Steering the Ship

Dedicated with thanks to my two asskickers who I told this idea to and really wanted to see it on paper. So here we go first chapter and there are more to come. Rating is M- though the first few chapters has no sex it will come.

I don't own The Good Wife.

Chapter 1

Alicia's Pov

The heat had driven me here. It wasn't something I would otherwise have considered. But the heat and the fact that Zach had forgotten he had made plans with some friends had made me come here James Creek Marina. I had driven out here in the rented car, seeking the water and wind, and after a quick tour to the Mall seeing how many had gone there, I had quickly left and drove out here instead, The marina. There are lots of people here as well but it is bigger and the wind blows lightly, making it feel less claustrophobic than at the Mall. I walk along the pier, smiling at the sight of people working on their boats. Also the coming and going - boats leaving and starting their journey out on the water and others steering back to the pier. Sometimes people waiting on them smiling in reunions other times waving goodbye. It is a lovely view and one that makes me smile as I walk on. I hope I could maybe find a more quiet place down here to read or just enjoy the sun.

I pause at a huge sail boat, one of the bigger ones around here and study it. I am not exactly sure why this one caught my attention, but it did. It was beautiful and if I could choose one I would like to own myself, this one would be it. Not that I wanted to own one, I have never really been into sailing or anything. And the thought of owning a boat has never really crossed my mind, at least not other than the time years ago then I was made partner at then Lockhart/Gardner and I started to receive yachts brochures, but that was the most I had ever thought of it.

However if I was to have one, this one would be a promising candidate. I walk slowly along it, taking in what I could see from the pier. I especially loved the deck and imagined sitting there and having dinner or breakfast. And it looked promising for sunbathing too. I would love to see the inside and if it was even livable for me. Again not a thing that had ever really crossed my mind in the past.

I walked further along it to see if I could find the name anywhere just out of curiosity. The name was painted on the side with a dark blue color. And it strikes me, not because I didn't like it but because it stands out to me like the boat itself. In the middle of boats titled everything from The Rising Sun to Taylor this one was named Penelope. It wasn't a really unusual name and if it hadn't had a special meaning to me personally I wouldn't have thought much of it. But it did. It was the name of a woman I had one time, a few years after I had Grace, and had been ill with the flu had read a lot about. Ulysses' devoted and brilliant wife. I had at the time thought briefly, that it might not have been the flu, but that I was carrying Peter's and my third child, and told him if I was pregnant and it was a girl I wanted to name her that. I wasn't pregnant and never had another child so the name never came to use but it stayed with me as one of those "if it ever came to be" - that would have been the name I would have used. Which was why it also made me smile now with a hint of melancholy. It had been such a long time ago, almost like another life.

Now my children were grown up and both going to college not living close to me anymore. Peter and I were divorced and I worked my ass off as State's Attorney myself now, the same job that had been Peter's future hope goal back then, one he had wanted to achieve.

Well at least I was the SA, for now I was still considering if I should stay in that or run for Senate or Congress at the next midterm election in a year. I wasn't sure. After all my entry into the political game myself had come late. But I didn't regret it. I had needed the change from the law I had gone back into after Peter's scandal.

Most say you shouldn't make big changes until a year after a tragedy. I had never really seem to follow that. I stopped working to be a stay at home mom after my father passed away, swearing my life to my family to not lose a moment better spent with them than work. I went back to work though more by force needing the money to take care of my kids when my now ex- husband was caught with his pants down, though the ex part only came later. And I changed my path in life no longer wanting the law when Will had died, that was also when Peter's and my final break came. Though he was the one making it formal, I had already cut him off asking for a marriage in name only. One he first accepted but not that much later called it quit by asking for a divorce. Yes, my big changes always seemed to follow other great shake ups in my life.

I stand there at the pier a little looking at Penelope, before I start to walk again, checking my watch. Zach would still be busy with his friends. I had come to visit for a few days taking a few days extra days off in connection to labors day. Not that it was easily done with my job, but Geneva had insisted. And Zach had stayed in DC at an internship over the summer so I hadn't seen him in months and thought I would go see him now, missing him terrible. My son all grown up. He of course was happy I came and we spend yesterday together but today he was off with friends and girlfriend again. I know it isn't true but I did feel a little like it might not have been the best of plans and he would actually rather have spend the holiday with his friends and classmates. Grace was busy too and wouldn't join us down here but she had at least come home to spend a few weeks with me back in Chicago over the summer, before making her way to Hartford, where she had an internship. She studied up there as well, having chosen to go to Yale, to follow her father's footsteps instead of mine.

I walk on lost in my own thoughts when I hear someone calling my name, first I brush it off, after all Alicia isn't an uncommon name so it is probably to someone else, after all I don't really know anyone, I could imagine running into here. So I just continue to walk. But the person calls out again, and this time I do stop and look around, turning around as well to look from where I came. The person calls again and I hold the hand up to give a little shadow trying not to get blinded by the sun. Finally I catch the motion of someone waving at me, standing at the deck of the exact same boat I had just admired. I start to walk back, but the person, a man, now having caught my attention moves and with an elegance jump from the deck to the pier intending on joining me. He takes long strides toward me. And I halt in my walk as I realize who it is. The breath is catching in my throat and I try to make any sense of this. As I certainly didn't expect to meet him here of all places. But that isn't the only thing, it is also his looks. It might have been a little or more than a little time since I saw him last, but I still could not ever in my wildest mind have imagined the change in him. My ex-husband, Peter, who as he comes closer I have to catch myself in wondering why the ex is there in that name. Though it sounds horribly superficial. But he looks very well, and I haven't been in a relationship for years actually not at all since we split up. He comes closer until he stops right in front of me.

"Wow it is you, I thought it was, but with the distance..." He smiles gently and a bit sheepishly at me. He looks to consider something, suddenly looking uncomfortable and a lot like I feel. Insecure and not really knowing how to act or greet each other. I nod slowly, while I try to keep myself from staring. He is sunburned, and looks like he has actually spent a lot of time on the water. The silver is more distinctive in his raven locks, than it was in the past, but now with it windblown it only adds to his attraction and charm. His arms and shoulders look broader than I remember and it might just be me but he looks like he had spent time working out and blowing off steam, to such a degree, where I suddenly wonder how he thinks I look. As I have done neither and where he looks fresh and full of energy, I am sure I have dark lines under my eyes speaking of lack of sleep and stress. He looks like he is five years younger and I suddenly fear I look ten years older. Something I quickly shrug off not wanting to dwell on at all.

He looks like he is considering something until he sighs and steps forward and the next second I am pulled into a warm hug. One I gladly but a little awkwardly return. His embrace is warm and tight for a second and I feel like something pulls in me to hug him closer. It might be the sudden longing for human contact that is stirring in me like something primal. Something beside the occasional hugs I get from my kids when I see them. But this is different, it is one of those hugs that shows and speaks of the intimacy we have shared for decades of years in the past, though it hasn't been the last few. Still it is familiar and something I must have needed and longed for more than I knew.

However Peter pulls back much too soon for my liking. Though I am a bit unsure why I like snuggling up in my ex-husband's arms that much suddenly, but I do or rather did. I step back trying to hid the blush I feel creeping up my cheeks, and stand suddenly awkwardly in front of him not sure what to say now. His eyes warm brown stings my heart in an all too familiar way that shouldn't be right now. Yet it is. And I suddenly realize how lonely I have been the last year since Grace left for college, too. No real friends or family around, just work and an occasional visit from Owen and my mother. But it is a huge difference when so many years had been filled with kids and Peter. He smiles at me.

"What are you doing here?" he asks clearly curious, and he isn't the only one, I am as well. Sure I can remember Grace having mentioned he bought a boat, but I had imagined some small one not a yacht. And surely not one as big as this.

I shrug my shoulders, considering an answer.

"I'm visiting Zach, and he is out with some friends. So I decided to come here... trying to cool off by the water... The Mall was a crowd you wouldn't believe. But what about you? What are you doing here?" I ask, giving him a gentle smile.

"I have been seeing Zach earlier this week and had a meeting in town yesterday so took a couple of days more. I am set to leave again tomorrow morning..." He offered and I nod, unsure what to say otherwise. It feels weird meeting like this, not having seen each other for more than a year, last time was Grace's graduation. And we are now standing here acting like almost strangers though also so familiar. And I really don't know how to break the tension though I wish I did. Finally I settle on his boat, the very same I had admired only moments before.

"I assume it is yours. Grace did mention you having gotten a boat but I thought she meant a small one..." I tell him and he sends me a slightly cocky smile that makes my heart beat a bit faster than expected.

"Yeah I bought her. After..." He pauses and sighs, before continuing and I squint for a second, unsure what he will say.

"After first Jackie died, thank you for the flowers by the way, and then losing the election I needed to find something. So I started learning to sail and bought her for some of the money Jackie left me" He explains. "I've only had her for a few months here over the summer.. but sailed most days so I have practiced steering her... and I also started to learn and took the certification before I brought her." He explains and I nod, my eyes widen slightly.

"I am so sorry about both Peter I hope you know that... I wanted to come to the funeral but I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate..." I tell him while bowing my head. I know how much she had meant to him, and I know he must be missing her terribly. Like I missed my dad. And for all her faults I would also miss my mother if she died.

"Thank you. You should have, I wanted to ask you to come but I wasn't sure how it would be received." He answers with a sigh and I nod, realizing how we have once more misunderstood and missed the steps and needs of the other. Apparently something we have become very adept at after all we went through. And it sometimes scares me, especially because we were once the exact opposite. Once we always knew exactly what the other needed and thought. And I have to admit I miss that, I miss having someone like that, having him like that. I should just have followed my instinct and gone to Jackie's funeral and hugged him and been his pillar of strength like he was mine when my dad died, like I hope he would be if my mother or Owen died. What I wish sometimes he had been and I had let him be when Will died. But that I could never have expected or really wanted (I had kept telling myself that) because he could never understand my grief back then. So pushing him back and away was smartest there but it didn't change my feelings. And the little part of me that wished I had let him comfort me and be there.

I sigh now and once more stand awkwardly, glancing at him one second before avoiding his dark eyes the next. Dark eyes that seem to be trying to read me. And that scares me as I have never liked being read, well that is not true I once liked being read by Peter a lot, but now it makes me unsure. What if he suddenly after all did see what I was thinking and feeling what would that mean? It couldn't bring any good with it could it?

There you go the start of this hope you like it as I love writing it. This chapter was originally longer but cutted it in two part two will be posted tomorrow. I don't sail myself, or have a boat and don't know much about it but I research some, and some in my family sail and have boats and I have been on a few trips... but yeah most is fictional and what I can get from online research.