This is just an insane little Skate oneshot, an exercise of sorts in second person writing, Sawyer's POV, post island, a songfic set to Your Eyes from Rent. I'm a broadway junkie. So sue me. Anyhoo, this probably seems a tad confusing, but there's a definite possibility of a prequel. So yeah. This was unbetaed. I sorta wanted to just post it as is, cuz this was the kinda thing I just wrote whatever popped into my brain. It was fun. I've never done Sawyer or Skate before, even though I'm a diehard Skate fan. Sawyer's tough to portray, y'know? Ok, I'm rambling now. Damn midterms. Mkay, enjoy, reveiw.
You sit in your apartment alone, numb disbelief overwhelming you, masking the grief that is soon to come. Her face fills the screen of the television, a grainy prison photograph that doesn't capture the spirit you fell in love with. In her eyes, you can see the pain that drove her to do this. You knew you'd never speak to her again after you parted on the island.
So why does it hurt so much?
"Kate Austen, found dead in her cell this morning," The words ring in your ears, "Authorities are certain it was suicide,"
Suicide. The cold, black word that stabs your heart like a knife. Your Freckles killed herself.
The picture fades from the screen as it goes on to other utterly unimportant stories, but her eyes and the pain that fills them still linger in your mind.
Your eyes…
As we said our goodbyes
You hadn't wanted her to leave the island when the rescue came. You'd told her to run, to hide, and you'd promised to be back one day. But she refused.
"I can't," Was her teary reply to your insisting.
"You can't go to jail!" You said to her. She shook her head.
"I'm tired of running, Sawyer," Kate said, as she looked up at you through those eyes. You pulled her close, kissed her for the last time, and let her cry in your arms. When the embrace was finally broken, no more words were exchanged.
Minutes later, a man in uniform came and clipped handcuffs onto her. His voice droned as he pulled her away from you.
"Goodbye, Freckles," You whispered to her as you stared into those eyes.
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find that I can't hide
From those eyes
No matter how hard you tried to forget her after rescue, you never could. For months, everything you saw was Kate Austen this, and Kate Austen that. Always the eyes, haunting you in your dreams. You'd found and nicked the mug shot that Jackass had kept of her, and you can't help digging it out every once in a while. You could find dozens of other more recent, higher quality photos of her online, or somewhere, but this was like holding onto a little piece of the island. As much as you think you want to let go, you know you really don't.
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight, I see your eyes
You remember the first day you met her, the hike up to use the transceiver. From the first time you saw her, you felt something for her. You denied to yourself it being love at the first sight. You never believed in that kind of bullshit. Hell, you never even believed in love, period.
But that was before you saw those eyes.
But she spent all her time with Jack, the perfect handsome doctor. You let her get close anyway. Too close.
You kissed her that day with the Others. You never really knew why. Part of it was defiance, but part of it was about her as well. Neither of you did anything more about the kiss after that day for a while. Too long
Not long after your escape, she did the same thing one night. Just up and kissed you. You were about to ask why, but as you pulled away, you didn't need to.
You could see it in her eyes.
How'd I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
Cause there's something I should have told you
You showed up at the courthouse the day of her trial.
Some of the other castaways came to testify, but you didn't. You didn't even go in. For hours you stood, smoking cigarette after cigarette as you waited. You saw the occasional familiar face coming and going, but it was too long before you saw her. But when you finally did, your waiting was worth it.
She wasn't the same Kate, the same Freckles you had known. Her spirit was gone. She was a defeated shell of a woman and you could see it. But the way a bit of her old sparkle came back as you caught her eye, and it was all you could do to stop yourself from running up and kissing her like you did that day with the others.
You don't say anything and neither does she. But her eyes say everything she cannot
You try to do the same. You never told her. The one thing you will regret for the rest of your life.
When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before the song dies…
You reach for the remote, change the channel, and there's her face again. Her eyes. Different photo, same heartbreaking expression. You change it again. Freckles again.
And again.
And again.
You can't escape her. You turn off the television, but in your mind her face lingers on the screen though you know it's really blank. Tears blur your vision as she stares at you. Though you know it's crazy, you can't help feeling reluctant to cry in front of her.
She's dead.
But in your memories, so very alive.
"I should've told you," You choke, "I love you,"
And you know she did too, and always had. It was in her eyes
I should tell you, I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes