AN: I forgot where it comes from, but the "No matter how many time you multiply zero," is from somewhere/one else.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
WARNING: Slightly disturbing, but funny.
"Che, this'll be easy," Kiba bragged to anyone who would listen as he jumped down from the balcony.
Naruto looked toward his crush, but Sakura was only frowning, probably angry that her fight ended in a draw and that she couldn't impress Sasuke at the finals. She didn't even wish Naruto luck, as she had Sasuke. Kakashi-sensei hadn't even said anything before he left with the stupid bastard – he hadn't even looked back at the last two members of Team Seven. Both of them thought that Naruto would lose to Kiba. Holding back a wince, Naruto slipped under the rail and slid down the wall to fall softly in the arena.
"Are both of you ready?" Hayate asked between coughs.
"This'll be over in a second!" Kiba boasted.
"For you!" Naruto yelled angrily.
Why wasn't anyone cheering for him? Even Hinata had wished Kiba luck, and Naruto had barely ever heard her speak before! "Begin," Hayate said.
Kiba immediately jumped back while Naruto stayed put. Naruto was wondering what the point of everything was, if no one would even acknowledge him after everything he'd been through. Sakura knew he could fight – he'd been the one to defeat Haku, and the one whose plan freed Kakashi when Zabuza had him caught. Yet neither she nor Kakashi wished him luck – he didn't care for the "Hn," Sasuke had given him. It meant nothing. Sasuke thought he was better than Naruto anyway! Well, he would show them! He'd show everyone how great he was!
"Already admitting defeat?" Kiba asked. "You haven't even moved yet."
Naruto side-stepped the kunai that were thrown his way and stared calculatingly at dog-boy. "I've got just the thing," he thought.
Kiba snorted and looked at Akamaru, "Ready?"
Akamaru barked and the two turned back to Naruto who had just cried out his signature technique: "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
Another Naruto puffed into existence and the two smirked at Kiba, eyes glittering. "No matter how many times you multiply zero, you still get zero!" Kiba yelled.
"Oh yeah? Ooiroke no Jutsu!" Naruto shouted triumphantly.
Kiba snorted when he spotted his head in the smoke, thinking that Naruto was only trying to psych him out by making him and Akamaru question which one was the real Kiba and Akamaru. But when the smoke cleared, he realized that Naruto was playing a bit dirtier than even he had thought possible. "Oh, Akamaru!" the henged Kiba cried, thrusting into his partner.
"That's disgusting!" Kiba shouted.
The people on the balcony were in complete agreement, though Hayate had to hold back a smirk when he spotted what no one but he and Naruto saw. Akamaru's nose was dripping blood. "Arrf," Akamaru-clone groaned.
"Akamaru, no one knows me like you do! Unn!" Kiba-henge moaned.
Akamaru slammed against the wall, an arc of blood spurting out of his nose. "Akamaru?" Kiba wondered, face twitching in disgust. "Gross!"
Naruto and Akamaru-clone turned toward Kiba, smirked at each other, then cried, "Ooiroke no Jutsu: Inuzuka Style!"
The smoke cleared and revealed Kiba's sister and mother in the nude. "Hana, show him what your mother taught you."
"Yes, mother!" Hana shouted.
Hana turned toward her mother and began kissing her ferociously, biting and licking. The two were making noises more suited for dogs in heat while they rubbed against each other roughly. "Kiba, come join your family," Tsume growled.
Kiba, aghast, fainted on the spot.
"Winner: Uzumaki Naruto!" Hayate called.
Naruto puffed back into existence and gave a thumbs up to the people on the balcony, half of whom were nursing bloody noses. "NARUTO!" Sakura screamed in anger. "YOU PERVERT!"
Naruto cackled with glee, laughing harder when the medics revived him and handed him his dog. He held Akamaru at a distance, looking at him suspiciously. "I won, didn't I?" Naruto asked his teammate smugly.
Hayate held back a grin, knowing that only he and Naruto had seen what really went on during the first half of the fight. Akamaru wasn't reacting to the image of himself and Kiba, but rather to the small bitch partly hidden in the smoke. Even Hayate could tell that the henged female dog was in heat, rutting against the dirt and sending desperate glances at the real Akamaru. Kiba didn't know that, though, and neither did anyone else. Hayate thought he would keep this to himself – it was too good for telling.