Title: Christmas wishes and hopes for the future
Author: thousand_miles
Rating: K
Summary: A Lizzington Christmas fic. Red makes sure Lizzie sees the beauty of Christmas again and succeeds.
Spoilers: S1
A/N: For my wonderful friend Sarah who is always there for me! You rock!
This fic is not beta-ed so there might be grammar mistakes. I haven't seen anything of S2 so if I have made mistakes because of my lack of knowledge…my apologies. Reviews are appreciated, flames not so much. Merry Christmas everybody!
Christmas wishes and hopes for the future
She hated Christmas. This year even more so than other years because this year she was alone and she felt the loss of a life once lived. She missed her father. Even though in the previous years they had never gone to visit him at Christmas because she had usually been too busy. His loss hit her hard today. She'd always preferred to work during the festive holiday season. Not that she ever called it that, but it was a general description of those days. She'd volunteered to work but Cooper had ordered her to stay at home telling her she needed to take time off. He'd told Ressler the same. They would only be called when there was an emergency. She'd hoped for an emergency the entire day and kept checking her phone to make sure she didn't have any missed calls. But so far, no luck.
To her Christmas seemed unnatural. People trying to be the best version of themselves in a strangely forced situation. Nobody spoke their mind, always trying to keep the peace. It was how she'd always felt about Christmas and doubted that would ever change. Tom had always tried to make Christmas Eve into a romantic evening even if she'd worked. She'd always pushed him away. Tom had been exactly the same, trying to be the best version of himself. He'd played that part ever since they'd met.
She grabbed the bottle of red wine and poured herself another drink. She looked around her small apartment. There was nothing that would give any indication that it was the holiday season. There were no Christmas lights, no Christmas tree, nothing. Maybe it was sad, but she preferred it this way. She preferred to pretend that these days didn't exist. If she shut the world out, she might even manage to keep pretending.
A loud knocking on her door pulled Lizzie out of her reverie. Hudson, who'd been lying against her on the couch, barked loudly. He didn't like the intrusion either. She looked at her phone for the time. It was 8.00 PM. She wondered if she ignored the knocking the person would go away. She stayed quiet and hushed Hudson too. But it wasn't for too long before the knocking started again. She sighed. Slowly she got off the couch and made her way to the door. For a moment she again thought about ignoring the knocking but decided against it. Maybe it was best to just get it over with and then she would have her peace and quiet again.
Opening the door she was surprised to find Red on the other side of the door. "Red?" Wasn't he supposed to be away? He'd told her he would be gone for a few days. She'd expected he was going to go somewhere, probably some cabin in the woods surrounded by snow and probably in the company of some woman. She often ignored the jealousy she felt when she thought of him with other women. If he knew he would tease her relentlessly with it telling her what a silly woman she was.
"Lizzie." Red greeted her jovial. He looked her up and down. Her appearance surprised him. She was wearing sweatpants and a big sweater. Clearly she wasn't feeling very festive. "Why so gloomy, Lizzie." He pushed past her and stepping into her apartment. He kneeled down to greet Hudson who happily licked his hand.
"I'm not gloomy." She didn't really know why she was denying the obvious and judging from the raised eyebrow Red gave her he wondered the same.
"You don't even have a Christmas tree or any lights. This is not right. Go on, go change. I'm taking you out." He took his fedora off and sat down on the couch. Hudson lay down against his feet.
Lizzie glared at him and crossed her arms. "I'm not going to go anywhere with you. I just want to stay home and…"
"sulk. Really that is not a way to spend Christmas eve." Red finished her sentence for her. "Now, go change into something casual and warm and pack a bag too. You're going with me."
"But Hudson he…" She tried to object again and again Red finished her sentence. The fact that he'd told her to pack a bag too made her a bit nervous.
"Hudson will be fine because he is going to come with us." He looked at the dog who barked in agreement. "Now, go on. Change." He nodded towards her and waited for her to move towards her bedroom.
A good half an hour later Lizzie returned to her living room with her bag packed. It had taken her so long because she hadn't known what to wear and what to pack. Seeing Red sitting so casually on her couch she realised she was over thinking things. He probably meant nothing with this all and she'd made more of it than she should have. She felt a bit ashamed and was afraid he might mention that he'd had to wait so long.
"Ready?" He asked. He noticed she looked nervous and hoped he could ease her mind soon. He knew his sudden appearance at her door made her feel uncertain, but this was something that he had to do. He was going to go all out tonight. Tonight she was going to know how he felt about her. He was taking a risk. He had an inkling that she had feelings for him but he guessed she was unsure if she should give into those feelings. He knew she would need some convincing and tonight he would do so.
Standing up, he put Hudson's leash on and took her bag from her. He looked her up and down for a moment. She was wearing faded jeans, brown boots and a black cardigan. He liked this casual look. He waited for her to put on her red parka and saw her grab her grey beanie. Red put his fedora on and opened the door. He gave her backside another appreciative glance as she past him.
Outside he walked to the car where Dembe was waiting for them. He opened the trunk and placed Lizzie's bag in it. He tapped the back and started walking. Lizzie looked from the car to Red walking away from the car with her dog. Why weren't they talking the car?
"Come on, Lizzie. We're going for a walk. It's beautiful outside." He called out to her as he turned around and waited for her. He saw Dembe drive away from the corner of his eyes. As she got closer he saw the confusion in her eyes. He smiled gently at her. Not saying a word he waited for her to step next to him and then continued their walk with Hudson on his leash walking beside him. After a while the snow began to fall and it made their walk even more beautiful. They didn't say anything, but he kept glancing at her. He saw her looking around attentively. He was happy to see she was enjoying herself. Casually, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, Red brushed her glove covered hand with his a few times before he grabbed her hand in his and entwined their fingers. He knew she was looking at him, surprised by his move, but he merely kept walking. However Lizzie was so surprised by his move that she stopped dead in her tracks. Red however kept walking which caused her to get pulled along with him and she stumbled into his side. She quickly regained her balance and was steady on her feet again.
"Clumsy? Or do you just wanna get close to me?" He teased her. He saw her blush and duck her head. He laughed softly and pulled her along with him. Hudson barked as if he was laughing with Red. Red pulled her closer and put his arm around her shoulder. "Better keep you near me for your own safety." He whispered in her hair and tightened his arm around her for a few seconds.
Lizzie was too stunned by all that had just happened. She felt the slight flutter in her stomach caused by his closeness. She didn't understand what was going on. Red had never behaved like this around her. He wasn't giving her any indication of what he was doing. He was behaving like this was the most natural thing in the world to do. All she could do was follow him, but she couldn't shake her feeling, or better said the jumble of feelings that were running through her.
They walked like that for a while and stopped at a small parc where there was a big Christmas tree full of lights. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Red said as they stopped in front of it.
Lizzie shivered from the cold as well as his closeness. She couldn't stop her body's instinctive reaction of leaning more against him. She looked up at the tree. It did look beautiful and with the snow falling it was even a bit magical. Red watched her take everything in and saw the small smile on her face. She looked beautiful with her slightly red nose from the cold, a few hairs coming out from underneath her beanie and the snowflakes on her eyelashes. His heart beat loudly in his chest. She was so beautiful she took his breath away. Seeing she was still focused on the lights he leaned in and kissed her temple softly. "Merry Chirstmas, sweetheart." He whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
Just like before she ducked her head. She didn't understand where all of this was coming from. He was confusing her. She loved feeling him close to her, to have him whisper in her ear, but what was he getting at? Sure he'd touched her before, a hand on her back or shoulder, sometimes he even flirted but he'd never been this forth coming. She didn't know how to react and so she didn't.
He'd felt how cold her face was and looking around he spotted a hot drinks vendor. "Let's get you some hot chocolate to warm you up." He pulled her along with him and once again Lizzie stumbled.
Waiting in line to order their drinks Lizzie decided to ask him what was going on. Red was so casual about it all as if this was normal for them, but it wasn't. Clearly he knew more than she did and not surprisingly wasn't letting her in on it. "I don't understand what's going on here, Red."
"We're waiting in line to get some hot chocolate." He joked. He knew he'd overwhelmed her a bit with their walk and his behaviour. She'd stayed silent the entire walk but now she'd finally decided to ask him what was going on.
"Red." She warned him. This wasn't a time for joking.
"I don't want you to be alone with Christmas." He replied honestly.
"Okay." That did make sense, but it didn't explain all the touching. Before she could question him about it, it was their turn and Red ordered their drinks.
They'd walked for more than an hour when they finally approached his house. Their walk had taken longer than Red had expected and noticed how cold Lizzie was. "Almost there, Lizzie." He looked at Hudson who was walking a few steps behind them. Clearly the dog was done with the walk too. He was too. He was anxious about Lizzie's reaction to his house. He'd told Dembe to get the fire started, light the candles and put the lights from the tree on. He wanted to show her the beauty of Christmas to help her forget the sadness.
He grabbed her hand and quickly they walked up the stairs. He opened the door and ushered her inside. He released Hudson's leash before he turned to Lizzie and helped her with her coat. When he removed her beanie some of the snow flakes fell on her hair and face. He was mesmerised by her. He ran his hand over her hair removing the snow flakes. He had the overwhelming urge to kiss but knew it would spook her. He had to take things slow. He gentle removed the snow flake on her nose, his fingers brushed her skin lightly. He smiled softly at her. "Come on let's get you warmed up." With his hand on the small of her back he guided her to the living room. He lether walk into the living room first wanting to see her reaction.
Stepping into the living room she was taken aback by everything she saw. The big open fire place with Hudson lying in front of it. There was a rather big Christmas tree lit beautifully by lights and with lots of different ornaments. And then there was the soft light of the several candles that had been lit. Everything looked so beautiful. This entire evening was turning into a big surprise. Her sadness had been pushed to the background by their wonderful walk. Red had been so attentive. He showed her the beauty of the city at Christmas. And now he was showing her the beauty of Christmas at his home. She turned around and watched him watching her with a tender look in his eyes.
"It's beautiful, Red." She whispered.
"I'm glad you like it." He stepped up to her and guided her towards the couch near the fire place. "Sit down, get warm. I'll go get us something to drink. You want a glass of wine or something else?"
She felt tired and had already had some wine. It seemed best not to drink any more alcohol. "Just some tea please." With a smile on her face she looked at Hudson who was lying comfortable near the fire place. He seemed already vast asleep. She put her head on the back of the couch and closed her eyes for a moment.
"You tired?" Red asked as he returned to the living room with two big cups of tea.
"Mmmm…" Was all Lizzie said to that. She kept her eyes closed and her head on the back of the couch. She felt the couch dip beside her and knew Red had taken his seat close to her.
Both stayed silent for a moment. Red kept his eyes on Lizzie and Lizzie's eyes stayed closed. She seemed far away. Maybe she was too tired and all she wanted to do was to sleep.
"Thank you for the walk." Lizzie said. She lifted her head up and looked at him before she turned to take her cup of tea in her hands.
"I'm glad you liked it."
"I forgot how beautiful this city can be at Christmas." She'd forgotten so many great Christmas things and it seemed as if Red knew. "Your house looks beautiful too."
"I did it for you." Red admitted. He knew that at some point he had to tell her why he had done all this for her.
"Why?"
"Because I want you to see the beauty of Christmas again and be able to enjoy it. Despite everything that has happened." He hoped that for now she would accept his answer.
She squeezed her eyes and looked at him. There was something he wasn't telling her. "I thought you'd be gone for Christmas."
"I just needed to take care of some things. But I wanted to be here for Christmas." He put his tea back on the table and turned his body a bit towards Lizzie. "I want to spend Christmas with you, Lizzie."
His admittance surprised him and she looked at him expecting to see that he was joking around but he was serious. "I don't think I'm good company."
"You're always good company. You're the only company I want."
"Why are you going through all this trouble? You don't have to. I would have managed at my apartment."
Standing up from the couch Red walked to the Christmas tree and grabbed a small gift wrapped box. He returned to the couch, sat down next to Lizzie again and handed her the box.
Lizzie looked from the box in her hands up to Red. She didn't know what to think of this. A box like this looked like jewellery. Why was he giving her jewellery? That seemed like a gift for a girlfriend or lover. "I… I don't…" She started to say.
"Just open it." He said softly.
Carefully she opened the small bow and unwrapped the gift. She opened the blue box and inside there was a beautiful silver heart shaped locked on a silver chain. It was beautiful in all its simplicity. With her finger she traced the heart shaped form. "It's beautiful, Red." She whispered.
"Open the locket."
She did so and what she found inside touched her deeply. Inside was a small picture of her with her father. Her eyes welled up with tears. It was as if he exactly knew what she needed. She missed her father so much, especially now and he had brought him close again. She looked at him, felt the tears roll down her cheeks but she didn't do anything to hide them from him. "Thank you." She whispered.
He'd taken a risk with this gift, realising she could either love it or hate him for interfering in her personal life. He hadn't expected this emotional reaction though. He brushed her tears away with his thumbs. What she did next was something he hadn't seen coming.
She closed the distance between them, threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck. Silently she cried for her father, but took comfort in his strong arms around her. "I miss him."
"I know." He rubbed her back hoping it would comfort her. "I know you do."
After a few minutes she calmed down and pushed away from him again. "Sometimes I feel so alone. Especially now."
He took her hand in his. "You're never alone, Lizzie. I will always be here for you, in whatever capacity you will let me."
She squeezed his hand. She wondered what he exactly meant. In whatever capacity she would let him? "I don't know what that means."
Red tilted his head to the side and considered his next words carefully. "I want to be a part of your life."
Lizzie sighed. This was typically Red. He never gave her the whole truth just clues. She didn't know how to get him to just answer her without riddles. He was always truthful, she just hated the fact that she always had to figure out exactly what he meant. Maybe she asked the wrong questions. She didn't know. Then again, she wasn't always truthful with him either and he knew that. Maybe that was part of the reason why he talked in riddles with her. "I don't know what you mean. I wish you didn't always feel the need to speak in riddles. Sometimes I need the whole truth from you like now." She held his eyes and watched her words sink in.
"I have feelings for you, Lizzie." It was more than he was willing to say, but he understood she needed the truth from him. He wasn't used to being this vulnerable when he wasn't sure of the outcome. He felt exposed and that was something he didn't like.
To say she was shocked by his words was a understatement. She didn't know how to react. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest because his words opened possibilities that she'd hoped and dreamed for.
Standing up she walked out of the living room to find her bag. She found it on the staircase. She rummaged through her bag and found the gift she'd bought for him a while back. Back in the living room she sat down next to him again and shyly handed her gift to him.
He was surprised she'd bought something for him. He watched her a moment and saw her insecurity. He unwrapped the gift and when he saw what it was, he tried hard to keep his emotions at bay. He worked his jaw, composing himself. Inside was a beautiful silver fob watch. Carefully he took the chain in one hand and the watch in the other. He turned it around and that's when he saw the engraving. 08-01-86. His daughter's birthday.
He was too quiet for too long. He was staring at the watch, touching the engraving with his finger. Had she gone too far, crossed a line maybe? He had once told her his daughter had given him a fob watch and that he'd lost it. She remembered how important it had been to him. So after that she'd searched for the perfect fob watched and had it engraved with the date. She hadn't known then if there would ever be the right moment to give it to him. She hadn't known they would be spending Christmas together but she was glad she'd brought the gift with her tonight. He was still silent and she didn't think that was a good sign. "I'm sorry if…" She started to apologise.
"It's beautiful. I…" He was at a loss for words. "Lizzie." He whispered her name. It was a long time ago that he'd told her about the gift his daughter had given him, but she'd remembered. This meant so much to him. "Thank you. You don't know what this means."
He swallowed thickly. He looked at the beautiful woman in front of him. She was so important to him. She held a special place in his heart and without her knowing it she'd captured his heart. He loved her, it was that simple, yet that complicated. He carefully put the watch back in its box and placed it back on the table. Next he took Lizzie's hand in his and slowly, not wanting to spook her, he closed the distance between them. He saw her eyes widen when she realised his intention, but that didn't stop him. With no more distance between them anymore he brushed his lips softly with hers, testing the waters and when she didn't push him away he increased the pressure. He kept brushing her lips and soon enough she started to move with him. Though he felt the need to deepen the kiss he didn't, knowing it would be too much too soon. But he did know now that he'd had a taste of her he would never get enough of her. With his other hand he cupped her jaw and ended the kiss. He held her eyes and waited for her to open them. What he saw there in those blue eyes told him all he needed to know. He saw love. "Thank you." He said before leaning in for another short, sweet kiss.
"Merry Christmas, Raymond."
The End.