It starts...

"Wake up! It's time for school!" Mom screamed at me from behind my bedroom door.

"What? School?" I thought loudly.

"Yes!" Mom shrieked while teleporting into the room. I couldn't believe my ears or eyes. I had been waiting my whole life to start my Pokémon adventure; there was no way I was going to go to school now.

"Just kidding, lol!" Mom laughed as she slithered onto the bed. "Time to go to Professor Bushtree's lab to get your very first Pokémon!"

"OMG, you bitch!" I thought sassily. I shoved her onto the floor, walked over her body, and started to get ready. I looked in the mirror and began putting moisturizer all over my boyish face. My hair is dark brown just like Harry Styles (but way hotter), and it has sunny blonde highlights like Justin Bieber. My eyes shine sparkly gold like one of those chocolate coins with the gold wrappers. My skin is tan almost like I'm Spanish, but I'm not because I'm white. I look really sexy and my moisturizer has a lot of subtle glitter in it, so I always sparkle. Also, I'm gay, which means I'm sensitive and more intelligent than most boys. One time I had an IQ test, and the doctor said I scored higher than any other person he had ever met, and he said he had met some smart people like Einstein.

Most importantly, though, is my name: Xylark. It's pronounced like "Skylark" but not. Today is my 14th birthday, and I'm ready to finally get my first Pokémon.

After I finished my moisturizing treatment, I got dressed in my cute, black skinny jeans, gray One Direction t-shirt with red letters (and a big X through Zayn's stupid face), black leather vest, and cute dress shoes because I don't like to look sloppy. I'm gay, remember? Anyway, I hustled by bustle out the door and sauntered down to the lab. When I got there, however, what I saw shocked me so bad I almost did a death drop.

"Where are all the Pokémon?" I asked sadly, pointing to area of the lab where no Pokémon were.

"They're already gone because you're late, Xylark!" Professor Bushtree replied meanly. "Maybe if you didn't spend so much time trying to look so attractive in your designer clothes and expensive makeup, you would've been able to get a Pokémon."

I sighed, visibly enraged. Like it was my fault it was so late? I can't control time—I'm not a time magician.

"But I do have one Pokémon left, and I think it's perfect for you!" the professor said encouragingly after he saw how visibly enraged I was. He pulled out a Poké Ball from his fake Prada manbag—how embarrassing!—and placed it on the table. It opened to reveal a Pokémon that I had never seen before.

It was all white and shaped kind of like a mixture between a kitty and a chinchilla (whatever they are since there aren't any animals in the Pokémon world), but it had two small pink wings and what appeared to be gold hoop earrings in its ears. It had two huge eyes that opened seductively to reveal eyes that looked like they were filled with golden glitter. It let out a little meow sound that sounded like it was saying, "Rihanna."

"This is the Pokémon Rianna," Professor Bushtree said, "Like the singer, but it's spelled differently and this Pokémon actually has talent." I had to restrain myself from hitting him in that moment. "Rianna is a new type of Pokémon we just discovered called the Angel type. They are very special because they can't be hurt by things like Grass, Water, Fire, Poison, Fighting, Ground, Rock, Steel, Bug, Ice, Normal, Electric, Fairy, and Flying. They can only be hurt by Ghost, Psychic, Dragon, and most of all by Dark, which they are weak to but very strong against. It's perfect for your starter!"

"I love her—she's even cuter than the real Rihanna!" I squirted. Right then Rianna jumped into my arms and said she didn't want to be in the Poké Ball ever again, so I carried her out of the lab without saying good-bye to Professor Treebush or whatever his lame-ass name was. We headed down the path out of town, singing and brushing each other's hair. I couldn't wait to finally begin my journey to become the best Pokémon master that the Seksi Region had ever seen!