 3 lines dropping from it, with the names underneath each; Bill, Charlie and Percy.
"Now, Percy is a dead end, as he was determined infertile. It was after his birth that it was discovered that Arthur was also infertile." An X was written below Percy, to signify his lack of parentage.
"Now however, we have Ron and Ginny. Ron was the child of Molly and Bill, and Ginny the child of Molly and Charlie. Though let it be said, a lust potion was used on both Bill and Charlie for the actual acts. Nonetheless, they, to this day, continue to be part of the family; so let us not view them as guiltless." At this, curves lines when from Molly to Charlie, and from Molly to Bill, with seperate lines forming from the two men's name, with Ginny and Ron, respectively, written below them.
"We are then, of course, led to the... child of Ginerva and Ronald Weasley. The child which, as you may or may not know, was the cause of this case study." A line connected the names of Ron and Ginny, with another line dropping down. The name "Chudley" appeared below.
"Considering that Chudley was born genetically female, yet with... three penises," Hermione grimaced, "It is unsurprising that this case study was instigated." Hermione was almost tempted at this point to have the chalk draw three rather crude penises next to "Chudley" in an attempt to lighten the mood in the room, yet ultimately decided against it. After all, that might be considered offensive.
"So then. Now we are left with just the relationships to consider. Let us start with Fred and George. To them, Arthur and Molly are siblings, Bill, Charlie and Percy are nephews, and Ron and Ginny are grand-nephew and grand-niece respectively. However, Ron and Ginny are also their nephew and niece respectively, due to the union between Molly and Bill, and Molly and Charlie." Some of the children were starting to look a little confused, yet Hermione was determined to plough on.
"To Arthur, Molly is his sister and wife, Bill, Charlie and Percy are his sons, and Ron and Ginny are his grandchildren, and also his stepchildren. To Molly, Arthur is her brother, Bill, Charlie and Percy are her sons, and Bill and Charlie are also her lovers. Ron and Ginny are her grandchildren. To Bill, Molly is his mother, lover and his aunt, and Ginny is his niece. To Charlie, Molly is his mother, lover and aunt, and Ron is her nephew. Percy is the least affected, as his line is fairly straightforward, bar Arthur being his father and uncle, and Molly being his mother and aunt."
Hermione once again paused, to make sure that she wasn't getting as confused as her pupils. Only the Ravenclaws seemed to still be following, and even then, many looked to be struggling. However, she was Hermione Potter nee Granger, and nothing if not persistent.
"Now, to Ron. To Ron, Arthur is his grandfather and great-uncle, and Molly is his grandmother, mother and great-aunt. Bill is his father and brother, while Charlie is his uncle and brother. Ginny is his sister and cousin. To Ginny, Arthur is her grandfather and great-uncle, and Molly is her grandmother, mother and great-aunt. Charlie is her father and brother, while Bill is her uncle and brother. Ron is her brother and cousin." At this point, only three pupils seemed to still be with her. Perhaps she would award anyone understanding this at the end with fifty house points each.
"Now, on to Chudley, and you may notice that I've left... that child out of the equation until now. To Chudley, Fred and George are... let's say for the sake of argument her, since she is genetically female... well, Fred and George are her great-great-uncles. Arthur is her great-grandfather (twice), great-great uncle, step-great-grandfather and step-great-great-uncle. Molly is her great-grandmother, great-great-aunt, grandmother and great-aunt. Bill is her grandfather (twice) and her great-uncle. Charlie is also her grandfather (twice) and great-uncle. Percy is her great-uncle. Ron is her father and uncle, and Ginny is her mother and aunt. And that concludes the family!" She finished with a flourish.
Hermione walked back to the board, de-animated the piece of chalk, and turned to face her class. She suddenly felt very old indeed when every hand in the class was raised as she sat down. She rhetorically, at that point asked, "Any questions?"
Hope you enjoyed this. It's just a little plot bunny that came to me, and I decided to make it happen. Cookies to anyone who completely follows this.