"Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now."

Johanna looked down at her arms, frowning deeply. No matter how many time Eliza or the doctors said that, she would never believe them. She wasn't lucky to be alive. She was trying very hard to be dead. It wasn't like there was anything particularly bad about it; she just didn't want to be alive anymore. Unfortunately, she was about as bad at dying as she was everyone else was at making her want to live.

She laid her head back with a sigh and tried to ignore the sound of the beeping monitors. Hospitals, she thought, are so white it almost hurts.

"I don't know if she's awake or not. I just got back in the room."

Johanna groaned inwardly at the sound of her sister's voice. She did not want to deal with anyone right now. She needed more time to wallow in failure. Those ten minutes of being alone were nearly blissful after waking up from her botched attempt to bleed out in a bathtub. Even if it were only a few more moments, she wanted to hear next to nothing.

She raised an arm to cover her eyes and cringed at the feel of bandages and a tube brushing against her skin. She wondered if she was going to have lasting scars from this. She wondered how many people at school already knew about this. They had to suspect something if Peggy wasn't in class, and school was probably the last thing on Peggy's mind. There could be a thousand different stories of why the two Schuylers weren't in school by the time she was able to go back.

"That probably isn't a good idea. If we're all in here at the same time she might… You know. She's not really comfortable with having the doctors in here with me, either. It's almost like she can't handle human presence right now."

Yes, exactly. I don't want to be around anyone. Johanna removed her arm from her face and stared up at the ceiling. She tried counting the tiles to block Eliza out. While she couldn't keep her from talking, Johanna could at least make her sound muffled under her own thoughts. When she ran out of tiles she started to count sheep.

"I know, dad. She's safe here with me, I promise. Besides, no one here would hurt her. Hospitals are a safe place and you know it."

Johanna scoffed. Eliza was far too trusting. She wasn't entirely wrong but it wasn't like it wasn't possible. Not everyone had her ethics and morals and not everyone loved people as much as she did. Johanna figured it all came with the territory. Eliza was an overly positive person. She couldn't see the bad things in a person until they were spelled out. It was part of her charm.

Johanna tried closing her eyes again and going back to sleep. She didn't need to be awake for any of this. None of the doctors had come into the room and nurses could do whatever they needed to while she was sleeping. There wasn't anything else for her to do anyways. It was either sleep or listen to her sister more.

"No. She hasn't said anything about him the whole time she's been here. I don't even know why she… Of course. I'll call you again after she wakes up. Bye."

Johanna felt a hand brush her hair out of her face and she knew it was Eliza's. Her hands were always soft and warm. Her fingers were long and slender, perfect for when she was playing piano. Johanna felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. She would have missed her sister's touch. Eliza always put all of her love into what she did, even if it was something as small as clearing her face up.

Why do you have to love me so much?