Author's Note: These are my own personal thoughts about suicide and finding the vocaloid song only heightened my urge to write somthing like this. I am not going through anything, I just wanted to voice my opinions.
Shinitagari: You Wanna Die?
"Hey, thanks for listening to me." I heard him say in that sad tone of his. I know exactly what he's thinking. I know perfectly well.
The emotions inside of me are just swelling up.
I know that Canada has this way of thinking. This blond, purple eyed person is just going to commit suicide. He has been talking about since I met him in the park that fateful day. I just saw him crying and I asked him what's wrong. He told me everything that has been bothering him, even the part where he's a country. Not that it really matters at this point.
I feel sorry for him because he's so nice and awesome and here he is, just talking about suicide. He told me how he's going to go around of doing it. He chooses hanging. At least people would notice him, as he says.
He's been talking to me for six weeks. And for those six weeks I have listening to his concerns, but I've been hearing him trying to commit suicide. I've seen him try it a few times but chicken out in the end.
"Are you okay?" Canada asked me.
"Huh, oh yeah." I sighed. "I'm fine. I'm just thinking about something I have to do later."
"Oh." Canada looked at the ground. Then he twirls his finger on the concrete. "Like I was saying, I finally chose a date. You know, when I'm going to die."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah." Canada looked away from me. "Today."
"Today?" I repeated. "But wait, you're going to kill yourself today?"
"Yeah . . ."
THAT'S IT!
"Canada I want you to listen very closely to me." I stood up from the stairs. Then I walked in front of Canada. I saw his eyes on me. "You're going to listen to me, right?"
"Yeah, I'll listen."
I took in a deep breath.
"In the morning, such a pleasant time of the day
You are feeling lazy; dreaming to feel alive
All the 'pain' you're going through is hurting deep inside
Yet you act so cheery, it's all RARIPAPA,.
You avoid the questions, never saying what is wrong,
There are so many people acting like they're depressed.
I'm getting fucking tired of helping everyone out
Why should I put up with this?"
Canada gave me the look of shock. I can feel a couple of people looking at me because I was yelling! I'VE HAD IT!
"If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
Noone'll ever miss you if you go and do it!
If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
I've lost all my respect to ever care about it."
I could hear more people coming towards us. Canada was looking around but his shock never left his face. I grabbed his tie and brought his face close to mine. My anger was swelling up more and more.
"You always say that I do not understand you,
Then again, you don't know me very well too.
Always saying 'Leave me, just let me die alone"
But really you just wanna have somebody there for you.
Always claiming how cruel the world really is,
It's always someone else's fault according to you.
Standing there, crying and slicing up your wrist,
That's just so agonistic!"
I pushed Canada to the stairs. He was in completely shock still but he was gripping his arm.
"If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
Noone'll ever miss you if you go and do it!
If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
If life is oh so bad, you'll never hesitate it!"
"But . . ." Canada started. Oh but I'M NOT DONE!
"If you wanna die, why are you still living it?
You always wanna die so why can you not do it?
If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
You always talk of death, maybe you go should do it!
You don't wanna live but you do not wanna die,
You don't even know what to do with yourself.
Don't ask me what's your purpose in the world
Why won't you just shut the fuck up!"
I hear a couple of people talking amongst themselves. My anger was still swelling. My eyes never left Canada.
"SHOULD I LIVE? SHOULD I DIE? JUST DECIDE!
If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
Noone'll ever miss you if you go and do it!
If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
I can no longer give a living damn about it!
If you wanna die, why are you still living it?
You always wanna die so why can you not do it?
If you wanna die, go ahead and do it!
If you're not gonna die then go ahead with your life!"
". . . . . ."
"IT'S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Then I spit in his face. "YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING WHY I'M GETTING PISSY NOW. I'LL TELL YOU WHY, TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! IF YOU WANT TO DIE ON MY BIRTHDAY THEN GO AHEAD. DON'T LET ME WATCH!"
With that I marched away from him. I know that a crowd of people are looking at my back but I didn't care. I finally said what I wanted to; right to his face. I was feeling lighter now.
-Later, at my birthday party-
I blew out the candles on my birthday cake. My family and all my friends yelled happy birthday to me. It was bliss. I was feeling bliss too. Things were just heating up when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door to find Canada at my door. I looked behind me before coming outside and closing the door behind me. I looked up at him.
"Why are you here?" I asked. He gasped as the sudden break of silence. "I thought you were going to kill yourself."
"Well, I was." Canada looked at the ground. Then he looked at me with apologetic eyes. "But then I thought about everything you said to me. I didn't realize that I was so selfish, especially to you. And you're right, I shouldn't really be complaining. I have a great friend if any."
"Oh yeah, who would that be?" I took a sip of my fruit punch. I swallowed the drink.
"You." I tilted my head to the side. He laughed. "You wouldn't be yelling at me if you weren't my friend. You should have yelled at me sooner."
"Yeah, well I had to let it build if I didn't want it have a big impact on your ass." I smirked. He started laughing. I pushed his shoulder and then pointed my thumb to the door. "There's a party here with your name on it. Come on in, and join in the fun."
"Oh yeah, I've got a present for you." I looked at his hand and saw the red box. He held it out for me. I took it and opened it up. My eyes widen at the content. "And it's my 'do-you-think-you-can-forgive-me?' present."
"Ah come on." I nudged his side. "Would I still be your friend if I didn't forgive you?"
"Well . . ."
"Shut up and enjoy the party." I laughed. Canada laughed with me and we both entered the house to enjoy my birthday party.
Author's Note:
Please tell me how I did. I'm not going through problems so dont worry about me okay? Thankies.