The date is December 25th. And at the home of one Shirou Emiya, is a delightful Christmas party. Guests include... pretty much all the main characters except for Kirei, and all of them were filled with good cheer - why, even Shinji was scoring remarkably low on the douche-ometer up to this point.

Eventually, it came time for the singing of Christmas carols, and Sakura stepped up to sing first.

And to a very cheery tune, did the Matou girl sing the cause of her family's holiday joy... "Grandpa got run over by a reindeer, stalking home to our house Christmas eve! You can say there's no such thing as Santa... but as for me and Nii-san, we believe!"

Rin reflexively spewed out her drink all over Saber in surprise at Sakura's total delight.

Then Shinji piped in with the next verse. "That bastard never gave us presents, and I'm glad to see him go! But I wish he hadn't took his meds now, 'cause he left a big damn bloody mess out on the snow..."

Now Sakura again, with a much too cheery smile. "When we found him Christmas morning, at the scene of the attack... We found hoofprints on his forehead, and then we danced a Christmas waltz upon his back."

The two were sharing a one-armed hug now, in an incredibly rare and bizarre show of adoptive sibling affection. "Grandpa got run over by a reindeer, stalking home to our house Christmas eve! You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Nii-san, we believe!"

Shinji parted from his sister now, and grabbed a microphone from out of nowhere. "Now, I'm really scared of Sakura... she's been feeling really swell... First time that I ever heard her laughter... was when she tossed ol' grandpa's body down the well!"

Sakura smacked her brother and took the mic from him, before going over and sitting herself on Shirou's lap. "For the first time I know Christmas... Grandfather's soul was just pitch black. But for you my dear, I've got some presents..."

Shirou's eyes widened as she began to take off her top. "And I'd like for you to give the same thing back."

Shinji attempted to yank his sister off of his best and only friend, but cowered under her glare. "Grandpa got run over by a reindeer, stalking home to our house Christmas eve! You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Sakura, we believe!"

While Rin and Saber tugged at Sakura in a futile effort to drag her off of their boytoy, Shinji began to concoct a naughty scheme. 'While Rin is leaned over the table, my hand has now begun to itch... The first moment that I am able, I do believe it's time I grab those tits!'

Sure enough, the harem shenanigans gave him exactly the opening he needed. Cue the scream of outrage, and then a pissed-off tsundere was chasing a scummy pervert through the household.

"I've warned all my friends and neighbors," sang Sakura, "they need to watch out for themselves. Because my brother is a scumbag... and probably next on Santa's murder list."

Rin finally managed to back Shinji into a corner, and was now musically beating the shit out of him. "Shinji's getting pummeled into a bloodstain! For trying to pull his bullshit Christmas Day! I know it's meant to be a time of mercy... but honestly, I could slap this bitch all day!"

Merry Christmas, everyone!