isclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, the beautiful Jack and Ianto or any other characters that may be put in in later chapter. I just enjoy playing with Russell's boys, but i take more bloody care with them i promise.

Dear reader,

My name is Ianto Jones. If you are reading this it means I am dead. Or worse you found this letter in my sock draw before I could actually finish the job- meaning I am in deep shit when I get home. I am sure you are meant to not blame anyone in particular for these letters, apologising for not being strong enough and all that sentimental bollocks. But my letter is short there is one man to blame.

The man who stole everything. Jack bloody Harkness

He took my body, my love and he ripped it to shreds... I gave this to him freely, practically wrapped up my heart up for him and handed it to him. Yet he did not throw it away. He simply crushed it in his large hand squeezing the love out until it stopped pumping leaving it dry and still. Then he simply placed it back into my chest, where it began to burn no longer ablaze with love but with ice. It washed through my veins leaving nothing but destruction behind. Now I feel nothing. Nothing, but this hatred I have for him.

So you may ask why I am doing this. Would you like an answer... I am 17 and I fell madly in love. Not a crush or the adorable love you see in movies. No it is the forbidden kind where there is not a happy ending- a tragedy from the beginning. The kind where you are taken high up into the clouds to feel happy, free and being ready to burst from joy that was until he took away the feeling. He let me hurtle towards the ground. Not picking me back up or pulling me to safety he watched with glee waiting for me to shatter into stone floor. Well now he has his way this is my final act...to fall willingly.

So this is why I have ended it. I have only enough fight left in me to do this once so if you have found this in my sock draw please just put it back and don't tell Tad he will go mental. Especially when he finds out his son is "one of those gays"

And yes I did sign my own suicide note; there is nothing wrong with ending a letter properly.

Yours sincerely

Ianto Jones

please read and review... this is only the beginging and there will be alot more chapters, going back to the beginning of how the beautiful boys met.